In a Movie Full of Tops, Who has the Most Top Energy in the “Ocean’s 8” Trailer?

If I could sum up the vibe of the response to last month’s release of the Ocean’s Eight trailer, it would be: unsafe. Queer women of all ages and creeds were threatening future riots in movie theaters if a kiss between two of the characters didn’t happen, which, if we’re being honest, was fair. The trailer took a finely tuned dog whistle and turned it into a megaphone with an airhorn filter.

What takes this from subtext to foreground is not the calculated glances or the ear whispers or the close talking THAT WE’VE BEEN BURNED BY BEFORE, but the ensemble of tops. One after another, scene after scene, tops as far as the eye can see. Rejoice! It’s a new year, all men are in hell, and one of the most anticipated movies of the year is backed by a queer cast of women who could destroy us all.

Here are the tops ranked by top energy.

1. Anne Hathaway

This is going to blow several or all of your bangs back, but Anne Hathaway has THE most top energy in this entire trailer. I see the eyes and the gait and the knowing smirk and the hair toss and I know there is not a vers bone in her body. The kind of top energy that Anne Hathaway has in this trailer is seeing someone and thinking they’re peak pillow princess, only to later realize you’re considering giving them all of your money for reasons that are unclear to even you.

2. Cate Blanchett

This is a pant-suited Cate Blanchett in the kind of natural leg spread that would make a young Jodi Foster seethe with envy. Goodnight and good luck.

3. Rihanna

I don’t think there’s a world, fictional or otherwise, in which Rihanna is not one of the toppiest people in the room just by existing. She levels up in this trailer – and with that, tops Sandra – with just four words and a couple of icy stares.

4. Sandra Bullock

Sandy babe. GOIRL. Her flashes of vulnerability are not bottom-leaners but top-sleepers. Malleable top at its greatest.

5. Awkwafina (Nora Lum)

IRL rapper Awkwafina is lookin’ like a primo fuckboi whose third to fourth self summary item – right after her name and how she’s about to launch a mixed media empire – is that you can call her daddy.

6. Helena Bonham Carter

Helena, with zero help in the name department, is crying in a lot of these trailer shots, which might take you on an a = b journey, but pair that sensitivity with the quiet desperation of a woman with nothing to lose and you’ve got yourself the chaotic top of your dreams.

7. Sarah Paulson / Mindy Kaling

It’s a tie for the bottom of the tops. Both are seemingly sheltered, but go from passive to active at the drop of a hat.

We’ll all need strength soon, so let’s wish each other well in the comments.

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Erin

Los Angeles based writer. Let's keep it clean out there!

Erin has written 208 articles for us.

69 Comments

  1. Oh, so you need the diamonds off of Anne Hathaway’s neck? Seems to me the only option is to seduce her. All of you. Please.

  2. I love this website. I love you for writing this article. I love Oceans 8.

    I’m suddenly re-watching the trailer to verify your Anne Hathaway observations because I would have said bott if asked before. Now, I can see it, but above Cate Blanchett? That just might be me and my preferences though.

  5. No.
    Noooooooo.
    Noooooooooooooooooooooooo.

    Nobody is toppier than Saundra Bullock in this trailer, I just rolled over onto my back so hard I got whiplash!

  6. Based on the images alone, Cate Blanchett gets my vote. I feel like Anne is more of power switch, in the sense she tells the girls what she wants. Has that look of I can do it better so let me tell you what to do.

  7. After seeing this beautiful roundup of tops, I am quite willing to send all of my money anywhere, tbh

  9. LOL! At first I was upset with your #1 choice selection, but then I read the description:

    “The kind of top energy that… has in this trailer is seeing someone and thinking they’re peak pillow princess, only to later realize you’re considering giving them all of your money for reasons that are unclear to even you.”

    OK. Fair. You win. (So does she.)

  10. Yeah… after rewatching the trailer and read the article I have to agree with, Erin, you about Hathaway… and I must say that Cate is the mommiest of mommis of all times!! I had goosebumps throughout the whole trailer!

    I hope very much that someone in this movie is queer! Please, let someone be queer or it’ll be the most queerbating (without actually being queerbating) movie of the century!!

  11. Look, I respect your decision to make Cate 2nd and trust that you have your reasons, but if ‘pant-suited’ and ‘natural leg spread’ and ‘Cate Blanchett’ aren’t the toppiest descriptions you have ever heard, Erin, I don’t know what is.

  18. “This is a pant-suited Cate Blanchett in the kind of natural leg spread that would make a young Jodi Foster seethe with envy. Goodnight and good luck.”

    Standing fucking ovation

  21. Just appropos of nothing, I got the sense that Sarah is Sandra’s ex, she’s bitter about how their relationship ended, but she can’t resist coming to work with her again.

  23. Ann Hathaway would be at the bottom of the list. She maybe a power bottom but she’s not outright topping anyone.

    1. Cate B.
    2. Rihanna
    3. Sandra B.

  28. There’s a button below the comment entry box that says “BACK TO TOP.” i have to wonder, if I press it, WHICH ONE WILL IT TAKE ME TO?

  29. is Sandra bullock’s character the same person as Julia Roberts’ character from the other movies? or in between movies did she marry julia roberts and go to jail for/with her?

    I haven’t seen the 2nd and 3rd oceans movies so maybe that can just be my headcanon tho

  31. I appreciate this content. Also, I’m happy to see Helena Bonham Carter mentioned on this site. I’m pretty excited for this movie.

  32. i am feeling SO vindicated in my enduring, inexplicable love of anne hathaway right now- THANK YOU.

  34. Eight. There are eight of them. How in hell am I going to survive ? This is one movie I’ll play at half-speed for sure. Which I usually reserve for porn.

  37. If we can all just take a moment to appreciate the prophecy of this list. I doubted Anne Hathaway at first, but boi u pulled through.

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