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Autostraddle is not generally a HOT TAKES publication. If we’re going to write clickbait, it’s usually going to be Vapid Fluff because we know how nosy y’all are because of how nosy we are! But that doesn’t mean we don’t have hot takes. We’re just smart enough to keep them to ourselves or inside our group chats. But, oh ho — not today! Today you’re getting our entire team’s spiciest takes about 2022 LGBTQ+ TV and film, something I was only able to convince people to participate in because Nico said we could put them behind the A+ paywall as a gift. We really want to hear your takes too, in the comments.

Heather Hogan, TV Team Editor

In my younger life, back when I was still pretending to be straight in the early aughts, I was a hardcore Bette and Tina shipper. I frequented Tibette forums, I scoured the internet for Tibette spoilers, I read fan fiction, I made fan videos. I didn’t actually relate to them at all, but they were the first serious longterm lesbian couple I ever saw on TV and so, in some weird way, I imprinted on them like a closeted baby duck. I dreamed my days and nights away imagining a world where I, too, could one day be brave and cool enough to share my life with another woman.

Somewhere along the line, well before the original The L Word ended, I finally came out and really started living. When Gen Q arrived, and Bette and Tina were still out here doing the old stuff they’d always been doing, to each other and everyone around them, it actually made me really angry. While they were away, I had done the very, very, very hard work of growing up. Of figuring out my shit. Of unpacking and processing and addressing the behaviors that hurt the people around me. I took responsibility for myself. I worked hard to grow into a better, more mature person. I became, in my own middle age way, a queer elder. I take that role very seriously. And they hadn’t done any of that! They were my couple idol when I was just a tiny gay and I outgrew them! Way, way, way outgrew them! And I feel a kinda shocking amount of resentment about it.

I think The L Word is one of the most crucial and revolutionary pieces of media ever made. I think Jennifer Beals and Laurel Holloman have a rare and crackling chemistry. And I also think The L Word and Tibette have given countless queers a very unhinged understanding of what a healthy relationship looks like, and also plenty of excuses not to do the hard work of growing up. I can’t even begin to tell you how many people I’ve seen write off their very worst behavior as “oh just Shane stuff” and “oh but we’re just like Tibette.” We deserve better fictional adults in our lives.

Darcy, Writer

Listen up, fruits! So I know we all watched — and loved — A League of Their Own. Watching the pilot, I immediately fell truly, madly, deeply in love with the whole entire thing. Every character was perfection. And from that first moment when Greta offered to cut Carson’s hair, I was invested in their relationship. That first “thought so” took my breath away. There’s just nothing as intoxicating as a coming-out affair!!!

That said, I truly don’t believe that Carson and Greta should be endgame.

The thing about Greta… well, she’s Carson’s first. She’s strong and she’s glamorous and she’s exciting and she’s also very human. She’s Janet, if Janet was very much a girl. She knows things. She’s been here a minute. She’s whole.

Then we have Carson, who only learned about ten seconds ago that it was okay to want things. Carson, who went after baseball — who ran after that train like her life depended on it, because it probably did — but this is also the Carson who, before baseball, had never been kissed by someone like Greta in her whole entire life. This is the Carson who used to read love stories with no great love in them, because she could relate. This is the Carson who has lived her whole life in black and white, and now abruptly fallen into Greta’s technicolor land of Oz.

And it’s perfect. It’s sweet, and it’s sharp, and it’s powerful. It’s everything it should be.

But Greta knows who she is. Carson is only just beginning. I think they have to end so that Carson can learn more about herself, more about her world, more about how she wants to live and who she wants to be. I think that without definitive time apart, without real independent growth, Carson will just start following Greta around like Jo used to do (only with a lot more kissing), and then neither Carson nor Greta will be able to truly grow as people. I think Carson needs to stretch her wings, and I think Greta needs some time without a close companion in her life.

And hey: maybe in five years, they learn: they were the loves of each other’s lives all along. Maybe, someday, they drive the car they first snogged in away from their wedding, cans clanging, streamers dancing in the wind. Maybe! But for now, I think they both have some growing to do.

