I hope this accumulation of caper recipes will ignite or otherwise invigorate your love for capers, or at the very least give you an excuse to make a lot of detective puns in the kitchen.

“Have you ever done the Would You Rather where the first option is to live in a small apartment with your two worst enemies in your least favorite city for ten years, and the other is to have a goat within a ten-foot radius of your body for the rest of your life? Well I would pick the goat every time, partly because I think I would get used to the goat and that it would be more tolerable than ten years with those two in Las Vegas, but mostly because it means I’d have a perpetual source of goat’s milk, which would then give me access to endless goat cheese.”

How can such a cold, cold thing bring so much goodness and warmth into your life?

Mac and cheese from scratch: because you’re worth it.

Sometimes I like my food the way that I enjoy my sexuality: unnatural.