For those who believe in astrology, one’s Saturn Return is the period somewhere between the ages of 29-32 where Saturn is in the same place it was when you were born, and is said to shake up your shit in a serious way — or like, “teach you lessons,” or whatever. It’s a time of transition and growth, often painful growth, the kind that involves moving on from things you’re ready to let go of: people, jobs, habits, beliefs, cities, countries, haircuts, whatever. Those members of the team who have reached or passed through their Saturn Return are here to share the good, bad and the ugly about getting through it.
Heather, Managing Editor
This is the first time I’ve ever heard of a Saturn Return and so I looked it up and: Hahahahaha! For my Saturn return, I quit my steady office job in the only field I was qualified to work in (accounting), came out to everyone I’d been too afraid to tell I’m gay, left church forever in a righteous huff, flew to London, backpacked around the entirety of Europe, came home, became a writer and a professional lesbian. Astrology, you are so bananas! How do you know?
Erin, Writer
I remember reading someone describe an element of one’s Saturn Return as the crystallization of all the mistakes one made in the three decades leading up to it and I thought: yikes. No thanks! I think I’m still technically experiencing my Saturn Return as it lasts from around 29 to 32 and having gone (mostly) through it, I think the best way to describe it is like getting a chemical peel. It’s incredibly painful, its side effects last for what feels like forever, you look like you’re melting, you are melting as you’re losing actual bits of yourself day-by-day, and it’s all of your own doing! No one made you get the chemical peel but you! But what finally reveals itself is you, but better. In my Saturn Return I have ended a five-year relationship, started a new one, moved four times, made a jump in careers, and experienced more than one loss that ruined me permanently! Anyway, where am I?
Rachel, Managing Editor
So far I’ve gotten divorced, lived with my mother for six months, and moved to a different state where I restarted most of my life. I bought a giant palm from Ikea and killed it in a month and a half. I went back to therapy and decided I believed in astrology. I saw Mitski live. I read a lot of crime fiction. I really locked down a system for cutting my own hair in my bathroom. Excited to see what, according to Erin, the next year and a half brings!
Carrie, Contributor
I write you from the thick of my Saturn return, which has thus far been defined by a cross-country move and career overhaul. In a lot of ways I’ve leveled up; I’m on a clearer and more exciting professional path than before and I appreciate the value of living in a new place. Most of the previous upheaval in my life came from medical events; this past year marked the first time something huge changed because I wanted it to. And it’s been affirming to learn I can handle that. I’ve solved problems, witnessed history (for good and ill), and met many different definitions of success. On the whole, I’m glad I came.
That being said, I do feel like I’m on sabbatical from my real life. It took me a while to realize (and even longer to articulate aloud) that I don’t actually like it here very much. I’m learning things I never could have at home — but I’m mostly excited to bring those things back, rather than use them to put down roots here. It’s been weirdly liberating to acknowledge that I don’t belong here and don’t necessarily have to try to. But it’s also disorienting, and I’m both grateful and mildly anxious that another big change is essentially imminent within the next year. So the return marches on. Stay tuned?
Valerie Anne, Writer
After Googling a bit I’m still not I fully understand when a Saturn Return is supposed to happen but I think I’m fully in it?I just turned 32 and between 29 and now my life has changed a lot. I started working for Autostraddle and have been surrounded my truly inspiring people. Wynonna Earp began and being involved in that community has turned my world upside down in the best way. Plus I’ve decided 2019 is the year I make changes. Big changes. Scary changes. Writing a script scary. Quitting my day job and applying for my dream job scary. So maybe my Saturn Return will go out with a bang. (I don’t even know if that’s how you use that phrase in a sentence, grammatically, but hopefully you know what I mean.)
