Cut back to Flashbackland, where Poussey’s in this sleeveless shirt and these tight jeans and these fly sneakers, smoking out the window like she doesn’t know she’s the hottest thing to happen to the universe since Larry blew up from getting too close to Piper’s sun.
Damn eventually those lesbians from the internet have to get tired of singing “I Wanna Come Over” over and over on my lawn all night
Then Pops shows up with bad news: They’re being transferred back to the states. He doesn’t know why. We know why, though, and so does Poussey. Poussey’s whole heart hurts.
I’m so sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, but I just got word that Frankie and Kat are only gonna be in the first few episodes of Season Two.
So here we have her, again, losing love not because of who she is as a person, but because of what sort of person she is.
How can they even HAVE a second season without Frankie though?
I think what makes this even harder is that Poussey is one of a handful of inmates who abide by an unshakable moral code and possesses for whatever reason the facilities to employ it. Even the characters we love, the ones with good hearts, for so many reasons that are sometimes within their control but usually not, make a lot of truly terrible choices, often choices that hurt other people. Or they prove themselves unable to safely and legally control their own lives.
Back at Litchfield, Maxwell and Piper run into each other outside ’cause Piper’s snooping and Maxwell’s smoking.
Damn is she using a Rabbit over there?!
Piper wants to know about a gym she heard there were plans to build. What happened to the gym? Maxwell says it’s the same thing that always happens to big plans like that, but before she can explain what it is exactly that “always happens” (probably cramping and nausea), Healy barges in and tells Piper to stop asking questions IF SHE EVER WANTS TO SEE HER NANA AGAIN!
And she has these HIPBONES, Healy, these HIPBONES I just cannot help but grab ’em and pull her real close to me whenever I see her
Piper thinks quick and decides to tell him that she’s asking questions for the… newspaper! She’s gonna start a prison newsletter and she just needs his permission to get started! It’ll enable everybody to communicate more and get to know each other as human beings! It’s gonna be like The Autostraddle Insider, basically, or maybe the A+ Bee. Healy approves it ’cause he feels insecure.
Healy: The girls used to like me.
Piper: They will again.
Vee heads down to custodial to harass her girls. It’s like Foxfire except with slightly less bloodletting.
Ahhh thank the lord the All Purpose Primo’s here, I’ve been waiting to sprinkle that shit on my cheerios all day
Taystee, fresh off her confrontation with Poussey, wants to know why Vee let RJ get killed. Taystee says she doesn’t believe in Vee anymore, not after all that.
All Purpose Primo. I’m telling you. So much better than bananas on your Cheerios. Just try it.
Meanwhile, Suzanne finds the wedding invitation in Morello’s trash.
Is it too late to RSVP?
Vee seduces Taystee back to the dark side by opening the cleaning cans and showing her that they are filled with tobacco they can roll into cigarettes and sell to inmates! Um, somebody’s not very good at ordering cleaning cans?
It’s Floo Powder! Now you can travel with the witches and wizards through the Floo network!
Piper gets a letter from Alex Vause! But then she throws it out. This is depressing.
Please be nudie pics please be nudie pics
It’s time to hear what Flaca and Maritza think love is!
Flaca: It’s like getting into a bath, but the water is like warm chocolate pudding. And The Smiths are playing There is a Light That Never Goes Out. Oh! There’s warm lighting all over and there’re like five dudes massaging you.
Maritza: And you have a pizza.
Flaca: She’s right. And you also have a pizza.
Perfect!
You’ve got to be kidding me that those girls couldn’t figure out how to scissor, we do it all the fucking time!
Flaca and Maritza are drinking hooch at the Valentine’s Day Party, probably in celebration of Ellen Page coming out.
Just drink it really fast and it’ll be fine, they drink mouthwash on Intervention all the time, I promise!
Meanwhile, Healy’s giving Bennett really appalling advice about women:
Healy: With women, you make ’em think you’re meeting them halfway, when really what you’re doing is you’re meeting them about 10% to 15% of the way. Women are really bad at math. Don’t forget that.
Bennet goes to tell Daya that maybe they can’t be normal, but she doesn’t really wanna talk about that, she wants him to take her somewhere where they can fuck. Surprisingly enough, he’s into this idea.
