Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
Pesky Suicide, photographed by Daniel Mezick
+ At Refinery29, naked lady and writer Stoya discusses rule 34, approaching neurotypical sex partners when you have Asperger’s, grooming and the semantics of “coming”:
“The origins of ‘cumming’ or ‘coming’ in a sexual context are murky. According to Mark Steven Morton’s The Lover’s Tongue, ‘come’ as a euphemism for orgasm has appeared in many texts dating from the 16th century, including some by Shakespeare. When, exactly, it mutated to the spelling ‘cum’ is unknown. Cum was already in use as a Latin word meaning ‘together’ or ‘along with,’ which could be a clue regarding how it arrived at its current use (or perhaps just an interesting coincidence). “
via Kristel Kreme
+ New York Magazine has the four most desired people in New York according to OKCupid. This is the gay lady:
“For gay women on OKCupid, the dating scene is smaller—only 4 percent of users—and therefore less competitive; people have a bit more time to linger. And there’s a good reason why Kerry wants her profile to be a “true reflection” of herself: Three years ago, she came out on the site. ‘I dated so many guys, thinking I could find the right one, but something wasn’t fitting,’ she says, over several glasses of wine. She’s wearing Supra high-tops, harem pants, and a white T-shirt, accessorized with a gold cross that used to belong to her grandmother. She created a profile and selected ‘gay girls only’ from OKCupid’s menu two years before she came out to her Catholic family in Long Island, with whom she currently lives—and mentions lovingly in her profile.”
via drawnwithcurves
+ When people make recommendations about how many times per week “happy couples” have sex they are basically wishfully making things up:
“[W]hy would therapists push for twice a week? The reason: Reverse engineering, AKA, wishful thinking. In other words, happy couples report that they have sex about two to three times per week, so the idea is that by doing it twice a week, perhaps you too can glean the happiness of the happiest people. But doing what happy people do doesn’t mean it will make you happy, because there’s always the possibility that it’s the happiness that leads to the twice-weekly boning, and not the boning that leads to the happiness, dig?”
+ Porn MD has a live feed of searches and I can’t look away. “Lesbian double fisting.” “Yoga class gang bang.” “Amateur lesbians.” “Sex whisperer.” Etc.
+ At Rookie, Amy Rose talks about non-monogamy and open relationships.
+ Here is how to choose your life partner, if “choose a life partner” is an item on your to do list.
Sibohan by Rick Legal
+ Women who have problems orgasming (or never orgasm) have more distance between the clitoris and vagina, according to a new study:
“The clitoris, in fact, is more than just the buttonlike structure visible on the body’s surface. The clitoral complex, which has a shape of a boomerang, extends under the skin and includes parts that are known as the body, crura, bulb and root. It is possible that a smaller distance between these structures and the vagina makes it easier for the clitoris to be stimulated during intercourse, Oakley said. The visible, external part of the clitoris, which is called the glans, contains thousands of nerves packed densely together in a small area, and appears to be the center of sexual sensation. ‘Perhaps a larger clitoris has more nerve endings, and perhaps with direct contact and stimulation the clitoris can have more sensation, resulting in orgasms,’ Oakley said.”
via loneookami
+ There are some positions to try for anal sex.
+ New York state has a revenge porn law in the works.
+ Having a five-day clitoral erection after taking anti-depressants sounds like the worst.
