Elsewhere EzrA swings by Hanna’s house. Obviously he’s looking for the journal. Ashley lets him in and he goes off on some excuse about how Hanna might fail his class if Hanna doesn’t turn in few assignments. Ashley doesn’t think this house call is weird despite the fact that this is the sort of meeting that generally takes place at school. Or like on the phone.
Oh is it weird that I’m here in the middle of the night? Because I think we both know I’m way past weird.
Just then Ashley’s work cell rings and she steps out of the room. EzrA takes this opportunity to head directly upstairs. The weird thing about all this is that it’s a lot less stealthy than A normally is. Wouldn’t A usually just come in in the middle of the night through a window?
Don’t worry, I got a book to read.
Psych!
EzrA aggressively picks through Hanna’s things and eventually hops on her computer while Ashley fields seemingly endless complaints from a tenant. Hm. Maybe EzrA is being stealthier than we thought.
God I just seriously need a tampon!
omg so THIS is autostraddle.com
Of course, by the time she’s off the phone EzrA is sitting right where she left him, reading a book as usual.
Oh why hello there! No trouble here! Just sitting reading my well worn copy of How to Scam on High School Girls While Ruining Lives and Pulling Shenanigans.
Back in the car Spencer finally does get carsick and passes the journal to Aria. She does some reading of her own and, while quickly deduces that Spencer is “Human Cheat Sheet” and, with a bit of nudging, that she’s “Suzy Clueless.”
Shouldn’t Emily be looking forward while driving?
Aria notices a story called Cradle Robber about someone sleeping with a younger man and Hanna gets fucking weird about it. There’s even a page of the story torn out.
The most riveting YA read since Divergent
Then, in classic Pretty Little Liars style Emily’s car suddenly stops working in the middle of nowhere and not one of these girls has AAA! C’mon guys, after all this time you haven’t figured out that if you try to go on a road trip together A is going to cause your car to break down?
This isn’t what I meant when I said I wanted to see Emily go under the hood.
Hanna texts Buzzcut to come get them but he says it’ll be two hours. It’s about to start raining, but peeing in the woods and waiting the in car is apparently off the table and so, by some crazy stroke of genius/perfectly laid A plan Aria offers to take the girls to EzrA’s cabin. Ahem, I mean “her uncle’s” cabin.
And there’s totally a hot tub there so we can get freaky.
The girls trek forward in the almost rain and, yet again in classic Pretty Little Liars style, everyone loses cell service. Spencer confronts Hanna about the missing pages and Hanna says she didn’t take them. More than that she says that the journal isn’t going to help them, it’s just going to tell them who did what behind each other’s back.
Just be honest Hanna: were the torn out pages actually just Spenanna slash fic?
Elsewhere EzrA drives in the rain wearing a wait for it [dramatic pause] BLACK TURTLENECK. He’s up to no good.
God I hope I can find an IHOP at this hour.
The Liars arrive at EzrA’s cabin and Aria lets them all in. Hanna runs to use the bathroom (because having to pee in the car is, like, the worst ever) and the girls bicker over whether they’re keeping things from each other.
This place is perfect for our next slumber party. I’ll bring the moosehead.
After peeing (finally thank god) Hanna walks in and admits to the girls that The Cradle Robber is about her.And Aria’s brother Mike.
Cue the pastel flashback.
There Hanna is fake chubby and Ali is all up in her face having just busted her and Mike making out.
A boy?! You know we only kiss each other.
I guess it is a little weird since Mike is two years younger than the Liars making him like 13 when Hanna was 15, but certainly no weirder than other things that have happened on this show. Ali tells Hanna that Mike only wanted to hook up with her to cop a feel and she better not tell Aria because Aria will never forgive her.
I’m just so confused about my sexuality!
Flash forward and Aria is slightly weirded out but definitely not mad. Seeing how sad Hanna is, the girls ask her what’s really going on. She tells them that Caleb met someone else and left her and, though we know that’s not exactly what went down she’s still really upset.
Emily doesn’t understand heterosexuality
Hanna runs out of the house and Emily follows her while Aria and Spencer stay behind. Aria and Spencer go into the back to dig up some linens and because this is the Pretty Little Liars cliché episode to end all cliché episodes A locks them in. I’m gonna say at this point that one’s on them. They should have known better.
Sorry! This is the best DIY bondage thing I can find!
Spencer and Aria scream for help out the window, which causes Emily and Hanna to finally come running back. Unfortunately, by the time Spencer and Aria get out and Emily and Hanna come back A is already gone. Is there a chance in hell that Ali’s journal is still there? Nope, nada zip. And in its place is Emily’s bracelet.
Guys I think I just peed myself.
Just then there’s a knock at the door and a man approaches. The Liars suddenly realize they’re about to come face to face with A. They grab the nearest make-shift weapons and open the door prepared to come face to face with the one and only A.
Is this the face of A?!
Lolololololololol. Obviously there’s no way that happens! It’s Buzzcut.
This is the face of disappointment
Later that night, at the Marin household, Buzzcut asks Hanna what the fuck everyone’s problem was. She lies and says that they saw a raccoon because you can’t even be honest with people in Rosewood without them ending up dead. Or worse: ending up your boyfriend.
Wait. Your boyfriend left you for a ghost?
Hanna tries to pay Buzzcut for the tow but he reminds her that the only payment needed is the friendship of her heart and (with consent) panties.
How am I supposed to go to Dyke Night without Caleb?
