“Della Champagne the gender-yeeting tarantula sounds like a queer icon, tbh.”

“…Everyone is happy and has regular and satisfying tent sex.”

“The soft look in Gigi’s eyes in the kitchen scene…I’d give her whatever she wanted.”

“IT’S HAPPENING!!! MY THREEWAY POLY PARENTING NIGHTMARE HAS BEGUN AND I AM A L I V E”

“On my nightstand: three empty beer bottles, 14 books piled in a stack that’s threatening to turn over in the night and murder me in my sleep, a candle that is supposed to smell like vanilla but is maybe more like candy corn, a matchbook from an Ybor strip club…”

“I made you a sex bench! Now, who’s going to stain it?”

“I, for one, would like to know what became of Sounder 2.”

“It’s ok…I’m sure Dawn would’ve won if this were a mud-wrestling competition.”

“What if I told you the overprocessing was coming from inside the house?”

“I gotta say, if you wanna have sex in six minutes, you should not spend the first 4.5 minutes unbuttoning all the buttons in both of your dresses!”

“THIS is the Christmas romcom we deserve!”

Feel like Lena Headley’s following you? Maybe you should slow down and let her catch you!

“An infographic of statistics from L Word sex scenes may be the most peak Riese thing ever published here.”