Previously on Legends of Tomorrow, Hank had a super secret project that involved stealing magical creatures and embezzling money but it turns out it may have just been a theme park based on Nate’s childhood drawings, Neron murdered Hank when he tried to break off their partnership because men are fragile, and Ava and Sara fought about how to handle the Kaupe situation.

Last we saw Sara and Ava interact, Ava asked Sara to leave, and Sara did. But two weeks have passed and Sara wants to talk it out, so she goes to Ava’s apartment in DC (2019) and calls through the door that she misses her and is sorry. When she gets no response she uses her key and sees that Ava’s apartment shows signs of a struggle and Sara immediately shifts from apologetic girlfriend mode to worried girlfriend mode.

“She can’t be dead she’s SERIES REGULAR JES MACALLAN!”

Back on the Waverider, Ray is telling the team that Nora didn’t kill Hank when Sara shows up with the news about Ava’s disappearance. Constantine thinks it stands to reason that Ava was his next stop after Hank but Sara can’t and won’t believe that Ava is dead. So she takes Constantine and Nora with her and tells Zari to “woman the ship” while she’s gone.

“Try not to break space and time while I’m gone. Again.”

As they rifle through Ava’s apartment for clues, Sara realizes that Ava’s been gone for at least two weeks and is beating herself up for not showing up at Ava’s door sooner. But Ava asked for space and she was giving to her, so really she couldn’t have known. Nora reads the energy in the room and gets a flash of Neron attacking Ava and throwing her across the room. Realizing how much danger she’s in, Sara is as shattered as Ava’s mirror.

This is why I make people send me proof of life even when we’re in a fight. “You can still be mad at me just send me a middle finger emoji if you’re alive.”

Nora uses her dark connection to Neron and touches Ava’s blood and gets a flash of a motel and knows where they have to go.

Nate and Gary are going through old papers of Hank’s trying to destroy evidence of Heyworld, when Nate answers his dad’s cell phone and talks to a contractor and realizes that the theme park is already underway. So Nate takes Ray and they head off to the construction site together, where they see the dragon lair arch and the plans for a unicorn dueling ground. But Nate gives the orders to tear it all down.

Sara, Nora, and Constantine go to the motel from Nora’s vision and as soon as they get the door open, they find Ava, unconscious in the middle of the floor. Sara runs to her immediately, so happy Constantine the Grumpy wasn’t right about her being dead.

The new rune tatts are kinda hot, not gonna lie.

They take her back to the Waverider to try to figure out what’s wrong with her, and Constantine says Neron was preparing her to be a vessel, which means Neron probably sent her soul to Purgatory. (Which unfortunately was not a set-up for the crossover of my dreams.)

Sara is ready go to get her, but Constantine wants her to know what she’s getting into first.

Purgatory is a hell of our own making, designed to break your soul. But Sara isn’t afraid of Ava’s worst fears. She’s literally died. A lot. So she tells Constantine to shut up and let her get her girl.

“I could break every bone in your body before you could raise a spellcasting pinky.”

Constantine has her lay down and sends her off, and Sara wakes up in a department store, which frankly is the setting of some of my nightmares as well. When Sara finds her, Ava is standing with a little houseplant looking lost and a little confused, but Sara says, “I got you.”

The old Sara might have run away when things got hard. But not this Sara. Not Ava’s Sara.

Ava is so happy to see Sara, and Sara is so ready to take her home. But of course, since it’s Legends, it’s not going to be so easy.

On the Waverider, Mona runs in to find Zari and tell her that she came up with a ship name for her and Nate. Nate threatens her but Charlie and Mick stroll in behind her mocking her wind powers. Zari says, “What is this, Legends Eye for the Straight Guy” just as a comment on how they were all critiquing her, but Charlie saw her moment. “You’re straight?” she asks pointedly. Zari decidedly does not answer and instead just gives her a, “You know what I meant” look.

Not straight.

This is not heterosexual behavior.

Mona won’t let the Nate thing go and when she sees Zari drafting a text to him, she decides to insert herself. And while it’s true part of this subplot was trying to convince us that Zari and Nate make any kind of sense, my biggest takeaway was the realist frivolous friend stuff. I can’t tell you how many texts or tweets or DMs or emails I’ve made my friends read or help me write. How exciting it is when a friend has a crush and you want them to dish, or how you secretly like the attention when someone wants to know every detail of a conversation between you and that one girl at work. I have a feeling Zari didn’t get a lot of this in the post-apocalyptic time period she came from, and I’m happy for her.

