At the Hasting’s residence, Aria finds Spencer who has spent the last eight hours crying over a bowl of macaroni that she was eating over the sink. Aria is, thankfully, not mad.
MISUNDERSTOOD WHAT “LEATHER PARTY” MEANT UNTIL SHE ARRIVED
She just wants Spencer to know that she knows that Spencer was set up. Instead of reacting as she usually does, with all the “Oh that bitch we’ll get her,” Spencer embraces her new greasy hair and permanent sad face campaign. Basically she tells Aria that they had it coming. I think the term here is Victim Blaming. It’s a problem.
ONLY BECAUSE YOU NEVER BRING A FLASHLIGHT!
After Aria leaves, Spencer texts someone and asks if they’ll meet with her. Obviously we assume it’s TobAy. Plus she sent the text from the stairs so you know she must be sad. That’s how stairs work.
ALLL BYYY MYYYYSELLLFFFF
Elsewhere Emily takes matters into her own hands and meets up with Cece about the picture. By now the sun is down and it’s totally romantic. Also Cece has on a dress my friend totally has! FYI It’s from Anthropologie.
NOW KISS
Hoping to find out who the Beach Hottie is Emily asks some probing questions. Hey look it’s another pastel flashback! Now we’re at the summer before Ali’s death. Ali confides in Cece that her period is late and she thinks she’s pregnant. I find this to be particularly hilarious because what 15 year old ever had a regular enough period to know when she was late? Either way, Ali is pretty sure she was pregnant. Maybe that’s why she needed the money from Byron so badly!
I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY THE LAST EPISODE OF THE L WORD HAD TO BE SO AWFUL
SHE THOUGHT THAT SHE WAS… A DOCTOR?
Also sneaking around in the dark, Hanna is stalking Paige. To the best place ever. Literally! Hanna followed Paige to an actual lesbian girl party!
IS THIS HEAVEN?
That’s right! A girl party on Pretty Little Liars on abcFamily. Filled with actual lesbian lesbians! Doing actual lesbian things! Lesbian lesbians drinking! Lesbian lesbians kissing! Lesbian lesbians doing karaoke! Lesbian lesbians wearing feathered earrings! Lesbian lesbians listening to lesbian lesbian DJs with alternative lifestyle haircuts. Lesbian lesbians making premature plans to buy a cat together, I assume.
LESBIAN BOMO
Lesbian lesbians talking, laughing, loving, breathing, fighting, fucking, crying, drinking, riding, winning, losing, cheating, kissing, thinking, dreaming.
LESBIAN LESBIANS JUDGING THE GIRL WHO JUST WALKED IN
Jokes aside, I think this is a big deal. Really! I can’t think of an instance on any non-premium cable channel where we see the inside of a lesbian bar. I think we just won a thing. [Author’s note: the Autostraddle team has informed me that this is certainly not the first lesbian bar on teevee but I’m leaving the previous sentence in to display how excited I was.]
LOOK AT THIS STUFF, ISN’T IT NEAT? WOULDN’T YOU THINK MY COLLECTIONS COMPLETE?
Emily swings by Aria’s to sort out what’s what with the potential pregnancy. Aria is still on the couch.
THEMES OF THIS SHOW
The two agree that they should hand the notebook into the police. At this point I’m 100% certain that notebook was sent to Emily by A. I mean, this is classic A evidence planting.
IT’S WEIRD, I JUST GET THE SENSE THERE’S A TON OF LESBIANS SOMEWHERE HAVING FUN WITHOUT ME
In all the hotness, a hot chick even buys Hanna a Rasberry Cuntini. This is, of course, the most lesbian moment of the whole scene. Just kidding, in my experience lesbians never buy anyone drinks, they just stare at hot girls longingly from across the room. More importantly, how did Hanna and Paige even get into this bar?
YEAH IT’S NO BIG DEAL, I KEEP A VOODOO DOLL OF MY EX INSIDE THIS HUGE LOCKET. SHE’S OVER THERE MAKING OUT WITH MY OTHER EX.
Hanna spots Paige chatting up some girl so she approaches the drink-buyer and the two start dancing. Not ’cause she’s gay, obviously, just for cover. Of course dancing with a girl at a lesbian girl bar for lesbians only leads to one thing. Drama drama drama.
HOW DARE YOU SAY INTERN GRACE IS ONLY YOUR SECOND FAVORITE CALENDAR GIRL!
Drama, of course, leads to Hanna getting carded and kicked out of a bar. And arrested.
THIS LOOKED LIKE SO MUCH MORE FUN ON THE REAL L WORD
Hold the phones. Why is Paige talking to someone? Someone who isn’t Emily?!?
ON THE VAGINA
Oh my god everyone I can’t believe they’re having Paige cheat on Emily. How come the queer character always gets shafted and Emily can’t keep a relationship together for two fucking seconds without some sort of – Just kidding. This is Pretty Little Liars where nothing is as it seems. If Paige looks like she’s cheating on Emily then she’s probably buying an engagement ring and planning a romantic honeymoon for two to a sexshop in West Hollywood.
