Q:
I’ve always felt like I have a secure attachment style. I’m really direct and I tend to date people who are just as good at communicating as I am. But I’ve started to catch my girlfriend lying to me. Last week, she told me she was hanging out with a friend of hers, but then I ran into that friend at the grocery store. When I confronted her about it, she told me she was planning something for my birthday, but that’s two whole months away… And this wasn’t a one-time occurrence. Generally, she’s been more distant and seems to always be texting with someone. I’ve been cheated on before and it’s really starting to feel like that.
But here’s the thing: She’s sort of an internet celebrity and she’s been cast on the next season. I know from board game nights that she’s REALLY competitive, so maybe she’s just practicing for the show? If she can figure out how to lie to me, then it’d be easier for her to lie to a Real Housewife. Should I confront her about cheating? Or should I wait until after she films the show?
A:
Wow, what a unique predicament! In fact, I feel like I should start by saying that this is being published on a public website and your anonymity might be at risk due to the specifics described here. Does your girlfriend read Autostraddle? Because you may get an answer to your question sooner than you’d like.
But, on the off chance your celesbian girlfriend doesn’t read our publication (weird but okay), I think you should talk to her. You said you’re usually really direct and good at communicating so be direct and communicate! You don’t need to be confrontational about it either. You can just explain how you’ve been feeling. You can say you understand why she said she lied about the plan with her friend, but you’re struggling to move past it, along with her other behavior. You can even add that you understand if this is all part of her process in preparing to go to Scotland to meet Alan Cumming and be on a reality TV show.
It’s important to be able to trust your partner. And whether she’s cheating or not, that trust seems to not be there for you right now. I think it’s a mistake to let that distrust and resentment continue to form during her time at the castle. There’s a good chance your girlfriend won’t be the only hot queer on the show. Do you really want to be worrying if she’s carrying out deceit and deception with a former Drag Race contestant?
Ultimately, The Traitors is a show all about trust. Just like she’ll have to decide who to trust in the castle, you’ll have to decide whether you can trust her. If you’re not able to gain that trust back, the only option is banishment.
