Kenzi and the Wolf force their way into the optometrist’s clinic and discover Snook doing the oh-so-noble deed of wiping a Real Housewife of Fae County’s mind of her husband’s affairs. Were you expecting him to be curing kids or nightmares or PTSD? Can you really set your expectations so high for a dude that refers to himself in the third person? Of course not.

For an extra $100 I’ll make her wake up as a pony!

Snook admits that Snook only deserves a three star Yelp rating since Snook has no power over humans. Which means that someone else is to blame for Kenzi (SURPRISE!) and Dyson (SURPRISE SURPRISE!)’s wiped memories!!1!ONE1!!

I keep telling you kids that tightlining your eyes isn’t a good idea no matter how good it looks

Rather than embracing the Fae-neisa that’d grant them the ability to listen to an entire Metric album without being overcome by heartbreak, these fools insist on getting their memories back. Trick knows the oh-so-obvious solution to their problem. Their eye doodads are connected to a certain compass gizmo, so all they gotta do is find it, break it and they’ll be back to curling up in the fetal position at the bottom of their shower with their painful memories in no time!

Well I guess I can never delete Evernote now

This particular gadget was lost in a shipwreck, so it’s either part of Ariel’s Thingamabob Collection or in the hands of Anglerum, the Fae collector. Even though Lost Girl: The Underwater Bikini Musical would probably win them an Emmy, Trick suggests the boring option.

And after this we can go watch paint dry

Anglerum isn’t the antisocial hermit that Hoarders has led me to believe, so of course he’s hosting a party right when the Scooby Gang needs him. Kenzi puts Dyson in charge of grabbing tickets, meaning she’s in charge of robbing Trick blind.

You can have your trinkets back, but I’m keeping the arm warmers.

As Trick teaches Kenzi that no, pickpocketing is not part of any courtship ritual, he convulses upon discovering Bo’s photo hidden in Kenzi’s purse. Here’s a hint, either bad shit is going to go down or craft services mislabeled the decaf pot again.

Nah, I think she should get some wayfarers

Ticketmaster’s out of stock so Dyson hits up Vex, the new leader of the dark Fae. You know what’s easier than coughing up $13 in service charges? Setting aside your policeman morals and blackmailing Vex out of his tickets because you know he’s keeping the real Morrigan alive somewhere.

When I die or am trapped in a cage for eternity, I would like a 6′ sultry headshot.

You’d think the leader of the dark side could afford a dragon or a moat or A Really Vicious Ferret, to protect him from situations like this, but I guess he blew all of his money on MJ memorabilia.

Saturday night’s plans are off. You don’t need to hem my evening gown anymore

Hey man, Can you grab me an appletini

Kenzi’s at her place trying to figure out which outfit hoarders prefer. Taffeta or silk? Sparkles or spangles? Frontless or backless? She calls up Lauren for some moral support and fashion advice, but if you’ve seen the way the Lesbian Doc dresses, she might as well be calling up Jessie Spano.

Teen Crisis Hotline, Kenzi speaking

Mossimmo interrupts Another Gay Lady Doc’s Queer Outfit of the Week with a crossbow and a fancy jar.

At this rate, I’m never going to open a knock on the door again. Nope, not even for trick or treaters

SURPRISE, Kenzi’s finally figured out how to get rid of that human stank and blend in with the fae! But now she’s addicted to Mossimmo’s Sprite Genital Extract which is both expensive and embarrassing.

Kids, this is why you should get a good education and stay away from drugs, gambling and men in rumpled polyester suits

Cut ahead to the soiree and I’ve momentarily forgotten that Bo hasn’t even appeared in this episode.

I’m having that dilemma where I can’t tell if I want to be her or fuck her.

When Dyson and Hale were reading out all of the plot points, they forgot to mention that they’re relying on Kenzi’s wit charm fierce loyalty T&A to win Anglerum’s eye and the compass. Being a lady detective is demeaning fun! But just like we were promised, Jenny Schecter shows up to round out the number of brunettes in spangly dresses.

Wanna go home and take Sounder to the groomer for me?

In classic Jenny fashion, she demands a drink from Dyson. She introduces herself as a nymph, a fae born of the water, which explains the season six pool incident. But before any dogs can be put down, Kenzi drags Dyson and Hale out for a tango.

Geneva probably had to watch this scene ten times to make this gif. #Sorrynotsorry

She obviously receives a red rose and immunity and an extra lifeline. At the Big Reveal, Anglerum turns out to be none other than Sssssserpent George Takei!

Did anyone sssssssee that coming? Probably sincehis headshots were all over the ballroom, but I was incredibly distracted so sue me.

Wearing little more than electrical tape abs and a studded codpiece, Vex crashes the still ongoing party. Wolfie initially resists Vex’s request for seven minutes in heaven, but once the mesmer makes a guest snap her own neck and the rest of the party scatter, he’s like, “Eh, why the fuck not?”

