Feature image by Ethan Miller/Getty Image and Madonna/TikTok
I’ve gotta be honest with you, friends: I love this new trend where very famous people on TikTok do normal household things with a little soundtrack and a note that says if they do it wrong, they’re gay. Like how Shay Mitchell fell on that green velvet couch because she’s bisexual. Or just yesterday when a pink-haired Madonna posted a video of her in — hmm, what would you call this? Like twenty necklaces and the kind of linen corset situation someone would wear beneath their armor?
Anyway so she’s wearing that, while standing in this very expensive bathroom, and the caption reads, “If I miss, I’m gay.” She bunches up some flamingo pink underoos and half-heartedly tosses them at the trash can — and she misses, by like four feet. Afterward, she kinda does this queenly vampire shrug and saunters off. I should note that this video is shot and edited from multiple angles and lit up with actual camera lights and not just the gold and diamond chandelier lights like what’s hanging in her bathroom. She really put some thought into this! See for yourself!
@madonna♬ original sound – nudy georges
Rumors about Madonna’s sexuality have been swirling since basically the moment she became Madonna. I remember whizzing around Skate County in 1986, jammin’ to some “Papa Don’t Preach” and overhearing the cool kids talking about how Madonna “swings both ways if you know what I mean.” (I did not know what they meant; I thought they were talking about her being a literal switch hitter at softball, which only impressed me more.) Then, in 2003, she kissed Brittney full on the mouth, with tongue, at the VMAs. I’m not sure what influence that had on Madonna’s sexuality, but it sure did make me perk up and pay attention. She kinda faked kissing Taylor Swift at the 2015 iHeartRadio Music Awards. She kissed Nicki Minaj backstage at the 2018 VMAs. She’s been around the block doing some public sapphic smooching, is what I am saying. She’s also always been a huge advocate for LGBTQ+ rights.
I did not have Madonna comes out on TikTok by throwing underwear at a basketball hoop on my Sapphic Mad Libs Bingo card today, but I don’t mind being surprised! Now, if I could please get my Rosie/Madonna dream interview!
UPDATE: Autostraddle co-founder, CFO, and Ultimate Lesbian Historian Riese Bernard just let me know about this video of Sandra Bernhard and Madonna from 1988, on The Late Show With David Letterman, talking about their, um, relationship. I have no memory of this! What an excellent piece of herstory! THE JORTS ALONE!
I honestly and genuinely thought she had come out as bi like a 100 years ago… so I clearly never assumed that she could be straight. So… I don’t know. I can hardly say I am surprised now!
I thought the same thing.
Many people seem surprised on Twitter so I don’t know if we’ve been living in an alternate universe or what haha
Just came here to say how much that Sandra Bernhard/Madonna on Letterman video gave me exactly the life and energy I need to get through my day/week/year! It’s totally possible I watched this on live when it happened. The 90’s were a wild time.
Wow, that Sandra Bernhard / Maddona interview is the original gay chaos interview. It was like that Sarah Paulson / Cate Blanchett interview, but on coke.
Oh wow. That is the perfect description!
That late night clip is a treasure trove!!! OMFG 🤯😂😍
I didn’t have jorts on my bingo card.
Also: https://www.instagram.com/tv/CivPBO5DN-A/
Also her SEX book with the meta cover…wlw erotica and pics very much included. Found it recently while cleaning out my childhood home basement and was v impressed…
THIS, Exactly this… After the SEX book and all the Erotica production, I would say that we could assume she was never straight.
Also, I remember reading in more than one magazine something about her having at least affairs with women (it was either from one of her biographies or from the book her brother wrote), particularly when she has just gotten to NY if I recall correctly.
Anyway, I have never consider her strictly straight, she has always toe the line at least of curious/bi/kinky … “Poor is the man whose pleasure depends on the permission of another” I think is the quote at the end of the “Justify my love” video. That says it all.
I cannot help but tell you that the Letterman interview is from 1988, not 1998. Prime jorts year, that one.
Yes it was! That was my first experience with a movie induced fad – Dirty Dancing came out in 1987, with Jennifer Grey dancing around in jorts, and suddenly those long denim shorts were everywhere.
Omg thank you! I was like “wow 1998?? 🤔 but this camera quality feels so 80s??”
Oh my god, that interview was incredible. But yeah, definitely late 80s, not late 90s.
There was also that one episode of – I think it was Arsenio? – presumably after they broke up where Sandra Bernhard was handed the “Sex” book and handed it back saying “I’ve seen plenty, thanks.”
That relationship was epic disaster bi stuff.
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She was also in a situationship with Angelina Jolie’ s ex Jenny Shimizu. I also have known she was at least bi since the early 90s so unless she’s now staying that she’s gay and not bi then I’m not sure what the revelation is?
She and Craqdi are the best should rule the world