So, this gif actually gives me life. And that’s all I have to say about that.
Shit couldn’t start on a sadder note than Tricia’s belongings being gathered in the wake of her death. Of course, fucking Pornstache that fucking piece of shit is the one doing the gathering, until Nicky tells him to scram and Red says they can do it without him. Fucking Pornstache, I want to drive a fucking dumptruck over his weird nasty existence and give him a handjob with a sandblaster. I want to rub gator chow on his face and leave him in the Everglades. I want to give him a goldfish to care for in his loneliest hour and then slowly eat the live goldfish in front of him. I want to drop him off for soccer practice but forget to pick him up. And when the coach calls me telling me that Pornstache has been waiting at the peewee league fields for two hours, I want to ask him to put Pornstache on the phone, and then I will tell Pornstache that no one loves him and no one is coming and no one cares. I want him to feel that kind of pain. That’s how strongly I feel about the shit he’s been pulling this season. I will not be happy until he suffers.
i hope your terrible facial hair overtakes your face and you choke on it
Over in Ye Olde Supply Closet, Daya is puking. I guess this is because when you have a baby in you, the baby really messes with the whole regular body functions and causes you to puke in the morning? Maybe it has a little puke button in its baby bubble sack and it presses it in the morning because babies hate mornings even more than I do. Maybe if it presses the puke button, it also gets coffee from a coffee machine in the baby bubble sack? Again, these are all things I have picked up from Lifetime Original Movies and teen dramedies, so if they’re inaccurate assumptions, I apologize. I look forward to your comments re: the politics of accurate reproductive notions.
Speaking of the devil with the baby juice, Bennett pokes his head in for a little howdy-ho and says he’s going to get Daya a Fake Grandmother Death Sick Note so she can leave jail and then come back and pretend that the whole pregnancy thing is related not to Bennett’s prison-employed dick but to an entirely outside dick. I believe it was the late great philosopher Soulja Slim who stated in Juvenile’s “Slow Motion” that the “outside dick keeps them hoes sick,” which would encourage anyone making assumptions about Daya’s current sickness to point to outside dick as the culprit, and not in fact Bennett’s dick.
someone buy her a “gramma of the year” sweatshirt with sewn-in ruffle peter pan collar
At Ye Olde Fake NPR Station, Larry is presenting the Tale of Piper and Larry Now That Piper’s In Jail for the Fake This American Life. The other guy has it way worse, man! He’s talking about two years in Antarctica and you gotta drive up the Taconic, man? Simmer down. Simmer the fuck down.
By the way, y’all seem to think I’m too hard on Larry. Larry’s a decent guy, you say. Sure, he doesn’t pay his own rent even though he’s in his mid-to-late thirties, but he’s a nice guy who genuinely cares about Piper. What’d he ever do to you, you say. Man, if there’s anyone I don’t care about being mean to, it’s fucking nice guys. Must be all that pent-up shit from the fact that guys kind of sit at the top of the foodchain, you know? Like I’m just trying to get the cute girls, get a decent job, use witchcraft to destroy the sanctity of marriage, the usual bit, but then all those damn guys have to use their existence to perpetuate a power structure that oppresses my gender and sexuality. But shit, it’s crazy to ever be critical of men as a whole because it’s not like the existing power dynamic would make the act of criticizing and being a little bit harder than usual on a dude into an attempt at equalizing and taking down the system. Haha, shit’s crazy!
We assume that ‘tis the season because the kids are working on Christmas lights in shop class. I’d say that cold weather is the giveaway, but since winters in the lovely upstate New York last from October to March, that would not be much help. Morello reminds Piper that Larry’s going to be on the radio and Piper is clearly not jazzed about this fact. Piper is bumping ladybits with Alex, dude – she doesn’t have time for this Larry “Mediocre” Milktoast bologna. Luschek, another magical bunghole I want to fling unguarded into space so his brain will implode, asks (jokes?!) if Piper’s going to use that tangled-ass mess of lights to hang herself. Because, you know, Tricia didn’t fucking die in the last episode and that wouldn’t be insensitive as all get out. Was there a question on the prison employee application that said “Are you an unforgivable piece of shit and a definite waste of oxygen?” and if you checked that box, bam! you got the job and the illusion of importance! Piper’s response to Luschek’s shitty, shitty question isn’t one he appreciates, so he manages to ask her if she’s on her period. Pipers responds well to this, too.
i’ll attribute your feelings of being a dickhole to your dickhole
In true Piper fashion, Piper’s going to organize a memorial service for Tricia, despite not knowing Tricia. Ah, Piper’s savior complex. Always the best intentions, always the wankiest followthrough. Speaking of best intetions, Doggett’s in the psych ward, and it’s not going well. Especially because her defense for why she shouldn’t be there is based in all that healing she thinks actually happened… which it did not. The psych ward has little sympathy for the whole Jesus schtick. They are taking the Christ right out of Christmas on this one.