SO I DECIDED, SCREW IT, I’LL JUST HIRE SOMEONE TO MAKE ALL OF ME AND EMILY’S SEX TOYS CUSTOM. YOU INTERESTED?
Spencer preps her makeup in the car. Because you can hide a week of crying with mascara. Particularly if you make sure every time you cry that mascara gets totally messed up and runny. These are womanly secrets we should all know.
IN WHICH WE UNIVERSALLY AGREE TO PRETEND THIS IS CAR SEX
What then took place can only really be described as a full three minute scene of Spencer crying alone in the car to the song The Strange Familiar by Alibi. I looked it up.
It’s basically just like this:
Inside, it turns out Spencer isn’t meeting TobAy. She’s meeting some guy we’ve never seen before. What she wants from him is unclear. I’m guessing he’s maybe a P.I. who plays by his own set of rules.
IS THIS THE DINER FROM SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK?
It also turns out that Spencer couldn’t look sexier in that smokin’ hot red dress if someone was paying her as part of a commission to look smokin’ hot.
BAD BITCHES WEAR RED
At the police station, Emily and Hanna do their best to put the pieces of their night together. Hanna is obviously awkward because she thinks she saw Paige up all on some other girls silicone pogo stick. I would define her success as medium.
MORE OF A GIRL SPOT FOR YOUR GIRL SPOT
Just as Wilden walks away with the notebook the girls see a haunting picture. It’s detective Wilden. Also at Cape May. Apparently everyone and their dog took a picture in front of the same buoy that summer.
AND IT WAS THIIISSSSS BIG (RE: DICK)
When Hanna gets home Ashley, understandably, wants to know what the fuck is going on. Hanna explains that she was trying to track down Caleb but then she thought she saw Paige hooking up with another girl so she had to fake lezzie for cover and ended up getting a drink thrown on her. Makes perfect sense to me. Unfortunately Ashley doesn’t do very much listening as she’s too busy having all the best lines of the night. All of them.
LIKE THE FEELING OF SCISSORING?
BECAUSE HE IS OUR THIRD FAVORITE LESBIAN ON THIS HOW
IT IS NOW.
She’s totally prepped to get all up in that lezzie love triangle. But Ashley? Ashley has the best advice ever.
MEANING YOUR PUBLIC HAIR. TO PREVENT CHAFFING
I don’t think there’s anything better I can really say about this scene. It’s like they wrote it for Tumblr. Intern Grace and I have agreed that the Marins are officially the best characters on the show.
IS SKEPTICAL ABOUT TRYING PINK DRINK
Aria goes over to Ezra’s to talk things over. Too bad she finds him packing luggage into his car. He tells her he isn’t angry anymore because he knows that Maggie asked her to keep quiet. He is, however, about to leave for an unknown amount of time. Like to see his son and stuff, which is a good thing if I do say so myself. Aria is heartbroken that Ezra is leaving. She was pretty sure they were going to adopt a cat together in the spring.
I JUST DON’T KNOW IF I HAVE ENOUGH ROOM IN MY HEART FOR A CAT. NOT ANYMORE.
I want this to be the moment Ezra realizes what he’s been doing. The moment where Ezra looks at his life and realizes that dating Aria is probably, at least in part, trying to have a re-do of his high school relationship. One that doesn’t end with knocking up his girlfriend and his mother paying her off to get an abortion. Except now he has a chance to end that part differently. Sure he missed the hard part, but now he has a chance to meet his son and learn how things turned out okay for everyone. Sure sucks for Aria though.
NOT EVEN ONE OF THOSE WEIRD LOOKING HAIRLESS CATS THAT LOOK LIKE YODA?
Our final creepy cut scene just doesn’t phase me this week. Just A blow torching a little blonde doll’s face. Is it Hanna? Is it Cece? It’s a pretty hideous doll whoever it’s supposed to be. Standard crazy A shit.
BLOW JOB
Tune in next week where it will finally be revealed that not only is everyone A but everyone’s gAy. In the meantime, we can spend the next week writing fanfic about this:
OT3
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I laughed a lot during this episode. Re: Hannah in a lesbian bar. It was so perfect and stereotype-laden. I will now use the phrase “peroxide piece of trash” to refer to bad blonde dye jobs forever (except for Spike, obvs).
Also, I always thought that Troian Bellisario was kinda of a terrible actress. Perhaps it’s because the writers have given her a shallow character; “girl with the stick up her ass”. But this week, she totally killed it. Sad and angry Spencer is my favorite Spencer. Moar depth for Troian!
I loved so much about this episode but the thing that really stood out was TOBY IN A FUCKING DO-RAG!!!! Seriously. Just, no Toby. No.
I have been looking forward to your recap ever since watching this episode and enjoying the hilarious-ness of Hanna at ladies night. Brilliant.
I also think Ezra was pretty cool about Aria keeping that secret considering how huge it was and what a shock it would have been. Good for him.
Lastly – I really really hope Paige is not cheating, that storyline could be the final straw to me still watching this show even though i still don’t have a flipping clue what’s going on half the time. Fingers crossed for faithful Paige.