Tracy Levesque, Web Developer

I binged Warrior Nun in two days and I want a partial refund. I have some friends in the world of queer TV fandom whose opinions I really trust. If they are hype for a show, I’ll probably like it too. They, and the rest of the wlw-TV-lovingverse were really into Warrior Nun so I assumed I would love it too. I did not.

There were a lot of things I liked about it. The ass-kicking nuns were great. I’m also into the “Reluctant hero who doesn’t know she’s a hero and has to figure it out” trope. I loved Ava and, yes, she did have amazing chemistry with Beatrice, but I wanted more. I don’t do well with supernatural dramas; the plots are really hard for me to follow, but if a ship is great I can focus on that and stay somewhat confused by the rest. But this, IMO, was an excruciatingly slow burn with a crumb of a payoff at the end. It really reminded me of what TV was like for queer fans ten years ago — messing with us just enough to keep us hanging in and then tossing us one kiss before everything ends.

If the show gets a season three I may change my opinion, but until then, I’ll just be happy for everyone else who loved the show.

Katie, Writer

So this fully started as a joke that I made in our staff Slack but then I thought about it and I would definitely watch this. Ryan Murphy and Shonda Rhimes should collaborate. At first I was full joking because they’re both essentially the powerhouse names of TV in the last decade and each scored Netflix deals for absurd amounts of money. So what is Netflix just kind of said how about one mini series together? I mean yes there are some really horrific versions of this like the musical episode of Grey’s Anatomy where absolutely no one needed to be singing could become an entire show. Or all of the dead characters on Grey’s (and there are A LOT) become some sort of demon zombie horror story.

BUT. There is one version of this collaboration idea that actually has the potential to be really good. Ryan Murphy was partially responsible for the true crime series American Crime Story which had some really strong moments. I really enjoyed the season focused on Monica Lewinsky and how it helped bring that conversation into a new era post-MeToo to make it really clear that Monica was the victim. I could see Murphy’s true crime pairing really well with some of Shonda’s work like Scandal and How to Get Away with Murder. Who are the real life badass women like Olivia Pope whose stories of fighting for justice while occasionally maybe sleeping with a president and rigging and election need to be told? Because that is a show I would watch.

Ro, Sex & Dating Editor

I have a queer take on an aggressively straight TV show: Gabby and Rachel from The Bachelorette should have ended up together at the end of Season 19. No, neither Gabby nor Rachel has ever indicated that they’re anything other than straight, but hear me out — wouldn’t it have been FANTASTIC if after everything those two gals went through on both The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, they both said, “I’m ready for something new” and scissored off into the sunset? Can you imagine a more delicious way of saying “fuck you” to the male suitors who were on their worst reality TV behavior? I can’t. Also, Gabby could teach Rachel a thing or two about communication.

Drew, Writer

I’m trying to think of something really spicy and surprising but the fact is I’m pretty honest about my hot takes on a day-to-day basis. Like one thing I thought about is the first three seasons of The L Word had better trans representation than the first three seasons of The L Word: Generation Q. But would any regular Autostraddle readers really be surprised I have that take? Killing Eve’s final season was great, including the finale, is another hot take that I feel like I’ve already expressed on this site.

My only new take that would cause debate among the staff and our readers is probably that successful actors who sign up to play any sort of law enforcement role — especially on procedurals — in the year 2022 should be embarrassed. It’s one thing if you’re a queer actor who needs rent money and to build your resume. Like fine go on SVU that’s between you and your God. But if you’re famous?? It really, really sucks. And Autostraddle shouldn’t cover it when they do no matter how tempting — unless we’re being explicitly critical of the show and their involvement. That’s just my opinion! Sorry for interrupting the fun! I also think the second season of The White Lotus is way better than the first!