+ Sex author/editor/educator Tristan Taromino writes about why post-secondary sex weeks are important:
“We need Sex Week because we know most people have few opportunities for frank, honest, accurate, inclusive, shame-free, judgment-free conversations about sex. I recently interviewed Heather Corrina, founder of Scarleteen, the most widely used online sex education resource for young people, who told me, “I think a lot of people misunderstand abstinence based sex ed. Not only does it [tell people to wait until marriage to have sex], it does it in a really fearful way. It involves a lot of religious messaging, a lot of homophobic messaging, a lot of intentional medical misinformation. Our users now are much more fearful around sex and sexuality than the users in the late nineties when we first started. We have a lot more misinformation rather than just a lack of information that we have to correct. We also have to do it through this haze of fear and shame and anxiety.” Like the work of Heather and Scarleteen, sex educators must counteract sex-negative scare tactics and fear-mongering, and college is a perfect place to do it: it’s where you’re supposed to investigate ideas from many different perspectives, challenge your own pre-conceived notions, think critically, and apply this new lens to your own life. It’s a time to figure things out, make mistakes, develop a sense of who you are and what you stand for. But you need knowledge and options in order to do that. If students don’t have access and exposure to this information at a public university, then where will they get it (and when)?”
via butchlife
+ From “Stitch and Bitch,” by A.L. Simonds, in Best Lesbian Erotica 2014, edited by Kathleen Warnock:
“Two fingers inside, she twisted and thrust. Luisa moaned in response, struggled to sit up and reached for Priya. They kissed again, teeth clacking and tongues pulsing, as Lu fucked herself on Priya’s hand, desperately asking for more, needing all of Priya to be in her, to answer and resolve the howling Priya had created. Two fingers, then three, then four, tightly weapon on each other and crushed on all sides: they struggled to move, to reach ever deeper, as Luisa came, wet and cascading over Priya’s wrist, down her arm.”
feature image via suicidegirls
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Omg, saysbian from that “queer facts from straight people”? Yes 1000x. My very first kiss/makeout sesh was with my best friend who said she was bisexual but was pretty adamant that she thought lesbian sex was gross, never wanted to be in a lesbian relationship, and told me she thought I’d end up with a man and didn’t understand that dating a butchy girl doesn’t mean I want to bang a dude.
My cousin says she is bi but can’t ever be in a relationship with a woman. There is then rambling about pubic hair and how it is gross. I want to roll my eyes at her but refrain in favor of chocolate and coffee.
Saysbian, hasbian, yestergay? Seriously? How about instead of explaining these words to straight people we just stop using them. These are all insulting to bi, pan, queer, and sexually fluid people, as well as to people who are questioning or still partially closeted.
This. Please and thank you. I thought the article was helpful-ish, but these terms really triggered a lot of feelings about exclusion and having to explain my sexuality to militant gays who are just as/more awful about my bi-sexuality as creepy cis-guys and annoying couples. Just stop it.
Yeah – I find biphobia from gays and lesbians especially hurtful because it’s coming from people I expect to be allies. It’s easy for me to dismiss a straight person’s bigotry as ignorant and stupid but when it comes from within the the queer community it feels like there is no safe space left to run to.
I just read that Alternet article and now I wish there really existed a “pretentious Raffi song” about the trans* umbrella.
asdfghjkl; at the images in this. i actually said a distressed “no” aloud at my computer. ugh, attractive people, stooooop. nnnooooooooooooo
And i have to agree with Dialethia on the supposed “lingo” in the Alternet article. I’ve never heard of these terms, but they sound like the kind of words that have always made me not want to be involved in any queer “community”. A “hasbian”? What are you, the sexuality police? Heaven forbid someone’s sexuality be fluid! Heaven forbid there be nothing outside gay or straight! Heaven forbid that someone’s sexuality be their own, without straights or queers tearing them down for not being a “real lesbian” or something!
I’m not yelling at anyone in particular, it’s just, this is seriously the kind of thing that agitates me & makes me feel uncomfortable in the so-called queer “community”. Because how can you expect to change things when you (a general “you”, not directed at anyone here) are just as, if not more, judgmental than the mainstream society you claim to protest? Like, if you label yourself, fine, i support you. But don’t go labeling other people, & especially not this “hasbian” & “yestergay” ridiculousness. How dare someone play down someone else’s sexuality. How dare they mock & ridicule that; how dare they act as if they know better than that person.
Sorry, i just have a lot of feelings. I get frustrated at this kind of stuff because i’ve been on the receiving end of similar stuff, & if there’s anything that can make someone leave what’s supposed to be a community without a backward glance, it’s being told that, even there, where you’re supposed to be safe, who you are isn’t valid.