he’s constructed a pretty good support system and back brace that’s jesus certified for guaranteed effectiveness
Assistant to the Warden Lady or Assistant Warden Lady — I can never remember which because Dwight Shrute has ruined all possibilities of me ever knowing if those are one in the same — says that having someone kill themselves during a Scared Straight day is a big fucking deal, mainly because even the higher-ups don’t believe that it was a suicide. They went ahead and cremated Tricia’s body to guarantee that no one can tell either way. Jesus, that’s not okay. Tricia, sweetheart, you deserved better than this. So much better, honey. In case you were wondering who’s still a gaping asshole on this team, Healy has better things to do than write a memo supporting the inmates’ grief, and Pornstache thinks that suicide among inmates is a joke. Hey, Pornstache, how about I put your feelings in a blender and deny you a support system? How will that feel? Pornstache asks Bennett to get drinks with him later. Maybe Bennett can drop a truth bomb on him about his terrible personality and stupid face and leave him sobbing in the bar bathroom. I can dream…
but not two, no homo! it’s a bro hang not a fucking date
Daya’s mom is in the kitchen trying to get morning sickness cures for her daughter. She is asking the aggressive little androgynous one whose name I didn’t know. “What’s my name,” says aggressive little androgynous one. Well, in defense of those of us who did not know Gina Murphy’s name, it has not been used yet on the show. So. Now that we know who Murphy is, we also learn she’s on her period. Do you think everyone’s cycles at the prison have synced up? Ha ha, just kidding, I’m not a 12 year old boy. I know how menstrual cycles work. Ha ha ha ha ha.
No, but actually, I’ve synced up with everyone I’ve slept with for more than a month. Someone tell me what’s going on down there. Is my uterus actually magic?
yes this is my tumblr header, no i’m not sorry
Poussey and Cindy are reading horoscopes in the library. Claudette asks for Taurus. Damn, Claudette’s a Taurus? Never saw that coming. If anything, she’s a solid Capricorn or Virgo as far as I can see, but hey. Clearly this show’s production did not involve consulting a horoscope expert and I’ll have to shoot them my resume, which is actually a Youtube video of Sylvia Browne highlights. Oh, Sylvia. Because we were all Egyptian slave girls in our former lives.
Piper’s in the chapel awaiting Alex for a little McNasty. Looks like it’s going to be a sad round of McNasty, because no one showed up to help with planning the memorial. Alex reminds Piper that she didn’t actually know Tricia and it’s kiiiiiiinda weird that she’s in charge of the funeral service. Piper says she talked to Tricia. So am I now qualified to plan the funeral of the person who bagged my tampons at the Rite Aid? Hope she likes disco balls. Alex says maybe Piper knew Tricia better than she knew Alex’s mom, which you will see in a second is an old wound. Why? Because it’s a FFFFLLLAASSSHHBBBAACCCKKK.
Piper and Alex are in the Paris of the past. Piper can’t seem to decide if she actually likes this whole drug cartel business or not, since she doesn’t want to participate in moral greyness but sure does like all the nice stuff it buys. Alex reminds her for the one billionth time that she knew what she was getting into. Piper leaves anyway.
the audience texted me and told me to tell you that
Back in the present, Red is explaining the plan to take down Pornstache, and it involves having Daya sleep with him and report that he raped her. That would take care of the baby thing and the Pornstache thing in one fell swoop, and the moment it was suggested I knew it would be a huge mess. So did you, audience. So did you. Daya doesn’t want to cheat on Bennett because, I don’t know, she’s a decent human being, but hey, these are ladies with few options. Everything’s been taken from them, and the thing about being made into objects is that using your sexuality to gain back your power seems a lot less moral than it actually is. I understand where they’re coming from on this one, but holy toledo it’s hard to see Daya be put up to it.
Tricia’s things are being redistributed. Boo says she already told Mercy about Tricia. Boo, you’re good people. Everyone gathers with food and homemade booze and it’s sweet and sad and perfect.
fghjvcxcvbnmnvfdfghj stop being so cute
Ha ha, were you worried that Larry would do a good job on the talk show? Well, he doesn’t. He starts talking about all the prison stuff that is douchebaggy as all get out, and could also get Piper stabbed. But keep going Larry, really. Your mediocrity and general fail is astounding. Like, really, dude.
