Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
Feature image via alien spiiirit.
Julia Valimaki via girls will be boys
+ Anna Pulley writes about what it’s like to watch episodes for the (queer feminist) Crash Pad Series shooting:
“As a feminist, I’ve found there’s often a negotiation that occurs when watching most porn, especially if it involves any kind of heavy aggression or degradation. Because, let’s face it, our desires are hardly ever politically correct. When a woman in porn is tied up and being called a dirty whore, the last thing you want to be thinking is, ‘Does liking this make me a bad person?’ With ‘Crash Pad,’ there was no such negotiation. The performers genuinely seemed to be enjoying themselves. Nothing about the sex seemed contrived or for the benefit of an audience. Pleasure was the central tenet, and it worked. It was hot.”
via thebrownladies
+ People who talk about sex for a living talked about what they wish they’d known about sex when they first started having it:
“People need to understand that sex is fun — fun and funny. Sometimes it’s awkward, sometimes it doesn’t go off as planned. There is so much pressure around sex about what it’s supposed to look and feel like that it can lead people to feel disappointed.
I can only imagine telling people, ‘It’s OK to laugh during sex.’ It’s supposed to be serious business, but sometimes it’s not that serious! Sometimes it’s really funny.”
+ It is not a great idea to “steal” someone else’s girlfriend. According to a heteronormative study of people poached by their current romantic partners:
“[I]ndividuals who were poached by their current romantic partners were less committed, less satisfied, and less invested in their relationships. They also paid more attention to romantic alternatives, perceived their alternatives to be of higher quality, and engaged in higher rates of infidelity compared to non-poached participants.”
via fanrin
+ It can be difficult to come out as kinky to your doctor.
+ At Oh Joy Sex Toy, Erika Moen reviewed Afterglow massage candles.
+ A reductive recent article declared that people with vaginas can only have clitoral orgasms and also reduced women’s orgasmic experience to terms that parallel men’s. Devi Ward Tantra has a response.
+ Using the term “secondary partner(s)” is a problem.
+ Being stressed outside your relationships makes you worse at them.
via queen sized
+ The Eva is a new hands-free vibrator that stays in place by tucking under labia.
+ Dating someone who doesn’t like you having a rich inner life that does not revolve around them is a terrible idea. In an answer in the Times‘ Sunday Book Review, Anna Holmes discusses why (in relation to books, but also in relation to everything):
“I hate the idea that there is a type of person whose impulse when witnessing a partner’s clearly rewarding, other-directed engagement is to react with contempt, not celebration; to expect the prioritizing of one’s own needs far above hers. In my experience, daring to honor my interior life — not to mention my professional commitments — has proved, in the context of coupling, to be a controversial, radical act.”
via pinktacolovers
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I agree 200% with the last point
So is the Cora from thelingerieaddict okay with having her picture used in a “sexy pictures” context? I’m not sure, but from my fuzzy recollections of her Tumblr I thought she was pretty clear about not being reblogged to porn blogs, etc. I assume AS checks for this sort of thing though?
this isn’t a porn blog…
I think ‘I wish I’d known this then’ is what motivates a lot of sex educators. Erika Moen talks about how her sex education as a kid was scare tactics and slut shaming so when she found out sex was enjoyable she couldn’t stop talking about it – and I’m the same.
The sad thing is my parents aren’t sex negative! My dad’s a bit conservative but neither of them shamed or lied to me about sex. The problem was they didn’t really talk about it at all and so the media got to me instead. I remember stand up comedians joking about how women found sex boring but did it for men anyway, and television shows where the woman who actually enjoyed sex was the oddity of the group (and so considered either ‘man like’ for it, or just outright weird). By the age of thirteen when I’d already hit puberty and was growing a B-cup I thought sex was something that men enjoyed and women did for them – and if they were lucky they could enjoy it too.
Now, years later, I am hugely invested in pleasure-based education. I study gender at university with that focus in mind, I’m helping put together a sex toy workshop at this years Feast festival, and I write sex positive stories because I don’t want anyone to think that sex isn’t mean to be fun for them. It’s not a chore, or an obligation – it’s meant to be fun for everyone who wants to do it.
Also, on the ‘girlfriend stealing’ subject, I remember a statistic I heard years ago about how most relationships that begin with cheating end with cheating – which I don’t doubt really! (How do you trust a partner whose relationship with you began by them being untrustworthy? Hmm!)
“poached” a partner? “steal” a girlfriend?
I hate this language and how it implies possessiveness and a certain type of innocence of those being “stolen” or “tempted”.
heteronormative indeed.
Well, phrasing it as “most cheating partners continue to cheat” smacks of stating the obvious a bit more.
Cis lesbians with masculine of center energy are devastatingly hot to me…. in reference to the “girls will be boys” first part. Just saying.