Listling Without Commentary: Your Really Special And Often Edible Ideas For A Better Autostraddle

photo via shutterstock

photo via shutterstock

In our 2012 Reader Survey, we asked you so many questions. One of them was, “if you could add anything to Autostraddle, what would it be?”. Your answers were plentiful and useful and abundant and many of them we’ve already put into action, including overarching requests for more merch, meet-ups, personal essays, masculine-of-center stuff, sex, and perspectives from the South. There’s stuff we’re working on, too, like a faster, better-designed website, more essays from mememememe (there will be a new regular debuting soon, stay tuned), more international news, more trans* women contributors and more articles on ‘adult shit’ like home decorating. You also pointed out holes in our team that also drive us absolutely crazy and I would stick my hand in a food processor to fix tomorrow; like that only 35% of the women who write most frequently for this site are of color, that we lack a United Kingdom correspondent and that we don’t have any regular writers over the age of 35. Luckily we have this big bright future thing ahead of us and will hopefully accomplish all our goals.

But a lot of you thought way outside the box and came up with some really inventive ideas we’re definitely writing down on our whiteboard. Today I will share some of these brilliant offerings with you.

Really Special Suggestions For What You’d Add To Autostraddle:

  1. an official Autostraddle Pizza Delivery System
  2. more cheese-based goods
  3. moar cowbell
  4. Kristen Stewart as editor
  5. a wedding ring to be wed to me forever and ever.
  6. improved cat accessibility
  7. a pony
  8. koalas
  9. free cats
  10. free unicorns for everyone
  11. probs more butts
  12. a piñata
  13. more commenters on bi content who aren’t assholes
  14. video blogs with Megan Rapinoe
  15. a cupcake dispenser
  16. hot sauce
  17. grilled cheese
  18. myself in a cuddle puddle with Autostraddle staff
  19. Daily reports of what Sara Quin is doing. You know, in her day to day life. Perhaps you could hire someone to spy on her constantly. Im available to hack email accounts, tap phone lines, etc. Contact me for more information.
  20. a “find Me a Girlfriend” button
  21. a time-portal so I could read it all day and not use up work time
  22. hot girls who would pop out of my computer and hand feed me Nutella as I browsed the internet.
  23. a way to make all the team members pop out of my computer and give me hugs when i’m feeling down
  24. 3-D capabilities. for petting the whiskey kittehs, of course. not just the boobs.
  25. a teleporter
  26. the smell of baked goods
  27. the ability to order free nacho delivery
  28. an explanation as to why all queers are allergic to gluten
  29. a girl to lay in bed and read it with me.
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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3279 articles for us.

71 Comments

  1. Yeah so you guys should really get working on that “find me a girlfriend” button. Please and thank you!!

  2. this is just to say that I really like the personal essays, the new merch, and am looking forward to more essays from youyouyou.

  3. Also more surveys so we can continue to show off how inventive/funny autoreaders are! (this is a serious request, I always love readying the results)

    • at least the gluten free section of my local Trader Joes is a fantastic place to meet new queer girls? (but seriously, last time I went to get more almond meal I got a great new recipe for gluten free brownies and a date. allergies for the win!)

      • This is amazing. I feel like the gluten free section of my local Trader Joe’s is just that place where you have to stick your cart until all the other giant carts can get through the tiny aisle.

    • See, that whole queers=gluten free thing is new. Speaking as a (slightly) older *woman in comfortable shoes* we never had that problem. Y’all are gettin’ soft! But soft is often good…

      • LMAO….seriously laughed out loud at that one. And considering how expensive gluten free products are, I’m kinda thankful that I don’t require that special diet.

  5. 13 doesn’t seem too ridiculous, I actually would like more bi content in general. 17 is excellent tho, grilled cheese would totally improve Autostraddle. GRILLED CHEESE IS ALMIGHTY AND IMPROVES EVERYTHING.

    • I have lately begun to realize that cheese has bizarrely intense effects on my mood. It’s gotten to the point where whenever I’m feeling awful, one of my girlfriend’s standard responses is to gently walk me to the campus diner and make sure I obtain some grilled cheese.

  7. I read 2. as “more cheese based gods” which then made me think flying spaghetti (with parmesan) monster
    HAVE YOU BEEN TOUCHED BY ITS NOODLY CHEESY APPENDAGE?

    No, I haven’t been drinking

    • If the Flying Spaghetti Monster came with more cheese I’d probably give up Christianity and convert.

