Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
via womenofcolor.tumblr.com
+ Sugarbutch is co-throwing a free queer porn party on January 31, in which the queer Internet gathers ’round the Twitter hashtag #pornparty, logs in using a to-be-announced access code and talks about queer sex:
“[QueerPorn.TV’s] porn reflects the true sexual desires of our performers, the Queer Porn Stars of the world, when we ask them to choose who they want to work with, what they want to do, and how they want to do it. We believe we don’t need to order our performers around in order to make hot, marketable porn – we think the fantasies, and realities, of these incredible people are better than the stereotypes and formulas of your run-of-the-mill porn.”
+ On the prevalence of orgasm-free casual sex for ladies:
“Research, articles, ubiquitous workshops on the female orgasm all speak to the ‘orgasm gap,’ the relative difficulty among women, compared to men, in achieving climax. And research, and articles and let’s be honest, personal experience all speak to the prevalence of casual sex. But what does casual sex mean, given this orgasmically bleak landscape. In other words, what’s the point of having a purely physical sexual encounter, if you don’t have an orgasm? Is it worth it to ‘jump on it’ if you’re not going to get off from it? Did I just start writing like Carrie Bradshaw? Is that really relevant?”
via hotqueerpornfest.tumblr.com
+ CNBC recently ran an article (that I will not link to) arguing that porn’s “new” market is women. Ms Naughty, who runs a site aimed at straight women, counters:
“Porn for women became OK over the last decade (or 4 decades) after I and a whole bunch of other women worked hard to create it, get it out there, make it acceptable and appealing and, ultimately, even old hat to a new generation of female porn surfers who reject the ‘porn for women’ label as too boring or rigid or soft-focus or romantic.
CNBC’s article then goes on to define women’s porn as having a plot and being less gonzo or extreme. Essentially it’s saying women only like ‘romance porn’ and – goodness knows, I’ve been through this discussion plenty of times before – lots of women don’t feel that way. It’s kind of unhelpful to have mainstream media depicting porn for women as this one thing, especially when it’s so diverse. And the article doesn’t bother to mention lesbian or queer porn.”
via curvycutiecentral.tumblr.com
+ A bug in OkCupid’s new Crazy BlindDate app temporarily exposed users’ email addresses and birth dates.
+ The first part of Kirsten O’Regan’s investigation into “the most popular trend in the field of ‘vaginal rejuvenation surgery‘, “The Barbie,” is on Guernica. (Recover here or here (VERY NSFW))
via facebook.com/Kwentonza via gray37.tumblr.com (c) Maxximages 2012
+ A lot of nonsexual touching is key to a fantastic long-term relationship!
+ Femme Fatale, edited by Lana Fox, is a short erotica anthology of stories that feature dangerous femmes, like in V.C.’s “La Femme Chocolat”:
“Without needing to ask, and as if she read my mind, her long legs wrapped around my neck like a serpent and pulled my head into her, ready to make me its prey as my tongue dived into her wet and glistening cunt. It tasted sweeter than the cordial, more delicious than any chocolate of hers that I ever had the pleasure of eating, more sinful than gluttony. My tongue swam and drowned in the depths of her, as well as my four fingers, swirling and twirling and churning into her, making her come.”
via womenofcolor.tumblr.com
+ According to Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, long-term relationships needs variety, companionship and sexual and non-sexual touching:
“The flame of love — the feelings that prompt people to forget all their troubles and fly down the street with wings on their feet — does not last very long, and cannot if lovers are ever to get anything done. The passion ignited by a new love inevitably cools and must mature into the caring, compassion and companionship that can sustain a long-lasting relationship. […]
Infatuation and passion have even shorter life spans, and must evolve into ‘companionate love, composed more of deep affection, connection and liking,’ according to Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside.”
+ These top five writing lessons from 50 Shades of Grey include: avoid repetition, use few adverbs, don’t use substitutes for “said” and be accurate.
via queerfatfemme.tumblr.com
+ The Awl has a statistical analysis of the New York Times’ “Modern Love” column:
“SUBTOPICS
Love (Romantic) (73%)
Lost (57)
Misplaced (28)
Over (13)
Unrequited (27)
From afar (33)
From nearby (9)
From creepy individual on subway (4)
From untenured SUNY lit professor** (4)”
via meinmyplace.com
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As part of the “orgasm-free casual sex” club, I have to say that sex is about a lot more than just orgasm. And the article SEEMED to bill itself as a meditation on the reasons to have casual sex without much of a possibility of orgasm. But I was a little disappointed by the article’s conclusion:
“And casual sex can be fun. But it can also be disappointing and ironically emotionally draining. And sometimes I wonder if I wouldn’t be better off having casual sex with a vibrator and getting a dog to cuddle with.”
