Welcome to Interviews With My Ex-Girlfriend, in which Autostraddle writers get back in touch with their ex-girlfriends to ask them Five Simple Questions:

1. How long did we date?
2. Why did we break up?
3. What did you learn from our relationship?
4. What do you miss most about me?
5. Would you invite me to your wedding (why/why not)?

Dannielle: Before we start… are you wearing three shirts?

Pate: I’m wearing four if you include the jean jacket. It’s cold here!

Dannielle: I’m in Los Angeles where it’s always perfect. Okay. First question: how long did we date?

Pate: We were together for approximately two years I think? Is that wrong?

Dannielle: I always say a year and a half.

Pate: It was from 2007 to 2009.

Dannielle: Oh my God, you’re totally right. Yeah. Holy shit, we dated for so long! Aww, that’s so sweet.

Pate: It is sweet. But you were gone most of the time!

Dannielle: Yeah, I know. But then you moved to Chicago and so we broke up. Okay: why did we break up?

Pate: I just remember I moved to Chicago, I stayed with you for a little bit, and we drove each other insane.

Dannielle: Yes.

Pate: And you were sick and you didn’t want to go away. And I was like: “why?” I was being such a Cancer. And then, I don’t know. We just weren’t getting along. Just little fights. And I remember when you came over and we were like, “yeah, we should probably break up.”

Dannielle: I remember you were out of town and when I was watching your house I accidentally killed one of your plants. I feel like that was a turning point.

Pate: Oh, I don’t remember that. A turning point for you or me?

Dannielle: I don’t remember. I just know that was one of my last memories. Fuck, okay, so we broke up for no reason.

Pate: We were fighting.

Dannielle: Yeah, we were fighting. We were children. Okay, here comes my favorite question. What do you miss most about me?

Pate: Oh, I mean. Definitely your humor, or whatever. That you’re funny.

Dannielle: Thank you.

Pate: You’re welcome! Do I get to hear that too, or no?

Dannielle: You want me to say what I miss most about you? Okay. I feel like you were pretty funny. I feel like we were pretty good about being funny together.

Pate: Yeah.

Dannielle: Also you listened to really good music!

Pate: Well, we both appreciated pop music.

Dannielle: That’s true.

Pate: I don’t know that most people would say that I listen to good music. But I listen to good pop music.

Dannielle: Yeah, there we go! Okay, what about our relationships impacted your later relationships?

Pate: Well I learned that I was frustrated or angry and I wasn’t expressing it. I remember feeling like, “there’s something not quite right here.” And not quite addressing it then, but that was the point that I started to figure it out.

Dannielle: I think it’s kind of the same for me. I hadn’t ever really fought in a relationship before. I wasn’t really good at expressing my emotions or saying anything. Because we fought constantly over everything, I eventually had to learn how to say why I was upset about stuff. Also do you remember the time I threw my phone against a wall?

Pate: No.

Dannielle: Cool.

Pate: If you hadn’t said that I would have been like: “I was the angry one, Dannielle was very calm.” But now I feel great!

Dannielle: I think you were just better at saying when you were angry, which was often.

Pate: Yeah- no. I’m good at saying my feelings, I’m just not always as good at dealing with them.

Dannielle: I’m so much better at dealing with my feelings now. And talking about them instead of just running away.

Pate: Right. Libra is grown up.

Dannielle: Cancer is grown up! Look at you. You’re not letting your feelings take over.

Pate: Well, you know. Just today.

Dannielle: That’s so sweet. Last question: would you, at this juncture, invite me to your wedding? Why or why not?

Pate: Oh, yeah. I mean, I would want to invite you to my wedding and then I would worry if that would offend you in some way. I don’t know, I’ve heard of people who would be offended that their ex invited them to their wedding. But I would totally want you to be there! It would be fun to have you dance! Most people are terrified to dance.

Dannielle: Well, that’s it. I wish we had better memories! Oh wait, I remember, I wasn’t out of the closet when I worked at my job in Charleston, but I had a keychain from you that said “stud muffin.” And someone was like, “what is this keychain?” And I was like, “my girlfriend gave it to me!” And that is how I came out at Poe’s Tavern, so.

Pate: You’re the first and only one to come out at Poe’s Tavern.

Dannielle: Yeah, probably.

Pate: You were probably just feeling the weight of that, you know?

Dannielle: I was. I mean you can’t just have a keychain that says “stud muffin” and not admit that you have a girlfriend, you know. I could have lied, but I wanted to be honest and open with my identity.

Pate: There you go.

Dannielle: And then it all worked out because then we all went to the fair together, remember?

Pate: Yeah.

Dannielle: That’s it, that’s the whole interview.

Pate: By the way, I was looking up your website and I Googled your name. You’ve done this, right? There are just so many baby gays that are searching about you. The drop-down list was insane.

Dannielle: Oh, really?

Pate: Yeah! I was trying to find your website and it was like “Who is Dannielle Owens-Reid dating?” and stuff about where you were from. It’s crazy.

Dannielle: Wow. I didn’t know that.

Pate: You’re mad famous.

Dannielle: Cool. It feels good to be so famous.

Pate: Super famous.

Dannielle: Super famous.

Hey A+ members! We’re doing an A+ member survey to get to know a little more about how you feel about the program and what (or who) you’d like to see more of! If you could take a minute to fill it out, we’d be ever-so-grateful! There’s even a surprise at the end. <3

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!