Laura M, 30, Staff Writer
Method: I use a Diva cup paired with period panties: Thinx for heavy days, Dear Kate for light days. I also have reusable cloth pads that I’ll add if I’m going to be stuck on a plane or something like that.
Pain Management: I usually don’t get cramps, but I hug a cup of tea to my belly sometimes and that feels good.
Ritual: I wouldn’t call this a ritual, necessarily, but I’m a big fan of period sex.
Personally: I have an easy period! The only time it has ever been a problem is right after I got my IUD; for 3-4 months, I had spotting and cramps felt like a tiny, vicious beast was trying to claw its way out of me. It was awful. And then, suddenly, the scar tissue settled down or whatever, and everything was fine again!
Hot Tips: Has everyone heard of SoftCups? They’re kind of like diaphragms, but to stop period blood from getting out. I never had much luck with them for daily use (they’re tricky to put in and seem more prone to leaking), but the point is that it allows you to have penetrative sex with no mess. For that purpose, it works great, would recommend! Alternatively, put down a soft, absorbent black towel, get comfortable with a little bit of mess, and live your best life.
Stef, 33, Vapid Fluff Editor
First Time: I think I was 12 or 13 years old. My mom wasn’t home, I saw spotting on underwear and I did not under any circumstances want to ask my dad if he thought what had just happened was my period. After my mom confirmed and set me up with a box of huge, bulky winged pads, I called my two only actual friends and breathlessly reported the news like I was in a Judy Blume novel, expecting them to be just as excited. They both were kinda like, “oh, I got mine a year ago.”
Method: My mom has some Very Particular views on womanhood so I was a pad person until just after college, when I made the switch to tampons. I would like to try a menstrual cup someday but am still scared to take the plunge.
Pain Management: I have a Paragard IUD so my period is a lot more intense than it used to be — think Ginger in Ginger Snaps, like maybe I’m turning into a werewolf. There is nothing that will help. You just have to breathe through it, dude.
Ritual: I don’t really have any rituals, but I’ve gotten better at predicting my moods around my cycle. Generally right before I’m about to bleed, I want to either bone everything that moves or cry myself to sleep with no real grey area in between. I try to temper this with alone time and occasional chocolate, which is very Cathy cartoon of me but I do not care.
Personally: Like I said, the Paragard makes my period a bit more intense than it already was, although I am on my second Paragard now and it seems a little easier.. On my first one, I got cramps when I ovulated (a fun bonus!), and this one doesn’t seem to do that. Part of me hates that my already kind of terrible period is made worse, and part of me is morbidly fascinated.
KaeLyn, 34, Staff Writer
First Time: I was 12. It was the summer between 5th and 6th grade, so literally the transition between elementary school (childhood) and middle school (pubertyville). I was so fucking thrilled. I’d had fairly decent sex ed in 5th grade where we learned about menstruation and I’d been obsessed with bleeding ever since. I told my mom and dad, both, triumphantly! My mom got me one of those pamphlet kits that pad companies used to make before the internet existed about “your changing body” or whatever. I studied that pamphlet like it was a fucking holy text.
Method: Diva Cup, Size 2 or Tampax bleachy tampons if I lose or ruin my Diva Cup which happens more than I’d like to admit. (Do not boil your cup and then forget it’s on the stove—kaboom!)
Pain Management: Usually just water, low-breath moaning, and caffeine, though I’m not opposed to popping PMS pills if I need them. My period challenge is the explosive shits I get on day one and and day two more than the cramps.
Ritual: I am pretty grounded about all things body-ody, in that I don’t experience a particular warm fuzziness or negativity about my period and I don’t have any rituals around bleeding. It’s just something my body does. I do enjoy paying attention to the consistency of my cervical mucous and blood consistency so I can predict my cycle.
Personally: I used to hate my period but not for any particular reason other than that I’d been made to feel “dirty” and “unclean” for having a period which is 100% patriarchal bullshit. A period stain on your pants was a stain of shame. In college, I read Cunt by Inga Muscio, which was a mixed bag for me. I mean, there was a lot of problematic shit in there and some stuff that was too “out there” for me even in 2001, but it did change my frame of reference for appreciating my body. I don’t love my period. I don’t loathe it. I think I just live in a place of, “Oh, that’s fine,” with my body, especially after my body made a baby. I try to appreciate all the fucking great things my body does for me while tamping down negative self-talk as much as possible. One cool thing that has improved my period feelings is that my postpartum period is much shorter and lighter than before! Bonus!
Hot Tip: If you want to track your period, like with data and charts and analyzing your cervical mucous and stuff, I’d highly suggest getting a period tracker app. I recommend Clue (best for just period tracking) or Kindara (best for fertility tracking). Both are relatively non-pink/cutesy/feminizing which is important since MCalc became no-longer-a-thing.
Alexis, 23, Staff Writer
First Time: I was in seventh grade and it happened during the school day (I didn’t know it until I got to my grandparents’ house after school) and I vaguely remember being in Enrichment, asking to go to the bathroom, throwing up my Frosted Flakes, mourning the loss of my favorite cereal, and instantly feeling so much better and hoping this sudden change in wellness meant I was getting my superpowers soon. As I got to my grandma’s and told my sister “Come here!” because of what I found in my underwear, my grandma told me, “Don’t worry about her, she’s just scared.” And I wanted to tell her I wasn’t, but we just don’t negate those kinds of things.
Method: Disposable pads though I mean to try reusable pads but never remember til I get my period and I honestly don’t give a shit by then.
Pain Management: Advil, sometimes walking/pacing, but usually cursing helps.
Ritual: I don’t have any rituals or traditions cause I’m still terrified that this happens to me every month and that it had the audacity to once happen for three months straight.
Personally: My history with self-harm influences my feelings about my cycle. Like, I usually feel really destructive right before my period but I always think that there’s no way it can be my period cause I just had it and some not good shit is about to go down but then my period comes and that feeling vanishes cause it turns out I wasn’t losing my mind. I don’t hate my period but I’m not a huge fan of it, it always feels like a waste to me cause I don’t want to have kids and I feel like this should be some opportunity given to someone who does. And growing up, it helped because I could always push off my feelings on my period coming as explanation to my family, but now, it just feels like using that is more invalidating than protecting.