Riese, Editor-in-Chief
I only knew about Saturn Return at the time ‘cause my then-best friend Haviland was like “it’s your Saturn Return!” all the time. I was mostly impressed with myself for still being alive. Anyhow, for my Saturn Return I moved from New York City to California and started dating someone new and began slowly to piece together Autostraddle in such a way that it could one day resemble a real business. I hate most of the pictures of me taken during this time period, but I think the way I feel about them are often how new Moms feel about pics from early motherhood? I was so focused on Autostraddle that I barely had time to look at myself, which for me, a Libra, is … honestly baffling in retrospect. I’d say that in the beginning of my Saturn Return, I definitely drank too much, but I saw the sunshine a lot more, my relationship felt really healthy and nourishing during its earliest months/years, and I started eating meals that might actually nourish my body rather than actively kill me. We rode bikes a lot. Some things got better and some got worse, but by the end of it all, I think I had a better idea of how to be an adult. To be honest right now — my late 30s — feel the most transformational of all. I feel like I’ve learned more about myself in the past year than I did in the previous ten combined. What can we call this? What kind of return is this.
KaeLyn, Writer
Wow, there’s a name for this phenomenon, huh? OK, let’s see, in my late 20s and early 30s, I moved from always entertaining the idea of running away to nurturing the idea of staying and growing where I’m planted. I got married (ack!). I bought a house (what?!). I got a new job. I finished grad school. My already long-term relationship moved into a new phase of kinder, less chaotic, softer companionship and I stopped looking for the exit door at every turn. I tried out being a professional speaker and sexuality educator and traveled all over the continental U.S. presenting at colleges. I tried to reinvent my signature bisexual bob (inverted with a stack in the back). I got bangs. I got highlights. I got lowlights. I attempted grey streaks. I ditched the bangs and the highlights and got an undercut on one side. I expanded the undercut all the way around. I decided I was ready to reconsider my moratorium about having children. I started calling myself “a writer,” in earnest for the first time. I sought out the communities I wanted in my life and put boundaries on toxic friendships. I lost a mentor and loved one who meant a lot to me. Waffle and I got really, really deep into an obsession and fandom together, which was a first for us as partners and added an unanticipated new level of intimacy to our relationship. To cap it all off, I got knocked up. At the end of it all, I’m more open and also more clear about my future by being open about not being too clear about my future. Myself at 26 wouldn’t even recognize me at 36, but I think 26-year-old me would be happy (and puzzled) about how things turned out…and would really like the new version of my signature bisexual bob. OMG now I’m super excited about my next Saturn Return in approximately 25 years. BRING IT ON, UNIVERSE!
Reneice, Writer
THAT BITCH IS OVER! I MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRE! Gooooooooodness gracious. My saturn return ended last near. She did not come to play. I wouldn’t go through that again for anything less than half a mill. My relationships fell apart, I failed at completing more tasks than I succeeded in which totally ruined my mental health. My finances were a mess. I was just a depressed ass bitch going through the most and literally the only thing that got me through was all my astrologically knowledgeable friends promising me it would end. They were right. It did and now i’m already afraid to turn 59. Sure, I was learning. Sure, I’m stronger now. But for real, that shit was unnecessarily difficult. I feel like black women should be exempt from saturn returns. In these conditions? SERIOUSLY.
Laneia, Executive Editor
My Saturn return started with my dad dying and dragged mercilessly through a breakup and a spectacular breakdown that lasted about a year. At the very bottommost place a girl could find her sweet self, I realized, for the very first time in my life, that I’m the only fucking person who’s ever going to be able to save me, which sounds dramatic and reader, I assure you, it was. I made a doctor put me on antidepressants after she told me I probably just needed more soy in my diet, I got a very good tattoo of a fawn looking over its shoulder before walking back into the forest, and I started treating myself like something worth paying attention to. The whole thing felt like trying to turn a wooden table inside out and then ending up with a platter of fresh fruit, if that makes any sense.
Stef, Vapid Fluff Editor
I don’t think I thought about my Saturn Return very much when it was happening, but hmm, now that you mention it… the depression I’ve grappled with all my life came to a serious head, during which I scared away a lot of friends and family. After years of adamant resistance, I had to start taking medication to stay alive. Shortly thereafter, I watched my grandmother die, I quit my job, I moved out of my favorite apartment I’ve ever had and moved to LA, promptly fell in love with someone in New York, broke up, moved back, went through Some Shit. Mostly it was pretty traumatic and destroyed a lot of ideas I had about my own identity and ability to survive on my own. I scraped my way out of it and ended up more or less okay, but can’t help feeling like I knocked down a lot of progress I’d been making only to start over from scratch… again. I’m not sure I’ll ever be really able to talk freely about how fucked up that time was for me. I’m having a great time!