Yup, this is 100% pure blood procured from the full Diva Cups of every menstruating Litchfield inmate. Want a cup?
While Bennett is fucking Daya and Healy is doing who know’s what, Jimmy slips out of the building, probably in an attempt to locate Jack for their Valentine’s Day date.
La la la
Poussey’s not at the party, though. She’s reading in the library. That’s where Taystee finds Poussey, creeps up behind her, and covers her eyes with her palm, commanding her to close her eyes if she wants a special surprise in her mouth.
Who’s ready for an ear nibble??!!
Taystee asks Poussey to part her lips…
Taystee asks Poussey part them a little more…
And then, for one moment, we all believe the possibility Poussey is currently entertaining, that this surprise might be a kiss on the lips maybe even with tongue. But it isn’t — it’s a fucking cigarette.
please be a joint please be a joint please by a joint
Taystee’s just ecstatic about Vee’s new sales plan and how she’s gonna make all of them super rich! BUT WHAT ABOUT LOVE, TAYSTEE?! WHAT ABOUT KICKING IT WITH SOMEBODY, TALKING, MAKING MAD STUPID JOKES AND NOT EVEN WANTING TO GO TO SLEEP ‘CAUSE THEN YOU MIGHT BE WITHOUT ‘EM FOR A MINUTE.
We return to Flashbackland. Poussey is wearing a sleeveless shirt again and smoking at the window when Franziska shows up. She’s devastated that Poussey and her Pops are shipping out and wants Poussey to bring her along.
Wait wait just gimme one hit before you put it out
Jersey is sort of the worst, Poussey says, hurrying around like she’s gonna break Franziska’s heart AND MAYBE ALSO MINE. “Look, you’re fun to fuck, but that’s it,” says Poussey. Why do people always do this in television shows and movies? Like tell each other, “this whole thing was meaningless” when it’s all over? That doesn’t make anything easier for anybody! I mean heartbreak is heartbreak, and at least if they admit they’re feeling it too, you’ve got someone on your side.
Have you ever been to Newark, Franziska? Nobody wants to live in Newark.
BUT THERE ARE SOME AFFORDABLE ONE-BEDROOMS IN HOBOKEN!!!
Franziska is devastated.
Franziska: You’re the love of my life.
Poussey: You have killer tits. I’ll remember those.
Franziska: Yesterday you loved me! How can you just shut down like this?
Poussey: I’ve had a lot of practice.
:-(
Back at the Valentine’s Day Party, Daya thinks Bennett is the sweetest!
Here, it’s a list of all the v-strings I need you to order me from the Victoria’s Secret website
Also, Mendez sent her a valentine in the mail! Because he’s the creepiest!
Watch out for anthrax
BACK TO THE VALENTINE’S DAY PARTY! Piper’s snooping around asking people what love is as a lead-in to ask more invasive questions about the overall maintenance of the facility. This means I was wrong about this whole situation being somebody’s Film Studies project, but I’m pretty much right about everything else I’ve ever said in my life, so.
Do you know where I can acquire some organic or cruelty-free lube around here? I’m open to DIY options.
‘Cause I tried maple syrup and found out the hard way that they don’t sell Monostat at the commissary!
Piper wants to know when the olds last saw some plumbing being done. They estimate it was approximately ten billion years ago.
Meanwhile, Healy’s calling his wife to tell her Happy Valentine’s Day and to inform her that he’s a good man who is going to make her proud. He also uses the phrase “this big galoot,” and I don’t know, I feel sad for the guy. There’s always something epically sad about a marriage where one person keeps trying and the other is ruthlessly disinterested.
heheheh heh of course the refrigerator isn’t running why do you ask?
Back at the party, the girls are line-dancing while Soso posits stoner theories about Ferris Bueller’s Day Off to Sophia until Sister Ingalls yells at her to shut the fuck up.
I CANNOT LISTEN TO ONE MORE WORD FROM YOU ABOUT LIVING OFF THE LAND
Pennsatucky, still struggling to re-insert herself into the social hierarchy she once dominated, wants to know why Leanne won’t talk to her:
Pennsatucky: Why are you ignoring me? Why are you ignoring me? Spit it out! Come on!
