Mrs. S struts into a bar wearing some kickass boots and a “don’t fuck with me” vibe. She goes into the men’s room and starts fighting with Carlton, who is a big hunk of a Brit.
If you give me a noogie, I swear to God I will end you!
After their tussle, they start hooking up in the hallway. Turns out they have a history of fighting and fucking. Go Mrs. S, get your swerve on!
Bow chicka bow wow
While Mrs. S is publicly sexing up Carlton, Sarah breaks into her house to snoop for clues. She is immediately busted by Felix who calls her out for being a shitty thief.
Just making sure this flashlight works for A-Camp.
They catch each other up on various clone shenanigans, and Felix describes Cosima and Delphine as “locked in a transgressive lesbian geek spiral bound to end in tears.” Little does he know he just described every lesbian relationship ever in the history of womankind.
Back at rehab, Alison is peeing in a cup in front of Yvonne, the rehab counselor. She also calls it “tinkling” which is SO Alison it’s ridiculous. Yvonne gives her the run-down on rehab rules, i.e. no drugs, no booze, no doing the nasty with other patients. Alison huffily insists she’s never done the nasty but we all saw her in that minivan with Chad sooo….
And for the last time, stop hiding drugs in your vagina!
Alison finds Donnie waiting for her in her bedroom, and tells Yvonne he’s an enabler. She calls him a spy, but Donnie tells her she needs to sober up or she won’t get to see her children.
Doesn’t it look like I’m holding an imaginary penis?
I feel bad for Alison, but at the same time, she has a legit problem, so she should probably stay in rehab.
Felix and Sarah are searching Mrs. S’s house when they come across some information in an old photo album. Sarah sees a pic of Carlton, who we learn brought Sarah to Mrs. S. He also did 15 years for human smuggling.
I feel kinda bad going through Mrs. S’s vintage erotica
Sarah finds an article about six scientists dead in medical lab explosion, two of which are Susan and Ethan Duncan: Rachel’s parents. They are also the couple in the LEDA photo. Sarah surmises that Mrs. S must have known the entire time.
…11 wounded in finger blast
Speaking of, Mrs. S and Carlton are drinking post-hallway sex, and reminiscing. Mrs. S tells him they have to keep the truth from Sarah or a world of shit will unravel… because her life is peachy fucking keen right now?
BRB gonna go deal with this oncoming UTI
Sarah decides to break into Rachel’s apartment for some more snooping. She also tells Cosima to research the Duncans. Throughout all this planning, a mysterious figure is hiding in the closet. Is it R. Kelly? Nope, it’s Helena.
So Sarah sneaks her way into Rachel’s fancy pants apartment by pretending to be Rachel yelling at the building employee.
Yes, I’d like to order 20 pepperoni pizzas for Rachel Duncan.
She calls Cosima and Felix and tells them that Rachel’s décor is “straight out of cold bitch digest”, which used to be my favorite magazine until Anna Wintour took over.
Look, ever since Jane Pratt left CBD, it just hasn’t been the same.
Cosima has used the world wide interwebs to find out that the Duncans were brilliant British geneticists who were working on something top secret. Sarah finds a drawerful of VHS tapes, and plays one. The video shows a little Rachel running around with her parents.
Look, I’m trying to do some research, but there is so much porn on Felix’s laptop I can’t even…
Cosima is convinced that Rachel is cruel and soulless because she was raised self aware and must think of herself as a superior clone. Cosima thinks she was raised in a clinical lab-like setting to mold her into the perfect leader. But Sarah is watching the video and seeing what seems to be the opposite. Rachel was raised with love and emotional connections. So why so bitchy?
I mean, I guess that kid looks like an asshole.
Before they can get to bottom of Rachel’s douchiness, Daniel walks in and catches Sarah. Turns out Daniel is sleeping with Rachel! He pistol whips Sarah, which means she must be on her 50th concussion by now? Girl needs a CAT scan.
And this was my favorite shirt!
Cal and Kira are waiting for Sarah to return. Cal tells her not to worry, but Kira isn’t worried because she says Sarah is already an angel. So are the clones angel-human hybrids? TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW, CREEPY INTUITIVE CHILD!
How about some Jason Mraz?
How about nope?
Sarah wakes up to find herself zip tied to the shower. Daniel questions her about the LEDA photo, and she spits in his face. Daniel says she’s obviously the dumbest of the clones, but Sarah is smart enough to know that if Daniel is banging Rachel, chances are he’s her monitor.
Fine, I needed a shower anyway.
Daniel starts sharpening a straight razor, which scares Sarah. She is convinced he couldn’t hurt her because she looks just like Rachel, but he assures her it doesn’t matter.
I got this from the Sweeney Todd collection!
Daniel starts cutting behind Sarah’s ear, and it’s really truly terrifying. Suddenly, he’s distracted by a noise.
Too terrified to make a “close shave” joke
Sarah can’t see him, but she hears all sorts of crashing about the apartment. Daniel finally stumbles into view and collapses dead. Right behind him is Helena, holding a bloody knife, covered in blood, and still in that fucking wedding dress.
Come on Helena, that carpet is probably brand new
SO MANY TWISTS!