Nico, A+ and Fundraising Director

If I’m grading the (readily accessible, mainstream) horror/suspense/thriller movies and TV shows featuring queer people and queer sex that cis gay white men have put out this year on a curve, well, I think that Ryan Murphy actually is leading the class with an A on account of the latest season of American Horror Story — EVEN THOUGH it’s a season with super annoying Tarot scenes (they will be featured in a future article by me lol) and absolute buckets of copoganda (see Drew’s intelligent writing on the subject). Look, this is graded on a curve, but I couldn’t watch AHS Season 11 back to back with the latest season of The White Lotus (which I am defining as suspense due to the probably impending murder) and take Mike White saying he wanted to make “gay sex transgressive again” seriously.

My dude, my bud, my bro — spoilers I guess — but we all know what it means when you say someone is your “nephew” (or “niece”) while traveling. I don’t want boring queer suspense set in a hotel in Italy — for fucks sake let’s see something more depraved if we’re going to follow excruciatingly wealthy people around! We all know how I felt about They / Them. I don’t want boring queer horror set at a conversion camp where we do not exact revenge on straights! I want these gay men to stop being so infatuated with cops! I want our community to make it weird. I am not sure if Ryan Murphy is doing that or if he is not doing that — and that’s between me and my gods I guess, but I also want to just see more Joe Mantello in things! My hot take as a whole seems to be coalescing into something like: this season of AHS was deeply flawed, but I also really enjoyed a season centered on queers — and on Joe Mantello working in indie queer media of all things. I cackled when that came up.

It tickled me so damn much as Sandra Bernhard and co. basically outlined the thesis around Autostraddle’s creation (too much queer media centers cis gay men) and then stabbed Gino’s desk with a knife — if only we could go stab Ryan Murphy’s desk with a knife and demand that he tell us why he thinks BDSM gear is so spooky. I think that, much like Stephen King, Ryan Murphy actually does well (for him) when he creates characters who are writers, and I’d like to see more of it. It was my favorite part of the first half of last season (second half with the aliens was unwatchable), and it is notably one of the plot points in season 2’s arc with Sarah Paulson. I want him to lean into that because I imagine we are getting like 10 more seasons of AHS because no one can or is willing to fund any other gay horror showrunners but Ryan Murphy so we might as well make them all center queer people and all feature characters who are writers because those tend to be his best ones.

A.Tony, Writer

I have written seasons four through seven of Batwoman, which means there’s literally no excuse for The CW not to bring it back (aside from like, their obvious misogynoiristic homophobia — talking to networks at large here). Max deserved more in A League of Their Own, like even though it was really well done I will always demand more for black queer women, argue with your mama. I don’t know if they’re gay (I’ll go check I promise) but Kiki Layne deserved much better in Don’t Worry, Darling and I’m somehow still surprised that white women can definitely still get black women on the receiving end of violence onto their screen and then somehow think they can’t squeeze much else about them on there (okay, Olivia Wilde is bisexual and directed it, does that make this work? Am I also allowed to say this movie was literally Nicole Kidman’s Stepford Wives except we weren’t allowed to laugh at Glenn Close’s screaming because Christopher Walken’s head came off at the end?). It’s been amazing how networks cancel black lesbian/queer leads and think we don’t see a connection? Like First Kill, Batwoman, and Queens are examples that come to mind but I guess maybe they (networks/etc.) know we see it but they’re like what’re you gonna do about it? And I’m hoping writers somehow make more stories in defiance of being invisibilized. (Y’all, we should support more independent media by the way). Don’t hate me but Bodies, Bodies, Bodies made wish for more heterosexuality. I just refuse to believe the black lesbians move like that, I REFUSE.

Casey, Writer

Okay, don’t get me wrong, I ended up loving A League of Their Own (almost) just as much as the rest of you. (Shout-out to Lupe and Jess’s butch friendship and Clance, my favorite heterosexual character perhaps ever). But I really think their creative decision to write the dialogue without much of a semblance of historical accuracy was a mistake. Darcy of this very website even patiently explained to me on Twitter the reasons why writers and showrunners would do that (to not alienate contemporary viewers, especially young queer people; attempts at historical accuracy are often wrong even if they feel “old timey”). But I cannot get behind the decision for A League of Their Own.

