Welcome to Interviews With My Ex-Girlfriend, in which Autostraddle writers get back in touch with their ex-girlfriends to ask them Five Simple Questions:
- How long did we date?
- Why did we break up?
- What did you learn from our relationship?
- What do you miss most about me?
- Would you invite me to your wedding (why/why not)?
Dannielle: How long were we together and when?
Allison: We were together for approximately eight months in the year 2010. From the end of 2009 into 2010.
Dannielle: Yeah. Cool. Good answer. Correct. I don’t know, it’s not a game show. Okay: why did we break up to the best of your recollection?
Allison: This is the fun one. Well, at the time I thought that we broke up because — wait, I’m sorry, I’m trying not to be awkward.
Dannielle: I feel like awkward is good for this, though, right?
Allison: Yeah, I feel like I was a tiny baby and you weren’t a baby but we were both much younger.
Dannielle: We were so young.
Allison: We were so young and at the time I thought that — as a tiny child does think — that you were not into it. In a span of one day. Then it was over. But then time passed, and as I grew into an adult, I don’t know? I think maybe what happened is we were just too young to know how to navigate the natural ups-and-downs of a relationship.
Dannielle: Yeah, probably.
Allison: And it got weird. Also we were in a long-distance relationship which I feel like is important to note for readers.
Dannielle: Yeah.
Allison: So we saw each other for like, what? Of the eight months we were dating, which also sounds really short, it was really—
Dannielle: It was over, like three seasons, you know? It felt like much longer.
Allison: That’s also not a long time, just so you know.
Dannielle: Well, it seems long.
Allison: It felt like much longer.
Dannielle: Yeah, it felt longer.
Allison: Also it was really serious.
Dannielle: Yeah, it was really serious.
Allison: It was serious business.
Dannielle: Yeah!
Allison: I feel dumb sometimes when I talk to friends who have gone through breakups where they were with their person for four years and I’m like, “Well, when Dannielle and I broke up…” Because we only dated for eight months but time isn’t a thing. I believe Taylor Swift said it once in an Instagram comment to one of her fans that valuing a relationship on the length of time versus the quality is not a good system. I don’t know how she said it.
Dannielle: Well, it’s brilliant because I always say that, first of all, everything that happened after our breakup made it more intense. But I feel like my relationship with you was more important than my relationship with [name redacted], even though I dated her for two years.
Allison: Yeah. Exactly.
Dannielle: But it’s because we were best friends.
Allison: Yeah.
Dannielle: We were just supposed to be best friends, you know?
Allison: Also I feel like long distance relationships are incredibly intense because you only see that person for two days out of the month. I think we saw each other once a month.
Dannielle: Well, there was one period where I lived in Charleston and you lived in Athens for two months before I moved to New York.
Allison: But even in those two months we saw each other maybe every week, for the weekend or something.
Dannielle: Yeah, you’re right.
Allison: So the entire relationship becomes talking on the phone and missing each other.
Dannielle: It’s true.
Allison: And then you moved to New York and shit got real.
Dannielle: Yup.
Allison: Really fast.
Dannielle: Very fast. And then you moved to New York.
Allison: And then I moved to New York and shit got even more real. We broke up literally the day after I moved to New York.
Dannielle: Yeah. I think it got weird the second you got there.
Allison: Oh yeah, the moment. The moment I stepped out of the moving truck and saw you, I was like: “something’s not right.”
Dannielle: Yeah, that sucked.
Allison: Yeah, that did suck.
Dannielle: Okay. This is a good one! What do you miss most about me?
Allison: This is such a good one. Well, as of now nothing because we’re friends again.
Dannielle: Yay!
Allison: What did I miss most about you though? I feel like, with me in particular, I love people. I have a lot of friends. I really enjoy them. But there’s only been a handful of people in my entire life who I’ve met and was instantly best friends with. And you were one of those people. So it was really hard to have you in my life and then have you so gone. We couldn’t talk for three or four years because it was just too intense.
Dannielle: Yeah, that was super hard. And it sucked because I feel like there were so many jokes that you and I got that other people didn’t get, you know what I mean? So I would always see shit and- oh wait, I want to talk to them about the Titanic.
Allison: The Titanic!
Dannielle: Okay. We had a memory yesterday. I think you should start it because I like the beginning of the story from your point of view.
