REALLY SPECIAL SEX TOYS:
Our friend who may or may not have been an Autostraddle Calendar girl for a winter month stumbled upon this um, pirate ducky. And then she thought you know, clearly that can’t be the most special unique snowflake of a sex toy that exists, right?
So she went on and on and on and on on in search of more ridiculous toys…
This unique vibrator is marketed as not your garden variety vibe. Indeed it is not. One can even remove the soft petals for stronger vibrations. That cannot be said for many toys.
If you are extremely attracted to giant eyed, flame covered fish this is the toy for you.
If you aren’t so into alternative fishes, but still want an edgy friend for bathtime fun try bondage ducky .
While we are on the subject of under the sea. How do you feel about mermaids? If you are totally turned on by them, then possibly the Fun Factory Mary Mermaid Vibrator is perfect for you! Look at the majestic flowing shape!
Remember Glo Worms?
Reconnect with your love for green lumpy caterpillars with Fun Factory Silicone Baby Bug Green Vibrator and Silicone crafty Caterpillar Vibrator. They boast “Sensational design control unit and silicone body unite in flowing grandeur. Rounded forms dominate the appearance and generate harmony in style and elegance.”
Also people who bought this item on Amazon also bought Glee Season One.
APNEA
Did you kow that Apnea of Suicide Girls and God’s Girls and probs a lot of other things too, like a bajiilion photoshoots a day and movies and stuff has her own blog now ’cause she does? She’s super beautiful, one of the most photogenic humans of all time and (I think) bisexual and is now dating former nerve photoblogger Chase. She talks about her life but there’s also a ton of photos and videos, including a lot of girl-on-girl sexytime.
JUSTINE JOLIE (NSFW):
“Coming off the heels of the phenomenal “River Rock Women’s Prison”, Triangle Films now offers us “Justine Joli Lost,” a must have for any Justine Joli fan—or any fan of good lesbian porn.”
ORGASMS
Are you ever scared someone may be faking it with you, but you aren’t quite sure how to tell? An article in the new issue of Curve may or may not help you with that. Things to ‘watch out for’ include a fake build-up, a lack of abdominal muscle movement, no post-action sensitivity, not-sweaty palms or a lack of noticible change in skin tone.
WHO’S GETTING LAID?
A new study reveals that Jews and Agnostics are 20 percent more sexually active than Catholics and Protestants. African-Americans have 8.2 percent more sex than Caucasians. If your parents read to you less than once a week you are 33 percent more likely to be sexually active when you become a teenager than children whose parents read to them at least once a week.
ART IS ALWAYS SACRED
In art, immorality cannot exist. Art is always sacred: schund & schmutz.
RED WINGS
So you know how Whitney on “The Real L Word” earned her “red wings” etc etc? Well, Jade and Pearl, who manufacture natural/environmentally friendly feminine health products offer a Ready For Love Kit. I’m not totally clear on how it works, but one of you should buy it and report back.
TODAY IN “LAD RAGS SOMETIMES HAVE GOOD PHOTO GALLERIES”
12 Celebs Who’ve Gone Topless to Push Products!
Top 10 Most Controversial Playboy Covers Of All Time.
SEXY TUMBLR ALERT:
Hello oh look — it’s attractive women in minimal clothing touching each other suggestively! Rainbow World is “gays, lesbian, free and love,” and has plenty of sexy imagery to get you through this day and also all of the other days. Lots of ladies kissing ladies, as well as good dose of dudes kissing dudes (love it). It’s not emo at all, so check your feelings at the door. Pretty girls touching other pretty girls! The only feelings you should have are in your PANTS.
Sea sponges are inserted much like tampons. They’re supposed to hold more, and they’re reusable (up to a certain point).
I still say menstrual cups are the answer. :3
That Ready For Love kit looks pretty nifty. I would personally like to request a Not Ready For Love kit, which would contain a bottle of cheap tequila and maybe a pair of gloves.
I often find myself wishing the autostraddle comment section had a “like” button. This way I could express my instant appreciation and not have to wait all week to find out if someone liked a comment for me. However, I suppose this way is much more exciting and suspenseful.
#like#
hmm, i dont think i like my sex toys to be cutesy
Glow worm vibrator + Glee KILLS ME! Oh, internetz, you so funny.
ever since i was a tiny child i have had an irrational fear of glo worms. thank you, autostraddle, for the nightmares i will inevitably have tonight.
that giant-eyed fish is TERRIFYING.
Am I the only one who thinks all these cutesy sex toys are adorable? Not one of them are phallic and veiny. I like.
You are, of course, open to your opinion and cutesy toys are fine for solo or partner play EXCEPT FOR strap-ons. As a butch, I have to disagree w/r/t strap-ons. A perfect strap-on is a believable length, preferably soft enough to pack with in the dark or at least easy to slip on before sexy-times, and while not hyper-realistic, preferably not like any of the dildos above. Why? Here’s why:
Imagine a rakish blond butch in casual formal wear–white button-down, slacks, a loose tie–gently pushing you onto your knees with two fingers on the crown of your head, undoing her leather belt sloooowly, gently pushing your knees apart with a Converse pressed between your legs as you kneel, smirking teasingly behind glasses as she whips out….
A little green glo worm cock.
Yeah. No. It just doesn’t jive. My sex toys don’t have to be veiny or realistic (ew ew ew), but they have to be sufficiently utilitarian and boring that my partner is focused on me, not the technocolored, bumpy, magicdick I pull out of the top drawer. If it spins, whistles, chimes, looks like an animal, or comes in a color of flesh only Capt. Kirk has seen, sorry, it can’t be used by me except when we’re just rolling around in a giggly mood.
I use a strap-on especially as a tool, a prop while acting, if you will, to illicit that delicious reaction femmes have when their eyes widen slightly and you can just tell their special, $30 I’m-gonna-get-laid panties are RUINED–RUINED!–because you butched like a pro and you haven’t even undressed them yet.
Green little glo-worm dick gets in the way of that, and thus green little glo-worm dick is my ENEMY.
Could the glo worm not be dessert? You’ve made me all horny now and I have to go for dinner with my parents. THANKS.
The glo worm could certainly be dessert. Wait, are we discussing hooking up after your parents have dinner? My God, this just compounds my belief that if I were given a white board instead of vocal cords, I’d be ruler of the world by now.
I just choked on my exceedingly sugary, homemade dyke-friendly granola.
I can’t really gauge your reaction because you spent more effort describing the thing you choked on and not why you choked. I can only hope that was a weirdly positive response.
Unlike granola, my response is neutral. Granola can never be neutral.
“The only feelings you should have are in your PANTS.”-motto i can live by.
This has saved me from being super bored after working with my group on a critical listening project.
Also, those sex toys are too cute. My mind can’t process that they are actually sex toys
Now I can blame my parents for not getting laid.Stupid books!
Does anyone else have a painfully huge crush on Alison Brie?
I have a feeling that the promotion for these sex toys will soon develop a strange fetish for society. A fetish that I will not be participating in despite their cuteness level.
WAY too precious. WAY. Too. Precious. Bleh.
Its like…. sometimes I dislike people that are awkwardly trying too hard to be adorably fragile. That it makes me ill a little bit. This falls into that category.
Yeah, all I have to say in response to those sex toys is this:
http://www.divine-interventions.com/jackhammer.html
They could be so much worse. Sometimes I think about ordering something from this website just to have for shock value. Esp. if I want to impress that cute Satanist.
Christ on a dick? Seriously?