Molly, Writer
Hoooooo boy, I only learned about Saturn returns while I was in the middle of mine, and they are no joke. Mine happened from 2016 through 2018, when my entire life changed and I got a divorce and moved to a new town and had to grapple with a lot things, like who am I if I’m not with my partner and did I really just waste a decade with someone who doesn’t even like me? There was a lot of questioning my self-worth, whether I was worth fighting for or should I just give in and let my life totally go to shit. Luckily, I’m stubborn by nature and managed to hang on to my job and sanity long enough to ride out the horrible feelings of rejection and betrayal. They still exist, they’re just quieter now. I just feel like I’m getting my feet back under me, and that not all of my energy is going to merely keeping my head above water anymore. Now I can direct it at stuff like being a better me. Which I think is the point of the Saturn thing, right?
Carolyn, NSFW Consultant
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My Saturn return was apocalyptic and my life now looks nothing like I thought it would before it started. It looks so much better. I moved and thought it would be temporary, I did too much distance running and SoulCycle and distance running to and from SoulCycle and destroyed my knees while trying to cope with what I didn’t yet know would be a divorce, I got asked for the divorce by email, I missed deadlines, I could drink five martinis without blinking for a hot second there, I left a position I hoped would be forever, and I got ghosted by seven people I care about incredibly deeply. Lots of other fucked up things happened, too. I spent a lot of time being very, very, very sad. The weird thing is, my Saturn return felt like a sometimes-non-consensual course correction. The person I was would have been so happy living in the life that I was living in with the people I was sharing it with forever. And I wake up every single day (okay, at least more days than not) glad I’m not that person or in that life anymore.
Vanessa, Community Editor
My Saturn Return is currently still happening and even though it’s A Lot, I weirdly love it? My Saturn is in Capricorn and I have five planets total in Capricorn so uh, maybe this is typical of me. I like getting shit done, you know? So okay, what’s happening in my Saturn Return? Major break up? Check. Cross country move? Check. Started grad school? Check. Taking my writing and my career more seriously even though it’s scary? Check. Realized I’m probably not monogamous, probably never going to get married and settle down with one single human, probably honestly going to be a single mom by choice within the next five years, and got myself an engagement ring to celebrate the whole situation? Check, check, check, CHECK! There’s a cultural narrative around Saturn Returns that make them seem horrifying, I think, but I don’t think they have to be viewed that way. Saturn is the planet of Adulting, of Getting Your Shit Together, of Making You Take Yourself Seriously. That can be really painful and hard and alarming, yes, but ultimately it’s a gift.
Also, heads up: Saturn returns every 30ish years or so, so most humans have at least two, sometimes three Saturn Returns in a life! Your next one is coming up when you turn 60, approximately. (Go see an astrologer if you want the exact dates for your Saturn Returns.) And rumor has it, if you don’t deal with the shit Saturn wants you to deal with in your first Saturn Return… IT COMES BACK AROUND IN YOUR SECOND ONE. Do you want to be dealing with this stuff when you’re 60? No you sure fucking don’t! So lean into your Saturn Return when it happens for the first time so you can be ready for that bitch the second time! You’re welcome for the hot tip.🎈
In French : “crise de la trentaine” (crisis of your thirthies’).
French culture is too proud to ever admit believing in astrology but the ‘crise de la trentaine’ is a major cultural touchstone.
You’re expected to question everything you know and turn your whole life around, or complain and drink until it’s over (which : more common).
Anyway, this year I turn 29 and am about to quit my job, walk across Europe, work with horses, find alternative ways of living, act for ecology, spend time with those I love, and stay out of the capitalist system for as long as I can.
Possibly I’ll crash and burn.
Possibly it’ll last.
But it feels as if the past two years have brought so many radical thoughts, feelings, and philosophies broiling to the surface, and I’m ready to catch that wave and go.