Leanne: Look, you’ve been lording over this group like some Hillary Clinton dictator.
Pennsatucky: What?
Leanne: And we wanna be a democracy!
Pennsatucky: Are you calling me Hillary Clinton?
Leanne: If the pantsuit fits.
WHERE ARE THE JUNIOR MINTS YOU PROMISED ME???
Leanne: Look, we’re done with you.
Pennsatucky: Y’all are done with me? That’s really funny. That’s really funny Leanne, because if I’m Hillary Clinton, then y’all must be some sister-wife, tweaker, Slurpee-drinking, fourth-grad reading level Daddy-on-COPS, trailer trash nothing! And you know what? It’s okay ’cause you never even challenged me anyhow!
Pennsatucky and her transparent defense mechanisms, y’all, it kinda hurts my heart even though I hated her last season. Then she disappears in a huff and Leanne takes her spot as #1 Boss Bitch.
I’m sorry that people are so jealous of me… but I can’t help it that I’m so popular.
What else is happening at this delightful party? Well, Morello is eating her feelings with a tray of Macaroni Con Queso.
Don’t you dare move, taquitos, I’m coming for you next
Flaca, Maritza and Blanca are trying to blackmail Bennett into bringing them small electronics and mouthwash in his prosthetic leg.
The sheriff of Area 9 in Texas has gone missing. He is twice as old as I am and very powerful. If one such as he can be taken, than none of us is safe.
Big Boo’s yelling at Nicky about telling everybody she has crabs, which has landed them in a tie for the Bang-Off.
Damn I should’ve known better than to eat all that caramel corn
This is my kind of party!
HEY-O!
After Nicky and Big Boo swap the scoop on Nicky’s recent pick-up Pickler’s “macro-clit,” the two agree to end the Bang-Off because it was making every lesbian who watches the show profoundly uncomfortable. THANKS GUYS!!!
Goddess willing I hope to regain the use of my three fucking fingers by the end of the week
Another night, another Side Boob gig at a Bar & Grill! Caputo is thrilled to see Fischer is there for the gig, and subsequently devastated to learn that she’s actually brought a few officers who weren’t on duty that night — Wanda, Luscheck and O’Neill. O’Neill and Wanda bicker, Caputo sadly removes the “Reserved” sign he’d placed on Fischer’s apparent seat at the bar, and Luscheck tells Caputo that he looks like “The gay Edge,” which is true. Suddenly, the show is no longer Orange is the New Black but one of those sitcoms where office colleagues gather in a sad bar in heavy coats after work and we get to see what life is like off-duty.
Hey, who invited Toby?
Back at the Red Hearts Party, Suzanne’s explaining what love is, and it’s real nice. She says love makes you so you, even if “you” felt like SO MUCH before, that person who loves you makes being SO MUCH just a little bit easier.
Suzanne: “But now it’s okay because the person like, whoever, they chose to take all that on. All that weird stuff. Whatever’s wrong or bad or hiding in you. Suddenly it’s all right. You don’t feel like such a freak anymore.”
Only you have the power to fight California brushfires
It’d be a perfect moment if I didn’t fear she was talking about Vee.
Back on the New York City set, Larry, carrying a giant bag of Piper’s stuff, runs into Polly on his way out and decides to kiss her! But then her loud drunk Australian husband shows up and says the word “spunk.” It’s gross!
Jussssttt gotta get this dead body out of the apt real quick before Mom and Dad come over for strawberry cake
Back in Party-town, Suzanne saddles up next to a sad Morello to talk to her about the wedding invitation she found in the trash. It’s sweet, like sweeter than the sugar cookies with the frosting and everything.
Suzanne: Yeah, I know something about loving people who aren’t smart enough to wanna be loved back. I learned a secret I can tell you. They don’t deserve it!
Morello: He’s ruined this day for me forever. Nobody knows that we’re not together.
Suzanne: No, but you do.