Piper and Sue have a moment that rips me down to a lot of teary nothing. I’m serious. When Sue asks why everyone calls her Crazy Eyes, I actually lost it. Shit. Doggett’s strapped to a cot, and she’s down to nothing, too. Doggett doesn’t need more meds, but they’re gonna give them to her anyway. Doggett asks for Jesus and he’s not there. We know she came to this religion from a lot of complicated stuff, but this is the moment when you realize she believes herself and she believe in this. And it’s not here to save her, and she can’t quite believe that either.
Boo pours one out for Tricia. Piper is mad that her whole memorial is not happening, but honey, this is a memorial right here. Memorials are about getting together and laughing about old times and probably drinking. In my last will and testament, which is a TextEdit document in my “Not porn” folder, it specifically lists all the boxed wines I want served at my wake and how they are connected to various moments of my life. I feel very strongly about this. The inmates gathering to toast Tricia and redistribute her things is about the most fitting thing they could do for her.
my least favorite michelle trachtenberg film imho
Pornstache and Bennett are at the bar. Where is an infectious hot tub when you need one, Bennett? Have Pornstache shave drunk and then stick his face in there, man. Anyway, Pornstache continues to knock it out of the park with the ladies and then feel like his feelings are never acknowledged. I don’t care. You’re a poopyshit. You don’t deserve feelings. Love and kisses, me.
but you don’t deserve them so nope later bye
Piper and Alex are fighting, for a lot of complex reasons but in this case because of Doggett being in psych. Piper, still in savior complex, wants to get Doggett out of psych. Alex is like, are you serious with this bullshit, but Piper is going to go sacrifice herself. I know they’re super sexy together, but damn, their personalities do not convince me they should ever say, foster a cat together, or make joint purchases at Ikea. You know why? Because this upcoming FFFLLLAASSHHBBAACCKKK told me why.
Alex is crying. She just heard that her mother died, and Piper is leaving. Alex has to fly home because she’s in charge of the funeral and arranging everything in the wake of her mother’s death, and Piper… Piper doesn’t care. Alex needs her, and Piper walks out. Remember that scene in the dryer? This moment right here, this is why Alex said “stay” to Piper the way she did. The look on Alex’s face stayed with me for a while – Alex is vulnerable right now, and she knows it, and she hates that about herself but she also wishes it’s the reason Piper might stay. And when even that vulnerability fails her, she’s lost.
If there’s something I love about this show, it’s the way it makes you goddamned think about the strong feelings you have, and why. I have strong feelings about Doggett, I have strong feelings about Alex. There isn’t really a character on this show that I don’t react to, and through each and every one of those reactions I realize something important about myself. I was defensive of Doggett because of my class background, and I was suddenly unsure of Alex because of my background as a survivor. I react to this show with my gut way before I react with my head, and that says something about its quality. In this scene, I suddenly realized why Alex is such a complicated character for me. When she threatened Doggett, I was afraid of how much she reminded me of something that terrifies me, something that had a massive and personal and awful effect on my life. When I saw her as a poor kid who would do anything for the life she was cheated out of, I realized how well I knew that thirst. Alex fears vulnerability so much that she’s tried to destroy it in herself. I understand Alex, even though I am simultaneously troubled by Alex. When you take that much away from a character, especially in a few lines and a look, you know you’ve got a quality show.
this look right here
Bennett and Daya are having a cutesy secret walk, and Bennett says the furlough could take weeks or months. So I guess Daya can pretend that the fully formed baby that comes out of her in nine months is the magic product of prison food and wishful thinking? Props to Bennett for not experiencing a constant panic attack about this, since this is, oh, I don’t know, potentially life-ruining for both parties? Meanwhile, Piper tells Caputo she’d like to write up a report re: Doggett’s faith-healing, sanity, hair product usage or lack thereof, and anything else that will clear the air. Bravo to the writers for this consistency in Piper’s character: Homegirl does the right thing a lot, but she only does it when it clears her conscience and makes her feel less bad about the thing, especially if it’s a thing for which she was directly but unknowingly responsible.
Daya asks Pornstache how his day is going. Everyone buckle your seatbelts, as this shitstorm of a narrative is leaving the station. Let’s immediately start thinking of happier couplings, so uh, we’ll zoom on over to the visiting room, where Baptiste is visiting Claudette. She tells him she might be out soon, and they goddamned plan the date night. If you aren’t filling out prayer cards and lighting candles to every deity you know that Miss Claudette gets nice things, then your heart is cold and dead and I pity you.
Daya tells Red and Nicky that she’s going to go through with the Pornstache plan. They explain the logistics required, which I don’t really need to type out here. You get the idea. Look, I want Pornstache to go down. I want these women to have agency and I want them to fucking own his ass and I want good things for these people, even though they are not 100% good people because none of us are 100% good people. But shit, it is hard to watch Daya think this is the way she has to do it. Because at the end of the day, this is the way she has to do it, and that’s misery.
