“Oh Hey! It’s Alyssa” is a biweekly web comic by Alyssa!
Oh Hey! It’s Alyssa #14: Lady Warriors
A. Andrews
A. is a totally complete incomplete paraplegic and thirty-something hanky-in-the-pocket cartoonist weirdo!
A. has written 69 articles for us.
YES THANK YOU.
I had a friend publicly shame me for not attending a march.
This is the same friend who emotionally manipulated me into a destructive emotional and sexual relationship for over a year that worked on his terms.
And then had the nerve to imply I wasn’t a *good enough* woman for attending a march this past weekend. Despite being a person that has never attended Pride or a Take Back the Night event. It was hardly out of character for me.
I admire all of the women who attended and all of the women who didn’t.
this doesn’t sound like a friend
I hear you.
It’s clearly very *complicated*
Thanks Alyssa for saying what I couldn’t find the words to say. I didn’t attend a march and I questioned whether or not it made sense for me to do so up until the day of. Between the crowds, my general level of anxiety, and a sense that some but not all parts of the march would be exclusionary, I really didn’t feel up to it.
But the fact of the matter is, just like you said, my body is already a protest. The fact that I exist at all leads to the questioning of a multitude of hot topics in our American society. I can’t say it’s what I wanted, but I understand it and I know that when I participate in daily life I’m transgressing society’s norms. I accept it, but it doesn’t come without a cost on my psyche.
I wish I could see a clear light at the end of the tunnel where I can live in harmony not only with myself but with others. And more importantly, I wish more than anything people could see each other’s differences and accept them. Not to say all people are insensitive and not supportive of diversity, just that I wish more people were understanding. Until it’s no longer necessary, I’ll keep doing my thing and support causes like the Silvia Rivera Law Project and Planned Parenthood from the background.
as a side note: I felt incredibly overwhelmed when I decided to speak to this subject this week. I’ve felt all the feels (as many people have in these last few weeks) and I just want to be really specific in saying that while this comic focuses a lot on ableism (obviously) in terms of attending or not attending marches and protests, women of color, trans-identified women and GNC folks, undocumented women, and a number of other intersectional-identity-havin’ folks may have chosen that the weekend didn’t represent them. Many may have chosen that the weekend’s events for one reason or another wasn’t safe* for them. And point blank — some people just needed self care, and that’s OKAY.
The numbers were inspiring, and the online conversations and articles speaking to intersectionality that wasn’t necessarily as visible as deserved were phenomenal reads. Women are incredible and powerful – but there is no one way to be a woman. there are variable needs for women around the world based on race, biologically assigned sex, orientation, faith, accessibility (be it bodily or something as seemingly simple as transportation), documentation, etc. etc. etc. etc. Shaming anyone* on their politics or reasons for not attending is garbage and frankly pretty anti-woman.
XO, friends. Be safe, and know you’re loved, you’re valid. I see you, and I’m listening.
<3. I thought the small chart you included (under ugggh) was a very smart way to point to those issues while still focusing on ableism :)
:) Thanks. That web can get all kinds of tangly! I’m always so fascinating in how we can be so many things at the same time.
Thanks for this :)
Me and my cousin were both (separately) considering going to one of the English ones. I decided against it because I have social anxiety and wouldn’t have known anyone there and it would have been crowded so that wouldn’t have worked. She isn’t diagnosed socially anxious but she thought that she had nobody to go with so decided against it because she didn’t want to feel ‘silly’.
Part of me wishes that we’d both known how each other were thinking pre-march so we could have gone together. Another part of me is glad I stayed here and got TYT membership and made comments on AS which I’ve joined due to Cheeto.
I think those people who did march are great. I think there’s a lot of good that was done in making it more inclusive (my [deaf] mum really appreciated there was a BSL woman translating the London speeches we watched together on Youtube) but, I think it’s also important to recognise that not everyone who didn’t go along disagreed with the principles of the march.
The issues that disabled activists face are really important and near to my heart personally, but it boggles my mind that in this protest particularly, undocumented immigrants are such a huge issue, and yet it didn’t occur to these people that some women may not be able to risk police contact or get a day off work even on a weekend.
i hear you, and completely agree. i wish more people stood in support of issues that don’t apply to them as well to make sure that those who can’t be visible aren’t ignored. I will say that organizing a protest in and of itself wasn’t the problem. The problem is that with so many eyes on the march, and so many out in the streets, there weren’t enough folks considerate of a lot of the needs of intersectional communities.
like, I’m a disabled infertile lesbian. access to things like birth control, and pro-choice options are incredibly important to me and i fight alongside any woman in fighting for the rights they need regardless of whether or not they necessarily apply to me and my body’s needs. I wish more than anything, that more had that sight and willingness to educate themselves on what other communities of women face and need to feel safe and valid in the world when it doesn’t affect THEM specifically. Apart from the plethora of ableism issues that go unaddressed, the issues and safety risks undocumented women and their families face are absolutely horrific. The issues and safety risks trans women and their bodies face are absolutely horrific. If we are claiming to be women “for women” I wish allies and those able to be out there and be heard had the empathy to be more conscientious about the big picture and that there are a number of things we need to fight for in taking into account what it means to be for all* women. Instead like most anything else, we experience segregation and hierarchies within our own community.