a pin that says ALL VAMPIRES ARE GAY, a single black doc marten boot, an array of spiked goth jewelry including a cuff, a spiked choker necklace, black cherries, and a spiky leather jacket. a femme in a black sheer buttondown shirt, a masc with bleached hair in a black open leathery box-fit short sleeve buttondown and black shorts with white athletic socks and black slides, a femme with short choppy black hair in a black tight strapless bodysuit with a leather look, and a masc in a black cropped tee with black pants. everyone has vampire fangs with blood dripping from them.

Comedy

Caught Dead: Style Tips for Nonbinary Vampires

I’m not some kind of cartoon Dracula wearing a cravat and a cape every day. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Or maybe that was my last victim.

a hand pulls a green ribbon and is surrounded by purple, red, and dark magenta flowers. the look has an overall watercolor vibe.

Comedy

I’m Just a Girl (With a Green Ribbon)

She places her fingers around my neck but does not squeeze.

a woman with curly hair embraces a woman with long wavy hair who has cartoon fangs and blood on her chin. there's a graveyard background with tombstones that say RIP. there is also a faint blood spatter behind them and two bouquets of flowers on either side of them.

Comedy

You Need Help: Your Girlfriend Is Literally a Vampire

The reason your girlfriend is behaving like this is because she’s literally a vampire. I would know, because I’m also a vampire.

a cartoon zombie girls with glasses and short hair wearing ripped jeans and a black cropped tank reads a book on BRAINS

Comedy

This Zombie Bite Changed My Life

I’m grateful to the zombie community for welcoming me with literal outstretched arms.

Comedy

Can Ghosts Scissor?

It all started with a simple premise, a curiosity really.

a woman with curl hair and bright red lipstick and a plaid dress over a white tee sings karaoke with a woman with a shaved head in a white tee who is holding the mic

Comedy Music

Sorry Straights, These Karaoke Songs Belong to the Lesbians

Look, who else is holding on to relationships for too long in the way that we queers are? Who else “got somebody here but I want you” the way we do?

Lip Smacker chapsticks in fanta strawberry, fanta grape, fanta orange, root beer, sprite, coca-cola vanilla, cherry coke, and coca-cola classic, surrounded by gummy sodas, potato chips, and bottle caps.

Comedy

Ranking All the Lipsmackers Chapsticks in the Coca-Cola Party Pack

I also solve the urgent mystery of what happened to Lip Smacker Dr. Pepper.

distorted glass bottles of Coke against a wavy blue and purple background with bottle caps and gummy sodas

Comedy

It “Happened” to Me: I Went to the World of Coca-Cola and Barely Made It Out Alive

Enter this strange and fizzy queer retelling of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory — if you dare.

Two American Girl Dolls. One is blonde with green eyes and wears a purple beret and pink sweater vest over a striped buttondown. One is blonde with blue eyes in a backwards blue cap with a choker, a gray shirt, and a dark blue jumper over it.

Comedy

These New 90s American Girl Dolls Might Be the Gayest Yet

There is truly something for everyone here, from the hyper femme Isabel and her tiny kitten, to the very cool, very soft butch Nicki and her alien pillow.

Photo 1: an old white guy wizard in a white outfit gestures while lightning strikes behind him. Photo 2: a screencap of howl lying depressively on a brocade pillow. he is an anime guy with dark hair and an earring. Photo 3: a photo of a piece of wizard art on my sister's wall that depicts a wizard in a brown robe with long white beard sitting in a city apartment kitchen holding a beer with chips spilled at the bottom of his feet. Photo 4: a screen shot of merlin in disney's the sword and the stone dancing around in his vacation outfit which is a red baseball cap, rainbow tee shirt, florida shorts, and converse sneakers. he is giddily dancing. Photo 5: an image of Orko who wears a red hat and robe and purple scarf. his blue hands and ears are the only body parts visible and his glowing yellow eyes peer out from darkness. Photo 6: a purple wizard wearing a studded red outfit and cap reaches out toward the viewer. he has sharp nails and evil orange eyes and sharp teeth

Comedy

19 Wizards Ranked by How Well They Match My Gender Feelings

Orko is the worst part of He-Man. Orko does, however, get points for simply refusing to have their body perceived.

A young blonde boy with a bowl cut in a Mouse Trap commercial from the 90s, a young boy in a backwards cap in an elevator for a Talkboy commerical from the 90s, a young boy pulling Nickelodeon's GAK out of his nose from a 90s commercial, and two young boys in a Creepy Crawlers laboratory with one wearing a lab coat and the other in a flannel in a commercial from the 90s

Comedy

Nine Boys From 90s Toy Commercials Who Have My Exact Same Energy

The boys in 90s toy commercials displayed an Exceptionally Dykey aesthetic, and to my younger self, that was Peak Cool.

Cruella De Vil, Mother Gothel, Maleficent, and Yzma

Comedy

How Happy Could I Make These Disney Villains?

Aside from the murdering dogs thing, Cruella rocks! She’s got a theme song, she’s got henchmen, and literally no one on earth has made smoking look better.

a teddy bear peers up at the camera from the ground

Comedy

I Say “Hello, Nice To Meet You” to Stuffed Animals In Case Someone’s Soul Is Trapped Inside

Can anyone relate?

Comedy

Every Character in the New Clue Board Game Could Ruin Your Life

When you think about Clue, if your first thought is “Man I wish that were a sexier, gayer game,” then boy do I have news for you!

Victoria Grayson, Maya Lewis, Emily Gilmore, Regina Mills, Irina Derevko, and Jane Burke

Comedy TV Lists

Could I Make These Iconic Mean Moms From TV Happy?

There is no television character that gives me greater joy than the mean mom. I could blame it on many things: mommy issues, the fact that I started watching CBS primetime dramas when I was like nine, general homosexual unwellness — the list goes on.

A group of people dancing at the club next to a woman in a grocery store

Comedy

8 Ways Publix on a Saturday Night Is Exactly Like Going to the Club

1. There are hot people everywhere

A rainbow Bud Light neon sign that says BE YOURSELF

Comedy

Bud Light Is the Dykiest Domestic Lager — Change My Mind

All other American-style light lagers taste bad (and therefore are straight).

Orange soda, pointe shoes, computer, camera, and HTML coding brackets

Comedy

How To Be 13 and on Myspace Again

Photo albums, HTML customization, and choosing your profile song all offer endless possibilities to express yourself.

A cut out of Bernie Sanders poses for his portrait in this meme taken from "Portrait of a Lady On Fire." It's a funny take on the Bernie Sanders meme that is going around from Inauguration Day 2021.

Comedy

“Portrait of a Bernie on Fire” (and 24 Other Lesbian Shenanigans)

“Today is one of those days I wish I had photoshop skills, because I bet photoshopping that Bernie Sanders meme into famous gay tv scenes would be hilarious.” (And dear reader, it was.)

A close up image of the singer Janet Jackson. She has long curly hair over her shoulder and her make up is smoldering and perfectly applied.

Comedy Music

How To Simulate Sex By Just Listening To Janet Jackson

This one is for people who are single, live and work alone. What are people like us doing during this pandemic time? I have the solution for you. Simulate sex by solely listening to Janet Jackson’s hottest hits.

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