Piper and Alex spoon. They heart each other. Guys, you’re really aesthetically pleasing and I like your coupling a lot more than the whole Larry thing because I’m automatically biased to any moment in the media when I get to see queer couples physically touching, but shit. I don’t think you’re actually that good for each other’s feelings and I just want everybody to happy. I have no idea if this is one of those shows where I can expect everybody to be happy at any given point, but y’all making me want that, darn it.
why are the worst mistakes always the prettiest ones tho
It’s time for Larry’s interview, and boy?
YA DUN GOOFED
Besides saying a lot of terrible stuff about people in prison, Larry makes Sue cry. He insults Miss Claudette, and he makes Sue cry. He. Makes. Sue. Cry. While this hot mess is happening, Daya and Pornstache are hooking up, and Pornstache uses a condom. Which means none of this is actually going to work. Daya, you deserved so much better than this, honey. Your eyes are gigantic and your face is literally the face of an angel, and you deserved so much better. When she tells Red about the condom and Red tells her she’ll just have to do it again, I just. I…yeah.
Piper’s getting first day of school vibes in the dining hall, except instead of not knowing anyone, she’s inadvertently enemy numero uno after insulting a lot of them and making them feel like shit about themselves. But hey, Doggett’s back, so the moment of semi-self-serving selflessness had some payback.
and i don’t mean like yes fuck oh god please more three fingers this time
When Piper finally gets a hold of Larry, it’s time for all those important conversations we’ve been waiting for this season. Like wow, you’re both kind of asshats and Piper’s definitely sleeping with Alex and Alex definitely named her in the deposition and they still maybe love each other but they definitely need time apart and Larry’s peacoat looks like he got it at Gap Woman in 2004.
i hate you
And now we can all take a deep breath, because the most emotionally rollercoastery episode of the season thus far is over. Everyone go cuddle the ones you love, be they girlfriends or cats or girlfriend pillows shaped like cats. I don’t judge.
There are a couple of theories behind synced periods. One is that it’s something to do with pheromones.
The other is that occasionally periods just overlap, and it happens often enough (I’m guessing it would happen every four months or so) that people think it’s a THING. There is good anecdotal evidence, but it’s anecdotal.
That being said, I’m synced with my labmate, which is fun.
and as always, I jump in to the science part.
I hate Pornstache so hard in this ep.
“I’m synced with my labmate, which is fun.”
… synced periods would explain. so. much. about grad school.
My wife and I have been living together for more than 12 years.
Our periods aren’t synced up. Sometimes they’re coincidentally at the same time, but more often than not, they’re completely separate entities.
I tend towards theory 2.
I’m reading this at work and i only got to … “I want to give him a goldfish to care for in his loneliest hour and then slowly eat the live goldfish in front of him.” I died!
Kate I fucking love you, in that totally platonic and non-committal sort of way.
Now that I stopped laughing and the class in the other room stopped staring, I will continue to read this recap.
Thank you Kate for being the hilarious and charming self that you are.
I have a very large crush on Kate in a creepy kinda internet way. I don’t think it’s Platonic. Her fault for writing these damn things so well. There I said it.
OMG me too! Sometimes I feel like such a stalker, but I swear I’ve never gotten any restraining orders! Seriously, not an actual stalker…
I realize the more I try to protest the more creepy I sound.
Anyway…
You are awesome Kate. :)
Oh, I am so happy I’m not the only one weirdly into her! Thanks, Kate, for being the most fantastic person I don’t know.
In my humble opinion the best part was “I want to drop him off for soccer practice but forget to pick him up. And when the coach calls me telling me that Pornstache has been waiting at the peewee league fields for two hours, I want to ask him to put Pornstache on the phone, and then I will tell Pornstache that no one loves him and no one is coming and no one cares. ”
That is true pain.
The “I want to give him a goldfish to care for in his loneliest hour and then slowly eat the live goldfish in front of him” part was the most terrifying and disturbing moment on AS ever.
My mom has goldfishes, one of whom is named Sybille. If someone taps a finger on the water surface, Sybille will swim up and let you pet and caress her. She is the cuddliest and most charming fish ever.
This is some serious The-Godfather-head-of-dead-horse-in-bed/Hannibal-Lecter-eat-everyone-you-love shit right there!
Still, I hate Pornstache with the strength of ten men (who are also weight lifters, bodybuilders, martial artist, viking worriers, and really-really strong), so no pity there.
I want to gently pet and caress Morello however.