Allison: Okay, so it was Thanksgiving day and I was spending Thanksgiving in New York. Thanksgiving was an important holiday in the history of our relationship because we met over Thanksgiving — did we meet over Thanksgiving?
Dannielle: We didn’t meet over Thanksgiving, we —
Allison: We met a month before, and then we texted each other constantly for about a month or so and then I was in New York for Thanksgiving, and you drove your car all the way to New York from Chicago or something insane.
Dannielle: Yeah, it was me and Deanna. She drove and we met each other and stayed in some apartment. That was when you and I had crushes on each other.
Allison: So it was an important thing. Then after we broke up, I was spending Thanksgiving alone, in New York, without my family. So me and my best friend Jenny Peck got super high and went to see Twilight. I think it was Breaking Dawn or something, it wasn’t even the first one. It was just some random Twilight movie? So we get to the movie theater and it was completely empty except for two other people. We were creeping down the aisles giggling, and we look down and we see that it’s you and your new girlfriend.
Dannielle: Yep.
Allison: And I was just like: “hey!” and you were like: “hey!” And we were definitely not speaking at this point.
Dannielle: We were not cool.
Allison: And it was super awkward. And then me and Jenny found our spot in the theatre. Then the previews came on, and there was a preview for Titanic 3-D.
Dannielle: And this was the first announcement of it. It wasn’t a huge thing yet. And I remember sitting there next to my girlfriend, and I was thinking, “Allison loves this and I hate it.” I was just such a baby about it.
Allison: Oh my God. And I was on the other end of the theatre thinking: “I fucking love Titanic and Dannielle hates Titanic. I can’t believe she hates Titanic, she sucks.”
Dannielle: Yeah. And last night we realized that we remembered having the same thought at the same time.
Allison: It’s so good. I’m glad we were thinking about each other.
Dannielle: Yeah, that’s sweet.
Allison: It’s so sweet.
Dannielle: So romantic.
Allison: I still don’t understand how you don’t like Titanic.
Dannielle: I’m willing to watch it again.
Allison: You’re not going to like it.
Dannielle: Yeah, I know.
Allison: I don’t think it’s good if you didn’t love it in seventh grade.
Dannielle: Oh, so it’s purely nostalgia good?
Allison: I feel like maybe that.
Dannielle: Yeah. I forgot what we were talking about before we told that story…what do you miss about me?
Allison: What do you miss about me?
Dannielle: I mean, you just fucking got it. In a way that a lot of people didn’t get.
Allison: Yeah, that was pretty cool.
Dannielle: Yeah, we were just best friends. So when we broke up it wasn’t like I had an ex-girlfriend, it was like I had a best friend that wasn’t friends with me anymore.
Allison: Yeah, that sucked.
Dannielle: It did suck.
Allison: I’m glad we’re friends now.
Dannielle: Yeah, thank God.
Allison: And doing an interview like it’s no thing.
Dannielle: Yeah, like it doesn’t even matter. Okay, next question: what about our relationship impacted your later relationships?
Allison: Oh man. Well, you were the best. So everyone sucked, and it took me until I met my current girlfriend to fully get over you. Because everyone in between you was just shitty OkCupid dates. People who just didn’t get it.
Dannielle: Yeah.
Allison: People who weren’t funny or fun enough, you know?
Dannielle: Yeah.
Allison: So I guess that’s kind of good. I think maybe it’s important to note that you were my first girlfriend. And also you were my first actual relationship. Everyone before that was unrequited love.
Dannielle: Right.
Allison: So, in my first dating scenario I dated someone who was so incredibly compatible with me that I didn’t settle for anything less than that in future dating scenarios. I feel like, I don’t know how people are, but I assume that you date a bunch, then you date someone for six months or a year and go: “Oh, this isn’t working.” You have to get to know somebody to fall for them, but….
Dannielle: But you were just like, “No, fuck that, why would I spend a year trying to…”
Allison: Yeah, yeah. Why would I try and force myself to like somebody?
Dannielle: Yeah, I feel like I dated so many people who didn’t get it for so long.
Allison: Yeah.
Dannielle: Because you were the only one of anyone I dated who fucking got it, legit, best friend got it.
Allison: I’m cool.
Dannielle: So when I dated people after you, I was like, “of course it’s not going to feel like that,” because we were just best friends. We were meant to be just best friends. Until I met Julia and I was like: “what?!” Because you can have all of it. But how would either of us know if we didn’t date each other?
