all photos by Clint Jenneker

For the last two years, my girlfriend and I have been doing boudoir shoots. We were lucky to click with a photographer on our first shoot and regularly returned to try out new concepts. Since we both share a best friend and are loath to do anything without her, it wasn’t long before we invited her along.

Before my first shoots, I’d heard much about how great boudoir photography can be for self-esteem. This proved true as we found ourselves seeking the experience itself of being photographed just as much as the resulting photos. It’s a much more artful pursuit than the nudes I’m used to taking and sending. Not to say the nudes are devoid of artistic value — anything involving my tits has artistic value. I’m a living sculpture. So is my girlfriend. So is our bestie Kyra. We cheer on the women in our lives.

That’s what the bulk of this adventure became for us: cheering each other on. We all have complex body image issues, and this was a way to confront them in a supportive environment. If ‘regular’ boudoir photography is getting face-to-face with our sensitivities, then kink positive gay boudoir is taking a riding crop to them. Which, incidentally, was a recurring theme whenever I was the bottom half of a shoot.

Boudoir-with-friends was more of a bonding experience than anything else. We entertained each other in between outfit changes and took feedback before getting in front of the camera. I did a stint of standing behind the photographer and making faces at the subject to get them to crack up. Of course it was worth it.

Besides the silliness, we also used the opportunity to get in touch with our sensual yearnings. Lucy uses her shoots to understand her relationship with body fat and self-esteem, because that work is never truly over. Kyra and I? Very queer. She loves topping, and I’m somewhere between middle and bottom, so out comes the riding crop and ropes. Maybe it is cliche, but it’s wonderful seeing intentional and personal moments captured and kept forever.

There was also something to be said for the beauty of women bonding platonically over sexuality. It’d be a bit foolish for us to say the experience was entirely non-sexual. But I think our readership of all people can understand that there needn’t be a hard separation between friendship and sexuality. In fact, friendships can bloom out of engaging sexually with each other in a mutually respectful way.

The photos are of course lovely. Random boudoir shots are always interspersed between my ‘regular’ dating app photos. They’re exceptional conversation starters, because so much depth can be teased out of each. They answer so many questions for prospective dates, like where my sexual interests lie, where my sexuality stands, and what I look like in various states of undress. Just to get the party started!

Would I recommend this brand of silliness to others? Hell yes. Even if the person you bring isn’t taking part, good photographers are very happy to let you bring trusted people along to watch over you while you pose. Although every photographer has their own specializations, there are plenty of kink-friendly and group-friendly photographers. I even got some great pointers about posing and lighting from the photographer that stand me well to this day.

But for real, I live with the goal of doing what they are afraid of us doing: making everything gay. We’ve already done it to weddings. We might as well do it to the surroundings. If you have a gay bestie in your life who you’d be comfortable posing with, this is your signal. Get those photos. Learn about your soft spots. Celebrate them.

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