I love this. As I always vent about here, the crap I’ve heard from a select few lesbians (re: bisexuality) is really disheartening. It makes me mad.
I agree. Look, I understand in media that we’re inundated with really shitty depictions of lesbians going through a phase or indecisive slutty bisexuals, so we’re a little sensitive and critical, but it’s one thing to rag on fictional characters and another to rag on real people, who have so many more complexities and considerations.
I know a woman who up until her early 20’s considered herself straight, until she fell in love with another woman (her first relationship). She is still with that woman, but hesitates on labelling herself as anything at all because she doesn’t think she counts. I know another woman who hates claiming any kind of label bc she is somewhat more physically attracted to men than women, despite ALSO LIKING THE LADIES and actually BEING RIGHT NOW IN A FIVE YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN. I mean, if actually being in a long-term relationship doesn’t win you enough queer cred, how hard is it for a young person still grappling with their sexuality and hearing the terms “hasbian” or “saysbian” thrown around?
We have to stop arbitrating the identities of real people. There’s enough static already from mainstream media and ignorant non-queer people for anyone who thinks they might not fit into the straight cisgender mold. Some people genuinely don’t figure it out until well into their 20’s. Some people need to take baby steps, which might end up getting them label as a “fake.” Some people think they were supposed to fit one queer box and then something changes five years later and they realize they don’t fit as cleanly as they once believed, and THAT SHOULD BE OKAY. I mean, isn’t our policy “You Do You”?
That second to last picture ohmygod
I feel like she’s staring into my soul
I may or may not have registered just so I could agree with you, and also add that when I scrolled down and saw that picture I stopped in my tracks and said “I think I’m in love” out loud to an empty room. Whew.
I can’t believe you quoted that bogus study about orgasm and clit size! The study is tragically heteronormative and clueless about any way to have sex beyond penis-in-vagina. It is all about achieving orgasm from intercourse and how if you have a certain sized clit at a particular distance from your vagina you’re more likely to get off… But you’d also be more likely to get off if you touched your own clit, had a partner touch it, used a sex toy, etc – sadly that wasn’t part of the study.
Yes! Reporting like this is a constant annoyance of mine! The summary sentence should have read “Women who have problems orgasming (or never orgasm) during vaginal penetration have more distance between the clitoris and vagina, according to a new study”
I occasionally scissor and it’s good foreplay! Does that make me some sort of not-queer girl? It’s what I like! There is no one-size fits all sex, and saying “lesbians don’t scissor” is so generalist and framing queer sex in an untrue way, just like straight lesbian porn does. Some lesbians scissor. You all can collectively relax.
Yo, can you put some kind of warning on that Porn MD link to let people know there’s serious transphobic weirdness in there? That took me off guard, and it just bugs me, but for someone else it could really mess their day up.
Hypnotic, though, if you can get past that.
I didn’t click on the link and am at work now, but what was the transphobic weirdness out of curiosity?
Good call.
Bless, though, someone just searched “nudes”. Simple tastes.
Every single time I think Autostraddle might be getting better for bi, pan, fluid, and other non-monosexuals, stuff like “saysbian” pops up and then commenters get gross.
This identity policing and queerer-than-thou crap isn’t cute.
I appreciate that Autostraddle at least tries to be inclusive of groups other than white cis lesbians, since many queer spaces don’t bother. I sometimes feel bad that I end up criticizing the content here fairly regularly, but I do it because I feel like this is a place where people actually listen. I’ve noticed improvements in coverage of non-monosexuals, transgender women, and women of color over the past year and I’m glad that the writers and editors are willing to accept criticism and make changes. Still, it is frustrating that things like this still slip through. I mean, how hard is it to just be respectful?
Is that a hot girl with a Princess Mononoke tattoo?!
*swoons*
Thanks Autostraddle for taking down the link to that biphobic article!