How to Make Gay Friends and Meet Girls: The Ultimate Guide to Effective Queer Socializing

Y’all have some problems meeting gay people. We know this because for as long as we’ve had homogay ‘internet presences’ you’ve been asking us how to make queer friends/meet girls. We’ve answered you, periodically.

But apparently not periodically enough:

Although Laneia is convinced she’s the only lesbian in Phoenix (I’m positive this is not so, someone please back me up in the comments), most of us here on Team Autostraddle possess a relatively healthy posse of queer friends. Or at least it seems that way when we assemble for homogay events/marches/parties/prides tri-annually.

We feel very lucky for this and so we’ve decided to enlist the troops and answer the question “how do I meet other queers?” once and for all.

Firstly:

+ If you are looking for an answer to the question “How do I hit on chicks?”, we have an article for that: How to Pick Up Chicks.

+ Asking yourself “How do I date a chick?” We have an article for that: 10 Simple Rules For Properly Courting a Lesbian.

+ Curious about how to get a girl to sleep over? Coincidentally, we have an article for that, too: 8 Steps Every Girl Can Take to Get a Girl to Sleep Over.

+ Interested in sharing a special snack with your special new friend/’special’ friend? Top Ten Cookies.

Are you ready? Let’s begin.

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On the Job:

Kelsey: GET A JOB! No really. Go get a job. It doesn’t even have to be a gay job. Though I’ve had those. Jobs in the Straight World tend to be teeming with undercover gays. If you see a printer jam, wait approx 2 minutes and most likely a gay lady will arrive to fix. In my opinion, regular ol’ jobs tend to be the best places to meet other gay ladies, whether for friendsies, FWB, or future partner material. If there are slimmer pickins’ at Your Job, all the better for you.

Fit for a Femme: Hang out where your friends work, if applicable. Someone I know just met a pretty thing to nibble on that way recently.

Riese: If your co-workers know that you’re a homogay, they will almost definitely attempt to introduce you to or set you up with their gay cousin/sister/bff/roommate/etc.
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Concerts for Queer Musicians

lilith fair lesbians

Crystal: I’ve met the majority of my queer friends at concerts. Gay girls are fairly serious about supporting their local gay musicians, and so go check out a few shows. If your town has an all-female band then that’s a good place to start, their concerts will probably be filled with potential queer friends. I always find it easiest to make friends with the musicians themselves because you already have a reason to strike up a conversation with them: to tell them that you enjoyed their show. Ask them when they’re playing next, and go to that one too. Just keep showing up.
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Join any Club/Team That Will
Have You as a Member

Intern Hot Laura: Do you have a bike co-op in your city? I bet you do, and I bet there are a bunch of cute girls running around with bike grease on their noses. Even if you don’t meet anybody, you get to learn how to build a bike which is kind of like carrying around a lighter just in case a cute girl asks for a light only better because you get to come their their rescue and fix their broken tire.

FFAF: Join a book club or writing group or DIY photography workshop – in fact, DIY anything would work.

Crystal: Go to the roller derby. 
All of the queer girls are at the roller derby. All of them. Roller derby is wall-to-wall lesbians and I’ve witnessed countless girls strike up new friendships while watching a game. It’s quite easy to do because if there’s one thing that roller derby fans love, it’s sharing their knowledge of the game with newbies. So if there’s a team in your city, go see them play. Saddle up beside a group of cute girls in the suicide seats (where all the serious fans sit) and ask them to explain the rules to you. I think you’ll make some new friends in no time.
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On the Internet

We have cited the internet multiple times as the best way to meet other gays. Clearly this IS the internet, so we’re biased, but we’ve found most of our friends right here, or via Riese’s prior blogs (that’s where most of the team comes from — readers of her blog and the friends she met through those people, etc). We hear OKCupid is a thing, also.

Intern Emily: Find someone on autostraddle who lives near you. Give them your email. Go for a walk. Walks are free.

Riese: It could be different now, but back when I was a baby (23) I responded to an ad on craigslist w4w by a girl who said she was bi, went to Columbia, played soccer, liked ‘420’ and was looking for other bi girls to go out with and be friends and brave the scary queer world together. The first time we met it was absurdly awkward but it got progressively better all the way to “more comfortable than I am with anyone, really.” We’ve been through a ton together — so many life phases! — and we’re still friends now, and it’s through her intrepid online friend-gathering that I met Lainy, who met my now-best-friend Haviland on friendster and then invited her to a thing that I was also at, which is how I met Haviland. So! The point of this is: craigslist could be a thing? The key to it being non-intimidating was that we both earnestly wanted new friends, yannow?

