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I just moved to LA, and one of the best things about living in a new city is being able to actually use Tinder. Back in Idaho there were, like, seven people on there. It was garbage. So now that I can actually meet people for fun dates, hook ups or even lifelong romantic partnerships, I decided that I needed to amp up my tinder profile. I turned to Archie Bongiovanni because they’re the first person I think of when I think of Tinder. So I can’t really take credit for mine, it was all Archie with a little bit of Cecelia, but my new profile is a HUGE HIT.
I hear a lot of people say that no one reads Tinder bios, but honestly if you don’t have one, I automatically swipe left (same if you say “just looking for friends” or you have a gun in your pictures). In my opinion, a good Tinder profile is more important than good hygiene. First impressions are important, and this is a digital first impression. There are plenty of stylish, hot people who are boring or terrible; I need way more than a picture to decide if I’m interested.
In the interests of sharing our collective knowledge, here are the tinder profiles of some of your favorite Autostraddle staffers along with our number one Tinder Tips. I’d swipe right on all of these.
Mey, Music and Trans Editor
“Always swipe right on a couple if the guy is good looking. Also, find out their social media so you know they’re not murderers.”
Alaina, Staff Writer
“Swipe left more often than you swipe right.”
Stef, Vapid Fluff Editor
“Check for lice first.”
Erin, Staff Writer
“Don’t ask if people want to give you money”
Raquel, Intern
“Firstly I’m sorry that I’m just here for friends BUT if you swipe right on everyone who seems smart and interesting, you may not get laid but you’re guaranteed a good conversation and isn’t that often better?? lol everyone’s going to hate me. Sorry I’m monogamous everyone I’m sorry.”
Nikki, Intern
“Good luck.”
Carmen, Straddleverse and Feminism Editor
“Don’t ghost because tinder karma appears real heard it from a friend jk it’s me I have bad tinder karma i hate this.”
Cee, Technical Director
“If you match, send them a message, because they probably won’t send you one.”
Kayla, Staff Writer
“Start the conversation by asking them to rank the Fast & Furious movies. This has a 100% success rate, I’m serious.”
(Kayla is so cool she gave me three different profiles from throughout the years)
Carolyn, NSFW Editor
“The less back and forth there is before asking to meet, the better.”
Cecelia, Staff Writer
“Be really bold. Don’t waste time with small talk. If you know you want to meet up, schedule a time within the first few messages.”
Archie, Cartoonist
“Tinder is the BEST when traveling! Use it to ask folks which queer party you should hit up, where the best food is and what you should see/do on your trip. Also when you’re traveling, you’re a hot new person in the city, so if you mention folks have to act fast to meet you, it makes people a lot more motivated to actually get out and greet you!
That and don’t let your expectations get too high.”
i’ve been talking about making a tinder profile for months now (but not actually doing it because ???) so this was very educational and y’all are all amazing
guys. I have so much work to do and all I want to do is to stare at these.
Realizing I’m older and significantly less accomplished than some of you was a bummer, but otherwise these were so fun to look at!
Kayla, 107
OMG THERE WAS A WEIRD AF GLITCH THAT MADE ME 107 FOR MY FIRST FEW MONTHS ON TINDER
Mey – I absolutely concur with your philosophy of automatically swiping left if someone doesn’t have a bio.
Stef – “i’m not here to make friends, i’m here to be america’s next top model” is iconic, much like you.
Cee – I totally agree that other people probably won’t message first. Whenever I matched with someone, neither of us said anything, and I just kind of went “Oh, cool” in my head. That is the story of my collective Tinder experience.
Cecelia – “That Don’t Impress Me Much” is a fantastic (possibly THE MOST fantastic) Tinder anthem.
FWIW, my bio begins with “Lesbian with Cher hair” and ends with “That’s not my gf, it’s Natasha Lyonne.”
i’m serious about the lice though, i had a tinder situation go horribly wrong
I didn’t learn about lice safety in sex ed.
JK I went to high school in Central PA, I didn’t even learn about sex in sex ed ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Oh my god
this is one of my favorite autostraddle posts ever. mey, you never ever ever disappoint.
this was a dream
feeling that anecdote about the 7 people on tinder all the way from the hinterland
THANK YOU for taking (at least some) of the complete mystery out of dating apps that I don’t sign up for cause I’m happily & monogamously married but also REALLY REALLY curious about this social phenomena. You have fulfilled a longstanding and difficult-to-satisfy curiosity for me. So much love for Autostraddle.
Thumbsed up for not assuming monogamy is the unspoken default! ^_^
~ left out ~
Chillins,
I’ve wanted to make a Tinder profile for so long but I’m generally terrified to. Like I’ll make one, get no response for months, and then finally get a message or whatever that ends up saying, “Congratulations! You’re the first Tinder user EVER to get 1,000,000 left-swipes. You are awarded zero points and may God have mercy on your soul.”