So, I looooooathe Pornstache and would love to see some actual Vengeance being Rained Down, but. I mean. I can’t help thinking of the prison experiments and every dick supervisor/boss/fellow-student-leading-a-project we’ve all dealt with – are they *actually* dickalopes, or are they just reacting in the way literally anyone could and probably *would* react given that kind of power? I don’t know if at this point Orange could possibly give him the sort of backstory that would in any way redeem him, but on the other hand I kind of understand? A bit? This is what inevitably happens when you give a guy beat down by a lack of personability and success this kind of power over the totally helpless?
(And on the third hand I keep around for these occasions, I want to see him so utterly brought down it hurts. Maybe it’s sympathy for the Orange ladies, and maybe, more likely, it’s proxy revenge for every power-abusing asshat in my own life.)
can i borrow the term “dickalopes”?
seconded. it’s now my new favourite word.
Oh, the feelings.
This episode made me want to make a pillowfort and never come out. These recaps are giving me life here.
I still don’t see the point of the super-extensive cut-away to Pornstache ranting about having feelings, aside from the whole “what a gross awful person ugh god help please let lightning come down from on high and fry this man” etc etc. He’s so reprehensible that he just doesn’t seem like a person anymore… Although people like that do exist, and I might just be so Blinded By Rage when I watch him in this show now that it’s just hard to think about.
I think the only reason for that cut-away at the bar was to have Daya figure out how to ‘get’ him… *barf
“Alex reminds her for the one billionth time that she knew what she was getting into.”
Don’t buy this as accurate – Alex manipulated her, and I don’t believe Piper was fully aware of the risks at all.
As totally naive as Piper often is, I’m siding with Alex on this one. Even being around a drug dealer can land you in trouble. Alex was totally up front about being a drug dealer. Piper choose to carry the money. Doing this is illegal, which is why they have to be so careful and Piper was so freaked about the late baggage. She knew this was illegal, which means caught = jail time. Even if Alex manipulated her to get her to do it, she still knew some of the risks. And then refused to do it again since she didn’t like it. But still seemed to enjoy the benefits of Alex being a drug dealer, until she isn’t getting enough attention while Alex is working. As a drug dealer. Maybe she didn’t know *all* the risks, but she knew getting involved + getting caught = jail, of some sort at least.
Zen W – I agree that Piper sort of knew what she was getting into when she agreed to carry the drugs. I say sort of because denial is NOT a river in Egypt. Love is blind. My sense is that Piper was so into the feeling state – when she was around Alex – that she was not thinking rationally. She was desperate for Alexs’ love and unconsciously may have thought that by being indispensable and a hero, it was deepening the love. (which clearly Piper never got from her own stone cold Waspy mother.)
Therefore I doubt Piper ever paused, took a time out, meditated on it before making the decision. Because if she had made a rational decision – by weighing the pros and cons – – she likely would not have gotten involved in the biz end of things with Alex. Piper was a Smith graduate – no? She had a brain.
Have you ever done something stupid like smoking dope to impress a girl or a lover – in my case – – I knew the dope would make me wicked paranoid and it’s not good for me. Especially since I had to drive home. But I thought the girl would like me more if I smoked it.
I think it was kind of like that for Piper.
Very immature, pampered, not street wise, very emotionally vulnerable. She screwed up big time.
BUT as Alex mentioned – – no one put a gun to Piper’s head. We can’t really blame Alex for NOT being the adult in the situation. It was a case of the blind leading the blind.
I am so torn between this and the fact that Piper walked out *right when* Alex found out that her mom had died. I understand the desire to establish boundaries and how sometimes you need to cut people out of your life (holy crap, *been there*), but that struck me as cruel, especially knowing Alex’s background, that her mom was kind of *it* for her for her entire life. I wanted to shake Piper and say, you can still walk out, you can still leave her, but for God’s sake, have some fucking empathy! I totally get that sometimes you just have to cut your losses and run, but honestly, walking out on someone in the same moment they’ve learned their only parent has died? That’s like kicking a puppy when it’s down. Yes, I’m likening Alex Vause to an innocent puppy. Yes, I might have a crush on Laura Prepon. Gah. I’m working on it.
This is the kind of emotional complexity on the show that makes me hate/love/hate/love Alex. And Piper. But mostly Alex. Cause I know that I should have sided with Piper in the scene (the character who’d had “enough” and was calling it quits), but I really just wanted to give Alex a big hug.
I have similar complex feelings towards Piper leaving Alex right after her mom’s death. Because on one hand, there’s never a good time to leave (when one party doesn’t want to let go) but on the other hand, c’mon, her mom whom she was so close to just passed away, couldn’t you stay for a little while?
And yet despite my crush on Alex, I kept thinking that what decided Piper was when Alex tried to draw her back in, asking her to help etc… It made me think of a relationship long ago which I was very determinedly trying to get out of, and the ex’s friends attempted to stay me using all kinds of reasons, including family issues and how he was going to kill himself if I left. It was all BS honestly, but it brought an understanding for me that there’s never really a good time to leave and sometimes you just have to be the a-hole and go.