Laneia: Find a queer girl who writes a blog with a lot of feelings and send her emails about your feelings. Read books. When the queer girl with a blog starts an online magazine, help her. Accost people on gchat. When the queer girl with a blog has parties and introduces you to her friends, be really nice to them and say things with your mouth and eyes. If one of them is especially neat, write them an email and be their friend. Be really honest and take a lot of anti-anxiety medication. Don’t get an alternative lifestyle haircut unless you really want to. Buy at least one v-neck. Smile.

Intern Emily: Start a blog. Write in it for 2 years. Take a 3-day hiatus and then ask for people in your city to email you.

Riese: Start a blog and then make a website and then hire people to be your friends for free.
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Roommates

Stick “queer-friendly” or “LGBT friendly” in your craigslist post and the girls will come a-runnin’, with plenty of gay friends of their own in tow. You kill like 40 birds with one stone and can listen to Tegan & Sara all the time.
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In a Women’s Studies/Gender Studies Class

You can check out this directory of LGBT/Queer Studies programs at universities all around the country! Also you should participate in class. The girls who participate are the hottest.

bcw: Women’s Studies classes are a great place to meet women: everybody’s pretty much a feminist already so you can have brainsexy conversations, which are great for continuing in bars after class. Watch yourself with those hot profs, though.
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At your LGBT Campus Group in College or High School

This is Taylor’s NYU LGBT Group

Taylor: In college, before I was very out or strongly identified, I started nervously attending a few events held by our school’s LGBT office. Fast forward a year and I was running on-campus queer workshops every week, and I’d scored a vast posse of passionate forward-thinking activist gays, just like that! Before I worked for our LGBT office I felt super shy at queer events, so if your school has an active LGBT organization, considering signing up or applying and dive right in. The LGBT office became a second home, which was great for between-class naps and meeting hotties, of course.

Intern Emily: Go to your school’s queer club. It’ll be awkward. You might go on a lunch date with a cute girl who brings her girlfriend. You might make some friends though.
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Gay Bars and Gay Events!

PYT-black-and-goldman-collage

Obviously this can be an intimidating situation, but a lot of getting-to-know-other-girls at these bars won’t happen with one initial awkward visit. You have to go back. And go back. And go back. And eventually you will have no choice but to feel comfortable there, because it’s a place you go a lot. Then maybe you will talk to strangers or get 25 people to kiss you for your 25th birthday. It’s a thing, you can keep score on your arm with a pen. If you live in New York City, GO Magazine has the most thorough, up-to-date bar/event listings.

Intern Emily: Go to a gay bar. Get really drunk and talk to everyone.

Riese: When you’re at the gay bar or lesbian night, you will think thoughts like ‘nobody here wants to talk to me’ or ‘everyone here has a girlfriend’ or ‘why are lesbians so intimidating’ and you need to suppress all of those feelings and cover them with a new feeling and that new feeling is ‘what’s the worst thing that can happen, I’ll get rejected?’ and I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW that seems petrifying, as though being rejected is the worst thing that could ever happen to you as a human being. But it’s actually not — your confidence is sexier than your outfit will ever be, and girls are so weird and have so many issues/reasons to potentially reject you that you can’t take any one rejection personally. Just make eye contact. Say hi. It doesn’t have to be sexual. Imagine yourself in her shoes and think about how you’d want her to approach you.

FFAF: Don’t be a scaredy cat! Go to a bar/club/show alone. In fact, this is how I met my wife 5.68 years ago.
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Some General Tips

GROW A PAIR:

Sarah Croce: I used to be shy. My answer? Grow a pair. Figure out what is awesome about you and confidently strike up conversations with random people. They don’t have to be gay. Oftentimes you’ll find most girls are bi, or curious, or have gay friends. Straight people love to tell you they have gay friends and they always think you should hook up with them like there’s some kind of gay drought and in order to prosper and save the lesbian race we all need to mate feverishly. It’s like they don’t know we can’t procreate. And they always ask how lesbians have sex.
+

Start Small, Build a Lesbian Posse:

Jess R : Create your own Lesbian Posse. You only need 1 or 2 other gay friends to start – tell them to invite a few other queers they know (if you don’t have any other gay friends – they do!) and plan little events for yourselves like dinner at an apartment, movie night, bowling night, ski/hiking day trip, etc. Make it a weekly thing so you always have something to look forward to and as the weeks go by the lesbian phone tree will grow longer and longer and after a few months you’ll have your very own Lesbian Posse.
+

Be Brave:


Intern Emily: Unfortunately, meeting new people means you have to be brave and approach them and talk to them and find things to talk about and spend a lot of time obsessing about what to wear, etc. It’s a lot of social anxiety and you might want to take some pills for that, but also, you feel really good after.
+

Be Old-Fashioned and Venture Outside of Your Comfort Zone:

FFAF: Get outside of your comfort zone. I hear lots of girls complaining about how it’s all the same people, the same girls, wah-wah-wah. Drive to a nearby city, take that train underwater, bike it, bus it, but don’t expect to meet new, exciting girls by doing the same shit that hasn’t worked for so far.