I think the CW should give out Eyebrow Acting Awards.

Zari does try to brush off Mona and Mick’s advice because their exes weren’t human but a) Nate is a metahuman if we’re being technical and b) as Mick so eloquently put it: Love’s love.

By the way, when Gary found out Ava was hurt, he ran as fast as he could to the Waverider and has been taking care of his idol (and also vaguely making sure Sara doesn’t fall off the bed).

Gary is ALSO in Ava’s Purgatory, which Ava admits is an Issue she’ll have to deal with later. They ask Gary how to get out of here, and he tells them they need to get to the wardrobe section, and they are promptly locked in there with some disassembled IKEA furniture.

This is how I feel whenever I go into a department store.

They get to work and of course Ava wants to study the directions first and Sara wants to wing it. This will surely go smoothly.

Neron goes back to the motel to check on his cooking vessel but turns out it’s Not Ava at all, but a shapeshifted Charlie. When he’s properly distracted, Nora and Constantine come out from the shadows and knock him out. They put him in a cell on the Waverider and immediately turns to Nora to poke around in her mind the way she poked around in his. Constantine is about to send him to hell but Nora stops him, which causes some tension between them. Nora begs him to trust her; she knows what this must be like for him, to see evil wearing the face of someone you love.

Small-mouth rage!

Sara puts the wardrobe together but since she didn’t listen to Ava, the whole thing falls apart. They finally talk about the thing behind the metaphor and Ava says she was never condoning violence about magical creatures, she just gets scared and retreats when she and Sara fight. So Sara promises that even when they disagree she is always, ALWAYS, on her team.

Always. Pinky swear.

So they try again but this time instead of doing it Sara’s way or Ava’s way, they work together. And they get it done. And they’re very proud of themselves…

But the doors won’t open. They find a stray piece and Ava starts to freak out that they did it wrong but Sara asks her not to back away. It’s imperfect, but it’s theirs. Can she live with that? And when Ava realizes she can, the doors to the wardrobe open, allowing them to go through.

The Canary, the Cl*ne, and the Wardrobe.

When they come out of the closet (pun definitely intended on both my and Sara’s parts), they end up in the mattress section of Beyond, Beyond, and Beyond.

Their next task on this quest (have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE A QUEST) is to buy a mattress together. Sara feels very /shrug about which mattress they choose but Ava is taking it very seriously so Sara bends a little and tries to take it seriously, too. As the warranties go up in years they realize the whole thing is a metaphor and they talk about growing old together. Ava is worried that Sara won’t be willing or able to stay with one person for fifty years or more. Sara is worrying about planning for the future when she knows better than anyone that no one can promise there will even be a future.

She’s afraid planning for the future will be like tempting fate… or at least she was afraid of that, until she met Ava. Ava smiles at her and says that coming to Purgatory to get her was tempting fate and she didn’t hesitate to do that. Ava tells her that she’s allowed to want things, she’s allowed to hope for the future and make plans. She deserves to dream.

This is the queer representation we deserve.

Sara lets her tough and joking exterior fall away for a moment and asks the question that’s been weighing on her, probably for as long as they’ve been dating. It was evident from way back in Season Three when she said, “Ava’s the kind of girl that you take home to your parents, and I am the kind you take to an exorcism.” So now she finally says it out loud to her girlfriend: “What if I can’t be the person you need?” But Ava almost laughs the idea of that is so far off from her reality. Neither of them need anyone. They’re both strong, smart, time-traveling badasses. So no, Ava doesn’t need Sara, and doesn’t need Sara to be any type of person. Ava wants Sara. Just the way she is.

This reassuring half-smirk made my big gay heart stop in its tracks.

When Nate and Ray get back to the Waverider, they find out that Constantine caught Neron, so Nate goes all agro and traps himself in the room with Neron to talk to the monster who killed his father. Neron isn’t sorry he killed Hank, and blames Nate’s interference with Hank for why Hank tried to go back on their deal in the first place. Nate is about to storm right into the cell and punch Neron in his holey face but Ray breaks into the room just in time to stop him. Neron revels in the chaos and whistles his creepy tune.

After finishing the mattress level of this hellish game they’re in, Sara and Ava find themselves in the kitchen section of the store.

Forget tops and bottoms, you have to make sure your relationship has a dish washer and a laundry doer.

They start off thinking all they have to do is tag-team doing the dishes, and they’ve already mastered the working together thing, so they get to work. But then the trash falls over. And a light breaks. And mail piles up. And they realize this isn’t about teamwork, it’s about the “thick” half of “through thick and thin.”

