Feature image of Golden Curlz and Vivienne Vai in Crash Pad Series episode 273. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are from the Crash Pad. The inclusion of a visual here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Tumblr is banning all adult content — specifically “images, videos, or GIFs that show real-life human genitals or female-presenting nipples” (??????) — from its platform effective December 17. At Jezebel, Tracy Clark-Flory reports:

“The rationale for the decision is unclear, despite a lengthy blog post from CEO Jeff D’Onofrio on the subject. It seems vaguely to do with protecting people from the porns, even though the site already makes it fairly difficult to find the porns. This decision follows Tumblr’s recent removal from the Apple iOS App Store over a failure to fully filter out child pornography. This led to the removal of some NSFW accounts, according to The Daily Dot. And now this.”

The porn ban will disproportionately impact women and queer folks, argues Jessica Powell in the New York Times, noting that Tumblr was unique for showing women’s pleasure and for not banning porn when other sites like Facebook and Instagram have for ages. She writes:

“While we can get hung up on debating what kind of content should or shouldn’t be allowed on a particular platform, none of that alters an equally important but less-visible problem: When tech companies tackle large-scale problems with large-scale solutions, underrepresented groups are often further marginalized as a result.”

Sex bloggers predict that Tumblr will be basically dead after the ban. RIP.

In a similar move, Facebook is banning sexuality-related language. Users will no longer be able to say whether they’re tops, bottoms or switches. Here’s how to delete your Facebook account.

Vivienne Vai in Crash Pad Series episode 275

A new photo series, featuring Sara Elise tied by Daemonum X and photographed by Lanee Bird, explores queer BDSM as a way to heal. At Them, the creators write:

“From the complementary perspectives of a top and a submissive, we, Daemonum X and Sara Elise, work together frequently to explore queer BDSM as an alternative healing modality and as a way to reclaim our personal pleasure, sensuality, and sexuality. As queer femme women, and Sara Elise as a survivor and a woman of color, our collective work and practice consistently aims to straddle the line between objectification and agency. We find strength in rejecting mainstream standards of sexuality, beauty, and respectability, which exist even within the BDSM community.”

Golden Curlz and Vivienne Vai in Crash Pad Series episode 273

At Vice, wheelchair users talk about how being in a wheelchair changed their sex lives:

“When it came to sex, Nadia knew she would just have to get on with it and see what happened. But she also feared the judgment of people who had no idea about what it meant to live with a spinal cord injury. It is important to Nadia to find someone she can trust because, while she may be still be able to do the deed, the act is now something quite different. The biggest change, she says, has been the lack of spontaneity — you can’t just ‘quickly jump into bed with someone… It’s like, ‘Oh, hang on a second, I’ve just got to go to the bathroom first, I’ve got to pee because my bladder is a little tricky.’'”

Mona Wales and Natalie Chen in Crash Pad Series episode 271

Sometimes partners have mismatched sex drives. At Allure, Vanessa Marin gives advice on what to do if that describes you and your partner isn’t willing to talk about it:

“I suggest writing her an email. Most people have never talked about their sex life openly before, and doing it in person can sometimes be too overwhelming. An email can be a great way to get the conversation going. Start with something like this: ‘I’ve tried to talk to you about our sex life before, but it feels like you haven’t been as open to it as I was hoping. Our sex life is really important to me because it’s a way for me to physically express the love I have for you. [Or share another personal reason why your sex life is important to you.] I know that it’s normal for us to each have different relationships with sex, but I want to know that our sex life is important to you too. I’d like us to both put effort into creating a sex life that feels like a partnership between us. I don’t need to talk about any of the details now; I just want to know that you’re willing to at least try communicating about our sex life. Do you think you could do that?'”

Erykah Ohms in Crash Pad Series episode 262

Relationships often default to an idea of what they’re “supposed to” look like instead of to what everyone in them mutually wants and agrees on — which is stupid. “While all relationships encounter difficulties and struggles, it’s so very important for you to consciously choose your own boundaries instead of simply following social scripts. In order to do this, you must first focus on identifying, communicating, and negotiating your desires, both with yourself and your partner,” writes Zoe Ligon:

“At first, it’s going to be awkward. Talking through all your needs and asking questions about your partner’s needs may not feel comfy and cozy, but it’ll help you be on the same page. It may help to explore hypothetical scenarios, but don’t spend too much time ruminating on things that haven’t happened yet. Focus more on what your desires and boundaries are, and what your feelings are as you share with each other. This isn’t a conversation that is a one and done type of thing, either. It’ll probably be ongoing throughout your partnership with that person.”

Plus, here are a few tips from porn stars on talking about sex with a new partner.

La Muxer Diosa and Mars the Prince in Crash Pad Series episode 238

Here’s a fat person’s guide to face sitting.

Here are the horniest moments of 2018.

At Oh Joy Sex Toy, Jem talks about learning to feel sexual pleasure.

Here are some tips on long-distance relationships.

Urination, like love, sometimes burns.

Check out this new erotica app.

If you’re a “sex is a workout” person, you will like this discussion on whether sex “counts” as exercise.

Sleep texting is a thing.

Scout and Lew Pine in Crash Pad Series episode 227

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