  9. Hmmm #17 seems to conflict with #29… Or is there a whole world of gluten-free grilled cheese that I don’t know about?

    • Chickpea bread!
      Also a variety of other non-gluten things made into bread!
      It’s definitely doable.
      Now overcoming the “many of those are also vegans” issue? Slightly more problematic. When does it cease to actually be grilled cheese? I think if it’s almond cheese on chickpea bread… it’s a whole different thing!

  10. Not so sure about the improved cat accessibility, I don’t want to know what my cat would say about me behind my back on the internet.

  11. With a wee bit of work, a frisky gluten-free grilled cheese is indeed possible. Sometimes I rock out with a good GF bread mix and make a baguette, devour half immediately, then make the other half into a grilled cheese (yep, my weekends are wild).

    The magic word: brie.

    Oh yeah. I went there. (And we should all go there, there’s no reason why we can’t all have a fabulous allergen-free festival of grilled food! A meal so good, you have to undo the top button of your jeans like at Thanksgiving!)

    And now, I have to go eat. These AS articles make me hungry sometimes.

  13. “23. hot girls who would pop out of my computer and hand feed me Nutella as I browsed the internet”

    I wonder if this would be considered sexist if a guy said it…

  14. I feel like if somebody made grindr for lesbians but it was just for finding a cuddle buddy that shit would blow up. Spoonstr?

  16. #21 made me literally laugh out loud. While it might not have been the intention, Autostraddle did in fact find me a girlfriend!

  17. I volunteer to be your uk correspondent!! I want a uk A-camp as I am so jealous of America and all of you! And free cats..

  18. i think 11 might have been me? i’m not sure, because my memory is basically as dodgy as a boat constructed out of swiss cheese. (sidenote: that would be delicious) i think i remember answering most questions with a comment about butts because i am that particular kind of person? even if it wasn’t me, i am 100% behind this sentiment. more butts for everyone! yay, butts.

  19. Speaking of Nutella, it took me an embarassingly long time to realise that the stuff that one finds in Ferrero Rocher and the stuff that is known as Nutella are THE SAME.

    Also, if you eat nutella with certain sorts of crackers, it can taste as if you’re eating a Ferrero Rocher (the student version).

  22. a searchable advice archive, or a place to ask questions and have the whole of autostraddle give answers/advice

  23. I’d love to see some more British stuff, sometimes there’s American words I don’t quite understand.
    Like what is Mod Podge? I have literally never heard of it, I googled it and sounds like it’s a brand of PVA glue, but does that make it the same as any old bottle of PVA, or is there something added that I’m missing?

    • MODGE PODGE is the glue of the goddess
      no it’s just a thing that you paint on top of your collage or other art project, it’s like a seal that makes it all shine or matte

    • I feel like I am learning ‘American’. Yesterday Autostraddle explained to me what cilantro was – thank you for the picture of coriander on a mug, I have wondered for ages.

    • Oh my days I had the exact same thought when I read one of the craft articles… What the fuck is modge podge!!??? I never saw that shit on blue Peter, so quite frankly, it doesn’t exist.

  25. I am loving the new content, especially the personal essays (especially especially the masculine-of-centre ones).

    I have long thought autostraddle needed a match making service and would love to go to a UK A-camp. Could even help organise that – I have a few years guiding under my belt. I also vote for 13 and 25!

  27. let’s make a euro A-Camp, better weather is more likely then, too.

    More Bi and internationality! and international find-me-a-girlfriend-button!

  28. More naked pictures!
    Open forums where you can start any topic and anyone can read it and respond!
    More naked pictures!

  30. I think a few more WOC and definitely above 35 writers. I like the new content too, but there’s something almost too cohesive about it. To tell the truth, I’m a bit wistful for AS’s salad days. I swear I’m not trying to be a dick, but there’s something missing when I come to read these days.

  31. * i have an idea for an app: in time of need you push a button and alex gets delivered to your girlfriends’ house and does her ‘call your girlfriend’ dance routine. it would make breaking up with somebody less painful for most people involved!

  33. I have nothing to contribute here, except that in reading the title, next to the picture of the cute butt, my brain created some strange portmanteau of “idea” and “derriere”
    something along the lines of “iderriere”

  34. Editors who check for bi inclusion. (Sorry this is my third comment about this in three days, but just why? Why is this happening?) Happy to take cash for the emotional labor of adding “you forgot the B” btw.

Comments are closed.