To soften the heavy blows we’re getting on both sides with the other two plots, Mona is still trying to coach Zari on her text, this time using emojis, and Mick is trying to help with erotic poetry.

Me when a man appears in my mentions giving me advice I didn’t ask for.

It’s much better than them being MIA all episode, I must say.

Constantine and Nora talk about how to destroy Neron, they realize they could try to get him while he’s separated from his earthly vessel. But while they’re talking, Neron gets in Nora’s head and she excuses herself.

Ava and Sara are still sorting through mail when Sara hits a wall and says that it’s all Ava’s mail anyway so she shouldn’t have to deal with it.

Ava points out that it COULD also be her mail, but Sara says they talked about how the timing isn’t right. Ava points out that it’s a little odd to blame time when you can travel through it so easily, and that sometimes you have to make a choice. Ava wants a life with Sara. She wants to have hobbies and do the mundane stuff with her, too. Sara wants to know what the magic words are to end this fight but Ava says that’s not how this works. Sara, hilariously, says they can move the suburbs and recycle til they die, but then she turns around and Ava is gone.

:Ellie Goulding voice: Where’d you go, where’d you go, where’d you gooooo?

Sara runs through the door after her and finds herself face to face with a warehouse full of life-size Ava dolls.

I loved this shot very much and have nothing quippy to say about it.

Nora goes to see Neron and he gets in her head about Constantine being the worst, them combining for ultimate power, and his love Tabitha who apparently is why he needed Ava as a vessel in the first place.

While Sara is searching the Ava boxes for HER Ava, Gary shows up and tells her to pick whichever one she wants. But she doesn’t want just any Ava. She never even considers it. Gary creepily says something about Tabitha coming. But Sara just runs off, dedicated to her mission. Dedicated to her girlfriend. She won’t leave without her.

Feels like a bad time to make a box joke.

Sara finally sees a sign that says “AS IS” and follows it. She finally finds Ava, her Ava, crying and alone. Ava seems surprised to see her; she could have had any version of her she wanted. But Sara doesn’t want that. Sara wants Ava. Just the way she is.

I think I finally understand what people mean when they say #relationshipgoals. It’s not perfect, but it’s theirs.

Sara and Ava snap out of their unconsciousness on the Waverider and are stronger for having gone through Purgatory together. Ava tries to credit Sara for saving her, but Sara reminds her that they worked together.

This was a heartbeat before Garius Interruptus.

Gary pops up to interrupt their kiss which is funny haha hilarious but also NOT NOW, GARY.

Back at the Time Bureau, Neron wants to jump into Nora, but as soon as he’s out of Desmond’s body, Constantine attacks. She doesn’t need his power, she’s strong enough on her own. But Ray seems to have forgotten that, and jumps in with the intention of saving the day, but it ends up getting everyone a little thrown around.

Desmond wakes up and is back to his old self, but Nora is still unconscious.

When Sara brings Ava back to the Waverider, the girls are all so happy to see her. They start to tell the two women about their day and the emojis but Sara pulls Ava away so they can go rest; they’ve been through a lot.

This chaos reminds Ava that her and Sara should talk about whether they want to have kids, and Sara jokes that they should wait until the other eight are ready for siblings. Which I loved, because they do blur those lines between bosses and parents sometimes, and it’s very precious.

Eventually Mona and Charlie convince Zari that the real best advice is to just say what you feel.

Charlie, your crush is showing.

So Zari texts Nate to ask him on a date…then immediately regrets it. Which is a big mood.

REPLY ALL?!

Nate makes a stop by the construction site to halt the demolition he ordered earlier, and when Zari finds him at the Bureau later, she learns that he broke his phone on a wrecking ball and never got her text. He said something about never uploading to the cloud too, so it’s possible he never will. Zari, being the most adorkable person in the world, is quite pleased with this turn of events and bops away.

Des and Constantine don’t have the heartfelt reunion Constantine was hoping for. Constantine offers the mind eraser to Des, but Des doesn’t want to forget. Constantine is going to be held accountable for his actions, and there’s no getting around it. What’s done is done.

Nora is stable but unresponsive, and Constantine points out that everything would have been fine if Ray had trusted her more, but Constantine promises he won’t abandon Nora again like he did when she was younger.

Ray doesn’t really react to this accusatory statement the way you might think he would, and when he goes outside and a dog starts growling and barking at him, we start to realize why. And as Ray starts whistling that creepy Neron whistle, our worst fears are confirmed: Ray is the vessel.

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