This is as real as it gets: Lukewarm Girl-on-Girl Action
A brunette and a blonde are sitting on a couch watching Chopped on the Food Network when the brunette hastily grabs her partner’s hand. Her eyes flicker with some kind of plan. Her cargo shorts stop just below the knee.
If you have green eyes and you ask someone, “do I have green eyes?” and they say “yes,” that exchange still won’t be as true and real and honest as what you’re about to read on McSweeny’s when you click that link.
feature image via shutterstock
I am not wearing a bra. I am wearing a sports bra.
And now I’m trying to pretend wheezy laughter is a coughing fit while my coworkers stare at me and ask if I’m dying.
Oh my! These are so dirty it’s making me blush!
replace chopped with love it or list it and you’ve got my every night
for me it’s house hunters (esp house hunters international) (and i don’t even care that it’s not real, i don’t).
sisters in deep appreciation for real estate.
oh my god i have so many feelings about hgtv programming not the least of which is that i have not one single fuck to give that house hunters is not “real.” i use scare quotes here because it is VERY REAL to me and i love it and will always love it la la la la la
Oh yes, yes, yes HGTV! I don’t even think I could live without HGTV. HGTV is the backdrop of everything that is good in my life, from my sweet, sweet dreams of paint and light entering the room and crown molding and kissing my gf on a newly rehupholstered sofa to our exhilarating trips to the reno store. HGTV forever.
I can deeply relate to the “Chopped” story. Both because I love Chopped and because I like doing weird things with my hands that disorient me.
really sad that i don’t know the trick with the thumbs bc i’d be all over that
I gotta try this processing thing, it sounds amazing.
Soo hot! Sets the mood up
wow.
I vote for a how-to for that thumb thing.
“How is your mom?”
I snorted audibly in my cubicle at work when I read that.
Also I feel like I have had that very interaction.
Christ.God. The last one was aalmost hawt till the “tooling around” bottoms and the animal shelter…
maaan damn.
This is too real.
I see no lies in this.
The mature lesbian cannot restrain herself. She wraps her sagging arms tight around her young lover and squeals, “We can name him Oreo!”
Hahaha! The best ever.
Replace chopped with any word combination which follows “Masterchef”
Amazing. Hilarious…painfully real and amazing.
McSweeney’s never disappoints. And this is one of the best things I’ve read in ages.
*saves to instapaper*
Ahhh! Life’s grand.
I almost lost it at the description of the tattoo in the last one. I’ve been told that my tattoo (which is supposed to be the symbol for Aries) looks like broken McDonald’s arches, so I relate to this on a deep personal level.