VILLAGE VOICE:
Hi, so the Village Voice just put out its Queer Issue for Pride, and it has pictures of those guys from Jersey Shore on it?
We have a lot of questions about this, which we will now share with you.
1. What is this? Is this a joke? Is it funny?
2. Apparently they had no idea that the photo was going to be on the “Queer Issue,” is that why this is funny to me?
3. Also the headline is “The Guido Ideal”. Is that something that’s okay to say? I’m going to vote that that’s not okay to say.
4. Does this remind anyone else of when OUT Magazine had, like, Katy Perry on their cover? I mean, I’m just trying to say, there are a lot of, like, actual queer people. Who are probably okay with having you take pictures of them oily and shirtless.
5. Did anyone else forget that Vinny was a person? I had forgotten Vinny was a person.
6. Also, this is a quote from their photographer. “These guys are 100 percent straight men. They walk outside and women materialize.” That’s like a weird thing to say, right?
7. Okay now that I’ve read this more closely apparently the cover story is about “Jersey Shore homosexuals on the downlow.” Really? That was the top story during Pride week? Yesterday at the Dyke March we saw many topless ladies, that could have been a good top story.
8. Isn’t it weird how the guy in the middle (the Situation?) has those bizarre indented areas above his hips that guys get who work out too much? I’ve always thought those were really weird.
9. Wasn’t there another dude on Jersey Shore? I don’t know, I’ve only seen one episode. Where is that guy? Does he hate gay people?
10. Do the people on Jersey Shore know what Pride is? Like do they fully understand what they are even associated with in this magazine? I am not sure that they do.
ANYWAYS clearly insight into this situation would be appreciated, maybe by someone who has actually seen Jersey Shore. Happy Pride everyone. (@coverawards)
CHICAGO:
Chicago Now has discovered the one bright spot (besides sunset vaginas) in The Real L Word: Nat Garcia of Showtime’s post-Real L Word webisodes and Autonatic. We agree completely with their assessment that she is perfect for these! We can get an interesting lesbian story without actually having to watch the show! (@chicagonow)
PROP 8:
Judge Vaughn Walker has concluded the testimony and arguments portions of the Proposition 8 trial and is now thinking about how to rule. Which means the lawyers are basically done with this one! But not really, because they all agree that there is a long LONG way to go before this legal battle is over. This case will definitely be appealed to the Ninth Circuit, and it could make it all the way to the Supreme Court.
GAGA:
Lady Gaga walked through Heathrow Airport with an outfit composed largely of underwear, which seems to be maybe kind of her thing now, if her recent Mets and Yankees games are any indication. We support this.
Also, Lady Gaga premiered a new song (which may actually be an old song not performed before, we’re not actually sure) at a party for Elton John. It’s called “You and I” and we’re not reposting the videos here because there are like three of them, but you can watch them at ONTD, I bet that will be really fun for you! (@ontd)
STRAIGHT PRIDE:
Gawker has a straight person’s guide to this weekend’s NY pride, which we mostly don’t need but is kind of funny sometimes. (@gawker)
SEVENTEEN:
Hey, did you hear about this girl who spent a month doing everything Seventeen magazine told her to do, and then blogging about it? Because she did that, and it was pretty great, and she has a lot of things to say to magazines marketed to teenage girls. “She says that if a lifestyle publication really wanted to reach teens, “I’d love to see them really do it right, like instead of just being hair and makeup, and saying that’s what a teenage lifestyle entails, I’d love to see them be an actual lifestyle with books and movies and current events and crafts and sex advice and things that teenagers actually think about in life beyond looking pretty and getting boys to like them.” (@jezebel)
MARRIED WHILE BISEXUAL:
Sometimes you marry someone of the opposite sex and then realize later that you’re queer! That is a thing that happens sometimes. For this writer, she and her husband decided to integrate her bisexuality into their marriage. I don’t know, what do you think? Is this annoying in terms of how it conflates bisexuality with polyamory, or just the way one couple made things work? (@creativeloafing)
the NYT Prop 8 article says a ballot measure could overturn prop 8 “as soon as 2012.” in what universe is that considered soon? the world is going to end before “soon.”
Can I just address the bisexual marriage article for a minute? Would that be okay?
1. “I am married. I am loyal. I am … so gay.” GONNA HAVE TO STOP YOU THERE. If you like men and women, that is not the same thing as gay! That is (often) called “bisexual”. Say it with me: bi-sex-u-al. Or you could say “queer”, that works too! But “gay” is not what you mean here.
And I appreciate she discovers the word “bisexual” further down the article (and apparently it is a complete shock to her? Like, exactly how sheltered were you lady?) but “Gay After Marriage” is right there in the headline and it is WRONG.