If you don’t mind being spoiled this has the answer regarding Paige cheating.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=3EHrBgg8TnY
Beat me by 2 minutes dang it! :) Also, I didn’t know we could now include video links in comments. That’s awesome.
Yeah, it seems to be a new thing.
And I’m caught between being happy that Paige isn’t cheating (at least for now, I’m not dismissing the possibility for the future) and wishing that she’d find a better relationship with another girl. Her and Emily just don’t feel right somehow.
I have to disagree. Emily and Paige are awesome to me. I do want more though. They need more alone time and more intimate time, if you know what I mean. lol
Fortunately, Paige isn’t cheating. A preview for next weeks’ episode established that.
TobAy in a doo-rag was fucking ridiculous. Much like any other scene that his face appears in, it was embarrassing to watch.
Also: How the hell did Hanna get alcohol thrown into her mouth when it was directly aimed at her sternum? ANATOMY: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.
And goodbyyyyyyyyyyyeee Ezra! That was a fucked up relationship.
I also loved that Emily couldn’t smell the difference between gin and tequila. She obviously a whiskey girl. God, I miss Drunk Emily.
THE PHOTO CAPTIONS!! oh. oh. the captions.
LINT BABY 2016
All I could think while watching this episode was “this is screencap gold!”
How is it that tiny Rosewood has a gay bar and my city has nothing?
Maybe it’s supposed to be Sisters in Philly?
did not seem depressing enough or thoroughly laden with the lonely tears of desperation to be sisters
“WHY IS THIS PLACE SO MUCH BETTER THAN SISTERS” was my reaction the entire time watching. BT suggested that maybe the Ladies Night was like a Main Line Stimulus haha
Ouch. I knew there was a reason I hadn’t been there.
Can Main Line Stimulus please be a thing?? I would SO be there next time I visit my parents.
Every single one of Ashley’s lines read like the fake captions in an Autostraddle recap, I loved that whole scene.
Also… “hallowed stalls”. Pure perfection. How long have you been keeping that one in your back pocket?
I’m a bit disturbed by the fact that I found bat!shit!crazy! Spencer kind of really hot…
also, Paige cheat? Oh comon, Paige McCullers lives in Emily’s Fields. There is no way that girl would ever cheat on Emily, please it was so established earlier in the episode in the phone call with Caleb that it was a “undercover mission.” That said, clubbing outfit McCullers was a hot McCullers
I found sad unkempt Spencer hot too… Like I’ve never found her attractive befor but I think the wild hair and serious face sent a shock to my system. A happy shock.
The night before I watched this, I had a dream that Ashley Marin was my mother… so I felt slightly conflicted when she returned to PLL this week and I was reminded of the fact that I’m in love with her.
Also, as mentioned above:
Toby in a do-rag.
Toby in a do-rag.
Toby in a do-rag.
First thing I thought when they presented the club scene: “I can’t wait for Autostraddle’s recap on this!” haha!
aaand the doll is actually Hannah, it says so on the yellow base.
Great recap as usual lizz. I laughed as much reading it, as i did watching the episode(a lot). I feel like this show is really getting into it’s groove right now. These last few episodes have been so good. They’ve finally managed to get the right mix of comedy, drama, suspence and romance, while still making us care about the mystery. I was kinda over the whole “A” thing until the Toby reveal. Unpopular opinion: I like Toby. That being said, I think making him part of the “A” team was a great move, and I hope they don’t chicken out.
MOST IMPORTANTLY : this show gets more lesbian by the week. Last week they played Melissa Etheridge, and the episode was co-written and directed by their lesbian executive producer, this week they sent Hanna to a gay bar. I could literally not love this show more if I tried.
Jesus Christ, Paige was hot in that bar. And I loved that she totally had game with Shana. Even if she wasn’t using said game to score.
This. I love Paige so much and in that scene she was so foxy.
YES, I love how it shows that Paige actually totally has game, it’s just Emily who makes her all nervous and kinda twitchy.
Lol, every time someone suggested Paige was cheating I was like hahah Paige is almost dangerously obsessed with Em, she would not cheat.
Okay, the lesbian bar is totally the last straw that has tipped me over into deciding to marathon this show. [Can’t believe I wasted time watching Glee. :( ]
Also, Toby in a do-rag is really weird to see after watching The Wire. It’s like he’s trying to hard to be Avon?
This is the first PLL recap I’ve read on here (yes, I’m late. I just joined the site, GOSH!) and it was HILARIOUS. I couldn’t stop laughing while reading it. Not to mention, the episode was pretty funny, too. Definitely reading every week.
they guy that spencer meet is the same guy that Alison hired to find out who is blackmailing her. The girls already met him last season s2ep21.
Living in the UK and being very behind on the television I often read these recaps before I actually watch the programme but actually saw it this week. Got to love Hanna’s mum. She wouldnt be at all concerned if her daughter was gay. Brilliant. ‘Pink drink? Is that a gay thing?’
Fab recap as per x
ABCfam just secretly has a thing for lesbian bars. They snuck one into Greek, too.
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