The feature image of Mistress Datura and Vanniall and all of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are from fetish site Mondo Fetiche. The inclusion of a visual here is not an assertion of a model’s gender or orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Tasha Black for Mondo Fetiche

What’s it like to attend a queer sex party for the first time?:

“All good orgies, I’ve now learned, have a point at which the circle dissolves and the hooking up begins. This time, the catalyst occurred when someone mentioned having never received a dildo blowjob before. We all gasped, scrambling to rectify the situation, and the sex took off from there.

As people started fooling around, I retrieved my Magic Wand Rechargeable from my bag and took a seat on the couch. “I’m just going to casually Hitachi over here,” I announced, using the phrase I invented during the #dildoholiday trip years ago while watching porn with friends. Look at me inventing orgy-specific catchphrases all over the place.

I watched the scene unfold, keeping the wand on low, allowing myself to indulge in the rush of voyeurism. I didn’t come, but I didn’t need to.”

Ava D’Amore, Lucy Strawberry for Mondo Fetiche

Stop asking for space instead of breaking up, and start just breaking up:

“Don’t get me wrong: I have no problem with space as a concept. ‘Needing space’ is a perfectly legitimate request to make within the confines of a relationship, and creating space can take any number of forms. Maybe you and your partner are committed, but know you can never live together. Maybe you live together, but spend a certain amount of time each day in separate rooms, or hang out with separate groups of friends. This, I get. I tend to fall hard and fast, and to desire nothing more at first than the total abdication of my right to space — only to resent my lover later when they expect me to maintain that constant availability. But a romantic relationship with no built-in space is one that’s not likely to last. You have to carve out space with deliberation and care so that when you are together, the spacelessness feels like love rather than suffocation.

My problem is with invoking one’s constitutional right to space as a candy-assed half-breakup.”

Valentine Boudreaux, Lain Arbor, River Gray for Mondo Fetiche

What’s the difference between secrecy and privacy in a relationship? “‘If you aren’t revealing something because you don’t want to, it’s likely an example of maintaining privacy,’ says psychotherapist Amy Morin, LCSW, editor-in-chief of Verywell Mind. ‘And if you’re not revealing something because you are afraid of the consequences, it’s likely secrecy.'”

Want to read a sexy book? Or if visual porn is more your style, on September 30, Shine Louise Houston is hosting a live screening of lesbian-produced porn from the 80s, 90s, and early 2000s, with special guest Nan Kinney, and you can get tickets here.

If you find yourself in gridlock during conflict with a partner, here are a few ways to break out of it. Among them: don’t rush through it, consider you might both be right, be vulnerable, and find similarities and build on them.

Here’s how to ask your partner to sexually degrade you.

A psychologically rich life is a life well-lived.

“Ethical non-monogamy? This throuple is discussing the trolley problem.”

What does it mean to be a pregnant person in porn?

Here’s what’s up with Mercury retrograde this time around.

Here’s how to be there for others when you’re falling apart yourself.

Ashley Paige, Ava D’Amore for Mondo Fetiche

Why not stay friends with your exes?:

“Moving on from each other is the biggest obstacle to overcome. It’s less about letting go of the feelings you have and more about letting go of the expectations of what they’re supposed to mean. You may still carry romantic emotions for each other, but you can’t try and find your way back to a place that no longer exists. Instead, come to terms with letting the shape of them change but holding onto their value.”

Or if you feel less warmly towards an ex and they text you out of nowhere, here are a few ways to respond. (I recommend the cross-platform block.)

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