Even bad relationships — or relationships that end in bad breakups — contain good memories. Even when it comes to the exes we by no means consider friends anymore, there are special places, experiences, objects, and adventures we shared with them once upon a time. It’s easy to remember the bad when it comes to a fraught or painful relationship. But I think it’s important to still remember the good, not in a nostalgic way but in a way that honors the person you were then and the complexity of romantic relationships, which so often can’t be summed up by or categorized as just Good and Bad. So I thought I’d take my own personal philosophy and ask a bunch of Autostraddle team members to share their favorite memories with their worst exes, prompting many an existential crisis about how to determine what “worst ex” really means. Naturally, we thought this would be a good one to hide behind the paywall so we could be a bit more candid.
What’s the memory you still hold onto of a person you’ve released yourself from? Share in the comments!
Omg I love this. Also I don’t think I have read anything by/about mal before but that is powerful <3 Love the variety in responses and how still everyone finds it hard to call someone their "worst ex".
Idk if you also want audience responses on this but maybe I will just leave a comment and hope everyone else follows suit and also shares their experiences open thread style lol. My "worst ex" is also my best ex, the one relationship in which I was actually deeply in love at some point and in which we were deeply committed (living together, talking about getting married etc). She was my best ex because of all that love and commitment and attraction, and my worst ex because of the disappointment that followed all those high expectations we had, but hot DAMN there's a lot of good memories there, so many that it's really hard to pick a favourite. Like Kayla my ex and I were extremely food-oriented, so I'm gonna go with one of many, MANY happy restaurant memories and say the time we went to IHOP (very fun tradition for me as a European) and two older dykes seated right across from us called us "sisters" as they left. As in, "have a good day, sisters" or something like it, like we were THEIR sisters in dykedom. I will never forget that.
yes thank you for sharing, would LOVE if other folks chime in open thread style :)
love the idea of there being a thin line between worst/best ex. omggggg this story is so powerful. here in Florida, there’s an IHOP where a bunch of queer people work and so a lot of queer people also go because it feels like such a safe and welcoming place so my wife calls it Gay IHOP lol. if two older dykes blessed me with the gift of sisterhood in an IHOP i would cry with happiness. thanks for sharing the story!!!!
Yes I would love it to be a thread! Pallas I respect your bravery to begin it! That IHOP moment sounds absolutely wonderful, and as a fellow European let me say I miss IHOP!
I think my best memory with my worst ex (I also feel bad calling her my worst! We’re not in contact really anymore but she wasn’t bad, just we weren’t that compatible and the end got bad!) was actually not that related to her! It was when I was visiting her parents for the second time – she’d come out to them because of me, and it’d gone pretty well but she’d been nervous – and her dad gave me a copy of his Cuban cookbook (they’re Cuban) because I’d loved the food so much last time. This was the first time I’d met a partners parents and I’d been worried they were Politely Tolerating me and our relationship, but was just such a wonderful sense of acceptance.
Not only do I still use and love the cookbook, but a recipe from it was the first thing I cooked for my current partner of 6 years!
i do love how everyone’s definition/conception of “worst ex” varies a lot — so interesting! yeah totally makes sense that sometimes the “worst” ex is the one where it was simply the “worst” fit.
i also have a lot of strong memories about multiple ex’s parents and families. one of the strangest parts of a breakup, i think, is that SO MANY people disappear from your life, not just the person you were in a relationship with (at least, in the cases of “bad” breakups). thanks for sharing your memory! you know i ESPECIALLY love food-related memories
I’ve put my experience in the thread, but I also wanted to say the range of responses here is super interesting AND Kayla yes bring back wild cravings!!
don’t tempt me with a good time!!!!!