Last night on Pretty Little Liars, four unusually attractive adolescent females went to school, went to one another’s houses, received text messages, gave Noel Kahn a lot of dark, brooding glances, and probably spent at least ~25 minutes a day making their hair look perfect. Or else they all just wake up looking that good. I don’t know. I’m gay, my hair looks like shit.
Here watch it!
Pretty Little Liars, Episode 112: “Salt Meets Wound”
So! Let’s get down to the homobusiness.
Emily’s family has decided to invite Maya to dinner so they can send discouraging vibes to Maya’s face rather than behind her back.
Mom: So does your friend have any allergies?
Emily: What?
Mom: Is there anything I should know about what Maya eats?
Emily: No, she eats everything.
Emily’s Dad seems game for the event but Emily’s Mom is, of course, silently mourning the death of her dreams that Emily could be heterosexual, just like her friends! After all, why would you want your daughter in a (seemingly) stable, monogamous relationship with a sweet, smart, hot girl like Maya when she could be dating the English teacher or dodging the bullets of a prior affair with her older sister’s former-fiancee or wheelchair-bound while a douchey jock and a drunk dork fight over you at a party on a school night? Yannow?
Emily: Dad, I know I asked for it but if Mom can’t handle this dinner tonight I’ll just tell Maya–
Dad: We’re looking forward to it. Your Mom was up all last night preparing the menu.
Emily:You don’t think she’ll try and poison her do you?
Dad: (LOLs) Your mother, it’s not her style. She’ll kill her with kindness.
p.s. abc family wants you to help the lgbt community
At skewl, Emily asks Maya to wear a dress to dinner and Maya makes a butch joke and Emily goes Dr. Killjoy on her, insisting that she not make any butch jokes because her family won’t think they’re funny. This isn’t the Etheridges or the O’Donnells, Maya.
Aria recommends that Maya at least iron her jeans. Do people really iron jeans.
Maya asks if Emily still wants to do this and Emily says yes but also says her parents have been acting “weird” since she came out. They have been whispering and “changing the channel whenever Ellen comes on” which is upsetting, what else is on at that hour, Dr.Phil? Idk.
Later, Emily gets some advice from Spencer, who says to not let Maya talk too much.
At the dinner, Maya nervously talks about herself and her family, upsetting Emily’s Mom with tales of her parents hippie lifestyle, like the time her Dad proposed to her Mom and instead of a ring, drew one on with a Sharpie. Or the time her parents met at a “No Nukes” rally at Berkeley. And also the time that her parents didn’t get married until Maya and her brother had already got born. Deviance is genetic, duh.
This situation was uncannily similar to my own experiences, as my parents were dirty hippies and my ex-girlfriend’s Vietnam Vet Dad liked me way more than her Mom. Swap “allergic to citric acid” for “allergic to seafood” (mhm that’s right, Emily somehow forgot that Maya can’t eat fish [WHAT ABOUT A FISH TACO LOL]) and basically THIS IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE.Or not really, but I’m trying to find something relate-able/special/not-generic here to run with.
When Emily’s Mom gets up and heads into the kitchen, she turns around and spots Emily & Maya playing footsie while joking around with Dad…
…and then Emily’s Mom goes into the other room to sob silently to herself.
After dinner, Maya and Emily go outside to process their feelings and Maya admits she was nervous as fuck but had to hold it down earlier just to make sure Emily didn’t totally lose it. That’s a very sweet lesbian thing to do.
Mom peeks outside just as the twosome are sharing one of their Very Special Totally Chaste Not Even Remotely Sexual Lesbian Kisses, and gives Maya some food to bring back to her soybean farm.
When Emily gets back from Hannah’s Disaster Surprise Party, Mom tells her that Dad’s been called back to Texas.
Emily: “Tonight meant a lot to me. Thank you. Maya had a great time.”
Mom: “Your Dad thinks she’s very sweet.”
Emily: “She is. And I’m glad you’re okay with it.”
