Listling Without Commentary: Actual Answers to DADT Survey Questions, Out of Context

Culled from responses cited in the Department of Defense’s “Report of the Comprehensive Review of the Issues Associated with a Repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” from soldiers both against and for a repeal of DADT. (The soldiers were acutely in favor of repeal, the over-representation of the pro-DADT responses on the list below indicate nothing more than the increased ridiculosity of the anti-gay statements versus the pro-repeal statements which sort of make me cry irrationally onto my keyboard out of love) (Okay, this is now a Listling with Commentary)

1. “Tell him if he hits on me I will kick his ass!”

2. “You just can’t show them around. Can’t take them out to a bar.”

3. “All I care about is can you carry a gun?”

4. “Like adultery, and drug use, I can not tolerate homosexuality. I will not work side by side with someone that is an adulterer, a drug addict, or a homosexual.”

5. “Given a task, a homosexual and a heterosexual can probably accomplish it the same way, so it should not have too much of an effect on getting the task done.”

6. “I think homosexual sex leads to diseases.”

7. “Am I supposed to celebrate gayness—do they get to wear a rainbow flag on their uniform? If that is the case, this uniform isn’t worth wearing.”

8. “Some will be flamboyant; they might get a beating.”

9. “I’m raising my family and was brought up a devout Catholic. Now all of a sudden Adam and Steve move in next door.”

10. “It is hard to explain to a child why their parents can’t hold hands or attend school or unit functions together the way other families do.”

11. “What would they [the DoD] do? Come out with a memo saying that the Bible, Koran, etc are wrong and that it is ok to be gay?”

12. “About separate facilities: we all went to college and stayed in dorms, we are all adults now and we have accepted it.”

13. “Those who are openly gay will be excluded from social functions, such as barbeques.”

14. “If you are in an infantry company in a fire fight, and you have an open homosexual who gets wounded, who is going to want to treat him for the fear of HIV and other stuff?”

15. “People get drunk and it’s a whole other thing.”

16. “I believe that the impact would be devastating to me, my family, my unit, the military, our country and the world!”

17. “This is an equality issue, and who doesn’t deserve equal rights? We’ve done it before with African Americans, and we have done it before with females. We can do it again. As brothers and sisters in arms, we stand and fight not only for our country, but for one another.”

Listicle Without Commentary concept stolen from The Awl, consequently made into our own.

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3279 articles for us.

92 Comments

  1. ‘2. “You just can’t show them around. Can’t take them out to a bar.”’

    Gays–just like toddlers and dogs!

    ’16. “I believe that the impact would be devastating to me, my family, my unit, the military, our country and the world!”’

    *facepalm*

    • That one was particularly wtf to me- the world?? Most first world countries ALREADY let homosexuals serve openly and nothing has gone to hell yet, JFC America.

      • See, you are attempting to apply logic and reasoning to a comment that stems from a person to whom those things evidently don’t matter, so there’s where your error is.

  3. yeah, if we have them at our barbecues they might make us cook… veggie burgers!

    or put their vegan hot dogs in our normal buns!

    (sorry, I couldn’t help it)

  5. 13. “Those who are openly gay will be excluded from social functions, such as barbeques.”

    OH NO NOT THE BARBEQUES

    • i don’t know about you, but i didn’t come out for years because of my intense love for grilled meat

        • im there, just tell me what to bring… gosh, i hope there’s not a firefight. i dont want to catch HIV or any other stuff from you guys. (and i know how BBQ’s were that i used to go to…firefights galore) also, can i invite Adam and Steve?

      • Guys. We should have Autostraddle Barbecue Week. Just like Autostraddle Meetup Week. Except maybe do it next southern hemisphere autumn/northern hemisphere spring because I think the weather’s pretty crap up north right now.

    • i thought i had to say goodbye to barbecues forever. this is… this is actually really emotional for me. sorry. need a minute.

  7. 6. “I think homosexual sex leads to diseases.”

    Well i think you FACE leads to UGLY. omigosh im not in the mood to be mature right now.

  9. 1. Tell him that if he tells me that “he’s not like that” I will kick HIS ass.

    7. I think you’re just jealous that you can’t rock the rainbows. Poor fashion sense is no excuse for a bad attitude.

    8. Some will be macho; they might get a beating.

    10. Excuse me while I go piece my broken heart back together.

    11. Why would the DoD make any comment whatsoever on any religion? We have this thing called separation of church and state. I know it’s not very familiar considering our current practices, but it is there.

    14. Education is key. If you’d found that key, you wouldn’t be making ignorant statements like this one. Go read a fucking book.

    16. We really do have all the power. All of it.

    17. *love*

  11. Some of these people were being sarcastic, right? Otherwise I can’t explain #16, #2 and #13.

    Also, how funny is it that there are TWO answers about gays not being welcome at social gatherings. Has that been the problem all along?

