I know you’re dating some Pastor dude but the tumblr shippers WANT this to happen, Ash.
Thank goodness we starsweep right away from my worst nightmare and into the next day, where we find Mr. DiLaurentis asking Ashley to look through Jessica DiLaurentis’ emails. Because that’s something she can do as an employee, I guess. Solid A+ idea. Mr. DiLaurentis mentions that Jason is dead inside, so that’s a good sign. Oh, and Hanna overhears this, so you know she’s going to find something. Does anyone else see a Mr. DiLaurentis and Ashley pairing in our future? No? Just me? Alright.
HI THIS SHOT IS A METAPHOR
Jason is creepily standing outside on the porch, looking at his phone, when Ali pops on out. She’d like some fresh air. She notices the parrot cage, also. She asks Jason why he hasn’t asked her many questions, and he makes up something weird about how she needs her space. Just then, a car pulls up, complete with a woman and a dog. Mrs. DiLaurentis ordered a dog from the shelter?
This is my new tagline.
The dog has “issues with men.” This show is just pandering to Autostraddle.com at this point, is it not? Misandrist Dog instantly becomes Ali’s new bff because that’s how adopting dogs work. You just call the shelter and say, “I’d like a dog, please” and they deliver one with NO QUESTIONS ASKED!
Hey babe, did you get that buttplug I had sent to your house? Really? You’re wearing it right now?
Mike finds Mona outside of a cafe, holding a box full of whistles, which is hilariously whistleblower to me. This scene has me thinking that Mike knows nothing, because he seems excited to talk to Mona about Ali being alive. Poor little chap. He tells Mona he misses her, and her oversized pearl earrings blush a little.
Spencer and Emily discuss Hanna telling Aria about the text, and like omg can u even believe it?! Spencer thinks that Jenna is behind the text, which is convenient because isn’t Jenna in a coma?
It always comes back to lesbian drama! This show is surprisingly realistic sometimes when it comes to the truth of our people.
Spencer digs through the DiLaurentis’ trash to find a bag from Bleecker Street, which is in NEW YORK CITY. Jason was in New York. What if he’s been following her for weeks? Has Ali’s mom been having him track Ali?
Mic drop.
Wait, the lyrics are “I sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker” and I still think this song is the best song ever written? Fair enough.
Aria’s hanging out in her room Googling “Dead girl Georgia Do people totally know it’s me yet?” when some violin music pops up on her iPod. The same music she was hearing last night. She battles this terror by forcefully grabbing a blanket off her bed. Funny, that’s my tactic when I’m scared as well.
Yeah, of course I saw that episode with Big and Little Boo but I just don’t think that’s a great idea, Ali.
Over at Ali’s house, Spencer, Emily, Ali, and Misandrist Dog (just kidding, I bet the dog doesn’t hate all men) hang out and discuss why Jason could have been in New York City/Ali’s room last night. They invite Ali over to Spencer’s, but Ali’s dad is being a little protective, which is understandable! Ali is upset about the Jason theory, and Spencer stands up to Ali about how she had held the truth about Jason’s parentage over the Hasting’s heads. Spencer points out that no one would believe the Liars about anything at this point, which is true, and Emily asks Alison what she’s going to do. She says, “I have a few ideas” which sets Spencer off. Seems like Spencer is completely done living on Planet Alison. Ali claims she made up the lie to protect Aria, rehashing the old, “Aria kind of killed someone, remember?” line, which is so dumb.
This is why you call the police when there are accidents. This is why you call the police when you accidentally kill someone. I saw I Know What You Did Last Summer, I know what’s up.
Seriously though, does no one remember when Emily killed that guy in self-defense and she didn’t go to jail for the rest of her life? No?
I was just looking at this post on Autostraddle.com about OITNB characters as they appeared in Law and Order and it’s so genius, Hanna, you have to see it.
Meanwhile, at Hanna’s house, Ashley admits she is having a moral crisis opening Jessica’s emails. Do you guys think it’s weird that in almost every scene with Hanna, she’s in the kitchen, eating something? Are they reviving her eating disorder storyline? We can do better, PLL.
Ashley goes to answer the phone so Hanna leans on in to the computer. Check out those emails, girl!
Is Mrs. Hasting’s “d’aww”ing or throwing up in her mouth? Can’t tell.
But nope, we’re dragged back to the Hasting’s house, because Toby is back. Woo. Great. Turns out Toby never saw Melissa in London. Toby saw Wren, not Melissa. So Wren is in London. Okayyyyy? Mrs. Hasting leaves, so Toby and Spencer run upstairs to have the sex, but not before Spencer lies to him a bit.
Yeah, but Ali from Autostraddle isn’t here to teach me how to hula hoop and so my afternoon plans are totally fucked now.
Emily finds Aria at the mysterious shed I’ve never seen/heard of. Hadn’t they hung out in Spencer’s barn before? Was I wrong about that? I am positive you will let me know I am wrong in the comments, and I appreciate you PLL fans always keeping me on my toes. Anyway, in their favorite hangout, The Shed, Aria is making a bed on the floor. She’s panicking, and Emily is talking her off the ledge about the text.
They fight about whether or not Shana is A and what to do about Ali’s story, and Aria flies off the handle, understandably, because she killed a person and PTSD is a thing.
Poor Aria. Someone get this girl to a therapist, stat. Emily finally points out that she totally killed Nate, too, and you have to think about it as you versus them. Aria needs to rely on Emily’s experience a little more.
I gotta stop staring at these NSFW Sunday pictures and actually do something today.
Hanna’s finally looking at the emails.
I love how PLL continues to make up how technology works.
She brilliantly opens up Drafts to find an email from Jessica to “undisclosed recipients” (not how email works but whatever) saying she can’t protect someone anymore. Who can’t she protect? Jason? The person she gave a suitcase to in the woods? Ali?
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The fact that Emily was clinging so hard to the fact that Shana was A really bothers me. Like, do the girls not realize that doesn’t make sense? Maybe they’re just doing that cause they really want things to finally be over, but you’d think they’d have learned that you can’t let your guard down when things appear to be calm–that’s when shit gets real! Anyway, I actually loved Aria in this episode because she was the only person properly distressed by what’s been going on.
And on that subject, I guess I’m confused. Are we (the audience) supposed to think Shana was A? Cause I don’t buy that. But Mona just came out and said she sent that text to Ali. So I am confused–is she evil but not A? Or did she just openly admit to being A and now the mystery isn’t the drama of the show, it’s the fact that the liars are caught in their lie again?
Anyway, Mike was looking cute this episode. If he was a lady, I would be all up on that short on the sides but longer on top hair cut. Toby, on the other hand, was bringing back the 90s in a totally gross way. I always think he’s gross though…why do he and Spencer get all the implied sex scenes?!?!
Ugh, Alison is the literal worst. She’s so needlessly dramatic and such an asshole, even now. I’m kind of dreading how she’s probably going to be directly ruining the other Liars’ lives now, rather than indirectly like she has been.
I liked you better when you were dead, lady!
I’m really loving how weird it is having Ali back in Rosewood. The episodes so far in this season are certainly showing us, this is an entirely new show now. IT kinda re-birthed itself, yet all the same story is there. :) There really isn’t a lot to talk about from these episodes, they’re more showing us the differences and adjustments, than answering any questions. =D