Yeah I guess when you cut it out and everything the new airbnb logo does look a little bit like a vagina
Then they laugh and Morello realizes that she does know! She still wants to believe in love, too, even after all the crazy shit she did. Isn’t that sad? Suzanne says it’s not sad, it’s brave. Then they hug. Suzanne does the thing to her shirt that I do where she cuts out a little place for her thumbs which makes me feel really tender.
awwwwwww
Maritza and Flaca are in the kitchen drinking hooch talking about fake tits, and it’s kinda romantic. Flaca throws her Ian cookie at the wall. FUCK YOU IAN!!!!
This Mango Tangelo chapstick is the bomb!
Maritza: You know what gets me? We’re wasting the best years of our lives in here. Our tits are never gonna look better. Our asses are never gonna look better. You know, no one’s touching my ass. No one’s kissing my lips.
Flaca: Shit, I’ll kiss your dumb lips.
!!!!! THIS EPISODE IS AN EMBARRASSMENT OF RICHES.
!!!!
After what appears to be a promising amount of passion, they detach, crack up, and confirm that they won’t be lesbianing together any time soon ’cause nope. Then Flaca cries in her lap. Friendship is magic.
Back in the main party room, everybody’s dancing and having a good ‘ol time, but Poussey’s off to the side, hitting on an extra.
Splits Seeks Banana For Good Time
Taystee bounds over to pull Poussey into the Riverdance, but Poussey’s too hung up on that shit Vee slung at her and thus is acting like she can just shut that shit down, because you know, she’s had a lot of practice.
Poussey: Damn, I don’t interrupt you when you going to town on a bunch of spaghetti, damn. Man, why don’t you head on back to Erykah Badu over there. Damn.
[laughs]
Taystee: Man, I’m gonna forget you said that.
Poussey: I don’t give a fuck what you forget or remember!
Her name is Doris and she’s in here ’cause of a copyright violation charge on her OITNB fan tumblr, thanks for asking
Surprisingly enough, the extra either thinks Poussey is a bitch or has mad drama with Taystee, and peaces out, leaving Poussey hard up and pissed off.
Then we snap on back to Flashbackland where we witness that Poussey isn’t really able to just shut down like that after all, but I think we sort of already knew that. She’s fucked up and crying and yelling at Franziska’s father; sobbing, pleading, “I love her.”
I told you never to interrupt my father while he’s eating a mini-sundae!
“And that is why you are going home,” he says. Then Poussey reaches into the back of her jeans where she’s got a gun ready — and we think OH MY LAWD IS THIS WHAT SHE’S IN JAIL FOR and then remember that she said “I wasn’t even in Jersey when that shit went down” regarding the crime she’s in jail for, so this can’t be it — but before she can pull out the gun, Pops shows up and stops her, gently, from behind, holding her close.
Franziska’s Dad: You know there are programs that can change your daughter’s confused predilections.
Poussey’s Dad: Thanks, but she’s fine.
Poussey’s Dad rules, Franziska’s Dad drools.
I SAID GOOD DAY.
Back at the party, Red and Vee saddle up next to each other, standing side-by-side, like two mean queens surveying the kingdom. Red says “you know this will not end well,” and the look on Vee’s face suggests that that’s exactly what she’s hoping for.
75,000 light years away from home, eh? Tough break.
Pennsatucky is sad because her friends are dancing without her, so she goes outside and finds Mr. Healy sitting there, alone.
It’s fine I don’t like the timers on the new edition of Scattergories anyhow they can play without me
She looks really sad, like a sadness that takes her whole body. Mr. Healy gives her a cookie and she holds it to her heart, and then hugs him while crying. Tentatively, and then truly, he pats her on the back.
Here. It’s poison.
I LOVE POISON!
Back at the Side Boob concert, Fischer and Luscheck are laughing together and music is playing and hey hey hey I’m hungry do they have hummus here OH MY GOOD LORD GUESS WHO’S AT THE CONCERT
haiiii!!!!!
Real talk: This is like one of my top ten favorite Orange is the New Black moments of all time.
oh shit
Who wants a Mint Julep? First round’s on me!
Back at the party, Piper tells some mysterious creature that love is like “coming home.” She smiles, pleased to have been granted this opportunity to talk about herself and her feelings. “Thanks for asking,” she says, finally.
i painted this mountain. do you like it. i think it’s okay.
