If you’re a human who has sex with other humans, you likely do most of your sexual activities in a bed…
Or on a couch…
In the shower…
Or on your sex swing!
BUT THAT IS ONLY THE BEGINNING!
5 Places to have Lesbian Sex
or
“You Can’t Kiss on the Street, But You Can Fuck in the Bathroom!”
1. Dressing rooms: Girls can go in with other girls, or at least sneak in later by bringing those pants for you in a different size so you can totally not put them on at all ever. “It’s easier in New York because it’s a clusterfuck,” say our dressing room sexperts. Speed is key.
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2. Bathrooms: This is simple at straight bars, but nearly impossible in gay bars these days because the bouncers/bartenders/patrons ARE ONTO YOU. Bathroom-sex is a highlight of the homosexual experience and should be engaged in ~6 times before death.
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3. The Back of the Greyhound: When you get on a Greyhound and spy a heterosexual couple in the back row of the Greyhound (in the three-seat) your stomach does an advance-flip anticipating what will surely be a dude-on-lady pounding session later. But two girls rarely inspire such alarm and therefore when the lights go down in the city you can mess around innocuously and totally get away with it.
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4. Boarding School or Camp: Any place where the sexes are dramatically separated to ensure no procreation, girls are gifted with a loophole-enabled primo opportunity to make out with each other. (If you’re over the age of consent, etc.)
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5. Locker Rooms: Even though you’ve spent your entire life trying to avoid looking at other girls in locker rooms, it’s okay if you’ve got a girl who doesn’t mind you looking at her and furthermore is interested in looking at you and doing it
Fun For All Genders:
Schools: Colleges are great for having sex. Stairwells, bathrooms, offices that nobody’s in, classrooms, any dark/not dark space. Any space that seems to be empty for five seconds you could probably go in and have sex.
On the Street: This is better at nighttime. You could get assaulted or murdered, but if you feel safe and want to take the risk, it is recommended by our street-sex experts, who say: “It’s good if you don’t care if somebody finds you on the ground having sex with no clothes on, but if you like to have the blinds closed/windows shut/lights off, then you shouldn’t have sex on the street.”
Playgrounds: Our playground-sex experts say, “this is a hot spot for teenage badassery, like drinking, drugs, and necking.” There’s lots of surfaces, and things don’t feel scary there. It’s like a mini theme park!
What is the Craziest Place You’ve Had Sex? Informal survey of Team Autostraddle:
+ Parking lot of someone else’s grandparent’s retirement community. (That really just sounds kind of sad. But it’s Florida).
+ Not THAT crazy, but I have fond memories of a lovely encounter in the ladies’ Bathroom at Niagara. I was so stoked on the idea I left my brand new iPhone at the bar and didn’t even notice until we were skulking out together all mussed-up and guilty, and I couldn’t find it anywhere. Oops. Thank you, kind barback.
+ In the handicapped bathroom at my grandparents’ retirement home.
+ Church basement before performing at a wedding there.
+ In my thesis advisor’s office. The “Experiment in Progress” sign was up on the door.
+ On a jet ski and/or in the storage room at an awards show.
+ Parking lot of an episcopalian church.
+ “I was a music nerd and lost my virginity in the costume closet of the theater hallway. I’m not sure if that was crazy, but it was pretty nerdy.”
+ Tippity tip top floor of the Hilton on the motherfucking beach, balcony, for some reason, there were also fireworks that night, like far away? So it made the sex very very epic.
+ Under the Fashion Week bar tents at Bryant Park circa 2 a.m. Also in a cab. A few times in a cab.
On Topic:
Five Most Popular Places to Have Sex:“If your sex life has stalled, and you’re looking for ways to spice things up, it’s time to have sex in other, more exciting places.”
Top 10 Craziest Places to Have Sex: “We snuck into the Women’s Health forums to see what the ladies were talking about, and came across this thread about the “craziest place you ever had sex.”
30 Places to Do It Before You’re 30: I think even if you are over 30 you can still do these things.
Cute Tumblr Alerts:
Stuff Sex Workers Eat is a new tumblr without many photos yet. But maybe if you are a sex worker you could take a photo of dinner and send it to them.
