Feature image by Passions.
Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
via suicidegirls
+ The most successful romantic relationships involve staying positive, communicating well, maintaining external friendships, trying new things, having the amount of sex you both want and not being jerks:
“‘The real issue here, I think, is that couples are not finding enough time for sex,’ said Dr. Smith. ‘I don’t think you can keep forcing more and more activities in people’s lives and still expect them to take the time it takes to have sex, let alone good-quality sex.’
Anthony Lyons, a study co-author and research fellow at La Trobe, said the main lesson from the study is that couples need to learn how to communicate about their sexual needs or their reasons for not wanting sex.
‘Couples need to talk about the frequency of sex,’ Dr. Anthony said in an e-mail. ‘Talking openly about sex and finding a middle ground with regard to frequency appears to be very important for overall sexual and relationship satisfaction.'”
Alissa Rae Ross via curiously-kinky-queer
+ Erika Moen’s How To Eat Pussy guide at Oh Joy Sex Toy makes her my absolute hero. (Also see Autostraddle’s guide.)
+ And CrashPad’s video guide to how to fist is the perfect hybrid of sex education and porn. (Also see Autostraddle’s guide.)
+ This comparison of sex to pea mousse is brilliant.
+ Female ejaculation! How does it work?:
“Some people with vulvas involuntarily ejaculate every time or nearly every time they have sex, while others have to employ special techniques to get the job done. And, some don’t squirt at all. If you want to explore squirting, have at it — the research is incredibly fun. But, don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your partners. As with all parts of sexuality, it’s not a competition. Some people squirt, some don’t, and that’s all normal — the only thing that matters is that everyone’s having a good time. You should never be made to feel inadequate because you can’t do it. And, conversely, you should never be made to feel weird if you can do it. All that’s needed for super sex is that every participant is genuinely enjoying themselves, and that you’re protecting yourself and your partners by using birth control and/or practicing safer sex.”
via drawnwithcurves
+ We should all be talking more about sex.
+ Here are all the types of silicone that sex toys can be made out of, what they mean and how to clean them.
+ This right-handers-only vibrator is either a hilariously brilliant joke or it isn’t.
Anna Adrielle via annaadrielle.tumblr.com
+ Bitch discusses reconciling feminism and being submissive in bed:
“Your sex lives, orientations, and sexualities are things that you should feel safe to enjoy as you please. That safety and support should be a top feminist priority. But what you do in that safe and delightful bed? That’s none of feminism’s goddamn business. Be healthy, be safe, and be caring to all involved. Including yourself.”
+ After Gloria Steinem discussed her lowered sex drive on her 80th birthday, the Guardian asked women of all ages about their changing libidos.
+ Worrying about money can kill your sex life but kissing for 10 seconds can make you feel better.
via women of color
+ These apps can help you escape bad dates when you don’t feel like being honest.
+ Faking orgasms can make sex more fun, according to a new study that found that the third reason people fake is “attempting to increase one’s own arousal though faking orgasm,” which follows altruistic deceit or fear and insecurity.
+ Many studies about sex work do not bother to talk to sex workers and that is ridiculous:
“Imagine a study of the alcohol industry which interviewed not a single brewer, wine expert, liquor store owner or drinker, but instead relied solely on the statements of ATF agents, dry-county politicians and members of Alcoholics Anonymous and Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Or how about a report on restaurants which treated the opinions of failed hot dog stand operators as the basis for broad statements about every kind of food business from convenience stores to food trucks to McDonald’s to five-star restaurants?
You’d probably surmise that this sort of research would be biased and one-sided to the point of unreliable. And you’d be correct. But change the topic to sex work, and such methods are not only the norm, they’re accepted uncritically.”
+ In an interview with Jamie Hagan for Bitch, Melissa Gira Grant discusses sex work as about money rather than feelings, activism and more:
“Most of the current dialogue about sex workers actually is not initiated by sex workers.
When people who talk about sex work have no grounding in experience, of course it’s going to go to those things where they believe that they have expertise. Some of those things might be their feelings about the existence of the sex industry.
I was just watching a very odd response go down on Facebook to the Belabored podcast I did yesterday. We spent 45 minutes talking about sex work as work, everything you just stated in your question, and it took about five seconds for some guy to jump in and say, ‘But what about the johns?’ It’s a kind of derailing that I think happens in like every conversation about gender and sexuality pretty much ever!”
Isabeli Fontana
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Look guys, an anecdote! When I clicked on this through facebook, facebook says “you may also be interested in” and listed anti-planned parenthood articles. I just needed you guys to know that.
Duuuude, that quote from Bitch. Yessssssss. That entirely. I want to like, stick it in front of peoples’ eyes if/when they ever get rude about things like that.
Also, i’m really glad the first myth debunked on the article about squirting is “oh it’s fake,” because i have seen so many comments– mostly from cis-men– being all “lol, if it IS real, it’s just pee!!!11!!1!1” I wonder why paraurethral glands fill with fluid, though?
I also really like “Why We Should All Be Talking About Sex A Lot More Often”. I mean, aside from the fact that it’s fun to talk about sexual stuff (don’t look at me like that), it’s also about the normalizing bits. And making people feel more comfortable. Because of me, one of my friends bought their first sex toys way ahead of when they thought they ever would. Because we PM’d back & forth talking about sex stuff. Like, i’m still wanting to put that on my resume or something. But aside from preening, it’s important for me because it shows that, you know, talking about stuff makes a difference? Like, holy crap, i gave someone the info & whatever else they needed to go & buy their first vibrator. What what what?
And obviously, it’s important for people who aren’t white, straight cis-males (or any combination/part of any of those) to talk about sexual stuff, especially when the majority of the discourse has, of course, been white straight cis-males. I’ve seen middle-aged white cis-men shame people for talking about taking their bras off, & then turn around & objectify women & waggle eyebrows about how squeezing breasts helps prevent cancer. If i can make even one of them uncomfortable by sharing an article about squirting, or anything else sexual, & owning that, let’s be honest, i’ll be pretty happy. But even more so if people get educated as well.
Oh, Gloria. My lord and savior.
Omg Thank you! I actually need an element of submission in sex to get off, like I can without it… but if I want it to be one of those bring-to-tears-to-your-eyes-it’s-that-good orgasms, that’s about letting go and letting my partner have a bit of power over my emotions as well as the physical. Sadly after this whole dominance = empowerment crazy i’m finding it harder and harder to find girls I feel comfortable with. Doing dominance well actually involves far more care than aggression and I worry that’s going to get lost.
As for people thinking squirting is fake, I can’t help thinking they just aren’t having very good sex!? I think all the girls I’ve ever had sex with have squirted in my face at least once. When it comes to sex I don’t generally do deliberately trying and instead prefer to feel it out as I go and try not to take things in the same direction too often (unless she has a particular favorite), which I think helps cover a wide range of my partner’s (or FWB’s) possible experience – everyone I’ve ever been with has learnt something new they liked with me and that’s how it should be.
One of the silver linings to being non-binary is you have to talk in bed, so you get really good at it.
Yesss! This article says a lot!