Being a capricorn (5 planets in Cap including Saturn, hi Vanessa) I’ve got about six back-up plans and the next three months mapped out to the day.
I’m excited about this.
And Laneia, that was beautiful : “The whole thing felt like trying to turn a wooden table inside out and then ending up with a platter of fresh fruit, if that makes any sense.”
Thank you all so much for your stories which, weirdly, are reassuring (we’re not alone).
💞🍓
I’m turning 30 next month, so this really explains a lot hahaha. Can’t wait to see what else blows up!
All of these stories were so beautiful, and interesting, and I didn’t know this was a thing but apparently it is?
I just turned 32 and this morning my partner and I had a two minute discussion about the possibility of me leaving my job of 6 years without a back-up plan, something we never really considered before, and I am giving myself a maximum of three months to make that decision, so.
I probably should have left way earlier, but the years 29-31 were about staying in at least one comfortable place while dealing with depression and leaving behind a lot of things I thought were true about myself. In some ways, I feel younger than at 28.
And like KaeLyn, I stopped looking for the exit door. I had one foot out always, in my relationship and in my life as a whole. Knowing that I can quit if I want was comforting, but what if I actually enjoy being alive? What if I actually enjoy being in a boring loving relationship, what if I let myself be happy to be coming home each day?
31 felt really settled, but I can’t shake the feeling that 32 will be life changing. I’ll probably walk away from a “good” job. I’ll probably start a family. And I might do both at the same time, because this sometimes feels like a second puberty and I feel like doing stupid stuff, for once.
Here here for boring loving relationships! I’ll drink to that! J/K One of us is sober and the other is not particularly fond of drinking alone…
hi just gonna say that all of this tracks and sounds very correct
Mine apparently comes up very soon, and based on my last 6 months, this makes a lot of sense! Looking forward to it!
Okay, so I’m 23 and V. Excited! For my Saturn return (in 7!! Years holy shit).
I have a cap midhaven and stellium (Mercury, Mars, Venus, Uranus, Neptune) as well as a Sag stellium (and sun) so I feel like it’s going to be a lot of growth and I feel good about that. What makes me anxious is having all these things to grow in and not being able to put in the work. That would drive me mad. Heather, that’s the most Saggitrarius Saturn return I’ve ever heard of.
Still, I’m a cap Venus and a Virgo moon. I like to be settled. so I feel pretty anxious at the thought of everything about me changing in 7 years. Yiiikes.
Seems legit and I especially resonate with Erin’s take – how did I manage to do all this to myself? Currently dwelling in the emotional space where it’s too soon to tell if it was worth it! :)
I am only interested in astrology for the associated memes, and had not heard of Saturn Return until Riese mentioned it on this very here website circa 2010/11.
I got totally on board with this idea, took a year off work and drove round the US for six months to look at big things, write a novel, eat deep fried foods etc.
I would say this period did not change me, but did encourage the rest of the world to get its act together such that upon returning home suddenly I did not hate my job, and soon a wife found me, so I would thoroughly recommend a Saturn Return to everyone.
SALLY YOU WROTE A NOVEL?
QG, I can’t believe you forgot this
I’M SORRY SALLY MY BRAIN IS VERY BAD
“Encouraged the rest of the world to get its act together” omg yes 😂😂
Oh so this is why I’ve been feeling so antsy like a dog before a storm! I’m about to turn 29, so I guess I’m teetering on the edge of Saturn’s Return. Mostly, I just want to change like *everything* about how I look and move to another country and figure out what I could do with my life that would make me happy. So you know, just small things.
Bookmarking this for reading in a year when I’m in the thick of it, thanks for showing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Wonderful initiative! I’ll bookmark it as well.
I’m not that far from my second go-round…
For my first, I sold my truck and everything else that wouldn’t fit into a corporate drive-away car (companies will sometimes hire a person to drive their car somewhere) and moved to San Francisco with no job, no place to live, and no idea how I was going to manage. I stayed in an SRO full of meth heads for a bit before finding a room and a job. I took random bus rides all over the city just to get a feel of the place. Met my future wife at my first job and did the queer lady U-Haul thing, settling in for the whole shebang–marriage, a kid, a new career. It’s been a ride, y’all.
idk when a saturn return officially begins or ends, or how we find out, BUT from 28-32 I:
1. Finally graduated with my undergrad degree
2. Moved to a different state on a whim
3. Moved back to my hometown after 9 months in a state I didn’t like
4. Started reading Autostraddle
5. Came out
6. Dated a LOT of different types of people
Ta-dah!