Hot Tip: I just found out about Pyramid Seven and am about to try them out but the Instagram alone makes me happy. Also, it’s not specifically about it, but I really liked reading Gabby Rivera’s Juliet Takes A Breath cause it made me consider my period as like something to honor instead of dread and that was a breath of fresh air.
Molly, 31, staff writer
First Time: I was 12 when I first got my period; it was seventh grade and I was sitting in the gym watching the boys play a basketball game after school and suddenly realized something was up. I was just thrilled to keep up with my friends; I was a bit of a late-bloomer.
Method: I use tampons.
Pain Management: At least four ibuprofen to start, and then smoke a bowl at the end of the day.
Ritual: My ritual is being surprised every goddamn time I start feeling moody or down about myself the week before the flow hits. Then I’m like, growl growl why growl growl, then have one INCREDIBLE day wherein I have all sorts of energy and good ideas and feel hot, THEN it hits. I don’t know why.
Personally: Growing up I wished I was a boy, because how did all the girls in Red Dawn deal with their periods? I just thought about it as another shitty aspect of womanhood that I had to worry about that the boys didn’t have to. Surprise I still think of it that way most times.
Hot Tip: Honestly, I haven’t ever really turned to media to deal with my period. It’s just been a fact of life I try to ignore when I have and forget about completely when I don’t.
Heather, 38, Senior Editor
First Time: I was 14 the first time I got my period. I knew it was inevitable; all my friends already had their periods — but I was not excited to join that particular sisterhood. Firstly because I played sports all the time and spent every day of the spring and summer in the pool and so it was a nuisance. Secondly because my mom was always telling everyone any bit of my personal business she knew — like when I got my first Bugaboo bra from Belk — and I was not looking forward to having everyone in my family and church giving me knowing looks.
Method: I use disposable pads, Always ones. I especially like the way the box is designed now. The way the packaging opens, the box looks like it’s making a face that’s just as annoyed as I am to be on my period.
Pain Management: Nothing relieves my cramps. They’re excruciating. It’s my uterus, my hips, my upper abdomen, my butt, all of my middle body really. Nausea, too. Constant, relentless nausea. Eating is basically out of the question, which is extra fun because I bleed very heavily and am anemic because of it. (Thanks, endometriosis!) I take Advil, baths, and as many naps as I can while wrapped up in heating pads.
Ritual: I do as much work as possible in the days leading up to my period so I can lie in bed and pray to Antiope to make the days pass faster when I’m on my period. And I take iron supplements and vitamin C to help the iron supplements absorb into my blood stream better.
Personally: I have always hated my period because of how weird the adults in my life acted about it when I was a teenager, and now that I’m an adult with endometriosis, the memories of that weirdness plus my physical agony just make me hate it even worse. If I could change any one thing about my life it would be how much endometriosis has messed up my body, and there’s no reminder as hateful as my monthly bleeding.
Read Heather’s essay for an update on her endometriosis.
Raquel, 28, Staff Writer
First Time: The first time I bled was during my 7th grade English final. I completely sat in serious discomfort and spent the rest of the day crying in the nurse’s room.
Method: I mostly use tampons, though it took me years to do that because my strict Christian upbringing meant they were discouraged. Most of my early menstruating life, I used big, awful, bulky pads with unwieldy wings that I’d steal from my mom’s bathroom. Now, I usually use a combo of a light tampon and some Thinx.
Pain Management: I pop all the ibuprofen that feels medically advisable and heat up a bed-buddy warmer for to hug. If it’s really bad, I’ve found writhing in bed and moaning helps.
Rituals: You know, I don’t really do any rituals—in part because my period is so erratic, and has taken months off before (don’t ask me why). But reading Gabby Rivera’s amazing Juliet Takes a Breath and the lovely wu-wu ritual her character goes through at the urging of her queer mentor really makes me want to make one. My first thought is candles and a bathtub.
Personally: One of the things I hate the very most is that very often, I’ll feel very overwhelmed and sad and, sometimes, go into a depressive cycle and then two days later get my period. The stereotype that women are unruly or emotionally “too much” when on their periods is one of my least favorite things, and yet I’m still at the mercy of my hormones and my cycle. What gives! As it’s irregular, I often ruin panties and have occasionally had an embarrassing spill in someone else’s bed. I’d like to start approaching it more positively, as a celebration of a thing that my body can do, but that’s hard to do when you’re cranky as hell, your muscles are tired, and it seems your uterine lining is trying to strangle its way out of your body.
Hot Tip: In college, I did a research project on the history of the tampon as an object. In searching out info, I came upon a really fantastic (and hideously un-designed) website called the Museum of Menstruation. It’s definitely worth looking through, not to learn some stuff and find something kooky, but also, if you’re into it, to have a fun place to focus your rage.
On a more fun level, this really cool graphic designer/illustrator Soofiya (featured on Autostraddle here!) put together an awesome intersectional zine about periods that I highly recommend looking at. Their whole etsy has lots of fun period-related crafty things, as well!
Neesha, 30, Staff Writer
First Time: I’d had some bloody discharge before, but the first time I had a full menstrual cycle was at age 11 during the summer before sixth grade. It was heavy, painful, and dreadful. After an emotionally draining night at the skating rink during that cycle, I knew that my period would cause problems for years to come.
Method: It’s been a long road figuring out how to make my period bearable. After years of debilitating periods, I got a hormonal IUD last December to ease the excessive monthly bleeding and cramping I experienced. So far, so good: I no longer have to cancel plans because of Shark Week. My periods have gotten lighter, less painful, and may eventually go away completely. I use a DivaCup (I just ordered a new one for folks age 30 and up) and a pantyliner in case of spillage. Sometimes, I wear cloth pads at night. This is a vast improvement over having to wear both a tampon and disposable pad at the same time and having embarrassing accidents because of my heavy flow.
