Bravo Dykes, we are so up. With not one but TWO whole housewives in the rebooted Real Housewives of New York (three, if you count Hot Mel, which I do), the lesbianism overfloweth and is easily the best part of this season, which is kind of a dud so far, no? I don’t even know what’s going on with Brynn (is she queer/bisexual? I don’t believe in applying the term ‘queerbaiting’ to real life people, and yet she’s sort of testing my resolve there, especially with last week’s “Move I’m Gay” shirt).
I’m coming to you a little late with a look at last week’s episode because I was doing gay shit (writing and working in Palm Springs), so I apologize, especially because it turns out the Real Housewives of New York were doing gay shit, too!!! Last season, Jenna took Brynn to Henrietta Hudson, the first instance of Real Housewives in any city going to a dyke bar on camera (correct me if I’m wrong about that, but I don’t think I am! Meredith Marks was once spotted at Henrietta as well, but it wasn’t on camera).
As of last week, we’re now up to two Real Housewives scenes set in a dyke bar. Racquel and Hot Mel head to The Bush in Brooklyn…with Erin and Abe, who are not necessarily the double date pair I would have picked, but it turns out Abe is actually kind of fun in this setting. Let’s walk through the entire scene, because whew there were a lot of Bravo firsts!!!
Racquel and Mel pull up to the bar first, looking very hot and gay. The bartender informs them that the Wednesday special is called the “Slutty Punch,” prompting Mel to order “two sluts.”
who doesn’t love two sluts?
Racquel asks Mel if she thinks Erin and Abe have ever been to a gay bar before, and Mel responds she’s pretty sure they’ve never been to a dyke bar before. Has “dyke bar” ever been said on Bravo?! Also, the captions spell it “dike bar,” and I’m calling lesbophobia on that.
the transcriptionist is clearly NOT a Bravo Dyke
Erin and Abe arrive, and Abe and Mel are in matching leather jackets. Abe is delighted by this, because as he reveals in a talking head, he has a “girl crush” on Mel. The feeling is somewhat mutual! When Mel initially met Abe, she thought he had bro vibes and noted they were “ideologically quite different” (wish she had elaborated on that) but then once she got to know him she realized he had a lot of “lesbian sensibilities” (EXTREMELY wish she had elaborated on that).
feels important for you to see this Hot Mel talking head look
Mel also reveals she has a special nickname for Abe: Gabe, AKA Gay Abe. He loves it! Is Abe a little bit queer? He’s wondering the same thing! In a talking head, he reveals he has never kissed a guy but was tempted in college. “I came really close, and there was a point when I questioned, you know, my sexuality.” He also asks Racquel in-scene when/how she knew she was into women in a way where he seems genuinely curious.
Mel interjects here to say that before Racquel was officially out, she was cleaning up as a model living with a bunch of gorgeous women in the Italian pensiones. Ummmmm I need a scripted TV series about this STAT?
“When my marriage to the father of my children was breaking up, I came across The L Word and I started watching it,” Racquel says. “And I thought, ‘why am I feeling like this is where I belong?’ I had to really take the time and think about, you know, if I was gonna be really true and honest to myself, and that was hard.”
Real Housewives! They’re just like us! (Having gay awakenings inspired in large part due to “happening” across The L Word.)
I won’t even comment on the rest of the episode, because it was so profoundly stupid. Rebecca and Erin’s “prank” indicates they just don’t even understand the point of reality television. It isn’t to trick viewers, and fabricating false drama means you’re just too boring for Bravo.
My main thought after the episode (other than being so annoyed at the pregnancy “prank”?): Make Hot Mel a full-time cast member!!!!!!!!!!!!
good gay fits
Also, should we invite Racquel and Hot Mel to the next iteration of the Autostraddle Dyke Bar Crawl?