Welp, that’s all for this week’s episode! Next week a special guest recapper will have words for you about Comic Sans and Black Cindy.
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Best/worst episode. Why can’t Poussey have nice things?!?!?! I just want her to have one nice thing.
Also does anyone else have a slight crush on Murphy? She doesn’t seem to get nice things either. Maybe she and Poussey would get along. Litchfield should get OkCupid for inmates.
Yes to the Murphy crush. I don’t quite know what it is that makes her so compelling, but she’s real cute and I want to know more things about her.
I saw her in person once at a movie theater with my gf at the time, I could not keep it together. She’s effing adorable.
I thank you for providing the specific screencaps you knew we all needed.
Kids I didn’t watch any of season 2 until my trip to Germany so I could watch it with my dual-citizen girlfriend. When Poussey’s flashback started I yelled at the tiny laptop screen that my German girlfriend was WAY HOTTER than Poussey’s German girlfriend.
You are one lucky duck!!
I have watched this episode while crying profusely an unhealthy number of times, and while it didn’t have that picture of Kate at the beginning, this recap did this episode justice perfectly. It picked up every hilarious detail and now I get to scroll through them all again at work and try not to snort laugh when customers are here.
I like OITNB and this season was fine. But here is one thing that I have to say. This isn’t a “fan plea” or a “pipe dream” but an official declaration:
Poussey in Germany – everything going on there; should be its own show.
I would burn my retina’s into to blindness watching, and re-watching all the awesomeness that it would be.
That is all.
Maybe they shouldn’t make it, for the sake of your (and all of our) health…
But I…I already started writing fanfic. It must happen, I shall not let my sultry words go wasted!
Wow. This gif really captures all my feelings about this episode, and I fully appreciate it’s existence, so I’m just going to post it again. I also kind of wish it could be my screensaver? Too much?
Make it into a moving wizard tattoo
also would v. much like this to be a tiger beat cover
SO MANY POUSSEY FEELINGS. Can’t even articulate them all. This was a standout episode, Samira Wiley did a stellar job, Poussey is my favourite.
Also, I really enjoyed the old lady crew this season. I hope we see more from them.
In other news, I do not care about Healy or his sad feels. I really, really do not.
The older ladies are absolutely so badass.
I would love it if Franziska got back into contact with Poussey next season! Maybe she could start sending Poussey letters? I just love stories where people who were cruely ripped apart find each other again. Real spit in the eye of Franziska’s asshole of a dad!
I always thought Poussey was great but wasn’t THAT obsessed. But then she starts speaking German!! I was officially done right there and then. In love with Poussey forever and for always. Also the final Germany flashbacks were the only thing in the series to make me actually cry…but I guess I am only on episode 10 so there’s still time haha.
i have to say i don’t know what to do about Pennsatucky. in the first season she was deliciously evil, the kind of evil that you wonder what kind of psychosis she had i compare her to heath ledger’s level of evil in batman. And i don’t know if the nastiness is still there or the beat down she took knocked the evil out.
If you didn’t love Poussey after this episode you were never going to love her. She has always been my favorite character but this episode really set that in stone.
This episode also provided a nice little moment between Morello and Suzanne which confirms that Morello is actually capable of not being a racist asshole at times. It’s the one character flaw that I really wish they would do away with altogether.
Oh, and Vee will forever and always be THE WORST PERSON EVER. Lorraine Toussant is amazing. It’s been a while since an actor has been so compelling at making me hate their character beyond words while admiring their ruthlessness at the same time.
YES that scene with Morello and Suzanne was really perfect, and so unexpected.
Toootally agree about Vee. I hate her, but love her character. Her manipulation skills, man.
“Here. It’s poison.”
“I LOVE POISON!”
-All of us gulping down liquor at the gay barz
!!!
Definitely all the feelings for Poussey. We’ve been getting flashbacks like crazy this season. Jimmy reminds me a lot of my geriatric-psych patients. When they have dementia and they’re just looking for someone.
I know this is very out of place and all, but I just needed a space to say that I just really love Watson and think she’s a babe. Good? Good.