Basically the article turned from a conversation to the meaning of sex without orgasm into a conversation about being disappointed by casual sex. Which I thought was sad. I feel like we don’t have enough conversations about the “orgasm gap” and it’s a topic worth discussing. Sex IS about a lot more than just orgasms and (to me) the article ironically seemed to suggest that sex is less valuable without an orgasm.
Also part of the “orgasm-free casual sex” club. Casual sex is fun, more people need to know that an orgasm isn’t an endgame for a lot of people. Casual sex becomes disappointing when a partner is so absorbed in the idea of orgasm being the ultimate sense of achievement that they don’t listen to or respect what I tell them about it’s unimportance to my sexual satisfaction in casual encounters. It’s emotionally draining when the sex becomes a challenge or a chore and afterwards I have to convince their ego that my (lack of)orgasm has nothing to do with their prowess, ultimately making me feel self conscious about the way my mind and body behave.
yes i agree, that article didn’t take the turn i was hoping it would take. particularly the list of reasons a person would have a casual sexual encounter when they don’t expect to come seemed sad.
i have enjoyed my few casual encounters, and i know going in that it won’t lead to orgasm for me, so i just enjoy the experience without expecting that. partners have had varying responses.
and i still have a spring in my step the following day.
yes, thank you. not having an orgasm doesn’t mean that people don’t enjoy sex, and that there are plenty of other reasons to have or not have casual sex.
I, for one, never had casual sex to have an orgasm.
Especially when it comes to one-night-stands and casual sex in general I think it can get really bad when people focus on orgasms too much rather than just having fun.
But but but…if you don’t use substitutions for “said”, there’ll be lots of repetition! (she exclaimed)
No, because the brain glosses right over the word “said.” It becomes like punctuation. The occasional substitution is okay, when it’s really tricky to convey the right tone without resorting to clunky adverbs, but in general you don’t want your characters whispering and murmuring every damn line for three books. You can also mix up “she said” with some action that doesn’t require attribution tags. You just have to make sure that only one character does action per line/paragraph (otherwise it’s a mess). For instance:
Character slid the book across the table. “So I don’t need dialogue tags for this?”
Other character shrugged. “How should I know?”
OMG: the “vaginal rejuvenation” article! That’s just… I don’t know. Ugh.
That woman in the pink dress and thigh highs is SO. CUTE.
I get annoyed by the “orgasm-free sex” articles. They say you don’t always have to have an orgasm in order to enjoy sex. I believe that, and every partner I’ve had says they agrees with it too. The problem is that NO ONE LIVES IT! I can’t orgasm very easily because of being on anti-depressants (known side-effect). I tell my partners up front and they say they’re ok with it. But when I really don’t orgasm it blows their ego. The worst part is that EVERY partner I’ve had immediately says that I need to get off my anti-depressants. Don’t you think I would if I could? It makes me feel like I can’t live up to their expectations. If I miss even one dose I become a bawling, blubbering, suicidal blob on the couch. Then I REALLY don’t feel like sex! I love sex and enjoy the closeness and everything else. I don’t care if I don’t orgasm, but it seems like everyone else out there does. After the last time a couple months ago of letting someone down I just no longer feel like bothering with sex if people are just going to judge me.
No worthwhile human being would tell you to get off of your anti-depressants for the sake of their ego. That sounds horrible, and I am so so sorry. I promise you that you are not the only one who has difficulties orgasming and I hope that the bad experiences you’ve had don’t make you give up.
i have nothing but contempt for anyone who would suggest someone stop their meds for any reason other than that person’s wellbeing. orgasms to sate another person’s ego do not count. there are actual decent people out there and i hope that, if you decide to try again, you find them.
also i actually didn’t know that anti-depressants can affect orgasms but wow that explains a lot.
The woman in the first pic. Her everything is perfect. THOSE MUSCLES. Love.
very good images..