    • no they were being serious. this is how people are!

      and there were more than two answers about gays being not welcome at social gatherings, those were just my favorite.

    • the gays: ruining party plans since, like, forever.

      they’re just jealous the gay parties are more fun. srsly. lame BBQ or rainbow body glitter rave dance with Adam Lambert? i think we all know the answer here.

  13. 11. “What would they [the DoD] do? Come out with a memo saying that the Bible, Koran, etc are wrong and that it is ok to be gay?”

    Yeah DoD, that would be cool.

    2. “You just can’t show them around. Can’t take them out to a bar.”

    Sort of true for LiLo =/

  14. Well, the barbeque exclusion is just so very cruel. I just couldn’t serve my country if I weren’t invited to the barbeques.

  15. I FOR ONE, AM VERY UPSET ABOUT BEING EXCLUDED FROM THE BBQS.

    What’s more homogay then BBQS? TELL ME.

  16. “People get drunk and it’s a whole other thing.”

    I think the issue here is that we’re all just too sexy and irresistable. Especially at BBQs.

    Also will someone inform some of these people that straight people are at risk of HIV infection, too? Or did they skip over that during their abstinence only sex education?

  19. We all know that the gays accomplish tasks with a WHOLE LOT MORE AWESOME AND PIZAZZ.

    Unless we’re all at a drunken bbq.

  20. “So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls barbeque, I was like, “Janis, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re lesbian.” I mean I couldn’t have a lesbian at my barbeque. There were gonna be girls there *eating grilled meat*. I mean, right? She was a LESBIAN.”

  22. 1~ oh yes I forgot homosexuals rue the day they “hit on” heterosexuals, you’ve figured them out

    2~ it must be the “I’m the new gay in town” t shirt

    3~ I’m not sure if that was a question or statement

    4~ so you have the privilege of being selective with who is assigned to your unit? Because all of the aforementioned are prevalent in the military

    5~ remove the phrase “probably”‘ and you’ve got a statement that is common sense

    6~ newsflash vagenius : ALL SEX CAN LEAD TO DISEASES

    7~ As long as no one has to celebrate your straightness than I think we’ll be on the same page

    8~ Again as long as your not flamboyantly straight than I wouldn’t worry too much about it

    9~ From Matthew, Chapter 7
    1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
    2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged:
    and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to
    you again

    10~ That breaks my heart

    11~ I’m still at a loss as to what one’s sexual preference has to do with their ability to serve in the military. It’s commons knowledge that people are afraid of what they don’t know, and this is no different. Fear of the unknown creates all these inaccurate presumptions that people become obsessed with.

    12~ someone who is not a moron, thank Christ

    13~ Well who the f#$% is going to bring the appetizers … totally kidding… but seriously?! Then you should make sure you keep your heteroness in the closet too …

    14~ good question, probably the same person who is going to treat your festering STD carrying body … because guess what STD’s do not discriminate, so every medic or anyone for that matter should always assume that there is always the potential for exposure and take safety precautions across the board

    15~ so you’re assuming that homosexuals are predatory and are just waiting for the moment to take advantage of heterosexuals? If someone is under the influence and participate in same sex love fest chances are that they are on the fence. Just because your filter is removed doesn’t mean you have carte blanche to blame your behavior on other people.

    16~ Oh sweet Jesus not the gays!!!! Next you’re going to tell me women are going to be allowed in the military … oh wait …. I’m actually shocked there was no irrelevant quoting of the bible. Morons. We’re surrounded by morons.

    17~ AMEN

  23. 6. “I think homosexual sex leads to diseases.”

    Not if you cut those fingernails and wear a glove!

  24. I want all those soldiers who are so concerned about being hit on to go talk to the women in their battalion and realize that unwanted sexual advances are not something limited to their homophobic brains and they do the exact same thing to women who have no romantic interest in them.

  25. #4 must have very un-eventful barbecues. Doesn’t he know adultery makes a party go with such a swing?

  26. I really want to comment on this, but I’m pretty sure I’ll f*ck up and be shunned, so yeah. insert something witty about booze and #s 2-9 here.

  27. Listling from my Gov’t Teacher:

    “After the Korean war, they all came out and said, there’s no black marines and white marines. Just Marines. You know what it took? An EXUTIVE ORDER AND A WAR! People didnt like it, but Truman said, ‘Im comander in chief-so-tough.’ That’s all I wish Obama would do…”

    Yeah, my teacher says this stuff. He supports… AND he’s a HUGE feminist… Thought you would all apreciate hearing his words. I’m toying with putting lot’s of his words on tumblr….

    • My US Gov teacher wore a t-shirt earlier this year that said ‘It’s okay to be Straight!’ and he has an HRC bumper sticker on his classroom door.

  28. 9. “I’m raising my family and was brought up a devout Catholic. Now all of a sudden Adam and Steve move in next door.”