Mom: “I’m not okay with it. The whole thing makes me sick. Sick to my stomach.”
Everyone needs to take some tums and settle down, clearly.
Next week on Pretty Little Liars, the girls get EVEN CLOSER to finding out who “A” is! Watch the preview here.
How did you feel about last night’s episode or the 75% of the plot points I did not discuss here?
The only thing I have to contribute is that:
1. Although Spencer’s outfit was ugly as hell she looked cute in her hat all in in love and shit.
2. Also, I liked Toby’s hair better in the first half of the season. But as long as he is back that’s all that matters.
“Let’s get down to the homobusiness.”
My brain automatically goes, ‘To defeat…THE HUNS!”
Mine did too! Mulan for the win.
The books are better then the show because you can ACTUALLY SKIP TO THE HOMOGAY CHAPTERS.
Poor Emily. Unlike me doing things that make her parents sick to their stomach isn’t an added perk. So, that must hurt.
She should get with Spencer they are both so attractive. And then if her mom throws her out she has a girlfriend with rich parents, lots of room, and a habit of letting their daughter’s significant others stay over. Or she could get with Aria and then they could just spend their time brushing each other’s hair. That way ABC Family doesn’t have too much lesbian kissing for their comfort level and I am still entertained because their hair is so pretty. Win-Win.
Also, I broke my ankle a few months ago. And at first, I used to get everything by using my crutch to make things rain on me, close doors, get the remote. (Actually, I no longer need crutches but I keep it by the couch so I can still do this.) So I liked that Hanna did the same thing. Never once did I end up with thousands of dollars in cash (either with the crutch thing or in general).
“I don’t know. I’m gay, my hair looks like shit.” < UGH YES
ME TOO. In theory my hair should be this amazing homogay plumage, but in practice, it just looks like shit.
1. I only watch the gay parts, so this recap was perfect :)
2. I think it’s odd that ABC Family wants to help the LGBT community when the 700 club is on practically everyday.
Well, considering that ABC Family was originally owned by Pat Robertson/CBN, it was probably written into the sales contract that they had to keep broadcasting 700 club…
Sort of like a deal with the devil, only in this case “the devil” will probably die sooner or later and hopefully take his programming down with him.
You nailed it. ABC Family even puts up a disclaimer saying 700 Club does not represent their opinions. As you said, no choice but to play that awful Pat Robertson’s propaganda.
Riese, thank you so much. If it wasn’t for you, I’d have to watch this show. I love you.
Logan, Noel, Ezra, Liam or Toby – talk about one creepy, creepy group of guys. Now that Emily has come out as gay I see forums are now wishing she was bi so she could be with Toby which translates as “we wish she was bi because being gay means same sex romance and I don’t like that. Get with a guy and never go back.” I do wonder why the same fans who wish a woman in a relationship with a woman was bi never wish a straight woman was bi. I think the word is heterosexism.
I now realized that half of the students on the show look much older than Bianca Lawson. But hey there has to be some excuse for why Emily should not be with her:)
Good recap Riese.
I do not watch this show, preferring to experience the gay parts through pretty pictures and hilarious words. So here’s my beef with the whole production: ALL OF THESE PEOPLE LOOK THE SAME. Everyone looks like an incredibly attractive brownish blob.
Are y’all aware of another LGBT-friendly show on ABC Family, Greek? It was listed in the article on shows to suffer through to get to the lesbian parts, but I really enjoy it, and I like that ABC Family makes a habit of depicting gays as real people who don’t have to die at the end of the episode.
Still haven’t seen this episode (but I love these recaps and read them whenever I see them) so can’t really comment but, um. I hate to be picky bitch but “wheelchair-bound”? :-/ Don’t us hippie PC queer types say “wheelchair user”?
Considering Hanna doesn’t normally use a wheelchair and is, indeed, wheelchair-bound due to temporary injuries, it sounds entirely appropriate to me.