Cowboy Clairvoyant is a new members-only newsletter and series by Autumn Fourkiller featuring dream interpretation, tarot answers, and more ventures into the Beyond.
Dear Dreamers,
This week, I said, was to reset my spirit. It is very important, of course, before I set deeply into this novel I’m writing. To shed the past off. To connect with what, with the stress, I have been neglecting. To let something already inside me pour out. To reach into the Other Side and pull something forward..
That said, I napped, mostly, when I could. Between work, even if I had a cup of pourover. It seemed to me that my body needed it deeply, though my mind wanted other things, as it so often does. They are most aligned when I withhold something from my body, when I am uncomfortable, when I’m in pain, when something must be held, even though it is so, so heavy. See, there I go again.
But I’m trying, you know, to center myself in other ways. To not torture myself, most of all.
And, hey, once again, here’s to trying.
Yours in the Semi-Torture Sphere,
Cowboy
I am getting married. There are huge swaths of people in a convention center, booths and beauty supplies, my family and friends and faces I can’t see. It’s my wedding. I’m unprepared, dependent on my cosmetologist sister to do my hair and makeup and my other sister to help me pull together an outfit. I’m following them around as they help themselves get ready, greet family members. Both of them wear indigo blue bodices. They ignore me despite knowing the urgency of the day. I’m wearing purple. My appearance is frazzled. Eventually the cosmetologist sister gives me a haircut and puts me in some cute pumps. But I follow her around because my makeup isn’t done and I’m wearing this purple bodice and jeans. We weave constantly through all the people, family and not. I keep worrying that of course my sisters need to get dressed, too, and maybe I’m being selfish by demanding their help. The other sister is lounging with our family. And it’s my wedding.
– Julia E
Hi Julia,
Thank you for the gift of your dream. I love you, too, and thank you for saying so in your note. Ah, this dream. Some dreams, it is true, do not have a clear meaning. They are puddles and wells of abstractions, configurations, and silliness. A careful hand is needed for such dreams, to see anything at all, even if that thing is naming the absurdity, the lack of profundity. But this dream, this dream, for me, appears as clear cut as anything, though I still want to handle it with gentleness, and with care.
You’re getting married. This day, the day you are wed, is embedded in our culture as THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR LIFE, especially if you are a woman, or were raised to be one. On this, the most important day of your life, you are unprepared and helpless. You ought to be the center of attention, and yet, those that you are dependent on, those that are supposed to shepherd you through this day, can only think of themselves. They even planned a shared outfit without you! Your subconscious devising this, to me, speaks to a childhood wound, and an ongoing one. A deep one. Is it that you still feel that you are always playing second (or third) fiddle in your family? And, to combat this, which ways are you enriching your own life, and pouring into your own cup?
It is a stressful time for you, in the waking world and in dreamland, and yet you still think of others. Your sisters’ needs, at the wedding, and those relatives’ needs in your own lived reality. These are not easy things to balance. There is, too, no easy way to give advice on such circumstances, but I must urge you, when you can, to be a little selfish.
See you on the Other Side,
CC
So I was seeing a person that seemed shy and docile but it turns out he was a bully before he met me and never revealed that I have to hide his existence from my strict ass parents. Weird because when I woke up my friend who looks exactly like Napoleon Bonaparte called me to check in because another friend of mine just passed away but he was complaining to me about how Patti Smith’s daughter was hitting on him hard and his girlfriend’s white converted Muslim dad won’t even acknowledge his presence. When I see my mom she helps me magically change into a chuba which is traditional Tibetan clothing and I join my parents for some kind of ceremony.
– chok
Hi chok,
Thank you for the gift of your dream. Remember what I said to Julia about dreams with clear meanings and those with none? Well, there are a few key considerations here, and a couple details that I actually would love to talk more about outside of interpretation, because I feel as if they may be a little too messy re: spirituality to discuss here. I’ll reach out!
All that to say, for the meantime I want you to think what about this “bully” drew you in and then what repelled you. Keep a lookout for these qualities in your near future love life. There is something, too, in your maternal spiritual line that is protecting and cloaking you — who is she, and why, I cannot say, but I believe with careful seeking you will be able to. Take that protection with you when you think of the future, when you plan for the future. It is always better to seek without fear.
See you on the Other Side,
CC
I’d like to start off by saying that I’m certain I dreamt of my ex at least once before I ever met or knew of them. We broke up a few months ago, and recently I had a dream where we were abducted by aliens—together. In the dream, we were staying at a cabin we used to visit often during our relationship. While stargazing on the porch, we started to notice some of the brightest stars moving in strange, unnatural ways. One of those stars began drifting toward us, and we quickly realized it was a UFO. As it approached, I could feel the rush of air pushing in our direction. My ex began to get nervous, so I reached for their hand and calmly told them we should just embrace it. I remember briefly waking up inside the UFO and feeling comforted knowing they were nearby. I even recall a sensation of turbulence on the ship. The next thing I knew, we had been transported to a hot spring on another planet. We were soaking in these warm, peaceful pools, surrounded by glowing, frog-like creatures that softly lit the water around us. It was serene, almost magical—and somehow, it felt safe.
– Brenton
Dear Brenton,
Thank you for the gift of your dream. I totally believe you! I have also dreamt of those I am to meet, or will meet, and it is always a disorienting experience. Also, thank you for sending me an abducted by aliens dream, those are always really fun (and a little spooky because I watched Signs and Fire in the Sky at an impressionable young age in the middle of nowhere where there weren’t even streetlights to protect you) to dive into.
So, together, let’s dive into your dream. You, and your once beloved, are at a place you often came together, doing a frankly very romantic activity, but then, something shifts. Not between you two, oh no, but in the sky. What was that sudden retaliation like? Even wading around in it as I am, it is still arresting. You, though, you are calm. There is no room for nerves in your acceptance of the situation. Nothing, not even waking up inside a literal UFO, can shake the sense of peace you have when they are near. Then, bliss. Hot springs, serene and magical (and oh how I wish I had some nearby), and, despite it all, safe. It’s a beautiful dream, and a deeply sweet one.
You, my dear Dreamer, are a deeply sweet one, too. I can feel this radiating off of my reading of your former relationship, and your own words. Though I cannot tell you that there is something left unexplored in this love you had, or limerence, or experience, I can say that it will teach you a powerful lesson, eventually. That lesson is, and as cliche as it sounds, that you are the one who makes peace for yourself. You don’t need a second party to do this for you, even if you waited for them, even if you came together in something that felt cosmic.
Other people matter deeply to you, and always will, and always should. That is not in question, but how you approach your next relationship is. Remember to always ask yourself what parts of your admiration are rooted in something you already possess, and always remember what you bring to the table.
See you on the Other Side,
CC
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