    GOSH, can you imagine being a devout Catholic *and* tolerating gays?

    Sarcasm aside, I’m actually a little confused by this answer. How does having gay neighbors affect the military? Maybe he’s referring to having gay neighbors on a military base(?)

    • Thinking the same thing. Maybe he lives on a military base with his fam or something? Idk. I bet he had gay neighbors whilst growing up and never knew.

    • i always love comments like these, cause it’s like- psst, i bet you’ve talked to a gay person AND DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT. YOU MAY HAVE EVEN HAD A WHOLE CONVERSATION WITH THEM, OMG.
      (probably cause they forgot to put the rainbow sticker on their forehead that day! sneaky gays.)

  29. Given a task, a homosexual and a heterosexual can probably accomplish it the same way, more or less, give or take, in a roundabout fashion, kind of sort of, you know.

  30. This thread is way too funny for me to be reading in the very quiet library the week before finals.

  31. So … my lease says I can’t have a barbecue grill … does this mean my landlord sensed the gay, too? *cries*

  32. This reminds me of that game show where you choose which bachelor based on how they answer questions.

    You could totally create a whole conversation out of these quotes.

  33. I can’t wait to be working with these people! We can go to the lesbian bar a block away from the Marine base in DC! yeaaaaaaa

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  35. When we were doing homosexuality in rs, our Christian teacher said “god made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!”
    …well apparently he did make Adam and Steve.
    Homos 1 – Christians 0

    • Sorry, I should have put an infinity symbol instead of a 1.
      Or at least a rainbow or something.
      *facepalm*

    • You know, I never got what was so great about Adam and Eve that makes Christians want to hold of them up as pillars of humanity all the time.

      Let’s look at the evidence: they had no jobs, toyed with public indecency and eventually ended up getting so bored they dicked around with the tree of life, cursing the future of humanity to pain of mortality.

      Role models? Not much.

      I reckon if it had been Adam and Steve, there’d have been a whole lot less sinning, and a lot more killer landscaping of the Garden of Eden.

      • And so, on whichever day God made lilith,
        GOD MADE THE FIRST LESBIAN. lilith then sneakily passed on the gay gene and made homogays everywhere.
        See guys? It’s okay, God did it.

  36. It’s amazing how ignorant people are. I have a coworker who is also an NFL Cheerleader. Apparently their was a lesbian on their squad and they didn’t know she was gay for quite some time. So my coworker says, “When we found out she was gay we were all shocked because we had all been changing and showering together for months. It would have been nice to know before then.” Mind you, she knows I’m gay. Apparently us lesbians are attracted to every single female and we have dirty thoughts and want to do every naked person of our gender. Even if they are our close friends. Do all heteros want to do each other? Um, No.

    • Flatly tell her that her ignorant mindset is wildly unattractive, so perhaps her squadmate was completely turned off.

  37. Re: #9 & #11

    I’m becoming more of an atheist every day. I realize a belief in a god/gods and organized religion are two different things, and I was never really into any religion, but all these yahoos believing this nonsense, and not a shred of evidence for millenia on end?

    I was generally hovering somewhere around agnosticism in the past, and I sure as hell don’t have the answers, but this shit is suspicious as all hell. Wake up, turds, and deprogram.

    Religion is bull, and #9 and #11 show that. Nothing good comes of it. The few apparent positives are utterly superficial and cosmetic. You do not need a religion to behave charitably, or to form community. Yeah, it’s comforting to some people, but at what cost? The people behind 9 and 11 believe this bunk, and feel total permission to brazenly assert their ignorance.

    Also, IT’S THE MILITARY. It’s an organization that pays people to carry out war missions against people they don’t know, and for no good reason. I’m a non-believer when it comes to the military, too. They defend the country? Bring the luminous torch of democracy to the dark, ignorant corners of the world? Riiiiiight.

  38. Okay, #3 makes me cry tears of joy. Or it would, if I were at home and not in a public place.

    Also, person #6 is ironically ignorant – as if nobody ever got any sort of disease doing non-homosexual things.

    • Stepping on a rusty nail can give you tetanus if you haven’t had a booster shot lately. According to #6, rusty nails must now be added to the gay agenda.

      Recap of the Gay agenda:
      Ponies, monkeys, rainbows, and rusty nails for EVERYONE!

  39. 10. “It is hard to explain to a child why their parents can’t hold hands or attend school or unit functions together the way other families do.”

    This is a really really really really really really good refutation to “I don’t wanna hafta explain to my kid why two dudes are kissing each other on the bus next to my five-year-old. Waaaaah parenting is hard because you have to use words and stuff”

  40. 2. “You just can’t show them around. Can’t take them out to a bar.”

    Somebody has been playing Gay Bar a lot at my house recently and that is definitely all I could think about when I read this.

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