Sarah starts freaking the fuck out, as she was certain she murdered Helena. Helena tells her that they were meant to be together, and also some weirdos stole her eggs. She nuzzles into Sarah’s breast as Sarah cries hysterically. Hello seestra.
Even deranged killers need nuzzles too.
Back at the Prolethian Farm, we find out that Gracie is not dead, so… yay? Helena may be gone, but Hank isn’t angry, because he’s got a viable egg/zygote reproducing under the microscope.
This is by far the most aggressive strain of chlamydia I’v ever seen.
Is it mitosis or meiosis?!
Holy shit, what a crazy episode. Who’s going to carry the baby though? My money is on Gracie.
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Great recap! Tiny nitpick – Kira doesn’t say Sarah is “already an angel”, she says that Sarah has a “guardian angel”. As in the origami angel, yes, but also as in Helena. If you remember, back in season 1, Kira referred to Helena as an “angry angel”. So the tiny, intuitive child somehow knew Helena was alive and that Helena would rescue her mom.
Also, someone in another forum pointed out that Daniel cuts into Sarah’s ear in exactly the same place as Beth had that scar (the one that Sarah didn’t have, which allowed Paul to finally figure out she wasn’t Beth.) Could be relevant? Maybe Daniel has a history of attacking the clones he is supposed to be protecting? I’m glad he’s dead, but I hope we find out more about his motivations!
I still don’t trust Cal completely yet (because I trust no one on this show who is not Sarah, Alison, Cosima or Felix) and I think he’s got some connection to the Dyad, or the clone conspiracy generally. He’s been waaaay too calm about all the shit he’s just witnessed for someone not involved somehow.
Kira is getting kinda creepy with the intuition stuff.
And at the moment I don’t trust Cal as far as my spit would push him….
So is Helena going to be part of the green phone gang? This looks like comedy gold. My favorite thing to watch is Helena’s approximation of what a normal person acts like (Helena as Beth in the police station).
Am I the only one who thought the scene with Helena and Sarah was very touching? Seeing Helena nuzzling into Sarah and Sarah reciprocating the hug was just heartbreaking.
I agree. Helena has mentioned having a family (that being her seestra) a few times. I think she loves Sarah and her coming to her aid was out of that love.
As we saw, Sarah nearly shit her pants because the person she thought she killed was back from the dead with a bloody knife. Then you see her face change from fear to relief. I’m not sure she was really reciprocating as much as she realized she wasn’t going to die.
I agree it was sweet, but I think a little one sided.
I thought it was more of a transition from absolute terror to the relief at probably not dying within the next few minutes rather than true reciprocation. Sweet nonetheless, Helena really is getting a tough deal.
Can I just note that when Art was taking pictures of the prolethians hanging up washing, the prolethians commented on the fact that they knew he was there – cue extra creep – of course that has nothing on what they did to helena but still.
Also, I am so tired of people seeing people looking unconscious-ish and just leaving them without checking! – First Gracie then Sarah just walked off assuming it would all be fine…. *grumble grumble grumble*
Rachel must be such a badass if Sarah-as-Rachel can say things like “and the room must be 68 degrees” and her employee guy is like “yes Ms Duncan of course Ms Duncan”.
In other news, I just want to sit all the clones down and make them some tea (because that is what we Brits do in times of trouble) and try to cheer them all up. Poor clones.
I agree with Rachel — always double tap. Second rule of Zombieland, first rule of any situation where you’ll be killing anyone.
Furthermore “Is it R. Kelly? Nope, it’s Helena” just makes me think how funny it would be if R. Kelly replaced Helena in every scene. R. Kelly luring Kira out of the house. R. Kelly getting forcibly married to Hank. R. Kelly calling Sarah “seestra” and nuzzling her.
Sarah is really terrible at hiding bodies/crime scenes, first she buries Katja in a gravel pit and now she covers Daniel’s car in like two branches and leaves it on the side of the road
Sarah is making the transition from badass to dumbass in this season, I think.
Like, hey my daughter Kira everyone’s after, I’m going to leave her alone with the guy I haven’t seen for 8 years (anyone think that pollinator dude’s got some sketchy business happening?). Also, I’m going to half check the guy’s pulse and assume he’s dead. Also, just stroll into my old house and not check if anyone’s around.
OK, but wash your hands first. That Effing Dykes post still haunts me. HAHAHAHAHA. I love your re-caps. Please re-cap forever.
Does Daniel remind anyone else of the T-1000?
I love these recaps. Also, anyone noticed how all the white, cishet males on this show come off as untrustworthy? There was a interesting musical cue when Sarah told Cal that she was running from Dyad.
Maybe Cal is Sarah’s new monitor since Paul seems to have disappeared (thank god!).
Also, can we just talk about how amazing it is that Tatiana Maslany is basically nuzzling herself as Helena/Sarah?!
Corporate badass Rachel texting “pls” LOL
And that shower scene made me scared like for real, Tatiana being scared makes me scared like wow award-winning. Great recap!
One thing they haven’t mentioned in the show is that Zeus technically doesn’t bang Leda…he rapes her. Kind of an important detail everyone keeps leaving out. Seems like it would only add to the sinister realism of the metaphor…
“Alison huffily insists she’s never done the nasty but we all saw her in that minivan with Chad sooo….” Yes! my thoughts exactly.