Oh my god I’ve been in love with Watson for a while now. But I’m sad her and Yoga don’t hang anymore… they were the cutest of friends.
i was in love with watson and was convinced she was queer until we found out that she wasn’t queer and then i was sad and decided to like poussey instead but watson is still my first love
I feel like my story is basically the same except that Watson is still my main lady love because of her never-ending babe factor and distant memories of her attractive badassery in season one
Super excited about this episode, super excited about Poussey! As a German I really liked that she spoke “real” German and not just some invented words that kind of sound German (I’m looking at you, SCRUBS!). They even found a German actress for a girlfriend.
I really liked the recap as well, just one thing…this might not be understandable for someone from another nation but I am soooo tired of Nazi jokes whenever someone is German, it is way overdone and even offensive to many of us.
Question! How was Samira Wiley’s German accent? Did she sound fluent?
Her grammar was great (kudos to the writers) but she had a pretty strong American accent. It sounded cute though ;) I don’t think she speaks German in real life but she really made an effort to sound as german as possible.
Yes. Another German here.
I found that joke off-color to the rest of the recap.
‘Any German in Uniform = Nazi’ is such a cheap shot. I expected more of Riese, even if just that she’d come up with something wittier.
Let’s not forget the Jews, Romani, Poles, Serbs, Rheinlandbastarde, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Communists, sexual minorities, mentally and physically differently abled persons, Soviet POWs, and members of other ethnic, religious, political, sexual, or otherwise-marginalized groups that suffered under the Third Reich and its client states; some of them may also be offended by what could be interpreted as the belittlement of their suffering.
And those German actors were responsable for that? Should we Start calling Americans slave owners all the time then? I’m sorry but that’s just stupid.
And those marginalized groups you mentioned were not German?
My great-grandfather was a communist and almost ended in a concentration and I am so sick of these jokes.
I’m sorry; I must not have been clear as to my intention. I agree with you that the joke in the recap was in poor taste. I just wanted to supplement your comment by adding a list of others who might find the joke offensive.
Some members of some of these groups who suffered under the Third Reich or one of its client states—Communists, for example—were indeed German. I never sought to didpute that. Other Communists who suffered under the Third Reich or one of its client states were not. Still other Communists who did not themselves suffer under the Third Reich or one of its client states may nevertheless take offense at the joke on account of their comrades’ suffering. The same applies, mutatis mutandis, for the other groups.
Once again, I apologize for any misunderstanding I may have caused.
Oh I’m sorry I misread your comment, now I get what you meant and I agree.
It is just frustrating when a nation has worked very hard to overcome the horror their ancestors have done to other people and make sure not to take part in any wars anymore and all that but no one seems to care because Germans = Nazis = War and that is all your nation stands for even if you were born 40 or 50 years after that. And Autostraddle just usually is not a place for something like that. (And yes, then there’s also the problem of the feeling of Holocaust victims when it comes to Nazi jokes).
I understand. If it’s any consolation, I don’t blame you for the Holocaust.
Before this episode my favourite memory of anything German was dancing with some random slightly drunk people, bonding over our apparently mutual love of Fine Young Cannibals “She Drives Me Crazy” while I tried to explain that it was the #1 song the day I was born, which was a challenge, because I was at a Hard Rock Cafe in Munich and didn’t speak ANY German.
After this episode, I have a new favourite German thing.
This was my favorite episode of the season and solidified my obsession with Poussey. I loved her backstory and I was shocked at the scissoring scene! I thought it was really tender and great but also pretty graphic, it was a very pleasant surprise. Also, Franziska really does have great boobs.
Jimmy at the Sideboob gig was legit one of the best moments on the show.
To be fair, there are plenty of stupid white guys who do speak German: over thirty million in Germany alone, actually.
To be honest all I care about in this episode was that Maritza and Flaca hooked up, I think that they secretly dig each other. I’m even more curious as to what Poussey’s crime was. I always had this idea that Poussey’s mom had cancer and she was working an 9 to 5 while selling weed to pay for her moms medical bills but I’m happy with her canon backstory and I also really enjoyed the fact that her father supported her. That scene between Morello and Suzanne was really sweet
thank you for recapping!