Pain Management: My cramps have eased since getting an IUD. I’ve been taking Naproxen lately for cramping, and I enjoy doing deep stretches as well. I live in Seattle, so of course my periods are 420-friendly. I also try to have more orgasms!
Ritual: I try to not drink alcohol or eat sweets, which is hard for me because I’m a candy fiend. I allow myself to rest, and I drink lots of tea and water.
Personally: My period’s been a pain in the ass most of my life. I’ve often felt like I would be better off without it. Now that my period’s more manageable, I can appreciate how miraculous of a bodily function it is. I’m a non-binary babe with the power to bring life into the world — hear me roar! I’ve never particularly wanted kids, but as a married gal, it’s good to know that it’s an option for me to have biological children. If I have children (biological or not) who menstruate, I want to destigmatize periods for them and celebrate them getting their period as a milestone that they should be proud of.
Hot Tip: The Diva Cup is a great option for bleeders who are unafraid of sticking things up their va-jay-jay, and it comes in different sizes. Also, Period Tracker is a good app for keeping tabs on your period.
Yvonne, 26, Senior Editor
First Time: I was 11 and it was the summer between 5th and 6th grades. My parents, my little brother and I went to the flea market to sell our old junk and old clothes. I was there to help my parents move things off the truck and generally hustle to sell our things. I grew up in South Texas so it’s fucking hot and humid and I’m bending down and moving around when all of sudden I feel weird. I go to the really gross portable restroom and that’s when I found out I was on my period. I knew what a period was and I told my mom and she didn’t have a pad on her. We couldn’t just leave when we had just gotten there so I had to endure a hot sticky day while bleeding on a piece of toilet paper. I was miserable and I spent the whole day sulking and trying not to move.
Method: I use disposable pads. Tampons hurt me so I haven’t even bothered with a menstrual cup. I should really try reusable pads since I work from home but my mom and grandma send me disposable pads in care packages all the time that I’m always stocked.
Pain Management: My period usually lasts four days and on one of those days I have horrible cramps that last for at least an hour. You would think that it would happen on the first two days but it’s really random when it happens. At the peak of the pain, I take some ibuprofen. If they’re mild cramps, I drink chamomile tea. I get worse cramps if I drink coffee so I avoid it.
Ritual: My lower back and hips feel achy when I’m on my period so I always make time to do some hip-opening stretches. Even though I don’t feel like it at all, I try really hard to work out because my brain feels 100 percent better after I do. I get really groggy and can’t think clearly when I’m on my period so working out usually does the trick. I make sure I eat some meat when I’m on my period because I swear every time I eat like steak tacos I come back to life and feel like I can think again. It makes me feel like Jennifer from Jennifer’s Body when that happens.
Personally: I generally don’t like my period; I just want to get it over with. I complain when I’m on it but I’m relieved and rejoice when it’s over because it means in the following days I will be super horny and will have great sex.
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Periods! I think periods are cool, though my hat is off to those whose cramps or other negative experiences with them make them feel otherwise.
One of my favorite cycle-related activities is tracking, for both physical and emotional symptoms. This is most useful for people with regular-ish cycles. I could feel in vague terms but can now point to clear evidence that I absolutely have two “times of the month”—one pre-/during menstruation, one around ovulation. I’ve found that to be true for many women around me, and it makes perfect sense when you think about how hormones are shifting during those times, but I was never taught that it was even a possibility. It’s really, really helpful to look back on prior months’ data as a means of understanding [why am I so exhausted/is this likely to turn into a migraine/etc.]. Getting my girlfriend into this has also been helpful relationship-wise, because it makes particular patterns we both have very clear and helps us be aware of when we want to proceed with caution around emotional stuff, for example.
I’ve been using Clue for this these days: user-friendly, not pink, and has a very useful sharing feature (for the general phases; does not show specific tracked symptoms). The pre-programmed symptoms are pretty good, and you can program your own tags for things that happen to your specific body. Go forth and track, people! You will be amazed.
Clue is life! I was totally out of touch with my (often irregular) cycle and how it can affect the ebb and flow of my moods and physical state until I started using Clue. I love it so much. Like you said, it’s not pink or girly and you can see when your next 3 periods and ovulation days will likely be. Intuitive interface with practical information. Things just make sense now.
this is such a great roundtable! periods are weird and also diva cup changed my life; I have a light enough flow that I can kind of just stick it in there and then not worry about my period.
my girlfriend calls it her “cycle” but my favorite phrase is what my woo woo travel buddy used– “I’m with the moon.”
what even.
anyway glad to not be pregnant!!
I’m expecting mostly cervixable and a couple of O!-varian funny comments here
Menstrual puns are never funny. Period.
Now that you mens-ion it…
I’m gonna just go with the flow here and say y’all are bloody awful. But don’t let me discourage you, I’d hate to cramp anyone’s style. Hmm, what else can I come up with to pad this comment? Maybe it’s time for me to be stopping – you know, tampon it down a little…I should really cup it out…
Hope no one thinx these are too much.
Well! I’m stain out of this if you’re going to get crotchety
This week, for only like the second time ever, I’m having the kind of period that allows me to understand how some people can go without tampons. Usually the entire contents of my uterus eject themselves within a span of 24 hours, and I’m not leaving my house without a whole lot of disaster management stuffed up there.
“Disaster management” is possibly the best thing I’ve ever heard for this!!
But I’m with you, I basically have an AHS-style crime scene for 24-48 hours
“Disaster management” Is the perfect way to describe it
First off, reading this article in the student lounge of my law school was a GREAT way to scare off any shitty cis dudes around me so thank you very much for that.
Also I keep meaning to use reusable pads but the idea of like…changing it during the day and then carrying a gross bloody pad with me till I get home is really really grossing me out. And I would definitely need to change it cause I bleed extra heavily (thanks a bunch, endometriosis).
Also, do any other nb/transmasc people feel extra-dysphoric around their period? Like normally it’s relatively manageable (except for some low days) but in the 3 days or so leading up to my period I just want to destroy my entire body and be a sentient patch of haze and never have to think about gender again.