Also check out peggirl. She likes girls, and posts about a million photos a minute to express her love of girls. There’s also a lot of fucking. It’s kinda a grab bag, you might get hard core porn or three pages of ethereal lighting and cute underpants. But you will see a lot of very nicely shaped asses, that’s for sure.
in an elevator at school. i barely zipped my pants up when the door opened.
my res had the old school elevators with the gates inside. if you opened the gates, the elevator couldn’t be called to any floor. One of my most awesome memories is sex in that elevator, dark, stopped between floors one and two, seeing the don doing his walk-abouts through the cracks between floors.
walk in fridge at work
i am so cold just thinking about this
you’ll warm up
Naked parts. Cold metal. Could end badly.
haha, i immediately regretted sharing that one
walk in frigde? try walk in freezer…i laid out our coats…and pants…it was all good.
i honestly really feel like walk-in fridge is de rigueur for a food service worker
a hostels fire escape. in lack of anything bed-like. it was hot but kinda unpleasant at the same time. we then went inside again and occupied the only shower that could be locked for about 2 hours. the next day I looked like I had been beaten up.
I always wanted to have sex in my university departments library. I’m finally an employee and have a master key.
all I need now is a girl.
than that’s settled, I think.
master keys solve a lot of problems.
I know! When I got the master key set, I immediately tried to think of someone I knew who’d be into it. Now I’ve still got the key set, but I’ve gotta wait until my current girl is “at that stage”.
the first time I had sex with my gf, we did it on a beach. it was so stereotypical and I don’t care it was perfect, and magical. I even had the tide coming in around my ankles by the time we were finished.
also, we have a running count of how many buildings on campus we can have sex in before I graduate in May. we are going for ALL THE BUILDINGS. besides the all-boys dorm, because that’s gross
in a parked semi that reeked of brut in a semi-abandoned grain storage building of an anhydrous ammonia supplier during a thunderstorm.
breaking and entering may or may not have been involved… haha
the design studio of my college’s theater department on a drafting table, finishing just before the campus police showed up to lock the studio door.
outdoor ball pit at mcdonalds. a few days later i found some stray balls in my hoodie …
In a locker room shower at a Jewish Community Center… o.O
Poli-sci section of my university’s library… The pursuit of happiness has never been more personal.
In the parking lot at a local mall. It was morning, my GF had applied for a job and was wearing a hot dress, garters and stockings–it was too much for me to stand. We went at it in her Nissan Sentra–that is until a speed-walking older woman came by, which shocked the heck out of all three of us!
Also went at it in the handicapped stall at an Olive Garden bathroom in Florida–very shocking to everyone who had come in to the bathroom when we walked out together…
On a school bus on the way back from a band competition. On a school bus on the way back from a bowling meet. In a band practice room. In a car parked on school grounds. In a car parked on an elementary school’s grounds. In a bathroom at school.
I had a lot of sex on my high school’s property, apparently.
Also. Just got home from having some super hot sex on her bed. BEDS CAN BE SEXY, TOO.
Thought you all should know.
The bathroom. Of an art gallery. Finished about 10 minutes before we had to be downstairs, in places, for a performance art piece. That’s GOT to win some extra gay points.
I do beleive I deserve more badass points than all u feckers…
We were caught by th po po twice I one night- each time in a different location! Lol
I stil love tellin that story !
Police officer ” cn th driver of th vehicle please identify HIMSELF”
I giggled.
Once in the dressing room at Kmart I made my girlfriend cum in like 20 seconds. I’m pretty sure that’s my personal record.
BART (or any public transportation) is always fun. Especially when a straight couple figures out what you’re doing and the guy is turned on and the girl is pissed off because her boyfriend is turned on. Laughable.
Also, I’ve done it in a horse stadium. And almost on one of those big, flat cement graves. There is not much of a selection of places to go when you’re from the rural country/mountains.
By the train tracks. So great.
Three different very crowded parks. People actually stopped to watch, which was weird.
Balconies, I love balconies.
I’ve totally done the bus thing. Except it was during a high school trip in Mexico. Does that count for two?
Inside a confessional room during school hours at my all-girls catholic high school’s chapel.
I win.