Right before Alex asks her to find two plane tickets to the states for them, Piper asked her “What can I do?” I mean, what can you do for someone whose parent just died besides be there with them as support? Why would you say “What can I do?” if you are actually just about to rush out the door as soon as you find your passport? It’s such an example of hollow, polite words. So Piper.
On the other hand, Alex hiding the passport was also not ok, and she did that before the news (I think?). And it is important to have your boundaries in breaking up and if I were Piper, I’d be worried I was just another drug mule and unhappy at being asked to do anything after I’d said I wasn’t going to do it again.
But mostly I think it was really cold and cruel of her to leave like that. She could have even insisted she needed to leave on her own flight but would meet Alex back in the states to be support. She asked what she could do, and then refused to do anything and just left.
I think it was bad timing. (amazing story line on the part of the brilliant writers of this show!)
Piper knew she HAD to leave. Of course she had mixed feelings. She probably still LOVED Alex. But there were very good reasons for her to dump Alex. And yes Alex was self centered and manipulative. Hiding the passport is a perfect example of that. That is just nuts!
The timing was terrible. But Pipes (lol) did the right thing. IMHO.
I remember once I was in a relationship with someone who had serious abandonment issues. I was at work. In my office on the job with coworkers present. She called me mid day to tell me her Mom had passed. OK I was there for her as much as humanly possible on the phone – listening, empathizing. But then I HAD to get off the phone and get back to work. I was paid by the hour. I could not just take the day off work to console her. Anyway she got pissed cause I had to get off the phone.
I think what we are dealing with with Alex and Piper is a classic case of co-dependence and Alex even calls her on it at one point in the series – – when Piper finally breaks up with Alex in prison – And Alex says – yeah and don’t you dare come crying to me when you have a problem or need someone to talk to. Alex was attempting to break that co-dependent cycle.
BTW not meaning to get overly into labels or simplify their relationship – but I do think they are pretty classic co-dependent. (and clearly sometimes that can be sexy . . . .)
Though I can empathize with her, I have an issue with viewing Daya as a victim in this whole situation. It’s undoubtedly complex of course. I hate Pornstache just as much as anyone, but I really think perpetuating the horrible stereotype that rape accusations are often fallacious is a disservice to survivors. In this setting I suppose you could make the case that it is technically illegal for a guard to engage in sexual conduct with an inmate, but then where is the outcry against Bennett? Pornstache is sleazy, opportunistic, and essentially lacks a moral compass; this we all know. I just don’t think I can cheer Daya on on this one.
precisely. he’s a right sleazy slimebag – but perpetrating the stereotype of survivors rigging things up for their own gain and expecting me to cheer on such an act because done by a ‘good’ character to an ‘evil’ one….umm …WHAT exactly are they thinking?
I don’t like Bennett for just this reason – because, according to what we’ve been told on the show a prisoner can’t consent to sex (probably because of the unequal power dynamic between the two; good luck determining what was coercive without that kind of regulation – even more encounters would be). He was told sleeping with an inmate would make him a sex offender and he did it anyway, without even so much as a condom, leaving Daya to give birth to his kid in prison. And of course he’s immediately put off by her and inconvenienced and shocked by her low scruples until (spoiler) a stove almost burns her up. This as he helps his boss with the phony “bust” of the produce truck. He has no more integrity than most of the other prison staff. So he doesn’t strike (me at least) as a “good” character. Especially as he is violating a policy put in place to reduce sexual abuse against prisoners.
I agree. We’re made to see Bennett as “the good guy”, though I think his actions are as questionable as Pornstache’s. We establish that Daya and Bennett have feelings for one another, and that is supposed to somehow justify it. Yet this is precisely what Daya uses in order to coerce Pornstache into sleeping with her (*spoiler*, he thinks they’re in love after their steamy, heterosexual bang sesh.) Both guards are sex offenders by law, and we as viewers are only intended to root for the take down of one. It’s funny that you describe Bennett as “inconvenienced” by the situation– that really seems to be the best word for his reaction. He just wants to get rid of the problem (er, baby) and offers little to no support or comfort to this woman he supposedly loves. This right here is why I find Bennett to kind of be a selfish prick. Ultimately, those rules were put in for a reason as you stated, and I really don’t think either guard has enough redeeming qualities to exempt them from the consequences they deserve.
“Both guards are sex offenders by law.”
That’s it right there. It’s not like it’s a dumb use of the law, like an 18 year-old getting prosecuted for statutory rape of a 16/17 y/o. It’s there for a purpose, to prevent these guards who have the power of food, shelter, medical care, the threat of solitary or even of death, from using that against prisoners to sexually abuse them. Bennett doesn’t afford an exception to that.
