Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Feature image via loneookami.

via the brown ladies

+ Sometimes you think you’re having okay or good sex, and then you have really good sex, and it turns out everything you were telling yourself about your earlier sex was a lie. Here is how to tell if you’re lying to yourself (though some of the points are open for disagreement, especially as not everybody requires an orgasm to qualify sex as “good”):

“If you find yourself making excuses for your sex life, there is something wrong. If you are constantly telling yourself that the sex was just ‘meh’ because you or your sexual partner are going through a ‘rough time,’ you’re just making excuses. There was a point in my sex life where I didn’t have an orgasm for six months. SIX MONTHS, PEOPLE. That is a long time! And throughout those six months, I made excuses and I blamed myself. I thought, maybe I’m just one of those girls that has a really hard time having an orgasm? After having good sex in which getting off comes impressively easy to me, I have realized that I was just making excuses for continuing to have mediocre sex. Sex is an animal desire. Humans crave sex, and therefore even mediocre sex is better than no sex at all, and making the excuse that you’re at least getting any at all is an easy trap to fall into. But you still need to be honest with yourself. Is this sex fulfilling? Do you want to have sex with someone else? Do you wish you could be more open with your partner? All of these questions do not necessarily have to be the end all be all of a sexual relationship or a relationship in general, but you should never settle for ‘feels good’ when you could have ‘holy shit, let’s do that again.'”

Maria Clara via mtspena.tumblr.com

+ If you are bad at enjoying receiving oral and want to get better, try focusing more, being playful, communicating, incorporating bondage and more:

“Try turning oral sex into a game. Set a time limit and when it expires, move on to another activity, rather than continuing and attempting to achieve orgasm. Sometimes knowing a sensation is going to stop soon makes it more pleasurable or intense. Another game you can play with yourself or with a partner is one in which the point is NOT to come. Like a pot of water that won’t boil while you’re watching it, we sometimes get so focused on trying to come that our orgasm becomes elusive. So reverse things. See if you can hold out and endure everything your partner does to you without coming. You might just find your orgasm sneaking up on you.”

Courtney Trouble by Kitty Stryker

+ Break-ups are more common between partners (married or unmarried) who met online, according to a recent study:

“Researchers from Stanford and Michigan State University wanted to see if using dating websites actually results in successful non-marital relationships, and looked at the break-up rate as well. In a survey of 4,002 people, they found that breakups between unmarried and married people were more prominent in couples who met online, rather than couples who met in ‘offline venues.’

The researchers pointed out that 1) the internet has waaaay too many options when it comes to dating—exclusivity is tough when you can always find something better, 2) the logistics of online communication means that online relationships simply take longer to develop, and 3) online daters take longer to build trust because the internet is still sketchy.”

Elle Brittain by Derek Henderson for Oyster #105 via les beehive

+ Break-up fallout has gotten a lot worse thanks to social media:

“To get a picture of what it looks like when a relationship ends on social media, researchers at Aalto University in Finland went to Twitter. They looked at tweets posted during a 28-hour period from users whose profiles mentioned another user along with a word like ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend.’ (Wisely, the researchers made sure not to include people whose proclaimed S.O. was a celebrity.) This left 40,000 pairs of users who seemed to be romantically linked IRL. After following these users for a period of six months, the researchers were able to pick out the ones who had broken up — and hone in on the language used in tweets before and after the uncoupling. As pictured in the resulting magnificent word clouds, the researchers found that phrases like ‘I hate when you’ and ‘shut the fuck up’ replaced ‘I love you’ post-breakup.”

via curvy is the new black

+ At Oh Joy Sex Toy, Erika Moen talks about sending sexy selfies like a boss.

+ This article is basically semi-baseless speculation about how texting your mistress is easier than waiting for her to send you a letter in a basket of apricots enables long-distance affairs.

via darkskinnedblackbeauty

+ It is a bad idea to be in a polyamorous relationship with someone who does not want to be (or to have a DADT policy, or to keep changing the rules, etc.), but after it’s fun to bond with an ex by both dating the same person accidentally:

“No matter what, though, it was a challenge for me to reconcile my growing feelings for Sophia knowing she was actively seeking out women and men for romantic trysts. I had a couple encounters with other women, but in general I just wanted to be with Sophia. Lounging around my place, Sophia would log on to the dating site we were both on and show me the guys and gals she’d been corresponding with. It would make my stomach swirl with nerves.

To her credit, Sophia was as tactful as one could be in these situations. When she’d tell me about an experience she’d had, I could see she was nervous about how it would affect me. We had a good level of communication, and I wanted to tell her how uncomfortable this whole thing made me. But then I feared she’d tell me it would have to be an open relationship or no relationship. I told myself that I’d adjust.”

via deviantfemme

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