Also, be old-fashioned. Pretend there’s no internet and remember what it’s like to be polite and gracious and genuine IRL, and extend real invitations and cultivate real lasting friendships. It’s easy for things to fall through the cracks with internet-based connections; they need to be nurtured for reals. Being old-fashioned reminds us all a little of what it takes to maintain the kinds of relationships that we want!
+

Gays are Everywhere:


Rachel: Remember in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy realizes that what she was looking for was in her backyard/home/heart the whole time? You are a gay person, and you like to do things/go places. Chances are other gay people also enjoy these things/places and are probably already there! Look around your job/library/capoeira class/favorite coffeeshop/yarn store/whatever and probably there are queer people there. Like really, if there are more than 10 people in the building it’s statistically very likely that you will find someone else there who is also a huge gaymo. You just have to be brave and talk to people and not be shy about being gay yourself; they will probably be very relieved and respond in kind.

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OKAY SO THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU ALL MEET EACH OTHER. Become friends!! TALK IN THE COMMENTS!

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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1,208 Comments

  1. Nobody???
    Rachel, I just wanna say that you look adorable in that picture. And I might just have a little crush on you/your posts/your hair.

  2. Hi! I’m Cheyanna, I’ve been a heavy auto-lurker for a year or something, I’m in high school and I live in a 3000-population town, which, what’s it like for other small-town high-schooling gays? Dunno. I feel like queer high schoolers are barely represented here besides the ones who’ve committed suicide. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about that anymore! I love you all!

    • you’re not alone on the suffering thru school front! I’m in 8th grade in a big school in new york. Everyone is so sexist and homophobic and pretty much every type of prejudice, and the irony is it was made specifically to celebrate my boro’s diversity. I think there are a lot more of us on here than we suspect tho.

    • School is basically going to be school until I can finally leave. I don’t go to school in a small town, but my school is not at all queer friendly. luckily I have my best friends also being gay/bi. :P

      BUT ANYWAYS, I will send you an email! I’m at wildelyamusing at gmail dot com. :D

    • I’M IN HIGHSCHOOL TOO
      I’ve been auto-lurking since the tenth grade, and now I’m graduating in the spring. Can you believe I used to tell myself I read autostraddle for the ‘news’ hahahahahhaahaha.
      I’m so gay.

    • I’m 25 and didn’t come out even to myself til i was 22. . . I grew up in a super small town though. well, not really even in town. 12 miles from town on a farm. You’d be surprised at how many other queer folk their are at your school, some of who don’t even know it yet. As of right now I can count at least 5 people i went to high school who are not straight. Yeah, you’re not as alone as it seems. When you graduate, find your way to a bigger town. :) us small town homo’s gotta stick together!

      • I didn’t come out till i was 22 either and i’m only just 23 now, i’m worried people will think it’s weird that i came out so recently, which is part of the reason i find it hard to meet new queer girls! It’s good to know that i’m not the only person who came out in there twenties, even though i obviously knew that before but when i’m feeling sorry for myself i convince myself i’m alone haha.
        Anyway, cheers your post made me feel a lot better!

    • I had lots of lesbian and bi friends in high school in a smallish rural town, but none of them were out at the time. I was in a women’s only chorus (at least 1/2 of the chorus ended up being lesbian or bi), I started a girl band (turned out we were all bi), and hung out with drama kids. If you aren’t an actor you can always build sets or do lighting. I was friends with a lot of gamer girls & goths/metalheads. Some of my lesbian friends were really into studying biology or environmental science. Talk to the band girls who play euphonium or are in the drumline too. Good luck & don’t commit suicide please :)

    • My town isn’t that small, but it’s definitely hard to find things generated for queer high schoolers! I totally get that :)

    • Honestly, meeting other queer kids in my small town has been one of the most frustrating and underwhelming processes I’ve ever endeavored to complete. I go to a super small school, and there are exactly zero students like me. My town is super conservative, so even whispering that you’re gay is pretty risky, which makes meeting girls really, REALLY hard. So take heart, Cheyanna! You’re not the only one :)

  3. These are all good suggestions. A useful article indeed.

    Be out yourself if it is possible to do so at all. Networking through gay men can work. I don’t live in a city, so don’t buy into the notion that you have to be an urbanite to have gay friends.