Allison: Yes. Thank the Lord. There you go. Is that it? Is that the whole interview?
Dannielle: No! Would you, at this juncture, invite me to your wedding? Why or why not?
Allison: Hell yeah!
Dannielle: Yeah!
Allison: Why? Because you’re the best!
Dannielle: Yeah!
Allison: Also, you and my current girlfriend are such good friends too. I feel like it wouldn’t be a party without you there.
Dannielle: Fuck no! If you and Joanna got married today and you could only invite two people, it better be me and Julia.
Allison: Fuck you Mom and Dad!
Dannielle: Ha! We should end there, I think.
These are always such good fun to read! I love seeing how people have grown and progressed over the years and seeing how people grow through different relationships is always sweet. Nice to see both Dannielle and Allison are in good places now. Thanks for sharing!
I always want people to get back together after I read these. I wonder if that ever happens. Like wouldn’t it be romantic if “Interview With My Ex-girlfriend” got couples back together? I mean, I know lots of them are just friends, but still, I would like it, just sometimes.
Same!! These are strangely romantic??
#postbreakupgoals
That Titanic story is really cute. I’m glad you guys are friends again. Friendship is magic.
“fuck you mom and dad!” lol
Dannielle please interview as many ex girlfriends as you can… these are absolute gold and also I hate Titanic too bye
Fuck you Allison!!
Love you JK!!!
This was dog weiss using my daughter’s sign in…
Iloveher
10/10 best comment
This was really beautiful, I could relate so well, about once having it all and then thinking you can’t – and then finding it again. First time I see it shared, actually. Thank you!
Reading about how you guys just “got” each other made me think about my friend, who gets me like no one else does and we pretty much hit it off from the moment we met. The thing is, I’m a bit confused about my feelings for this friend (who is straight) because I thought I just missed her a lot (since she lives in Australia and I live in New Zealand so we hardly get to see each other) but then I realised I might have feelings for her, which I denied for a while because I didn’t want it to be true. I’m confused since I don’t know if I actually like her romantically or I just miss her so much as a friend that I’m getting these two things mixed up. I’m inwardly shaking my head at myself after typing that out because it seems like it should be pretty clear what feelings I have towards her but… I don’t know, feelings are confusing. This article probably isn’t the best place to comment this (sorry! Loved the interview, by the way) but it just got me thinking about it. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly welcomed.
This was so sweet and so great. I have been waiting for this post for YEARS. Now if AW can just tell us exactly which of her songs are about Dannielle, I’ll feel complete (and also like a total creep who knows too much).
First of all, I discovered Allison Weiss after my most recent breakup and Allison, if you’re still reading the comments, listening to “I’m Ready” made me feel all hopeful and warm that one day I would feel that way again—that one day I’d be ready to jump into the deep end with someone else again and enjoy the process even while being terrified—and I was would sing it at the top of my lungs in the car and laugh during it at a time when laughing seemed totally improbable. And then your breakup specific songs were there when I wanted to cry my eyes out. So thanks!
Second of all, thanks to said recent breakup, I read this feeling totally bummed because I’m still at the “lost my best friend” phase with my ex, the one who gets all my jokes and gets me without me having to say a word. It’s like I’m collecting all the things that we used to share that I know would delight her as much as they delight me and I’m totally not ready to accept that one day I can share those things with her again without being her girlfriend and sharing that connection while sharing a pillow in those tender moments at the end of a day before falling asleep.
Being just a friend sounds so sad to me now, because my relationship was such a defining part of me for so long. But in the (very tiny) rational part of my brain I can read this and think, okay, remember, this is a normal experience, it just takes time, this is straight from the mouth of smartypants Allison Weiss who musically guided you through all that heartbreak!
The hardest relationship I ever ended was the one where we “got” each other and it seemed instant. That sort of best friend + partner connection that is somehow entangled into something more intense than a best friend *as well as* a partner. And then you start to think it’s an essential for a relationship and have to realize that it’s not and being on different wavelengths and having a different sort of connection is okay too.
I am making no sense.
As far as clarity goes, in both pictures of you guys: awesome glasses.
Thank you Allison for your breakup songs and Dannielle for your great breakup advice. So glad you geniuses are friends again!
I love this so much.