Feature photo via takemetoyourbedroom.
Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
via rodeoh
+ “I’d like to dehydrate you slightly,” and other sexual overtures from an alien unfamiliar with the human body.
+ Tina Horn is featured in the Rumpus‘s latest instalment of Writing While Deviant, discussing kink, irony, sarcasm, sluttiness and more: “BDSM is an ethical way to get what you want by agreeing to pretend you can’t have it.”
photo by radius dark via fuckyeahcutetranschicks
+ If your activity partner has the same genitals as you, it’s fun to sometimes play with all the available touches you both like on each of your bodies:
“Pick a part of the body that you both like touched. Try easing your way in with a non-genital, non-breast, non-butt area, like the back or the shoulders. First, try to replicate the type of touch that your partner has responded best to historically. For example, you might start scratching their back lightly with your fingernails. Say something like, ‘OK, I think this is what you tend to like best.’ It’s fine if your partner has some edits, like, ‘I usually like a little more pressure’ or ‘I like it a bit lower.’ Any bit of feedback that either of you offers helps you learn more about your bodies and what you like.
Next, try to imitate the type of touch that you like best, so for example, you might start massaging your partner’s back. Say, ‘and this is what I like best.’ Again, your partner is free to pitch in their thoughts, like, ‘you usually react when I go a bit faster than that.'”
via Ravyn Alexander
+ Virtual reality porn makes fostering emotional intimacy easier, argues Ela Darling, who is pioneering it (and who also spoke to Autostraddle about it):
“Darling isn’t claiming that VR tech is birthing emotionally beneficial pornography — she argues that’s been around for some time — just that the “closeness” of VR porn makes fostering emotional intimacy relatively easy. It also puts it at the core of a transaction. The desire for companionship is a big part of the adult industry that’s often overlooked and VRTube can differentiate itself from PornHub by offering something distinctly not mass market. Currently, we watch amalgamations of fantasies instead of experience our own. Darling, a veteran of many Skype sex sessions, says most of her fans really just want to talk. VR let’s them do that — and more — in a way that feels and is, on some level anyway, real.”
+ Tinder profiles now include job and education information, because “letting users include their professional and educational background was a move to make the app more closely resemble how people meet in real life.”
+ Breakups are the worst.
+ Apparently someone asked Slate when it’s okay to be alone with someone else’s spouse, a question I had to read three times because I literally could not understand what the problem was. Anyway, “[t]here are really just two kinds of relationships: One where you trust someone, and one where you don’t.” For a good time don’t read the comments and kick yourself in the head instead.
+ Margaret Cho stands for women of color and sex workers.
+ At the Lingerie Addict, Datura Divine examines the relationship between sex work and lingerie.
+ At Oh Joy Sex Toy, Erika Moen reviewed the Tantus Uncut.
+ Coming Out Like A Porn Star, a new collection edited by Jiz Lee, discusses porn and privacy through the lenses of dozens of porn stars’ comings out. In her essay, Haley Fingersmith writes:
“People have asked me why I decided to perform in porn. I’ve said it was for the money, and that’s true. I’ve said it’s because I like having sex with pretty people — also true. I’ve said it was a political statement, to be a visibly out trans woman, a model for other women who, like I once did, feel they have to hide.
What I haven’t said […] was how queer porn gave me the space to come out. The hours I spent on set were some of the very first hours I spent in public, as my whole self, without fear. The sets of the queer porn producers I’ve worked with have been, without fail, safe and affirming spaces, and it was on those sets and in seeing myself through their lenses that I began to discover that I could be seen and safe. It was there that I experienced the profound healing of being invited to exist.”
via boyish percent
+ From the Autostraddle Lesbian Sex Archives: ‘Tis almost the season for holiday breakups:
“Holidays get blamed for everything. They add unwanted pounds (mostly of beer) to waistlines (mostly mine), blast songs about ambiguously gay reindeer and provide the perfect smoke screen for your walking dead relationship. Sweet baby kitten, mistletoe is no excuse for kissing queer lips you’ve lost interest in. Neither is getting drunk off of mulled wine, suffering through thanksvegan food-itis and/or their grandma gives you the best presents ever. Pause. Deep breath. Put on your chucks, crack those tattooed knuckles and make some hard, love-based decisions.”
Also remember that time Bluestockings Boutique had a rad queer lingerie shoot?
All of the photographs on NSFW Sundays are taken from various tumblrs and do not belong to us. All are linked and credited to the best of our abilities in hopes of attracting more traffic to the tumblrs and photographers who have blessed us with this imagery. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If there is a photo included here that belongs to you and you want it removed, please email bren [at] autostraddle dot com and it will be removed promptly, no questions asked.
“We could grease one another. That’s an option. I could render you…greased internally, if that were a wish of yours”
I’d watch the shit out of this Unfamiliar Alien on Netflix
ela darling, perpetual crush.
YO i deleted my tinder as soon as i saw that new feature – i don’t particularly feel safe having complete strangers on tinder having access to exactly where i work, and i can’t possibly be alone in this?!
I can’t say this is why I dropped Tinder (as I deleted it months ago), but I can say this very poor decision on Tinder’s part makes me very happy I got rid of it.