Thank you for this because when I was watching it I had the exact same thought. I HATE Pornstache but false rape accusations? Nope. And Bennett is an arsehole too and I never really saw any of his supposed ‘love’ for Daya.
You know, I totally get what you were saying re: Alex and the whole assaulting Doggett for revenge thing, but it was this episode that really troubled me the most about Alex. I guess it comes down to having experienced a manipulative ex that would do something like hide a passport. that shit is serious red flags.
i think one of the things I like about this show is how much it makes me want to like Alex (she’s damn hot) but she’s not totally a good person. She scares me. In some ways I think Piper and Alex deserve each other.
I like the way this show has everyone be morally ambiguous at times but damn if it isn’t the two central (upper-class, or passing as such in the case of alex) white women who are actually least sympathetic in a lot of ways. Way to go, show.
Dude, seriously on the passport thing. That is some textbook controlling and not okay behavior.
I just read through all the re-caps today and am sort of stunned by the Alex love in the comments. Yeah, Piper is a self-absorbed privileged whiner who totally wanted to have her cake and eat it to when it came to Alex’s drug dealing. And yeah, she committed the crime, but ALEX RATTED HER OUT.
Alex snitched on Piper for entirely self-serving reasons – to reduce her sentence and because she was still mad at Piper – and then lied to Piper about it (and said, “I have NEVER lied to you” in the same breath). The rekindling of their relationship came when Piper learned the (false) news from Larry that Alex hadn’t snitched on her, and even when Piper said, “I know it wasn’t you,” she never bothered to correct her and was perfectly willing to act like she was taking the high ground, “forgiving” Piper when Piper was feeling guilty about having been an “asshole.”
Then when Piper found out the truth, Alex pulled her own “poor me” card. I would bet a million dollars that if someone had snitched on Alex, she would never, ever forgive them, but she acts completely entitled to it from Piper. That is a bad taste in my mouth and I will never find her attractive or a character I can sympathize with because of that.
I can’t even write a coherent comment because yes, absolutely. Been there. A comment above points out that there won’t ever be a good time, you have to be the asshole and leave.
Because you stay and stay, and THEN it becomes your fault in the first place. Re-reading this is chilling. I obviously glossed over it the first time I watched.
“In my last will and testament, which is a TextEdit document in my “Not porn” folder, it specifically lists all the boxed wines I want served at my wake and how they are connected to various moments of my life. I feel very strongly about this.”
I think you might be joking, but I also kind of maybe have funeral wishes and the whole shebang last will and testament thing going on (call it being prepared… or from a super morbid family) and this made me wonder why I’ve been focusing on readings and music when obviously, the alcohol being served is significantly more important.
On that note: Tricia’s wake. Holy fuck. *reaches for Kleenex*
Kate, your hatred of Pornstache is beautiful and poetic.
Netflix has bookmarked the scene when Piper and Alex are face-gazing each other and Nicky comes in with “Hey, NOT LESBIANS!” which was my tiny humorous light in this sad/cringe/thirst-for-social-justice episode
I would like to mention that gif of Poussey made me melt.
Same here. Every time I see it on Tumblr (WHAT?) I get this ridiculously gooey smile. Actually, that’s kind of my reaction to Samira Wiley in general. Gaaaahhh.
I found Larry annoying before this episode, but that radio interview turned my annoyance into full on hatred of his character.
All I cared about this episode was Sue. I rarely cry during TV shows, but I nearly wept when Sue was crying during the radio interview.
You know, she can come across super creepy but I feel like she always had good intentions. I hate the way she’s treated and my heart literally broke when Larry (and, really, Piper) made her cry. :( This show gives me all the feels.
Can we bring up Larry in the conversation of nice guys who are jerks? He reminds me of every “nice” guy who was so good, so nice, and I was such a jerk for not dating him. No, you’re a jerk because you hung around me thinking that you’d get sex out of me for being nice to me. That’s what Larry reminds me of.
Actually if their logic is followed through – everyone is a massive jerk, because of not dating the billions of people this planet has to offer.
Or, this is more like my situation, you were nice to me because you didn’t want me to realize that you’re actually a superficial jerk who would never date me because of how I look. It seems that all nice guys have some kind of jerk in them, even if they don’t realize it.
No, you’re not alone in this. When I saw the look of pain on Sue’s face, and yet also of hurt recognition – like it was something that was happening over again, and yet she couldn’t grasp why – I wanted to put a grenade down Larry’s pants.
I only actively disapprove of four people on the show (surprise! none are inmates) and Larry’s one of them.
“I wanted to put a grenade down Larry’s pants.”