Thanks for your comments on embracing the Saturn Return, Vanessa! I overall feel good about mine and grateful that it was not truly horrifying. Just…very intense, but mostly in a productive way.
I am just entering this phase and boy has it been a wild ride so far! Last year, as a 28 year old, I suffered three heartbreaks (romantic, familial, and academic, in that order) and had to move from SoCal back to the Midwest. I’m now trying to figure out how to get back on my feet and do something new with my life, and although 29 feels much better than 28, I have a feeling it will be a while before I figure it out.
So UGH, I guess, but also, it is very comforting to hear evertone’s stories and feel a bit less alone!
Vanessa! I love your make-up. Also, I have been following your Saturn return (from the PCT to now) on your blog/newsletter because I like the way you write about your life!
<3
Thank you!! For loving my makeup and for liking my writing and following along. I appreciate you 💜💜💜
Am I the only one here who is old enough/nerdy enough to have learned about the Saturn return because of No Doubt’s “Return Of Saturn” album? My username on this very website and on tumblr, both of which I joined when I was 30, is @thesaturnyear. That’s how much I loved this concept, and also that album. ANYWAY.
My personal Saturn return was A TIME. My first daughter was born less than a month after I turned 29. (I’m the non-bio mom, which I think matters a lot in this equation.) Then a couple years later, I cheated on my wife with my best friend. I’m not at all proud of that, it’s taken me a long time to type this because I keep debating whether I should share it here or not, but it happened. We’re still married and now have two daughters. She chose to forgive me, and I chose to fully lean into my role as wife and mother and stop being a fuck up. So! Even if you do a really dumb thing during this time in your life, it can all end up better than okay.
I had been just attributing it to the shitshow that was 2016 because fuck that year for all obvious reasons. It just seems cruel that my Saturn Return coincided with the national disaster that was 2016? In any case, my Saturn Return from 29-32 included:
1. Moved from Denver to Boston.
2. Estranged mom got diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.
3. Moved from Boston to San Diego.
4. Lost (ended) a relationship with my primary maternal figure.
5. My mom died.
6. Trump was elected.
7. My car got totaled in an accident.
8. Partner cheated on me / subsequently had a v painful breakup.
9. Was more or less homeless for a couple weeks while staying with friends/sleeping on couches.
10. Dated a couple of super toxic people and also a bunch of lovely people, but briefly.
11. Moved a total of 6 times in 3 years.
12. All under a cloud of super intense PTSD and depression and serious financial insecurity.
TBH, I’m mostly just impressed I made it out of that alive? That was honestly a struggle for a majority of those days.
Also, I’m now well into 33 and I have a dreamy job and financial security and incredible friends and a wonderful home and the dreamiest partner, so! Hi from living proof that Saturn Return is real I guess? Also: it gets better! Usually!
Whew, girl, you’ve lived a lifetime in those few years. Glad you made it out!
I had a comeuppance for some bad habits during those years. I’d say I learned a lot but I didn’t quite learn everything because I’m having another comeuppance not even a year out!
It’s like that sometimes. Have faith in your best self and hang in there. Best Love.
Wow… so for some reason I had it in my head that Saturn return was your 27th year, and that’s it. Like one year of marked change/upheaval, and then at 28 it stopped. I def must have misunderstood whoever told me about this years ago! 🤣 but wow reading this is such a relief! I’m 31 and kept thinking god why did it feel like my whole life fell the fuck apart last year ? This helps a ton ❤️ Thank you everyone for sharing your stories!
Just worked out mine- 3 close family deaths, 1 birth, a stressful course for what was supposed to be my new career, which I did for a year before walking away from everything my life had been up to that point, losing friends but feeling like I knew where I was headed and I finally had the guts to go for it. Oh, and that started the ball rolling for coming out (again) a year after! It was traumatic but ultimately changed things onto a better track at the end of it.
