“Your assignment is to write about what happens when Sarah Schuster moves back to LA after a brief stay in a psychiatric hospital in her hometown in Illinois.”

And Ximena smooches Callie right on her mouth!

Plus a couple of bummer updates on Famous In Love and The Arrangement.

Plus Sara Lance is faaaaalling for someone, Star Trek: Discovery gets a little gayer, and Counterpart’s lesbian gets some action.

Is Game of Thrones going there with Yara and Daenerys? Seems like maybe! Waverly and Haught make out twice on Wynonna Earp. Catherine and Marjorie’s story takes center stage on Veep. And Audrey gets A-ed on Scream.

Lesbian and bisexual gal pals caressing each other’s hair on TV and in movies has gotten a bad rap, probably because that’s what most fictional queer women have historically done instead of kissing on the mouth. But hairplay can also be really sexy!

I don’t want a Season Two. I want a dark comedy / procedural with two lesbian cops on the prowl, fighting crime and battling sexual tension.

The “Heathers” reboot pilot dropped yesterday and Heather and Riese are here to tell you why it shattered their queer dreams into a million tiny terrible pieces.

We got the scoop on 2 Dope Queens, Pose, The Handmaid’s Tale, Heathers, Sweetbitter, Living Biblically, Roseanne, Vida and Life Sentence — all shows bringing queer women to your teevee screen very soon.

Plus hey did you know there’s queerness on Comedy Central’s “Detroiters”?

Here’s how all the (and gay-adjacent) shows fared at last week’s network upfronts.

It’s Christmas in Purgatory and Waverly and Nicole sure like dressing up for each other! Jingle all the way, if you know what I mean.

I can believe in aliens, but I cannot believe that the lady with the mullet who lives in the woods with her young female assistant and trains dogs is straight.

Here’s part two of the first round of QUEER KISSING MARCH MADNESS!

Zoie Palmer strolls into Purgatory as the mischief-making Jolene and threatens to tear all our ladies apart.

Hey, Sarah Manning is bi! And so is Waverly on Wynonna Earp (she finally kissed Haught right on the mouth!). Also, Scream is back and Rosewood ended stupidly.

A guide to watching “The L Word” for first-timers, chock-full of L Word trivia for repeat offenders.

Plus The Shannara Chronicles blesses Eretria and Lyria with a happy ending.

“I’m not sure if Cheryl wants to murder or make out with Josie, and that’s pretty much Cheryl Blossom in a nutshell.”

She told America they couldn’t pray away the gay, and she was right, and we believed her.