New favorite phrase. Thank you.
The scene with Dogget was so unbelievably horrible for me. I just, I plan on working in the prison and mental health industries when I graduate and it always bothers me when I see stuff like this.
Dogget has problems, I recognize this, but I don’t feel like she deserved what she went through.
*sorry I don’t make much sense, but this episode just gives me a lot of emotions*
Totally. It really disturbed me. It might have actually been the most disturbing set of scenes in the show for me.
I think this is my fave recap of the season thus far, for both the LOLs and the “aww”s. “If there’s something I love about this show, it’s the way it makes you goddamned think about the strong feelings you have, and why.” Kate you really nailed it with this section. Also nailed it with “MY LEAST FAVORITE MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG FILM IMHO.”
As I am firmly and notoriously in the “Alex is complicated but I’m hot for her anyway” camp, I have to point out the line in this ep that made me swoon:
“Here’s some advice – when a girl makes you come the way I do, you should always act thrilled to see her.”
And yeah, Alex and Piper really are hot together but totally toxic for each other. Piper walking out on Alex when she needed her most was shitty, but Alex hiding her passport and asking her to be a drug mule again also wasn’t cool. They know exactly how to push each other’s buttons, in all the wrong (and right) ways.
The “why do you feel so inevitable to me”/”I <3 you" exchange is what did it for me. So. Many. Feelings.
I had forgotten about that line – “Here’s some advice – when a girl makes you come the way I do, you should always act thrilled to see her.” God that make me laugh – lololol – thanks! :-)
“Fucking Pornstache” The two words so prominent in the first paragraph. Yes ladies, I’m sure we all want him to go down!!!!!
Larry ya jerk! Ya made Sue cry! And upset Miss Claudette of all people. He probably got Piper into more trouble than all of Pipers actions in prison combined -.-
Piper leaving Alex the way she did? I would’ve dropped her name too. Haha.
Bringing up Doggett again…sad to say that yes there are times when that’s what psych looks like. Everyone needs to sort of separate their feelings of sympathy and make them into empathy. I honestly have to say that you can’t just identify so much with people with behavioral issues..you do know they have issues right?
Again, coming from someone who’s a psych nurse**
This was one hell of a recap.
And thanks for that paragraph about your feelings on Doggett/Alex and exploring why. That the show can generate that kind of sincere reflection is exactly why it’s so awesome and why I am angry every day that I don’t get to be part of making this television program.
You are totally spot on with the analysis of feelings around Alex.
And this: “Homegirl does the right thing a lot, but she only does it when it clears her conscience and makes her feel less bad about the thing, especially if it’s a thing for which she was directly but unknowingly responsible.”
And Kate, I thought you were shipping Alex and Piper for the duration of the show, yo? Even though they are bad news? I do totally understand the second-guessing because they are kind of bad for each other, but there are just so many feelings surrounding them as a couple, especially in this episode. That spooning scene is my favourite of the series. The “I <3 you" exchange was the most adorable thing ever and it melted my heart.
i like sue and everything but i don’t see why she gets such an easy ride from everyone. she was invasive and sexually aggressive; if a male character had acted like she did everyone would be like ‘fuck that guy’ and have triggering memories of being scarily pursued by men who wouldn’t take no for an answer.
she says to piper, “you’re just not a nice person”, for telling larry she was crazy, having stalked her, shouted at her and pissed on her floor. i’d say that was a fair comment to make at the time.
Thank you! It’s nice to hear that I’m not the only one who feels this way. I’ve definitely had some issues with mental illness in my own life and within my family, but if anything that makes me realize that you are still responsible for your behaviour, at least to a point. Maybe you shouldn’t be held legally responsible in some situations, but you certainly can’t expect people to pretend that you haven’t acted in a bad way towards them. I like how they humanized Sue later to make people feel bad for laughing at her, but that doesn’t mean we have to feel bad for feeling like stalking and peeing on someone’s floor is *not at all okay*. The actress has even said that she based how she played that character on the ways guys hit on girls creepily. I don’t blame Sue for crying, and I don’t blame Piper for expressing her feelings about the stalking to Larry, but I do blame Larry for taking that sensitive and private situation and broadcasting it to the country.
Totally random and not insightful in the least comment, but did anyone else think that Dogget’s boyfriend in the flashback looked like a strung-out Leonardo DiCaprio?
Whoops, that is the next episode. Ignore me. Carry on.
I watched the whole thing in about 3 days on Netflix. I’m now going through OITNB withdrawal. Please GOD give me more Alex and Piper – please, please, please!
I read somewhere that the Alex character is not returning for season 2. I pray that’s not true! She is the perfect mixture of frighteningly seductive. :-) The bad girl you just can’t resist.