I mean, from what I can tell they don’t REQUIRE us to reveal that info…
i couldn’t figure out how to turn it off? i work in a bar, i don’t need to make it THAT easy for someone to find me IRL. seems like a great way to get axe murdered.
Did some fiddling, the way to turn it off seems to be view profile -> edit profile -> work -> none. It’s pretty crappy that they don’t even mention it in the FAQs though.
Yeah it didn’t auto-populate my work for some reason but I changed school to “none” and it stopped showing up. Agreed, tinder is not a place for people to learn specifics about me, not until the 2nd or 3rd date at least.
yeah, you don’t have to show either. otherwise it pulls directly from facebook
also, apart from the creepiness of the feature, what are people supposed to talk about when they first start chatting?! changing ittttt asap
“I’d happily generate fluids at your request, given a reasonable amount of preparation.”
“Consider treating me as one of the following for the next hour: food, an enemy, a miscellaneous animal.”
YES. YES YES.
Tinder’s update unsettles me for a couple reasons.
The first being, like Stef mentioned above, the transparency of information about workplace, education, etc. Like, I don’t believe I’m *completely* alone in my experience of unknowingly meeting a creep off Tinder. I shudder when I think about meeting someone like that again and having them know where I work right off the bat.
My second, way more trivial gripe is that it practically takes the fun out of Tinder… I like learning about what people do through their own voice, not through an automated blip on their profile. Maybe that’s nit-picky. I don’t know?
GREAT pictures this week. Especially the first. Hot!
Ok so the article about when it’s ok to be alone with someone’s spouse is just completely ridiculous. Especially with the possible scenarios listed. Watching a sports game? Working on a project? Going to the movies? These all seem like completely normal friend activities that people shouldn’t have to give up because they’re in a relationship.
I’m just so tired of the idea that men and women can’t really be friends because they will inevitably fall for each other. If I used that logic as a bi person I couldn’t be alone with anyone ever and would have zero friends.
Sorry for the rant. I read the articles comments despite being warned and it was maddening.
Definitely, I feel exactly the same way! By that logic, anyone in long-distance relationships can’t hang out with friends of a gender they might be attracted to. And thinking that someone is cute, and trying to get with them despite the fact they’re in a monogamous relationship, are very different things.
Exactly! It’s like they think all single people are just lying in wait until they can finally seduce other people’s significant other.
I chose not to click because that is a question that is utterly ridiculous. I feel like that is some straight people shit. If someone pulled that on me, it’d be a red flag immediately. It’s controlling behavior, in my opinion, and honestly it’d be a deal-breaker. Nope nope nope.
Agreed. There is NOTHING ok about that.
Oh my GOD I finally read the article and talk about trigger warnings for jealous, possessive, controlling partner behavior…oh man. The second your partner doesn’t trust you enough to “let you” (don’t get me started on that language) hang out with your friends who happen to be whatever gender you’re attracted to, I would suggest that you RUN, don’t walk, the other way. It seems like people who have the capacity to be controlling or jealous don’t usually mellow with time — often it gets worse the deeper in you get. And how can a relationship thrive without mutual trust?
I think the dudes commenting on that article saying “there is no reason for your spouse to ever spend time alone with someone of the opposite gender” are the same dudes who say “my wife coming out as bisexual to me would be the same as her telling me I wasn’t enough for her.” I call so much bullshit.
Hi! Thanks so much for linking to TLA this week (and for featuring our Tumblr so often too!).
I just wanted to note that the linked post on Sex Work & Lingerie is by Datura Divine, not by me.
Thanks again!
“For a good time don’t read the comments and kick yourself in the head instead.”
I should just pin this to the wall above my desk. Or maybe tattoo it on the backs of my hands?
More on topic, I sometimes relate too closely with the alien.
Interesting to read these reactions to the Tinder change. I’ve never used it, so when I saw the news I thought it seemed like a positive thing- a move towards more information, even just a tiny bit, about who somebody is. I’d like to see the field move back in that direction. (I downloaded and erased Her within the span of 45 minutes because I cannot *stand* the swipe-on-a-picture-with-no-text approach to online dating. I need to know something about your brain for you being cute to matter.) I imagined it as something more general, though, and would not be okay at all with broadcasting my employer’s name or other precise personal details in this context.
Yeah that’s the problem, it’s precise detail. I mean, luckily you can opt-out, but it wants to tell people your actual place of employment and the university you graduated from. I guess in my OKC profile I do say where I graduated from, but this is a small town so I would never list my actual place of employment, just that I work for a small nonprofit.
That blue floral cage lingerie set in size fat, pls. (Or at least a G cup, so I could wear it forever.)
EVERYTHING IN A G-CUP PLEASE
In heaven all the stores will stock g-cup bras in a multitude of colors and styles and not just “nude” and “old lady”
This designer (Karolina Laskowksa) does pretty much everything made to order so it’s worth asking if you’re interested (though I’d get in touch sooner rather than later since the holidays are coming up).
“In heaven all the stores will stock g-cup bras in a multitude of colors and styles and not just “nude” and “old lady””
YES YES YES
Is it just me or did anyone else notice the Harry Potter symbol on that woman’s back before they noticed what she was doing?
It’s not just you.
The work/school thing of Tinder is nice for weeding out spam (which I get a lot of, for some reason) but I’m not comfortable with people having that info. I won’t even be friends with someone on facebook unless we’ve met in person.