Yes. Yes you do.
You win everything.
You win at life. Also probably the after-life.
I saw that movie!
on the church piano, with the pastor. my baptist church thought they were so progressive hiring hot, young, blonde female pastors. ha. they had no idea.
ok, YOU win.
OH hell yeah you defs win
yes. you win the universe.
I also have a less scandalous one
in the park parking lot inside of our car, except the police flashed their lights inside and asked us to step out. i was newly 18 at the time she was 17. The asshole tried scaring me because of that saying I could get arrested for that. Then after checking our IDs he asked where we were when HE was in highschool. ew.
oh also at a park under a blanket in the middle of the day. we were behind a building where we thought know one would see us…except an asshole did who proceeded to jack off behind a tree and then approached us with his pants down. we hid under the blanket until he left. then proceed to park his car near the building so he could see when we left. because we feared he’d follow us, we stayed there for over an hour until he left.
i would not want to have sex in the dressing rooms where i work. it is GROSS and i have to clean that shit every week. my lungs are full of poison now.
i bet they didn’t even fold or hang up their clothes afterwards too
I did it in the parking lot of my gf’s grandpa’s retirement home too! While in the backseat of her grandma’s car. But the craziest place is probably at the Fort Worth Zoo
my ex and i had sex in a friend’s bed, but while her and her boyfriend were in it working on a computer project. somehow, they had no idea.
when you are living with your parents and she’s living in a dorm, you get very creative: lounge, baseball field, abandoned parking lots (the cops got sick of busting of us), on the river bank, my closet, in the car on the way to texas (the truckers loved this), in every straight bar our friends dragged us to, and in her mormon church’s bathroom.
the ocean is another good one if you can manage to stay upright!
…in your closet.
The irony (if that’s what it is) is killing me.
This!
The pool of our friend’s apartment complex. The pool was surrounded by all of the building’s porches too!
Also, in an open field used as a football practice field for my former High School’s football team several times.
Graveyard. As a lesbian teenager it was one of the few quiet least visited places to safely have sex. It was kind of an added turn that there were possibly ghosts and spirits around us while we made love
In a parking garage. Not in a car, just on the floor. The ground was totally filthy but the experience was strangely hot.
my girlfriend went to an art boarding school and hetero sleepovers were forbidden, but the place was so full of homos, that eventually they had to forbid sleepovers of all kinds because the loophole was unfair to the straight kids.
also, when we were in college, our best trick was to get into the visual arts building’s elevator and pull the stop button between floors. it was awesome.
i also went to arts boarding school, the boys dorm at night was more drama than i have ever witnessed in any lesbian event or lesbian anything of all time ever
you didn’t go to walnut hill, did you?
Walnut Hill in MA?
yes!
ummmmm…..at about 2AM on top of a water tank, about 100 feet in the air….we were on patrol together during Basic Training at Ft Jackson, SC.
Well now that I think about it….in a fox hole at night during a “live fire” exercise, in the back of a humvee, on the hood of same humvee (dif girl)…well you get the idea, a recurring theme. I thank the US Army for getting me more ass than college….really.
More recently in the AV projection room at medical school with my ex-wife….as I was standing up (ahem!)–I hit some switch with my knee and looking over her shoulder, saw the lecture slides from Pathology…
Recruiters should adopt your strategy cuz I have a sudden urge to join the army now
Ok, so my girlfriend’s parents totally own a bar. I could hypthetically knock out like 3 to 5 goal locations just through that connection.
-Roof of the Princeton University football stadium. A shooting star streaked across the sky just after we’d finished and were having our post-sex let-me-clutch-you-to-my-body cuddles. Quite epic.
-The place isn’t unusual by any means, but I gave why lovely lady an orgasm while simultaneously driving down the highway. I was proud of myself.
It’s great while driving/being a passenger!
One time my girl was in the process of giving me an orgasm while simultaneously driving on the freeway and I was almost “there” until I opened my eyes, looked up, and noticed that her dad was driving past us smiling and waving. Total mood killer. Since we were living with her parents at the time it was quite awkward when we got home because we weren’t sure if he had seen us or not.