Men being nice is Hanna’s number one crying trigger and so she immediately loses it sobbing over Caleb. I mean when he left he took everything—both cats and the Kitchen Aid stand mixer. How is she supposed to live like this.
And now every time I see a kitten or a UHaul I think of Caleb!
Spencer gets home and overhears Papa Hastings on the phone with Mama Hastings. Because the Hastings folks can’t ever be home at the same time, he’s telling her all about his day of mediation meetings and other such lies.
I did not come home early from cape shopping for this shit.
Spencer’s unimpressed and tries the push the issues, but Papa Hastings tells her as long as she’s under his roof she will stay away from Jessica DiLaurentis.
I am going to threaten you until you do exactly what I don’t want!
Of course, the predictable response to this is that Spencer promptly tries to move in with Toby.
In which Toby plots drinking all of Spencer’s blood.
Aria gives Ezra a call and the two pretend they were doing something entirely different than they actually were. It’s sort of weird because Ezra knows exactly what went on and Aria has no idea. Then Ezra says “I love you” and Aria awkwardly says “I love you too” even though she maybe isn’t sure if she means it. It’s what we here in the lesbian community call A First Date.
Aria walks into the next room and Emily is sitting there. She asks if it was Jake on the phone and when Aria lies and says, “Yes” Emily responds “It’s no fun lying to them is it?” I put that here only because I have no idea who the “them” is in that statement. I just really need one of you guys to explain it to me.
I can’t believe I’m stuck with all this heteronormativity.
Aria comes to sit with Emily and Emily shows her the now potentially faux note from Ali. Aria is pretty confused/disappointed but, you know, who could possibly be expected to not lie to their friends for an entire afternoon. Besides, maybe Ali theoretically wanted to meet up for totally not-crazy benign reasons!
I just thought Ali wanted some afternoon delight.
Of course, just as their conversation is getting serious, the Liars all get a text from A. He sends them a picture outside the Busy Bee Inn, thanking them for the “tip.” In other words, the Liars decoded the whole journal and passed it right along to A who was, obviously, most curious about Hanna’s affair with Aria’s brother anyways.
Shit maybe we should have remotely tried to keep that journal secure.
In the final A scene we discover that A knows how to use a computer to shut something else down remotely. Shocker.
Hacker knows hacking.
Tune in next week when Pretty Little Liars reveals that A also knows how to forge letters and shop for black hoodies.
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I died at the Ezra’s Window comments!
I kind of wondered if the “EF” hald of “AD + EF” could be Emily Fields? And maybe that’s why Emily knew to look for it? I’m sure it’s not a coincidence that we can interpret it either way, at least.
*half
I took it the same way as you. I think it adds an even more sinister layer to their relationship because it means Alison led Emily on way much more than it was originally portrayed.
Exactly. I think we were all supposed to assume it meant Ali and Emily, that’s what I first thought, but it’s awesome how it could also mean Ezra. I’m surprised Lizz thought of Ezra first and not Emily. lol
omg. EF=Emily Fields.
I am the dumbest person alive.
AHA! I was coming to point out that it seemed more obvious to be Emily Fields because that’s *their* spot, but I didn’t want to be accused of being dumber than Toby because wow that’s not a mantle I’m willing to take up.
Ezra at the window was ridiculous. No one noticed Mr.Fitz lurking by the window for the entire duration of the conversation? The heavy-handedness of his new persona is simultaneously awesome and hilarious.
I also felt the Hannah/Mike side story was a bit strange and didn’t add anything relevant to the plot other than it provided Ashley Benson another opportunity to wear a fat suit.
Also also- how many study groups are these girls allegedly in? It’s their favorite go to excuse for their SOs…
I think what’s cool is that maybe he’s always been lurking and we just never knew it before. LOL
I think about this all the time! Like the places he may have been without us knowing!
My girlfriend pointed out that he is behaving the exact same way as before, except only the music is different so we know he’s being sinister instead of just longingly-gazing after Aria and being paranoid about being caught with a minor. ~*~Spooky~*~
The Ezra’s Window stuff was fantastic. It was just so ridiculous. Didn’t he and Aria both complain about being watched liked a hawk by the principal or something last week? And now he’s just creeping on them out in the open like it everybody’s business.
I’m simultaneously amused and annoyed by it. I love that they made Ezra the bad guy, and seem to be sticking to it, for now at least. But, at the same time, I wish there wasn’t a reason to inject him into the narrative any further than he previously had been.
“It’s never fun lying to them is it?” Them = significant others
I now need to see a PLL musical episode where Fitz wears the black turtleneck and villainously tap dances behind windows.
Reading this comment has made my day!
ali had feelings for emily like seriously? ali wanted the kiss, ali WANTED it, not for emily but for herself. too many lesbos in this show dude.
Before this half of the season started, all I could think was that much like Paige/Lindsey Shaw, I was too good for this show. Then I realised that unless I watched I couldn’t fully enjoy these recaps… and so I’m back.
I can’t even handle these girls getting locked in places anymore, but at the same time I can’t help but love it. The Ezra night visit was also hilarious.
I was so excited for PLL to come back. Not because I watch it but solely for these recaps. I tried actually viewing it this summer, but the recaps are even funnier when you don’t. My friends would always want to know what I was looking at on my phone when I was giggling like a crazy person.
At least when the Liars go off into the woods looking for cell service or into small rooms, they’re now using the buddy system. That shows some learning curve, right?