Tomorrow, I turn 30.

Tomorrow is May 30, so it’s also my golden birthday.

I’m not sure how I feel about turning 30 yet.

But I do know this: There isn’t a single 30+ queer person in my life who doesn’t/didn’t like their thirties more than their twenties. My queer friends in and beyond their thirties agree with Jenna Rink from the film I have brought up approximately 75 times this year due to my impending big birthday, 13 Going On 30: Your thirties are iconic. Your thirties should be celebrated, not dreaded!

Sure, no one has claimed that a sudden sense of security or confidence or self-knowledge comes overnight the second you turn 30 (and many people have warned me that the hangovers are worse), but almost everyone I know talks about their thirties as a time for genuine self-actualization. It’s like your twenties are about figuring out what you like, and your thirties are about really doing those things you like.

And again, I’m not pretending like I’ll have everything figured out tomorrow or the next day or the next year or even in the first half of my thirties or even half of things figured out. I came out in my early twenties, and I already feel like such a different person than I was a decade ago. And yet. I also, in other ways, feel I am the same. You see why I’m not sure how I feel about turning 30, don’t you? I love paradox, and I love self-contradiction. I think my thirties will bring more clarity but also more questions.

This I know for sure: I want tomorrow to be full of friends, music, good food, good hair, loud laughs, a dash of Gemini chaos, costume changes, I know I already said good food but HOT DOGS, dancing, fernet, flowers, and say it again with me: good food.

I made a very poppy playlist for the occasion, selecting two songs from each year of my twenties, from 2012 through the end of 2021 — 20 songs for my twenties. I’m a big music video person, so find a playlist of all these music videos at the end of this post! Is this like the most BASIC pop playlist ever? Yes, and that feels exactly right for my birthday, which always falls on or around (in the case of this year, on!) Memorial Day, which is for many the official~ start of summer. I love mainstream pop year-round but especially during Gemini season. These are admittedly all songs I had on 🔂 at some point.

I plan on listening to the playlist while getting ready for my Yellowjackets-themed costume party that I ordered several tubes of fake blood for a few weeks ago. Heading into my 30th year, I remain very true to my brand.

I’m Turning 30 Tomorrow

1. “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen
2. “Diamonds” by Rihanna
3. “Applause” by Lady Gaga
4. “Work Bitch” by Britney Spears
5. “Bang Bang” by Nicki Minaj, Jessie J, and Ariana Grande
6. “Habits (Stay High)” by Tove Lo
7. “Cool For The Summer” by Demi Lovato
8. “Girls Like Girls” by Hayley Kiyoko
9. “Work From Home” by Fifth Harmony
10. “Work” by Rihanna
11. “New Rules” by Dua Lipa
12. “Strangers” by Halsey and Lauren Jauregui
13. “Nobody” by Mitski
14. “Miracle” by Chvrches
15. “bad guy” by Billie Eilish
16. “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” by Ariana Grande
17. “Rascal (Superstar)” by Tinashe
18. “XS” by Rina Sawayama
19. “traitor” by Olivia Rodrigo
20. “t r a n s p a r e n t  s o u l” by WILLOW

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