Can I say this week – Fubar (2) and this article have ruined the backseat on the Greyhound bus for me. I’ve only ever traveled alone and I’ve often though – “THIS is the best window seat EVER!” Now I’ll just sit there depressed realizing everyone but me has had sex there.
in a deerstand at dawn, she was all camo’d up, i couldnt not. on a charter bus,on the way to phoenix on a band trip. in a corn maze. down in the creek on a big fucking rock. heh…fucking rock…and yeah, the walk in freezer.
Read the title.
Yelled MY BED!
Did a victory lap through my all girls dorm in my boxer briefs.
Color me goose-bumped. The resemblance between our experiences is uncanny:
Read the title and yelled ‘MY BED!’
Waited a couple of seconds and then I yelled ‘NOT!’
Did a solemn celibacy lap through my all girl bedroom in my sweatpants.
Uncanny I tell you. High five!
in her neighbor’s back yard. in multiple cemeteries. in a twisty slide. in a playground. a million different parks. on a picnic table in a campground. on a beach. in an rv. in a friend’s hot tub. in same friend’s driveway in my car. in same friend’s bathroom. in same friend’s bedroom. my god she was a good friend. i should text her.
also in a baseball diamond, on every base. i hope that’s not lost on people. i giggled.
I find graveyard experiences fascinating and I have several completely distasteful questions about the whole thing.
This is irrelevant, however, ’cause I’ll never ask them… I’m a classy nadiefucker.
I started reading this thread feeling directionless and utterly devoid of aspirations.
Now I have a rough guide map to everything I want to accomplish in the next ten years.
Thanks, Autostraddle!
Darkroom. With the safelight on. Had to keep stopping every sixty seconds to change the chemicals.
I’ve seen this movie–it was called Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona ;)
Graveyard in the middle of the night. Middle of summer. hahah.
On the lawn in the middle of UCLA’s campus right between the library and performance hall (the 2 most famous buildings on campus). an entire group of asian tourists stopped so the guide could explain the buildings–they noticed us for SURE.
In a memorial garden on the base of a statue of the Virgin Mary.
Also, never on a sex swing… and judging by that packaging i think I need to keep it that way.
Hmm, the movie theaters while watching some terribad kids movie. There was only 2 other people there who left about halfway. Or in the garden outside of my apartment cause there was a random patch of neatly kept grass hidden in the middle of a bunch of shrubs and trees… That happened a few times. Teenagers have to be crafty I suppose, hah.
Your picture looks a hell of a lot like Cacie Dalager from Now Now Every Children.
behind the bar at your partner’s ex-boyfriend’s best friend’s stag n’ doe.
front row of a local theate production of frankenstein.
in the history section at the public library.
in a tree at a park by my apartment.
in a booth at a local bar watching the world cup.
Not me, and not sex, but some friends had to unexpectedly leave town for family business while they were trying to make a ladybaby. they brought the donor sperm with them because the trip occurred during peak fertility. It wound up that they didn’t have much privacy where they were staying, so one of them had to inseminate the other in a suburban strip mall parking lot, and, well, it worked. supercute little kid.
On top of an antique train-car at a train museum (shoutout to Travel Town!)…tresspassing may have been involved. A no-hands policy was thrown down on account of how dirty the climb to the top of the train had been.
Surreptitious finger-bang under the communal table at a luau in Hawaii.
…and the usual bar…car…rooftop…hiking/nature situation.
not all that crazy, i suppose, but..
dressing room at a store, and then in the parking lot of the restaurant we went to after shopping, facing the street. annnd in the theater during toy story.
In the middle of the dancefloor at a concert. I was wearing a short skirt. Too drunk to tell or care if anyone around noticed.
Been there for that one… upper balcony of the Crystal Ballroom (Portland, OR) during an Ani concert. Seated on steps in the aisle between two seating sections, because we didn’t have actual seats up there.
Uhm the bathroom at a strip club…a hipster strip club where the girls have tattoos and mohawks.
On a large blue couch in the Women’s Centre at my university… After hours…
In a tent at a motorcycle rally, in the middle of winter with snow on the ground… and about 15 feet from people drinking outside the clubhouse. We went to sleep and later I went back to the bar, and everyone cheered us because we’d been quite noisy…