And (last thing) does anyone have any experience with CBD oil/capsules for cramps? I live in MA so I have access to it and I want to try it but I don’t know how much it will help.
“First off, reading this article in the student lounge of my law school was a GREAT way to scare off any shitty cis dudes around me so thank you very much for that.”
It’s uterus, not uterthem. =)
100% feel you on the dysphoria leading up to/on the first days of my period. I’m usually fine-ish with my body and can live pretty happily without binding/packing but then there are those 3 days a month where I can’t function without binding, leaving the house is extremely hard, etc. I think it must be something with the hormones because I also usually don’t realize I’m about to get my period but then it happens and I’m like oh yeah that explains why I’ve felt so awful lately.
I can’t comment since I am a trans woman aligned and not on hrt yet, but from the reviews I have read and from what an acquaintance told me CBD creams, and genital safe oils/liquids work more effectively than the pill. It goes directly to the point, period.
My issues with my period have always been “wow intense debilitating pain sucks” issues far more than gender/dysphoria issues, but I know that’s not the case for everyone (and like even without pain, I’d prefer to not be a walking BSI hazard for 4-7 days of ever 21-42 days, so like there might be some gender stuff there too, or maybe it’s just that I spend enough time accidentally bleeding all over stuff bc I am a klutz with medical issues that make me prone to passing out due to a number of things including low blood volume bc I have less blood than I ideally should that I just want to keep my blood inside me at all other times, IDK).
I no longer get a period thanks to my BC (all hail the BC) BUT I do have pelvic floor dysfunction of a real bad degree and the pain I get from that is usually similar in nature to menstrual cramps, though the area changes focus a little bit and I get AWESOME ABDOMINAL PAIN that is the exact same feeling as appendicitis but on my left side instead of shooting pains down my legs that I’d get with cramps, but I’ve found medical weed to be REAL GREAT for that pain (literally the first time I used it I was like “oh man I’ve forgotten how it feels to not be in pain all the time. this is great.”). I use a 1:1 THC:CBD sublingual tincture (since I have both pain from muscle spasms and nerve pain from irritated nerves in my spasming psoas muscle) and it is a lifesaver. The downside is that with THC you can’t drive while using it which like I GET but also law-making people letting me take pain stuff makes me a safer driver than when I’m in mind-numbing mandatory dissociation levels of pain thanks (also NSAIDs make me drowsier than narcotics so I can’t take them to drive but noooooo it’s “too unsafe” to drive with narcotics in your system like it’s unsafer for me to drive with NSAIDs in my system /endrant about legalities of pain medication). I don’t think a solely CBD pill or ointment would have the same regulation though? But even if it does, I think it’s worth trying, if only to take at night to help sleep (which is what I do and it is GREAT but also great because it’s really helped with my quality of sleep which is normally awful thanks to narcolepsy so I have fewer symptoms of N during the day).
I don’t remember the exact moment I got my period. I remember my mom calling me and my sister to the bathroom because there was blood in one of our pairs of underwear. It felt like she was interrogating us. I was really embarrassed. I’m standing there with my twin sister denying that it’s me. Obviously, she knew I was lying. Finally, I said I had to go to the bathroom and went into my parents’ bathroom and put a pad on. I didn’t really know how to do it or what to do. My mom was, shall we say, a repressed Southern Baptist. So our education consisted of a book with information about sex and sin. I never was really told what to do about it. I think I was 12. I got it before my twin sister got hers, but I’m not sure how much sooner. We didn’t talk about these things.
So because I didn’t have anybody to teach me about tampons or anything I used pads. I was painfully shy and filled with shame so I wasn’t going to ask anybody anything. It took years for me to start using tampons. I just looked at the pictures in the tampon box and figured it out myself. Tampons are my preferred method now. But I have a heavy flow so sometimes I have to wear a pad too, just in case. I go through a lot of tampons on my heavy days. I think cardboard applicators are the devil’s work. If I believed in the devil, anyway. I’m fortunate I don’t have too much trouble with cramps. But I bleed like a slaughtered animal and have to do a lot of cleaning after showers and sometimes have to wash my sheets multiple times.
My period is somewhat consistent as far as the cycle and number of days. Although, now that I’m 49, it’s getting a little more inconsistent. As I approach menopause it has gotten longer. More days but still consistently on a 28-day cycle. I’m ready for menopause. My period is mostly just inconvenient to me but at least I can save a little bit of money. Between tampons and pads, it gets expensive since I have a heavy flow.
I don’t have any rituals unless you consider complaining about it a ritual. I
I will use it as an excuse to get out of something I don’t want to do.
i got my period at an end-of-the-school-year pool party in 7th grade because my life is a movie
i also refused to tell my mom because i didn’t want to talk about it and she had to confront me a about it like “i found your used pads in the garbage you’re not sneaky”
Props to the people who can just breathe around the pain and whatever. I swallow as many pills as I think my liver can handle.
The pills + the alcohol really does wonders for my cramps and back pain.
Second the recommendation for Clue! My period always seemed unpredictable because I’d note the date and then be all, “Well, it was on the 12th this month, so next month it will be around the 12th.” And then SUPRISE! On the 5th or 7th or something I’d get super hungry and cranky.
And then I started using clue and realized I have a 26-day cycle on average. So I would finally understand when I felt it coming on. BUT I am also FURIOUS that my “time of the month” is a 14 times a year event. I feel cheated?
Clue is also pretty good about avoiding cis- and hetero-normativity. Their facebook group that I was in for all of 5 seconds was a shit show though.
Mine averages 23 days. I win? :(
21!!!! I hate it!!
21 as well! Glad I’m not alone
Reading this makes me feel super lucky that I rarely have any pain around my period at all and have had a pretty uncomplicated relationship with my period in general.
Despite being a very masculine person I have been really into periods since I got a menstrual cup 10 years ago because it’s like my body is doing science and also I feel like talking openly about them and being knowledgeable about my flow is like a small fuck you to the patriarchy.
I also have very easy and pain-free periods! Nice to hear about someone too.
After getting a menstrual cup it has been even more uncomplicated.
