Kayla is, understandably, furious that Mick abandoned her on that monster-infested planet, and is surprised to find Mick genuinely apologetic instead of bristling and being defensive. Mick reaches up to the beanie on his head as if he’s about to tell Kayla about the babies but Gary stops him, warning him that Kayla WILL eat his brains if she deems him unfit. And let’s be honest…she will.

While the boys are having this side convo, Kayla is placing what looks like a tracker in the mainframe. And like, I know she’s supposed “evil” or whatever but…LOOK AT HER.

I AM a little mad at her for what she does at the end of the ep but I already forgive her because I am but a weak gay.

Anyway, inside the game, Constantine brews a potion to try to end the spell early but it doesn’t work. He realizes that there’s no shortcut this time; they have to play out the game.

Which I could have told them from all the times I watched Jumanji as a kid. You can’t cheat, and you have to finish the game.

Unfortunately, Constantine hadn’t bothered to read the rules before he made it real, and the game doesn’t just end when all the humans die…they all get redealt as new characters and it starts over until they find the beast.

Astra decides to lean into her character and use her powers as the oracle to try to figure out who the beast is. And honestly, I think this is a huge moment of growth for Astra; not too long ago she wouldn’t even stay on the Waverider lest she be confused for a Legend, and even just last week she was reluctant to participate in the bowling game to save the fate of the Earth. But this week not only is she participating, but she’s coming up with ideas. And I love this for her/us.

The lights flicker and her eyes go white and the beast speaks through her.

I’m ready for Astra to be our only sorcerer on this show.

But it doesn’t have anything helpful to say, just more doom and gloom. Spooner is over this whole situation and tries to straight up walk out the front door, but there’s just a brick wall outside. She says she doesn’t trust anyone here, except Astra for some reason (:eyebrow quirk:) so the two of them storm off to try to find another way out. And I know that once I see a ship, I can’t UNsee it, but also I can’t help but wonder if the show sees it, too. Honestly I’d be fine if this evolves into an unlikely friendship and nothing more, but one of you genius gentlereaders once dubbed this ship Spatula, and I’m on BOARD.

Behrad tries to reason with her sister, who seems blind to Constantine’s change in behavior lately, and doesn’t fully trust him. She gives Zari a fire poker to protect herself with and tells her to keep an eye on Constantine, but Zari almost immediately puts it down and goes to care for her guy, who is currently succumbing to the ills of his character and coughing up blood.

Zari goes to get water for Constantine but hears something go bump in the night…

Spooner and Astra keep opening doors and windows with no luck of finding an escape, the halls and stairways seeming to loop them around.

I cannot reiterate enough how much I adore their IRL friendship.

They finally, desperately, break through a window in the kitchen, but before they can determine if it’s a way out, the beast attacks, slaying them both.

Zari finds her brother outside the kitchen, looking distraught, blood on his hands; he tells her not to go in there, but she doesn’t listen.

I genuinely appreciate how much depth they’ve given Fancy Zari.

Astra and Spooner are dead and he blames Constantine. The boys fight some more, despite Zari resorting to falsetto notes to try to stop them. They both think the other is the beast, and want Zari to break the tie, but Zari refuses to choose between them, and resents that they’d even ask.

I’m glad that there’s a legitimate reason that Behrad is pushing back on Constantine and not JUST that he’s dating his sister.

Constantine tries to prove he’s not the beast by locking himself in the attic, where I wish he would just stay.

Out in the real world, Gary follows a trail of goo into the med bay and sees the tentacle playing with the printer that they used to heal Kayla and watches as it punches in a code with a mind of its own. And whatever it’s printing is sucking up a lot of Gideon’s energy.

Meanwhile, Kayla has played nice long enough. She points his own fire gun at him and tells Mick that she found someone new, someone who helped her escape that planet. And that she doesn’t need Mick anymore.

I think when you look this good wielding a stolen weapon it officially becomes yours.

But before Kayla can melt his face off, Mick admits he’s pregnant. She pulls off his beanie to reveal a mop of Beatles-length hair and can tell he’s telling the truth…so she knocks him fully out.

Big “step on me” energy with this one.

In the manor, Behrad is pacing and nervous. He expresses his concern with Zari’s choice in boyfriends again, and Zari, in desperation to get her baby brother to understand, says that she loves Constantine. He’s surprised to hear that; she’s never said that about anyone she’s dated. And she admits she’s never felt it. She likes that she doesn’t have to be anyone but herself around Constantine. He has no expectations for her, he just likes her as she is.

I ALSO LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, FANCY ZARI

Behrad is happy for Zari, and emphasizes that he does actually like Constantine, but ever since he came back from his quest for the fountain, something has been seriously off about him.

And something is even more off than usual with Constantine right now, as he is coughing up blood in the attic. He sees a figure lurking in the shadows, wearing a plague mask and growling taunts, saying the elixir he’s drinking is making him stronger, making the magic stronger, making him lose control. Constantine knocks the mask off and it’s my worst nightmare: Another Constantine. Hearing the commotion, the Tarazis burst in and Zari immediately uses her fire poker to stab the Evil Constantine in the back, snapping them out of the fantasy realm and back to the Waverider, everyone back to life and back in one piece.

Me getting too into D&D RP.

Ava, having been robbed of the chance to win, wants to immediately play again but everyone who had to live through watching their friends die stops her. Sara stands up and looks around and realizes that the Waverider is back on Earth. They are all excited…until they see a sentient tentacle squirming around on its own.

After examining the ship, they realize they have to do a full reboot to get Gideon to work again so she can tell them what happened, and they also realize that Mick and Gary are MIA.

Zari starts to follow a hungover Constantine (who is blessedly gentle with Zari despite feeling like shit, to his credit) and Behrad asks her if she’s going to tell Constantine she loves him, and she thinks she is. In the time between when Constantine gets to the real manor and Zari catches up to him, Constantine tries to dump out the magic elixir from his flask once and for all, but physically cannot, despite how badly he seems to want to. When Zari does catch up to him, he’s asleep on the couch, and when she goes to tuck him in, she notices a wound on his back…exactly where she stabbed Evil Constantine.

Still trying to figure out what happens, Sara and Ava storm around the ship like the HBsIC they are.

The unison boss walking really did it for me.

They eventually find Gary, stuck in his alien form and unable to find his glasses, and Mick, who is unconscious and still hairy.

As the Legends gather around Mick to see if he’s okay, Sara hears all-too-familiar music and follows the song David Bowie wrote about her until she finds the source…which makes her make this face.

At first I was getting a little catharsis from Sara going through it because I was annoyed with Caity Lotz, but this got to me. Her captor, the man who took her BODY away from her without her consent…on her ship, in her HOME. This face broke my whole heart.

And even before I saw the preview for next week’s episode I knew: Bishop is back.

:womp womp:

Somehow we’re already almost at the end! I feel like Legends just returned to us, but there are only three episodes left in Season 6. Increasingly grateful we already know there will be a seventh season!

Next week it seems Mick and Kayla’s alien babies will be born!

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