From the same chaotic brain that brought you “Mozzarella Sticks I’ve Eaten, Ranked” comes this deep-fried n juicy personality quiz, which will have you wishing you could drive to a suburban strip mall to plop down in a booth and order off a plastic menu. Listen, this is all just good silly fun so please do not yell at me for not including your personal favorite chain restaurant as one of the options! Like I personally LOVE Friendly’s, but I deemed it too regional to be included! Ok bye see you at Olive Garden!
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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.
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I got Hooters Fried Pickles and I love the chaos of that????
Got these too – did not know they existed but love it! And the description is accurate
So did I, and not being in the US, I did not even realize one could fry pickles?
As a Texan, I’m here to tell you: you can fry ANYTHING.
same!! I feel very seen.
Olive Garden endless soup, salad and bread sticks!
“You have a lot to give. An endless well of love and care. Everyone should have a friend like you, because you know exactly what to get someone for their birthday, and you always remember what foods they don’t eat.”
I got this too and it is absolutely correct. Also I really miss endless breadsticks.
I’m apparently Bonefish Grill’s Bang Bang Shrimp and I’m not American so I’ve never heard of that but I love the description you’re giving me, after getting Stacey Merkin in the L Word quiz I really needed a win.
Also had Stacy Merkin and now this, and not American. It‘s a thing.
I got this, too. I’m American but have never heard of the chain either (I’ve been vegetarian for 30 years so that might be a factor)
I got Hooters’ fried pickles, which I guess means Fortune Feimster’s mother has pretended never to have met me
I’ll go eat the mozzarella sticks in my void ☄️
There may be some Jalapeňo Poppers there already in case you’re still hungry
Thanks!
… nom nom…
Also got he void for the gender quiz and mozzarella sticks on this one🙃. I feel both are extremely accurate and I am wondering what my pronoun should be…
TGI Friday’s Mozzarella Sticks
I can go with that.
Also, oatmeal creme pies cereal is a real thing?
LOVE IT, and I forgive you for not including Friendly’s. True story, I got suspended in high school for sneaking off campus to go to Friendly’s. 10/10 do not regret.
This is 3-day cleaning weekend erasure!
Although the mozzarella sticks are the right fit anyway.
tgi fridays mozzarella sticks
which i think means i want caty weaver to write a funny article about spending an entire day with me
Hooters Fried Pickles, but I had to fudge a couple answers. My favorite cereal (even as a kid) has been shredded wheat, and the last book I read was on the Python programming language and didn’t fit any of those provided.
solidarity on the book question. my last book was a history of the stuff in our houses
Hard Rock Cafe’s Classic Nachos.
“Okay, there’s no getting around it: You have fuckboi vibes. Listen! It’s fine! Honor your truth! Everyone loves nachos for a reason. You KNOW you don’t have to work too hard to impress, you charming motherfucker!”
I really am Hooter’s Fried Pickles for so many reasons. Boobs, I love fried pickles, boobs, I mean, so many reasons.
Mozz sticks, what I got.
I was weirded out by the kitchen question. I don’t even have any of those things, except for a spatula, and I hardly ever use it. This is despite that cooking is one of my hobbies. My favorite kitchen tool is the humble knife. It is so satisfying to cut things up into tiny, tiny pieces…
I got Olive Garden & that feels reasonably accurate.
I got TGI Friday’s mozzarella sticks. I’m into it.
Me, before taking this quiz: I better get mozzarella sticks!
Me, after taking this quiz: I got mozzarella sticks!
To be able to move forward on the quiz, I decided that Allie Brosh’s (excellent) book version of her blog Hyperbole and a Half was er experimental. Totally, right?
Applebee’s Brew Pub Pretzels and Beer Cheese Dip. That sounds amazing! The description is pretty spot-on, too.
Bloomin’ Onion:
“Let’s be honest: This appetizer is sexy. It is both food and art. Likewise, you are a sultry babe with powerful energy. And like an onion, you’ve got layers, baby! You’re much more than just a snack.”
I’ll take it!
I went into this thinking “I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get mozzarella sticks” and I got TGI Friday’s Mozzarella Sticks, so I guess all is right with the world