Aww, I miss having a period. I got an IUD in April and haven’t had one since. I miss it most because it was a good way to keep track of my mood. Now I feel out of touch with my emotions and my body and the time of months passing, etc etc feelings. It made me feel feminine and like I could do something concrete to take care of my body. I’m also a person who likes looking at their own blood.
I think I was 12. I vaguely remember telling my mom and she was like “this is exciting” and I was not at all excited.
My cramps are pretty manageable if I take Advil around the clock. My mother never had cramps so while she was never mean to me about them, she didn’t quite get how miserable I was. I learned about this new miracle drug called Advil from a friend’s mom in HS and I’ve been taking it ever since.
My feelings about my period have changed since peri-menopause started a few years ago. I had no idea how regular I was before – I was always kind of oblivious to my body, but since I always got cramps one day before the actual bleeding, even I could figure it out.
And now I have NO idea when my period will start or for how long or if I’ll just hear cramps with no bleeding or bleeding with no cramps or a week’s worth of spotting and nothing else. So now I usually feel vaguely confused and annoyed about my body and my period.
I was fourteen and it was Halloween! In typical Howie style, I went to my mom and said “I need pads” like I totally knew exactly what I was doing, and was internally freaking out the whole time.
I was raised a bit oddly, so I honestly thought that tampons were evil until I was out of the house. Now they are primarily what I use. Rebellion, convenience, take your pick:P
I just wanted to say thank you sooooo much for bringing up PMDD. This is by far my worst period symptom. It actually makes me happy when my period starts, cramping and all, because that particular aspect of it is over.
As for ritual… popcorn. I eat lots of popcorn the whole time. Ears of corn everywhere shudder when it’s that time of month.
“I just wanted to say thank you sooooo much for bringing up PMDD. This is by far my worst period symptom. It actually makes me happy when my period starts, cramping and all, because that particular aspect of it is over.”
OH MY GODS YES. Periods aren’t particularly pleasant, but they’re such a RELIEF after the week and a half of Doom and Gloom.
I don’t remember the exact moment, but I know it was the summer of my last year in primary school, and it was before everyone else so I felt Very Grown Up.
I mostly just hate it now – mine is just irregular enough that a scatter brained person like me is useless at tracking it (even with Clue!) and I always seem to ruin at least 1 pair of pants a month… I am kinda lucky though, as I tend to alternate very light periods with very heavy, very painful ones. Though I am very into taking/doing anything that would help me get rid of my periods – I definitely don’t want to get pregnant, so it just seems a waste to have my period…
This kind of thing is my jam. Was my one of my “morbid hobbies” for a long time and Museum of Menstruation was my #1 hit during that time.
If I was rich bitch anthropologist I would spend yearssss collection menarche stories and publish it. My next volume of work would first or most valued sexual experiences of woman identified people.
Vibrating with excitement.
I will be back.
I use to be on the pill and my periods were very light/nonexistant and life was GREAT! But last November/December, when I started dating a girl and heard that the pill is linked to depression, I decided to stop. My period now without the pill isn’t as bad as it was in high school-I would get bad cramps and bleed a LOT. Mostly now I just feel gross, occasionally bleed on underwear and sheets, and treat myself with ice cream. I used the apple health app to track my period, but this Clue app seems cool so I’ll try that out-thanks for the hot tip, AS!
I’m just here for my lesbian stereotype badge. #prouddivacupuser
My period is a pretty standard cramps-the-first-day kinda deal, but I do combat the general gloom of the week by writing a period-related joke each month.
I was 9 and already prone to worst-case-scenario catastrophizing so needless to say “unexplained bleeding no one warned you about” was somewhat traumatizing. I briefly tried to remedy the problem by performing headstands against my bedroom wall to staunch the flow (again, I was 9 y’all) but when that proved ineffective I think I flung myself onto my mother’s bed proclaiming my inevitable demise. It was not the best introduction to my impending womanhood.
I don’t remember my first period, and sometimes I sort of envy people who remember theirs? But then I start thinking about all my other forgotten firsts and it’s like…I bet the first time I ate a Reese’s cup was awesome, and I’m way more sad not to have that memory.
Re: periods, though, I always hated mine (I had the gnarliest cramps during algebra in eighth grade, I do remember that. They sure didn’t let up as I got older.) and the ACA hooked me up with an IUD this summer, and I THINK it’s easing my suffering. (This IUD is also how I found out about a giant ovarian cyst I had to have removed, so hot tip: talk to your doctor about your sucky period!)
Btw, reusable pads make a great starter sewing project if you’re poor (or if you’re not), because if they turn out hideous, who’s gonna know? (Once they start turning out great you can advance to outerwear? Or just show your Project Runway-worthy pads off?
I’m not here to tell you your business.) And you can go to Jo-Ann or wherever and get rad fabrics. Star Wars pads, y’all.
Yes about the reusable pads! I kicked a chronic yeast infection and taught myself how to sew by making my own. Thank you to the British teenager who runs Precious Stars Pads on YouTube. So easy, and the silly fabric scraps I chose make my period feel kind of…fun? Also great for travel and ovulation discharge. I will never go back to the diaper-like feel of synthetic pantyliners!
I don’t remember how old I was when I got it or what the exact circumstances are. Honestly, I probably blocked them out.
Going through my period is a monthly trauma. I hate being dirty, or sweaty, or smelly, or in pain, and my period just loads on everything at once, with an added dose of “hello it’s me your chronic depression knocking, are you ready to want to DIE again.” I feel subhuman, especially during the first few days when the bleeding is the heaviest. I’m plus size but I never really hate my body until I’m on my period, and then I just start wanting to disconnect from myself so badly.
So it’s weird to see people talking about it like it’s funny or interesting or even just mildly annoying? If I had the money I’d get my tubes tied and an IUD inserted so I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this garbage.