2. The pussy cake is…awkward.
3. I just — like, I am not bisexual, so actual bisexuals correct me at will, but it is really, really weird that she’s like “So then I realised I was into women, so now I’m going to go find one I can be with,” like this is the obvious solution. I feel like actually, lots of people are bisexual and married to a man (or a woman!) and don’t think that just because they are attracted to the opposite/same sex as well, being poly is the automatic thing to do about this. Being bisexual does not obligate or entitle you to go out and get with a lady when you’re already married. Does she know that?
I feel like not even mentioning that, or how common the idea is that bisexual people can never be happy with just the one partner, and how that idea is harmful because it stereotypes them all as these hypersexual selfish people…I feel like that is pretty much unthinkingly propogating a negative image bisexual people spend a lot of time fighting off, which I do not love.
Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with poly relationships (I’m in one right now), but…yeah. This is a pretty weird article.
The most disturbing thing about this article for me was that her husband “told her” she is bi, and it is his idea that they enter into a poly-amorous situation. I mean, come on! Is it not obvious to anyone else what happened there?
Also, JC, I didn’t even notice that reading through the first time, but it is pretty weird. And possibly contributes to the “bisexuality=polyamory!” theme if that’s the direction he was pushing (?) her in along with pushing (?) her to realise she was bi.
The pussy cake is just awkward as fuck, and now even more awkward because I’ve realised he made her it. I…No pressure there, honey, eh? Explore your sexuality, or not, in your own time!
I dunno. I’m glad she’s happy now or whatever, but the role of Nick in all this is an interesting one.
Guiding! Is guiding a better word?
Thank you for your thoughts and thanks, y’all, for posting the bi-poly-married article. This article and your reply made me think many thoughts and have many feelings.
I had no problem with the bi-poly article. Mostly cuz her experience was somewhat similar to mine. I can see why you’re weirded out that her husband “told” her she’s bi. Yeah, that does sound like it could have been paternalistic as all-get-out. However, people had been telling me I was bi for YEARS, like literally YEARS, before I managed to conquer my internalized homophobia and agree with them. (It’s amazing the process we go through to understand our own identities — many kids start to conceptualize what their race and sex are when they’re toddlers, for example. But some people figure out their sexual orientation, gender, racial identity etc at a much later date. And at that point the figuring-out can be complicated by personal history.)
I think bi people use words like “so gay” to describe the non-normative parts of their sexuality because it is soooo much more common to hear the community we belong to described as “the gays” or the “gay and lesbians” than “the queers.” For example, HRC is always emailing me, asking me to sign a petition expressing my support for our “gay and lesbian soldiers.” Apparently there are no bisexual servicemen; only 100% “committed” homos! Plus ppl like Riese coin fabulous words like “homosexy” and there is just no bisexual equivalent. I love the word homosexy; I want to BE homosexy! But I am only bisexy, and that sounds like a pinup of a cute girl on a bicycle. Which is great except I do not ride a bicycle! I like it when I’m with a friend and we see a girl with tattoos and leghair and sexy glasses and my friend says, “Wow, she looks so QUEER,” instead of saying, “Wow, she looks so GAY.” No one ever says, “Wow, she looks so BISEXUAL.” What would that even look like? Jillian Michaels? Susan Sontag? Idk.
I do appreciate your thought that bisexuals don’t need to prove themselves by being poly / sleeping with women and men at the same time. You are honoring desires as well as acts and that is actually a wonderful thing to read and it is making my day. There are many double binds that bisexuals are in. For years ppl asked me “Are you bisexual?” but I think if I had said yes, their next question would have been, “But how would you know if you’re not sleeping with girls?
There are many choices married bisexuals have. I think I read somewhere that after a bi spouse comes out, 1/3 of couples split, 1/3 stay monogamous and together and 1/3 start bringing other ppl into the relationship. I don’t think bisexuals being with a person of one gender and wanting to be with a person of another gender makes us all “hypersexual and selfish.” If lesbians say they are poly, no one accuses them of being hypersexual and selfish, you know? I feel like bisexuals are in this double bind of either 1) being in a monogamous relationship with one gender and presenting as either gay or straight, and the press (if we are celebrities)/our friends (if we are normal ppl) tearing their hair out about us lying about our bisexuality or 2) having a polyamorous relationship and presenting as a total slut. There seems to be some Platonic Ideal of bisexuality wherein it would make it so much easier for everyone else if we just dated one man for two months, followed by one woman for two months, followed by one man, ETC. Then we wouldn’t be accused of lying to the public, to our partners, or to ourselves. Dating that many people sounds like a lot of fun, actually. I often wish I could have been smart enough to come out in high school so that I could have dated twice as many people! But such free love is not an option for those who have one partner and would like to stick with him/her. We are not constrained by gender, but we are constrained by our total freedom, and thus we must learn to live ethically in a world with many, many, many choices.
Marcy! Thank you for your reply, I pretty much agree with everything you say. Especially your last paragraph, which reads like you think I disagree with you. I don’t! I 100% don’t think bisexual people being in a relationship with someone of one gender and also wanting to be with a person of another gender is hypersexual and selfish AT ALL. (I in fact could not think so without being a ridiculous fucking hypocrite, since I am in a relationship with two women right now and it is GREAT, but that is beside the point).