… that may be a little dramatic. But i feel like it could fuel my rejection phobia more than other apps. Is that reasonable?
If that happens, take a screenshot and add it to your bio.
don’t worry i already got that award, you’re in the clear
This is also my fear – but stated far more eloquently
my profile is already 100% different lmao
For a person in a long term monogamous relationship who’s always been curious about tindr, this was fascinating. Thank you.
PS Is it any better being bi on tindr than on Okcupid?
you get less creepy messages from random men because they can only message you if you match, but there’s no way to narrow down who it shows you – it’s like walking out into the street, looking around at every single person and wondering one at a time, “would i fuck them?”
There are fewer but still a lot of “we’re a couple looking for a third! (f/m)” luckily its easy to swipe left and avoid.
Okay seriously though: a few of y’all gave the advice to just go ahead and be bold and make plans to meet up pretty soon if you know you want to hang out with the person, but…how do you figure out via a short interaction on Tinder whether or not you actually want to meet up with someone?? As an introvert with very little energy leftover at the end of the day for interacting with other human beings, I prefer to spend that energy interacting with people whose company I really enjoy. So, anyone got any Tinder advice for introverts who get nervous talking to cute girls????
As someone with limited patience and energy and attention span who also doesn’t especially love leaving the house I find that forever conversations talking around the same points we’re just gonna talk about in person exhausting. I’ve had really great conversations with people who, when we meet in person, I immediately wish I weren’t about to hang out with for an hour, and really static conversations with people who in person are wonderful, and only two-ever interactions where good online translated into good in person. I don’t know how introversion translates for you obviously, and if what you want out of a tinder interaction is to talk or sext online then talking or sexting online is a great way to see what the person is like! But if what you want is in-person hang outs of any kind whatsoever then the sooner the better anddddd the less overall investment you have so the easier it is to be your truer self, in my experience.
Also everyone is more afraid of you than you are of them. #facts
I completely agree! I also get super bored talking to a person online when we have never met or have no connection to.
Meeting at least once also lets me know if we’re wasting our time. If there’s zero attraction/butterfly/whatever, we’re not gonna call each other
“…the less overall investment you have so the easier it is to be your truer self” – I’ve never thought about it this way, but it makes so much sense! I definitely need to keep in mind what I actually want out of Tinder…which is NOT a series of boring online conversations.
And thank you for that reminder! I have successfully ingrained the “they’re more afraid of you than you are of them” rule into my head in terms of wild animals and stinging insects, but I need to remember that it can apply to people too.
Nice.
yay i’m so happy this post was for all a+ members so i could read it! also this was v inspiring and i should probably make a tinder account again. BUT i must say that i find the concept of tinder rather mean, like i feel bad swiping left for people… so i ended up just doing that for everyone the last time i made it.
“i’m not here to make friends, i’m here to be america’s next top model” is fantastic
As someone who only downloaded Tinder a week or so ago, reading this was a delight.
Also, a reminder that I truly need to up my game!
This Tinder thing seems like it might be more effective and efficient than my current method of hoping I magically run into a single, toppy lesbian while running errands and she asks me out.
It could happen?!?
I dream of stumbling across profiles that are even vaguely similar to the above. Everyone on tinder around me is some combination of ugly/boring and like…I’m neither of those things? So.
(This sounds so harsh but like English girls need to step up their tinder game. When I was in the US everyone was So Much Hotter and much better at selling their *~Brand*~ on Tinder and OKC.
I feel like I’m in the lesbian wastelands out here…which is so frustrating cos I live in a big city and should be drowning in fun queer opportunities :/
would swipe right on all of y’all even if i didn’t know you wrote for auto straddle dot com
I totally built a balloon arch with Stef. I can testify to the truthfulness of her skills.
but also what do you do when a girl youre talking to from tinder asks you what to do regarding breaking it off with a guy shes been seeing?????????
(obviously i dont care that shes bi but talking about your other tinder matches might be a bit weird?)
run
“i haven’t ever actually been with a woman, but i feel like i could be with one if that makes sense”
lord, give me strength
(why have i continued to talk to this girl? who knows)
“I do not believe in astrology.” Thank you. Thank you.
i love everything abt this post tbh
I recently deleted all dating apps because I was thinking mean, shallow thoughts while using them and I needed a break because I know I would never think those things about a person I met in real life.
But if I ever do re activate my account, it’s going to have a top model reference in the bio for sure. I’ve been inspired.
I’m gonna travel to all of your respective cities just so I can swipe right on all of you. ps. I have a Tinder date on Wednesday and I’m very excited :) I just went right ahead and made the plans like you said!!
This definitely inspired me to make a tinder profile. I’m usually too earnest on dating sites so this time I’m taking inspiration from these fine examples!