All I wanna do is yell about PMDD all the time
Also yes re: Molly random good day SO MUCH ENERGY the day before It Hits (which for me means mood plummet)
Anyway I had super shit mood for TWO WEEKS last time and didn’t put two and two together and almost quit my job every day bc I wanted to set myself on fire and die
First line treatment is SSRIs, which either make me mixed manic or don’t work at all, second line treatment is combination birth control, which will probably make my hormone migraines worse
A few months ago, I made the migraines AND the mood swings go away by taking vitex! And it was so lovely! Except it fucked everything else up and my cramps got so bad that I kept ending up in the ER too dehydrated to function
Headaches and Sads it is then
YELL ABOUT PMDD WITH ME
Also I literally never know when it’s happening and never plan for it and always have to rely on the benevolence of coworkers to hook me up with Sanitary Products
I tried using a tracking app but the THING IS, those only work if you Remember To Use Them
Mwah! Thanks so much team. You rock, as always.
Bwah.
BUT you triggered my period, early. So, (grr) thanks a lot. If only I could had some THC gummy bears….
Thanks for the ideas on easing pain, being prepared and general thoughts on bleeding. Being 40-ish is not a fun time for period shite and I need new coping skills. (Good times…)
This is so perfectly timed for me!
I think I was either 13 or 14 and it was 1am Thanksgiving day. I remember this because my mom was way more excited for me to get my period than I was, she spent probably the year leading up to the moment preparing me and saying “IS IT YOUR PERIOD??” any time I said I had a stomachache or any other mild abdominal pain.
I have a very love/hate relationship with my menstrual cup which other than disposable pads is my main collection method. I still use pads because my cup only works about 60% of the time for me and I have no real idea why. Sometimes it just doesn’t want to work? Also I only feel comfortable changing it at home because of my toilet/sink set up and because one time I changed it at a place I was working and accidentally dripped blood on a roll of toilet paper that was LOCKED ONTO THE HOLDER. It was…not a good time.
I mainly view my period as a mild annoyance as I usually only suffer from moderate to low-severe cramps for a couple days, but also it’s annoying because I usually start PMSing and getting random cramps a full week before it starts and it lasts another full week on it’s own.
Anyway I always want to talk about my period so thank you for giving me the space to do so.
I felt so betrayed by my own body at my menarche. I was about to turn 12 years old, desperately wanted to be a boy, and I knew puberty was going to ruin everything.
Only, I hadn’t realised puberty was truly going to ruin everything. But that’s another story.
Either way, I managed to hide the fact that I’d started my period from my mother for about a year, by getting rid of ruined underwear and learning to expertly fold toilet paper into a makeshift pad. The day she found out, by find some underwear I hadn’t been able to smuggle out into the bin yet, I hid, and I cried, and I hated her for not minding her own business and forcing me to deal with this thing I wanted no part in.
My experience of my period got better after that. Until I got into my late twenties when my period got regular and brought its friend cramps and their mutual friend compulsive suicidal thoughts. Pain and not being able to think about anything but creative ways to die without being a burden to people you care about makes the days leading up to your period so much fun. (I’ve since found ways to manage the suicidal side of things, but it’s hard work)
My periods are so irregular! I think? I’ve never really tracked it, so I’m going to give Clue a try. Thanks for the tip.
I had my first period on a campout with cousins when I was 11. It wasn’t particularly heavy, despite my worrying about the “flood stage” that a lady at work was talking about one day. :o I didn’t tell anyone, and used folded up toilet paper successfully.
I didn’t have my next one until like a year later I guess? It was school morning. I told my mom that time, but it stressed me out so much that I flushed the toilet even though my brother was in the shower downstairs at the time. Whoops! I just was never emotionally attached to (meaning I actively avoided) weird things that had to do with “growing up”. Maybe because my brothers were so mean about my body changes? (They’ve both apologized as adults, but I had an uncomfortable relationship with my body at the time). I mostly remember being late for class in Junior High because there is not enough time between classes to change books at my locker and change pads in the bathroom, but I just took the hit rather than explain it to my male teacher? Come on, you all! He was a leader in my church! Mortifying.
Irregular. Super light sometimes. Bleeding all my insides out at others. [Got the latter type at A-camp, along with a raging head cold. I do not remember spending a more physically uncomfortable few days in recent history. So miserable (and yet, still attended some great workshops).] So many ruined clothes.
I’d never heard of PMDD. Thanks for the tip. I just began my current period, but I’ve been dealing with such an existential crisis the past week (not suicidal, per se, but rather “why do I even exist?”), lack of empathy, hating everyone, not liking to do anything. My therapist two therapists ago finally helped me link up my need to sleep all the time for a week with PMS, but I’ve recently tried to be more aware of my mood, since I’m trying a new array of brain drugs. Something to think seriously about.
Clue is really helpful for seeing if there’s a trend! I recommend it.
But if you are REALLY irregular, all you’ll learn is “wow, there is LITERALLY NO WAY to predict this shit” which is what I learned from Clue when I tracked my period there for a couple years before the miracle of BC took my period away. I think Clue told me my “average” was a laughable 32 days, but I had periods that varied from 21 to 42 days (neither were one-off events either that could be thrown out as outliers) so…that wasn’t very helpful Clue, all you got me doing was seeing 21 and going “okay it could happen ANY DAY NOW” for almost the whole next month which was not a fun way to be living (but I guess it would’ve been worse to not know and not be prepared with the requisite painkillers and menstrual cups).
Anyone have advice for using a cup method if you have a “long vagina” (yikes that’s what my gyn said) and are unable to reach your cervix with your fingers? I’ve literally never felt mine even with fingers alllll the way in there. I’m tired of disposable pads and want something that’s better for my body.
The Diva cups have a long “stem.” When you put the cup in you fold it and it pops in. Then you turn it to make a good suction. When it is time to clean it, you pull on the stem. So it seems like that should still work.
I only recently learned about PMDD and it made me do a major “hmmmmmmm”. I am on Junel fe right now and it seems to shorten the existential angst but does anyone have advice on birth control for completely getting rid of the emotional symptoms? I know periods can stop with IUDs but I was under the impression that you still go through the cycle, just without physically menstruating, so the emotional ups and downs are still there.