‘Yonce filling out this skirt! I look damn good, I ain’t lost it! And I ain’t missed a beat!

At this point, Jenny bids adieu with all of her clothes on. Fucking Schecter.

Sorry, I have to go frame my friends for murder.

Ssssulu’s hearing out Kenzi’s request, but instead of haggling for UNLIMITED WISHES like they teach you in kindergarten, Kenzi just asks for that friggin compass. Ssssssulu’s befuddled why someone would make such a goddamn stupid request. Oh right, because she’s a goddamn stupid human.

Why didn’t you asssssssk me another wish or Beauregard? PLEBIAN!

Kenzi snatches the compass and attempts to flee on her stupid human legs, but Ssssulu would rather unhinge his jaw and eat her whole.

Out on the dance floor, Dyson and Vex have a bro-to-bro and Wolfie realizes that Morrigan 2.0’s memory is also wiped. But unlike the rest of the crew, Vex figured out the whole mind game a long time ago and used it to become the dark fae leader! Now that he’s put on his Fancy Vinyl Big Boy Pants, neither Kenzi, nor Dyson, nor Hale, nor those meddling kids are gonna take it away!

Oh god Dyson. I had way too many appletinis

He mesmerizes Hale and Dyson into a loving embrace, assuming that all of their repressed urges will distract them long enough for him to kill Kenzi. But apparently Dyson just isn’t that into Hale, so they channel their platonic bromance power against Vex.

HALE I CHOOSE YOU! EVANESCENCE ATTACK!

While the battle between the light and dark fae devolves into a game of hocking mind loogies versus stop hitting yourself, Kenzi and Ssssulu play a rousing game of hide and seek.

Duh, Ssssulu can beam, of course you can’t get away from him!

Dyson shows up just in time to protect Kenzi from Ssssulu’s fanged tail. He picks up a battle axe and whips it at Anglerum’s booty. Surprisingly this flesh wound is enough to takei him down.

Really, that’s it? ’twas but a scratch!

Just as Aife’s about to indulge in her dockside succubuffet, daddy shows up to clam-jam her meal. I don’t think any child in the history of the world has smiled when their parents cockblocked them, so lady must be sick.

Hey Dad! Wanna go halvsies on a seaman?

Kenzi discovers the compass is broken and rather than upgrading to Google Maps, takes the lazy cheap Boi Scout approach and figures that manually aligning the arrow will be good enough.

Nothing a little Superglue couldn’t fix

In anticipation of the upcoming Memory Reveal and Truth Understanding Session, Dyson decides it’s time to process all his special wolf-feelings via the magic of role-play. He embraces Kenzi, who will be playing “Bo” this evening, and says he’s thrilled to settle for her! But Kenzi isn’t ready to settle for a life of beer bellies and receding hairlines, so she informs him that their relationship is totally fucked and they aren’t meant to be together because someone else is in her heart. SOMEONE WITH BOOBS.

All signs point to #dynzi being doomed

Dyson manages to somehow not fuck up this Boi Scout exercise and BAM, it’s Flood of Horribly Repressed Memory Time! Kenzi grabs her temples, Dyson grabs his brow and Aife grabs her Fancy Evening Shank. Aife isn’t too thrilled with the father-daughter reunion once she remembers how he locked her up for a century, and quoting every Lifetime made for television movie about a teenage mother making it on her own in the face of adversity, yells, “This is for her!” as she takes a swing.

I also carry a knife when I’m walking around, but it’s so I can eat cheese at a moment’s notice.

Inside, Asshole Vex barely apologizes for the whole Accidental Snake Bait thing, Lapdog Dyson can’t wait to find his master Bo and Supporting Actress Kenzi loses her chutzpah and just wants to change into her jammie jams and wait for her bestie to come home. Just like any Very Special Episode warning you about the dangers of unprotected sex or eyeballing vodka, everyone’s back to normal! LET’S GO GET ICE CREAM!

These abs are less impressive now. The codpiece is still weird.

If Kenzie’s dance moves made you forget about the opener, all you gotta know is it’s a good thing she didn’t open that crate. Whatever rank thing it attempted to contain is starting to pour forth symbiote-style. Ewww.

Wicker boxes just ain’t so great at holding in evil. Pandora could tell you that.

Elsewhere in the land, Lauren has taken a cue from that other lesbian doc and become a redhead. Judging by her waitressing outfit, she hasn’t subscribed to QOOTW yet. Suddenly a rush of Bo-related memories flood back and, given that a good chunk of those memories are nsfw, it’s not surprising that she moans, “Bo.”

I too am praying those bangs are temporary.

Elsewhere, elsewhere in the land, Bo finally gets on set, just in time for the credits to roll.

Fucking lazy.

Maybe she’ll show up long enough to explain the Fae-nesia in 402.

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