It’s best to just say it: I don’t like potatoes. I know, I know. I understand why you’re upset. Potatoes are in everything! They’re a backbone of the American diet! Our national identity depends on it! Idaho built a museum in their honor! You know what people do without potatoes? They die!
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from coming out of the anti-potato closet, it’s that folks have strong feelings about their spuds. I face far more skepticism for my aversion to potatoes than my aversion to men. And it’s the one quirk of mine people simply refuse to remember, as if it can’t possibly be true. Every time they offer me a potato chip or french fry, it’s like a well-meaning relative insisting that “you just haven’t met the right guy yet.” Sorry, Aunt Helen, but it’s not a matter of the right guy or the right potato. I just never liked them, not even as a kid. To me, they don’t “taste like nothing” – they taste like potatoes, and potatoes taste bad, and I don’t want them on my plate or in my mouth. Really.
Look, I’m not saying you shouldn’t like potatoes. Most people do, and I know better than to fight any of you on this. But in an attempt to create community among the potato-avoidant and bring us out of hiding once and for all, I humbly offer these recipes. People try to convince me I’m wrong because “potatoes are so versatile!” – like ubiquity makes them taste better – so I’ve categorized this list into types of dishes they tend to dominate. There are alternatives out there, y’all, and potatoes are not the only fruit.
Crispy/Salty Snacks
Spicy Baked Zucchini Fries with Greek Yogurt Dill Dip
Homemade Taro Chips
Beer-Battered Onion Rings
Sea Salt and Vinegar Kale Chips
Crispy Roasted Chickpeas
Put just a bit of lemon juice on these to make ’em perfect.
Savory Roasted Almonds
Baked Avocado Fries
There’s a bar near my house that makes these and they a) hold together better than you think and b) are delicious.
Chocolate-Covered Bacon
HOW HAVE I NOT EATEN THIS ALREADY.
Baked Mozzarella Sticks
Soups for a Cloudy Day
Roasted Cauliflower Soup
I can personally confirm that cauliflower soup is both simple to make and life-changing to eat.
Cream of Mushroom Soup
Non-Dairy Creamy Vegetable Soup
Tomato Soup
Serve with grilled cheese for best results.
Holiday Side Dishes
Celery Root and Sage Mash
Savory Carrot & Zucchini Pancakes
My dad makes these; he is great and so are they.
Pumpkin Sage Biscuits
Savory Breakfast Support Staff
Sweet Potato Hash Browns
I realize it’s a cheap shot to bring sweet potatoes into this, which is why I’m only doing it once, but no, they are NOT the same. I honestly believe the only reason I haven’t lost all my friends/brunch dates over this potato thing is that at least I like sweet potatoes.
Mixed Mushroom Egg Bakes
Butternut Squash Home Fries
Cookout Sides
Best Macaroni Salad Ever
Cauliflower Salad
Creamy Coleslaw
PS this one is backed up by SCIENCE.
Grilled Corn on the Cob with Lime Butter
This concludes my most controversial article to date.
a good sub for chips are these ‘veggie’ straws/chips they have the same satisfying crunch!! but with vegetable flavor!!
Agreed! Pretty sure my very DNA is partially comprised by Trader Joe’s Veggie Straws at this point.
YUM. I recently stopped eating potatoes for health reasons and, though my heart is forever with Team Potato, I’m so super grateful for these delicious recipe ideas! Sweet potato hash browns? Game-changing!
Right? Trying those immediately/probably this weekend because I’m bad about making real breakfasts during the work week.
Thanks so much for this. I totally empathise with people refusing to accept you not liking potatoes – I have hated potatoes for all 24 years of my life and yet still every time I go home my mum will try to sneak them onto my plate. I’ll show her this article and hope that she finally accepts that I’m not the only potato-hater in the world.
THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT.
Though I am also on Team Potato, I can relate to another point – certain family members of mine were far more shocked and appalled when I announced that I was no longer eating meat than when I told them I was dating a woman.
Also these recipes look delicious so thank you putting them in front of our eyes!
Rarely have I felt so understood! It’s not even that I loathe potatoes like I do bananas, I just don’t get why people would voluntarily something so BLAND and poorly textured when other vegetables exist. I love fried shit, but frying the shit out of something should not be the only way to make it acceptable to eat!
Also, sweet potato hash browns sound AMAZING.
Yes, these things are all true, thank you.
SO HERE for the dueling food posts <3
Oh, how I thought I was the only one. I like french fries ok and mashed potatoes occasionally, but I’d 10/10 times prefer any other vegetable. I want to make all these things right now, especially the avocado fries. And soups! I can’t wait for it to be cool enough to have soup every day.
I think potatoes are fairly boring and inferior to almost every other vegetable. In saying that, they are super convenient for feeding crowds and I’ll typically eat them if they end up on my plate (unless it’s at brunch, when egg dishes are almost always accompanied by a whole dozen fried baby potatoes, calm down America). Anyway, I’m just here to say that this list looks delicious and I’d choose any of these dishes over those on the Team Potato list.
50% of liking this post because nostalgia for Crystal writing for AS.
I totally don’t get the potato thing with an egg brunch? Why. WHY
while i do love potatoes, this list is full of healthy and delicious looking things that i am very interested in making, so sorry team potato – i am siding with this post.
I’m definitely not anti-potato, but potatoes are just…meh by themselves. Unless we’re talking about potato chips which are TERRIBLE and gross and only mostly palatable if seasoned correctly (with salt and pepper). So thank you for this list of delicious non-potatoey goodness.
I’d also recommend yucca chips because they’re pretty darn great and you can make them in basically the same way as the taro chips you’ve gathered a recipe for!
Ok I have a theory that people who hate delicious food like potatoes are actually built this way because they have a food sensitivity or allergy. For example, my friend hates mushrooms and blue cheese and, while not allergic to these items, does have an allergy to some other mold-mushroom thing, which is pretty close.
So, potato-haters, any chance you are just very sensitive to the nightshade family, maybe because of solanine? Do you also hate on um lessee Google says tomatoes, peppers, eggplant?
I love peppers, tomatoes and potatoes but hate eggplant WHAT do you make of that
probably my theory is bs is what I make of that, heh. Eggplants *are* pretty weird; so, I can offer solidarity?
I like potatoes okay, but I will never love potatoes nearly as much as I love your writing!
THIS IS AN EXCELLENT COMMENT THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY DAY
You’re lucky I love you for 56379 other reasons because this is just baffling to me
This may actually be the true answer to “Why are you two best friends and not girlfriends?”
“Potatoes.”
Never in my life have I thought of a potato as a vegetable. Why would I compare it to say courgettes, when I could be comparing it to rice or pasta? Which are also both pretty bland on their own but that’s what this food group is, boring starchy vehicles for the more expensive and tasty parts of your meal.
I think I view meals and food differently than a lot of people.
I am deeply and eternally in love with potatoes but I have to avoid them for health reasons. I’m loving this list and refusing to look at the other one because it will just make me sad. Thanks!
I am deeply fond of potatoes but I would make and devour nearly every single one of these. Bless this post.
This post is so liberating. But! did anyone make those chocolate-coated bacons yet? I am not sure whether I’m enticed or appalled by the idea :O