People did not say someone had “mad packing knowledge” in the 40s!! It took me multiple episodes to adjust and, to be clear, I did adjust. But I went through the first few episodes having to shake my head and remind myself I was watching a new-to-me character named Carson, baseball player in the 1940s, not Abbi Jacobson’s alter ego on Broad City. Maybe it’s because I know Broad City so well (it’s one of my favorite shows). But the anachronistic dialogue — as well as the sometimes coinciding humor — consistently took me out of the storyline and reminded me that I was watching a show made in the 21st century about the 1940s. I want the show to make me feel like I’m right there, in the 1940s. The costuming and sets are so lovingly crafted to look like the 40s; why wouldn’t you do the same with the dialogue!! And the whole premise of the show, the women’s baseball league, is so specific to that time period.

The 1940s is not that far in the past, it’s not as if viewers in 2022 wouldn’t be able to parse some different slang or the lack of distinctly 21st century turns of phrase. I really would have loved to hear how women, Black people, and/or queer people spoke in that time, what they would have sounded like, what words they would have chosen given what was available to them. I don’t want queer people of the past to be flattened for 21st century viewers, to make them seem like they’re just like us. People had different conceptions of sexuality, gender, and race in the 1940s than they do today and it would have been so interesting to see it expressed in their language. Oh well. Please renew this show though Amazon!!

Natalie, Writer/TV Critic

So this isn’t so much a hot take — in fact, it’s a sentiment I’ve expressed on this site before — but in the spirit of the holigays, I hope you’ll indulge me with this rant.

Listen, I like straight people. Hell, I’ve even loved a few (we’ll save those stories for another roundtable). I’m far from being heterophobic: some of my best friends are straight. I’ve got straight people in my own family. And sometimes, when straight couples are on television, I don’t even fast-forward through their scenes. I pay attention…now, granted, most of the time I’m just waiting for them to realize they’re bisexual (ahem, Zhilan on Kung Fu)…but, on occasion, I even find myself cheering for them.

But this time, the straights have gone too g—damn far…and I’m not going to stand idly by and just accept it. These straight people will not tell me that Olivia Margaret Benson is in love with her former partner, Elliot Stabler, and has been in love with him this entire time. Nope, nope, nope…I will not tolerate this madness…not in 2022, not in the year of our Lord, Beyonce.

When I wrote about this in 2018, I thought we’d all come to an understanding: Olivia Benson was gay and Alex Cabot was the love her life. There was a mountain of evidence that suggested homosexuality was afoot, evidence far more compelling than whatever they’re citing now to suggest Elliot and Olivia are MFEO. Apparently, though, these TV writers prefer their copaganda, straight.

For years I tolerated the excuses — the don’t ask, don’t tell of it all — that sent Olivia from one failed relationship (with a man) to the next and just reveled in the subtext. But now we’re talking about Olivia Benson settling down…now we’re talking about forever…and it’s supposed to be with Stabler?! The show’s writers, with their straight agenda, brainwashing everyone into thinking they’re supposed to be endgame? Just stop it.

This is probably why Ilene Chaiken left. She’s probably as disgusted with these straights as I am.

Valerie Anne, Writer + Social Media Manager

My hot take is the same as Tracy’s hot take. Season one of Warrior Nun it made me actually angry, that people were touting the blink-and-you-miss-it confirmation of queerness as groundbreaking representation. Season two was admittedly better, but it still only passed the bare minimum requirements to even count as representation, and it sure wasn’t very groundbreaking. I’m not the kind of person who judges people for what they love, but to be like “Warrior Nun has the best representation of 2022” when actually it just barely squeaked by with any representation at all is just taking it too far for me. Love the show all you want, and feel free to project all your feelings to it, flesh out the story with fanfic, etc. But giving it more credit than it’s due: a) gives creators a pass (“Look, we barely had to make it gay at all and they’re eating it up”) and b) takes away from the real, complex, deep and detailed storylines other shows gave us.

Also “Kacy” and “Marina” are two of my favorite ships and two of my least favorite ship names. Future shippers, please for the love of the TV gods make your ship names something other than a word that sounds like a different woman’s name. #Whistara #Delishop #LoveTheShipHateTheShipName

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