I was saying, that that is a negative stereotype I often hear/see bisexual people saying they struggle with, just like you are describing. And that it would have been worthwhile for her to, I don’t know, acknowledge in the article that not everyone who is bisexual is into polyamory, much as not every lesbian or every straight person is.
I guess to me the article read far too much like “I have realised I am bisexual, and so now obviously polyamory, for that is the way! to be bisexual while married!”, or something. The article just kind of elided the idea that there were other ways it could have gone down. But it is kind of a self-centred article in general so maybe I was expecting too much.
ALSO I TOTALLY agree with you that the Pussy Cake is mad awk!
There does seem to be a double standard around bi people and polyamory! It’s really weird to me.
Some people use the word “gay” the way the rest of us use “queer.” My girlfriend used to be one of those people (until she figured out it was making others get confused, haha).
I’m bisexual monogamous with a lady, so yeah, it’s not an automatic thing. Although obviously no disrespect to the bi/poly people out there :)
Yeah…there are some things in that article that are all mixed up. Realizing you’re bisexual is fine (and also awesome). Realizing you’re poly is also fine (and can also be awesome). It would be nice, however, to realize that those are two different things and that they require two different coming outs. You can come out to yourself as both at the same time, but they are not the same thing, y’know?
I’m bi and monogamous. I know people who are bi and poly. I know people who are gay and poly, gay and monogamous, straight and poly, whatever. As long as everyone is on the same page, do what you do, but please realize that sexual orientation and relationship practice are not the same.
Also, Marcy, what is this “I am ONLY bisexy”? I think that word is great. I am now going to use bisexy all the time!
Homosexual is a sexual orientation. Gay is a sociopolitical identity for which there is no purity test. Meaning, identifying as gay is done for social and political reasons while sexual orientation is a trait.
It’s not wrong for people who are bisexual to identify as gay.
Hip dents are weird. I agree. And I’m equally as perplexed when I see straight people on the cover of gay magazines. I guess they are just concerned with, um, straight visibility or something.
I’d like to redact the word ‘perplexed’ cause it makes me sound like a douchebag. Maybe dumbfounded? Befuddled? English sucks.
Do not apologize for your use of the word perplexed, it expressed your experience perfectly. Not a douchebag at all, I love you for using perplexed.
i was hoping you’d mention the seventeen blog. i loved her post on the boys mag and she seems like she’s going to be an awesome sociologist if thats what she decides to be. but i don’t recall her talking about the one thing that annoys me the most about seventeen: what the fuck is up with the exclamation points? it’s like they use them ALL THE TIME. idk but they should rename it thirteen, because that’s how old i was when i gave the subscription to my little sister.
stupid rant over.
they look like the ken dolls i used to chew the heads off of when i was little. except i think they are actually shinier than the ken dolls were.
aaaaand the homophobic one would be ronnie. http://www.advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2010/02/15/Jersey_Shores_Ronnie_a_Homophobe/
See, I liked the bi/poly article for most of it, but really hated coming to the end and realizing that AT NO POINT did she clarify that bi and poly are SEPARATE (though potentially co-existing) identities.
I can’t imagine how weird it would be to come out w/in a marriage, and I give her, her husband and her friend props for handling it so openly and so well. Poly seems like it may be a great fit for her. But maybe it’s having Fetlife as one of your main initial introductions to queer culture, but being bi does not necessitate being poly! Assuming that being bi and married needs ‘a solution’ presupposes a problem that only some people face.
Though some strais may read that last article and think bisexual=dirty slut incapable of monogamy, this couple is merely doing what they have to to stay together. It’s really sad to make such an important self-discovery then leave that part of yourself unexplored forever.
I love those bizarre indented areas above his hips! they are hott!
Me, too! My friends call them man darts!
I took figure drawing lessons from a girl who called them a man’s “treasure trail.”
And that’s when I knew I was a lesbian.
Agreed. They are really sexy!
That last article just made me feel all kinds of icky yo…Now I have to take a shower…or three
PS- *voms @ the cake*
Re: Jersey Shore on the cover of Village Voice –
That’s really odd that they would pick those boys for the cover of a Pride issue, but my gay boy hormones don’t mind staring at Ronnie’s huge chest and enormous bulge. That being said: yeah, in G-d’s name are they doing on the cover of a queer issue? Is this just to get my hopes up? (Hormones rearing their ugly head again!) If their Nonna’s are anything like mine, they had heart attacks when they saw this.
Woah, the married bisexual/polyamory article combined all of my nightmares about initially coming out as bisexual. That people would either think I was just looking to have three-somes and/or that some guy I was dating had tricked me into it.
redundant but I can’t get over it: posing with pussy-cake is real awkward.