This is very YMMV, but apparently different kinds of birth control deal with the emotional part very differently. I was just recommended Implanon because it manages the hormones differently than the Pill, though I don’t quite remember how. Also you might need to take something like Prozac during certain parts of your cycle. I’m not sure there’s a way to totally eliminate them though!
Oh man I am glad that this is here and that not everyone is super cool with periods (because in my experience a lot of period things either are PERIODS ARE THE DEVIL or PERIODS ARE AWESOME WOMAN POWER and…no neither are totally true even if PERIODS ARE THE DEVIL is basically my lived experience of them).
I am SUPER STOKED to not bleed every month or two (even when I had a period it went out of its way to be as INCONVENIENT AS POSSIBLE by not even being predictable) thanks to my current BC. But because my body is like “hmmm you aren’t suffering enough” so I still get some epic cramps most days thanks to my pelvic floor dysfunction (and suspected endometriosis) and…the “good” days of that my cramps are managed by muscle relaxers, heat (or sometimes ice depending on what is going on sometimes the spasming muscles need the ice), LOTS OF STRETCHING, hot baths, my lovely medical weed, and like probably some crying and dissociating. Bad days are so bad I get to go to the ER and stay there a couple days because I can’t walk (because my quads, adductors, and psoas get in on the FUN CRAMP ACT and between that and pain, I LITERALLY can’t walk; there may also be a component of cataplexy to the not being able to walk because it’s not definitive whether or not I experience cataplexy as part of my narcolepsy but that much pain is STRESSFUL AS FUCK so like if anything were gonna trigger cataplexy that would) to get fluids (because I can’t keep anything down) and IV dilaudid or morphine and feel basically the same as appendicitis feels but on my left size and also the worst menstrual cramps you can imagine at the same time that will get me from unable to walk and not very lucid to…still being in a lot of pain but caring about that a lot less, but able to walk, but also still not very lucid from the painkillers because I need enough to get to that point where they staff get concerned about my respiration and BP.
And like honestly…my bad days are only like one and a half notches up from where my pain typically was for cramps, except that since it’s not “just cramps” medical professionals will actually sometimes take my pain seriously and help me deal with it.
“Now I have a Paragard because I’m afraid of the Handmaid’s Tale and so I have a period and that’s like, fine.”
Same, Rachel. Same.
Anyone got any tips on how to use a cup when you have an IUD? I’m terrified of accidentally ripping mine out and destroying my cervix, so I’ve been sticking to tampons.
My period also started on my birthday when I turned 12. I wrote my mom a note, because subtlety? For several years there wasn’t much pain and I used pads. The in college I started getting cramps. It took a while for me to discover the wonder of Ibuprofen as my mom never takes pain meds including giving birth twice. My senior year of college I was excited to purchase a keeper and some reusable pads as a back up. After 10 years I purchased a Diva cup which also seems to work fine, though with some spotting.
My period is generally pretty regular. When I was going through fertility stuff it seemed like hey, my parts should work, and then they didn’t, so I felt mad at my period. Why have pain and bleed when it wasn’t useful for making a baby. Now I take naproxen and try to ignore the whole thing.
I rarely have any pain related to my periods. I often times feel like it is a bit criminal to say it out loud because I have the perception that most periods are painful? I’d like to think that loving my womanhood deeply explains my easy periods but I don’t think so. I would like to find a formula for pain-free periods. I’m sure that the culture where periods are labeled as burden and something disgusting makes PMS and menstrual pain more severe. A culture where there is misogyny contributes to painful periods. A culture where only one type of female bodies are presented as worthy of loving also makes periods more painful. I would love to hear more honest and open conversation around periods. Thank you thousand times for this Roundtable.
I also have noticed that my dreams become more intuitive and guiding during my menstruation. It is nice to have read at least one similar kind of experience here.
Oh, and I got my period when I was 11 and my mun wrote a note to my teacher that I couldn’t go swimming because “she has period-like bleeding”. I was so embarrassed to give this note to her and it didn’t help that she just looked at me suspiciously like she didn’t believe me. Maybe it had something to do with me skipping swimming the last two weeks already…
Okay so I got busy then self conscious about writing this out and it’s like 5 days later but here it goes:
Menstrual narratives, especially menarche stories, are interesting and important to me because I no narratives for the experience before it happened. All I had was a rudimentary scientific explanation. No sisters, friends or even female cousins close to my age at that point in my life.
First time, methods, rituals, pain management, emotions, and tip are so important because experiences vary greatly, and not every one gets heard living people in the dark, feeling alone or not realising when something is very wrong and might be serious condition “because it’s supposed to hurt” or the menstruators in their tell them “it can’t be that bad, stop whining”
I never heard of PMDD until I’d been menstruating for a couple years. I never heard of endometriosis or that there was family history of it until I passed out from pain at 18.
My mother never told me, she had difficulty conceiving because of endo and 2 of her cousins daughters had it so bad conception was impossible for them.
And she never told me until that day.
Some literature for girls on what to expect given to me in way I found humiliating(x-mas gift I opened in front of everyone along with shampoo to tame my hair) and some I read because I bored had such Polly Anna Sunshine bullshit on what to expect I, a book respecting child of a librarian almost threw a book.
I couldn’t shred that pamphlet b/c I was in public, but in private I would have shredded and burned it.
But back to the main idea this knowledge, narratives, first hand experiences is important for people about to menstruate, just started menstruating, or having menstruating for years.
Because there are gaps, and some big freaking cracks, in the dissemination of menstrual information on everything.
We are the only ones who can fill those gaps for each other.
First Time: I was 13.
It was the third anniversary of 9/11 and my Saturday cartoon Teen Titans was on commercial break. I didn’t want to go to the bathroom because I was convinced by dad was going to change the channel to crappy exploitative memorial footage my mom found upsetting rather then wait for the nice CBS special at 5 or so. But I knew I had to go, there was no turning back from this moment I had long feared and worked out like a demon to try to prevent. My underpants had never felt such a thin film of moisture like that before. I knew what I was going to find when I pulled my purple panties down, but still said,”Ah shit.” made my very first wad pad and made my way upstairs without drawing suspicion and stole what I thought were pads, but were actually sanitary liners, from my mom’s side of the master bath cabinet.