I’m really, really appreciating reading everyone’s stories of crisis, chaos and transformation.
During my Saturn return…
1. I moved in with an ex and fell out with him so spectacularly I was seriously worried he might hurt me,
2. Then moved in with a boyfriend who had already broken up with me countless times and proceeded to break up with me again nine months later even though we kept living together because I apparently really like living with exes
3. Got the most serious and terrifying depression of my life and felt as though I was genuinely losing my mind
4. Had to take a leave of absence from my PhD
5. Started therapy
6. Started dating my first ever girlfriend during the final months of my PhD, which was a terrible time to start a relationship
7. Especially this relationship, because it was emotionally abusive and miserable
8. And I also got heavy involved in an incredibly intense Palestine BDS campaign
9. Yet somehow finished my PhD!
10. And got a job in a totally unrelated field
11. Then lost that job due to Tory funding cuts eliminating our entire office!
12. Became really disillusioned by academia
13. Got cheated on and dumped by my girlfriend, which was a very good thing but hurt ridiculously badly for an incredibly long time
14. Stalked around declaring that love was a lie and partners are all emotional vampires that want to destroy you
I definitely didn’t have this period marked out as A Thing at the time, and I’d never thought of 2012-5 together in this way, but looking back on it now is striking. I’d also recommend checking your other Saturn Phases… some intense stuff happens at 14 and 21!
This is yet another in a long string of very excellent and very awesome posts!! Thank you!! I can totally relate! I don’t have to tell my story yet again like a broken record, just know that I love you guys; you’re like rock stars to me! Here’s hoping the Saturn Return at 60 won’t be quite so harsh because we learned our life lessons early on!
Oh good lord, that’s what’s happening. Fine. FINE. Ugh.
“To be honest right now — my late 30s — feel the most transformational of all. I feel like I’ve learned more about myself in the past year than I did in the previous ten combined. What can we call this? What kind of return is this.” Yes, to this!!!!
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH. SO! MUCH!
As the very strong and much wiser, survivor of now two Saturn Returns all I’ve got left to say is ROCK ON 90!!
Well this is terrifying. I’m 29 and things have steadily been getting steadier. And I’m working on dealing with the things like Vanessa said. Is it all about to fall apart? What am I missing?
You’re probably not missing anything, it’s more than possible that your life was pretty well aligned anyway and that you were dealing with anything that needed it, before it blew up into anything major. Good Luck.
here to co-sign Astra that it’s very possible you’ve been doing your work all along and are reaping the rewards! also possible that you’ll hit some bumps along the way as you move into 30 and beyond. my astrologer likes to say that it’s important to work *with* the stars, but not live *in fear of* the stars. i know some people full on don’t believe in astrology, and that’s fine too. if you are leaning into it, know that you never have to be fearful. everything is going exactly the way it is supposed to, and you are doing a good job. <3
aw thanks you two!!!
I’m also in my late 30s and everything initiated this era of my life- 10 years ago- is closing up or majorly shifting. I’ve gone through several major life changes since last summer and we are still pending a move and two more big deal things in the next several months. I also started therapy a while ago and I’m so glad I did- but it was mostly to process being with a guy when I’m still not completey it works with my sexuality. My first non-visibly-queer relationship of my whole life started when I was 27 and is still ticking today. But it’s changing, and I’m trying to be cognizant of what’s really happening this time around.
Loved hearing that Kaelyn’s Saturn Return was about deciding to commit to a relationship, rather than ending one. I feel like breakups are often the focus of discussions about relationships and Saturn Returns (for good reason!).
As somebody who’s “always got my shoes on”, so to speak, though, it’s nice to hear that my Saturn Return might be more about learning to take those shoes off and get comfy with comfortable.
I keep coming back to this article because, y’all, I. am. going. through. it. Just turned 32, so hopefully I just need to make it through the next year, but damn. I feel the most seen by Reneice’s and Erin’s thoughts about it, but reading everyone’s thoughts and experiences makes me feel less alone, so thank you.
Also, my Saturn is in Sagittarius. Help.