If You’ve Heard That Evan Rachel Wood Is Bisexual, You Get A Comment Award!

Goooooood morning/afternoon/whatever time of day it is, young witches and wizards! So many special things have been happening at Hogwarts Autostraddle this week.

Firstly, we asked for help, and you gave it, and are still giving it, and we love you sososo much. Like, so much.

Then we’ve got 5 documentaries that you may want to watch, a new playlist for all your breakup needs, and Laneia did not write a mommy blog but she needs your gluten free advice.

If you believe in sexual fluidity and think you are sexually fluid, Nikki and Jill from The Real L Word want you! Riese recapped Glee in which nothing happened, and we’ve got a new fashion writer, Liz! She’s naked underneath her clothes.

On LISTEN: Lady Gaga’s Second Single “Judas” Premieres:

The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to ash hole, yodelmachine:

On We Need Help:

The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to terracottatoes, e:

On Delaware Makes Best Civil Unions Ever Happen:

The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to e:
when i think delaware, i think of that picture of george washington crossing the delaware river in that boat with all those men. yup, pretty gay.

On We Love You:

The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to dizzy, MJ:

The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to Carmen SanDiego, maria:

On Carmen’s Team Pick: This Lemonade Stand:

The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to chantaloupe:

On The Trouble With Counting The Gays:

The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to Lizz:
I have a strong suspicion that there exists a genderqueer warrior who also deeply believes that she was created to bake the perfect roasted ham for her eight kids. That’s just plain yummy.

On EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL:

The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL:

On Playlist: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do:

The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to doctormccoy:
adele bears so much relevance to this entire post. i will personally admit to belting out “melt my heart to stone” about ten minutes after i broke up with my boyfriend of three years. i was in a park. there were concerned parents nearby. it was like the climax to every meg ryan movie ever made.

The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to JJules:
1. Tegan and Sara – Call It Off
2. Tegan and Sara – Call It Off
3. Tegan and Sara – Call It Off
4. Tegan and Sara – Call It Off
5. Tegan and Sara – Call It Off
6. Tegan and Sara – Call It Off
7. Tegan and Sara – Call It Off
8. Tegan and Sara – Call It Off

etc

On Sarah’s Team Pick: Don’t Fuck With Otters:

The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to Kristy77:
Maybe he got pissed because he didn’t want to be “rescued”! If someone tried to “rescue” me from my “crisps” I’d go all Jackie Chan on their ass too (especially if they were Cheetos or Fritos…MMM)!

On Riese’s Team Pick: Yogamazing:

The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to buffy summers:
I saw “yoga,” “Chaz,” and “gardening” and thought this post was about my ex-boyfriend. Somewhat relieved, somewhat disappointed.

On Dear Lizzie Thinks Bi-Questioning Teen Should Just Not Think About That Right Now:

The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to Jenissuper, terracottatoes, AG, Paper0Flowers:

On Token Lesbian Friends Are The New Token Gay Friends:

The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to Ka, Grace_B, dizzy, L:

On Conservative Group Fears Degrassi-Induced Transgender Plague Upon Your Children:

The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to katiebug:
So, like, do Space and SyFy have to reevaluate their programming? Because in my general experience, time travel/alien invasions/wizards are way less common than relationships that don’t fit with heteronormativity and/or the gender binary, but from the way those channels get on, you’d think that there were just robot uprisings happening all over the place.

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Emily

Emily Choo started as an intern with Autostraddle when she was 18 years old. She's now 10 years older and lives in Toronto with her partner and cat. The defining moment of her career was when Riese said this about her: " I think Emily Choo is a very bright, 'poetically inclined' girl who pays attention to everything and knows almost everything (the point of stuff, how to read, how beautiful things feel, how scary things feel, etc.) but doesn't believe/accept/realize yet that she knows almost everything." She still doesn't believe she knows anything, so, thank you, Riese, for that.

Emily has written 100 articles for us.

51 Comments

  5. OMG my lack of effort in the proof-reading department landed me a comment award.
    and my dad said laziness was not going to get me anywhere. humpf

  7. For my first comment award EVAH – I would like to thank Evan Rachel Wood the Bisexual!!! :)

    Also, thank you to Emily for recognizing my awesomeness! LOL!

    I am SOOO happy about winning a comment award that I think I’m going to spin around in circles in my office chair and sing “Oh Happy Day” repeatedly until I’m so dizzy I fall off and have to think of Bisexual Evan Rachel Wood to recenter myself!

    *thank God I’m alone in said office otherwise this behavior would probably get me my very own, private, rubber room! LOL*

  12. Thanks Emily for giving my wife an award. I now have to deal with her swelled head all day!!!! I just might go all Bruce Lee on her ass. Love ya Kristy.

  18. i fervently wish that EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL will somehow stumble upon this article. and then we could see her reaction. and maybe ask her out to dinner and post-coital cuddling.

  19. every time someones says evan rachel wood, i’m going to just end that statement with bisexual.

    p.s. i like this new update

    • she might as well change her name to evan rachel wood bisexual. that’s all i know her by.

      • i know right? same here. i actually had to google her, and then i realized that she was in true blood.

  21. I’m embarrassed to say that I never read the comment awards closely so it took me until the comments to realise that all the awards were called “Evan Rachel Wood Is Bisexual”

  23. Since when has Evan Rachel Wood been bisexual? I remember she made out with that chick from the OC on the teevee once….
    But she also dated Marlyn Manson. I don’t want her to be one of us.

  24. Four SEO points for you, Autostraddle.

    Google instant immediately shuts down once you get to “Evan Rachel Wood Bis…”. At “Bi” they have “Bio” and even “Birthday Chart”, but no “Bisexual”. I think Riese’s theory about Google Instant being homophobic has been validated once more.

    GOOGLE BOMB, Y’ALL! EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL!

    • you laugh, but earlier this week the ERWB article was on the second page of google.. now, it’s like the fourth result :D

      EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL for the win

Comments are closed.