After a week of spotting I burned my panties in offering to The Morrigan and probably Hecate too, and snuck the super uper wrapped and bagged used liners in the Friday trash after everyone went to bed.
My 2nd period in October was fucking blood bath in comparison and a humiliating experience because my mother demanded I leave the house and spend time with people at some Halloween themed thing the YMCA.
It began with the ruining of my uniform khakis while in my last period class, no one noticed because my sweater loving ass was covered by said sweater. Still holy shit I am I glad it was plastic chair because that poor little napkin liner was as good as bandaid on a damn.
When I got home all I wanted to do was hide in the bathroom or something, but nooo. So rather than explain why I didn’t want to go to the YMCA thing or ask for help I grabbed all the liners, possibly half my underwear drawer, maybe some duct-tape and improvised something that looked like a diaper then put on red cotton shorts that just so happened to cling to my every curve.
It still wasn’t enough to stem the flow and I walked around in public like that for 2 hours internally cringing every second while I bled into my shorts, I knew the blood had to be visible by the 1 hour mark. Someone must have told my mother because suddenly she and my aunt were like flanking me to the car in silence, giving each other weighted looks. Once we were home my dad distracted my brother with something I think. My mom took me into the bathroom started trying to give me a talk she should have started when I was 8 or 9 while handing me a pad. I screamed at her that I knew how to use it, why could you just listen to me and sobbed till I thought I’d puke.
I was angry at her, angry at my body and humiliated just so fucking humiliated. After this my mother listened to me without question when I said I don’t feel like going somewhere and never demanded I go somewhere.
To this day I’ve never had such a humiliating experience and that includes the time my brother discovered I was on my period by snooping through the trash. Decided to throw my used pad at me and told me to get out of the house because I was “perioding” therefore disgusting and belonged outside like garbage.
Method: Flex foam pads with white, holey or really ugly patterned briefs. A solo pad for the day and dual pads (one on the crotch and one in the back) at night or when I’d be reclining alot.
Pain Management: Right now what I do is try to up my potassium and magnesium intake, take some naproxen and avoid food that gives my guts trouble. And heating pads. If it gets really bad and I have something important to do I’ll take a meloxicam tablet. It’s my medication and it was prescribed to me by a doctor, I know enough about science to not take pills not prescribed to me. Don’t need more problems
Ritual: I have a bath ritual that’s remained a constant since I started it. It’s part mediation, part indulgent relaxation. The most important part is a snack I can eat slowly and enjoy every bite like I have all the time in the word. Then I take naproxen. :)
I’ve had everything from a 89 cent yogurt cup on ice to beef jerky and chocolate.
Personally: I get a rush from the premenstrual hormones, orgasms come really easy. Meat tastes 1000x better. Feed me a fine cut of steak I’ll struggle not to moan like pornstar. Fruit tastes like candy. Sometimes I listen to my werewolf playlist and just spend enjoy the aforementioned things, I’m so hungry and just want to feed.
It’s like Mardi Gras, and my period itself is like Lent.
Really I feel like premenstrually my body is preparing to hibernate because the first 2 days I hardly eat and can’t stand alot of foods beyond simple things like beef sausage, jerky and sea salt ‘n’ vinegar chips, or grits with ginger ale.
It doesn’t make me feel womanly and special. And I’m not embarrassed by it any more, just embarrassed by the social stigma I think is harmful. It’s just part of my existence that at times can be very aggravating to agonizing.
Hot Tip:
EAT THE FUCKING CHOCOLATE, it has magnesium in the muscles of your uterus are running a damn marathon. Magnesium helps maintain muscle function and dark chocolate has anywhere from about 40-60 mg of it.
Annnd eat the baked goods with banana in them, they’ve got potassium which muscles require to function.
Eat them fried plantains they have more potassium than cavendish bananas.
Sweet potatoes? Yass and more than a banana
Avocado? Most potassium rich food of all, like 1000 mg in one whole avocado. Everything else is still in the 100’s place.
Also guess what my potato chip craving compatriots there’s like 360 mg of potassium in 1 oz of potato chips.
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/10-foods-high-in-magnesium#section10 I can’t remember all the magnesium highlights.
But point is menstruation is draining. Fuel your body the best you can when you can with stuff it needs and do nice things for yourself or obtain a minion to do it for you if you’re indisposed.
Send them out for avocado toast, dark chocolate, those chips or sweet potato pie etc.
Take hot bath, soak and pretend the world waits upon you for a bit, treat yourself.
First time: When I got my period, my mom was angry. She cursed, stormed off, and brought back this pad that was longer than my torso. She was VERY anti tampons and I was not allowed to use those because I was a virgin. Getting my period was not a fun time in my life.
Method: I love tampons for ease and cleanliness (my perception) and Menstrual Cups. I have since become acquainted with semi- free bleeding aka period undies and I am IN. I love it. If I could find some that would hold up to The Shining-like waves of blood, I would wear them all the time.
Pain Management: I try not to take anything but sometimes the pain is debilitating, so I will use the heating pad and some Motrin.
Ritual:No real rituals except I make sure all of my period undies are clean, ready, and easily accessible.
Hot Tips: I found incontinence undies at CVS (methinks) and they ROCK for periods. I love them. They have a bit of a diaper sound if you are without pants at home but otherwise, they rock.
Throwback to that time last ACamp when I started talking to Riese and within 5 minutes she’d pulled an ob tampon out of her purse and was enthusiastically trying to convince half my cabin to start using them ? ?
I love my period. I find her so fascinating and magical. Blood is such a powerful personal affect (the Hoodoo in me is consistently conjuring up ways to ritualized my period).
She first showed up at like age 14 I think, I dont remember it being super noteworthy.
I’ve gotten to the place where I look forward to menstrual cup time. For the last 6 months or so I’ve been collecting my menstrual blood with some rose petals, lavender, and liquor and pouring it out on my lawn as a way of giving it back to the Earth Muva. Life changing. I spend the first day of my period doing as much comfy, rest type stuff as possible.