  4. Ok, thanks for this post for reals guys! I’m from rural Ireland and I moved to our capital a year ago after a pretty painful breakup with my ex-gf. She was my first serious relationship and first gf so it was a stressful time. Anyway, my two best mates are gay guys and we go out everywhere together but its not helping me meet girls because they assume that I’m straight because I’m a femme girl out with her two gay guy friends. I’m really shy and find it very difficult to approach girls and as a result I haven’t had a single date since breaking up with my ex. So thanks for showing me that I can’t just sit back and wait for something to happen, I’ve just got to grow a pair and get out there! And if there’s any Irish Autostraddle readers on here: Hey! :D

    • First of all, if I wanted to throw a baby out an airlock, I’d say so.

      And, this is odd, my social circle consists entirely of two gay guys, too. Hi.

    • What’s up Madam_Airlock, I am also living in Dublin and I found the vast majority of my gay mates through a website called Queerid.com so I would say most definitely join it, post a “hi, im a new member topic” and that would be a great start! There’s also this cool website called Running Amach which is like a social group for gay ladies. I agree with you though, I have some great friends, but most of them are men. I find it very difficult to have gay lady friends, thus far when I think ive found a nice gay lady to be just mates with she drunkenly tries to come onto me and well, that sort of ruins the friendship, I blame alcohol for this entirely! And any time im out with one of my gay besties people think that me and him are on a date….for flip sake, heaven forbid two people of the opposite sex are just mates like! But anyway, I just thought id say hey and that your not alone, lots of us about and if you join Queerid there’s loads of meet ups and you are more than welcome to join us. That said we could possibly know each other already, such is the small size of the scene! :-D

      • Dia dhaoibh, mna!

        Irish here, obviously, but living in Boston for a year. Have stopped saying “Ah you’re grand!”, have moved onto “All set”.

      • Also, Lou, sorry but I think I know you? Well, not really know… Did I come to your apartment one night with a bunch of people and I re-enacted scenes from Judge Judy with a bunch of farm animals on the floor? Possibly? It’s all a little hazy but I’m squinting at your picture and I think that might’ve been your apartment..

        • Ha no way, are you mates with Aine?! Yes that was definitely my apartment, I dont recall doing the same thing at any other party in my house, playing judge judy is quite specific! Hello anyways. :-D

          • Oh jeepers yes, I had blocked said concert from my memory, it was way too traumatic for me! I could have sworn I saw you at gay prom but now I realise I was waving at some stranger id never met, ah well! I hope Boston is fun. :-)

      • Hey Lou, thanks for the advice! Queerid seems to be the way everyone is directing me….I’m on my way over there now! Lolz

      • where in scotland? I moved to glasgow from the states about a month ago and could use some gays!

          • I’m living in scotland, too, north of edinburgh. I’ve never been to glasgow, but have been planning a visit. Scottish gay ladies club anyone?

          • Holee Christ, there are 47000 of us. I have to go to work right now but when I come back there will be excited email. Oh yes.

          • @ sayers (&other glasgow autostraddlers) – send me an email! i met cassandra & lo this weekend, they’re wonderful. we’re talking about all meeting up sometime soon, if you’re interested.

          • @ sayers (&other glasgow autostraddlers) – send me an email, let’s do this!

            i met cassandra & lo this weekend, they’re wonderful. we’re talking about all meeting up sometime soon, if you’re interested.

        • I’m moving to Edinburgh this January (excited, but nervous) and I’m sure I’ll be saying the same thing about needing some gays. Can a girl get some early connections? and do you know Queerid good for Scotland too?

          • I’m in Edinburgh and sadly have approximately zero gay friends. My e-mail is [email protected], I like puppies, long walks and shiny apples, feel free to drop me an e-mail

            PS Glasgow ladies, Edinburgh’s not too far away so feel free to drop me an e-mail too ;-)

          • I’m in Edinburgh :) and don’t really have any queer friends.

            The Auld Reekie Roller girls are playing against Berlin this saturday though – any takers?!
            time_for_some_tea [at] hotmail dot com
            :)

          • Hey Leah, I’m in Edinburgh too so here’s an early connection for you! Don’t know about Quuerid, I know a few people who use gaydar girls though and seem to like it.

          • Hi ladies, we’re a couple of gay friends in Edinburgh and are looking for a way to meet like minded souls without the trashiness of dating sites! We’re up for going for drinks, or some fiiiiine cinema, maybe some food? And Lizi would like to go to some Art Galleries (I’m Debs, typing, she made me add that) Basically we’re open to (clean) suggestions! Drop us an email and lets meet up – Lizitrafford at gmail.com
            Looking forward to having some gay old times ahead x

    • I’m an American in London…if that helps…not really, but it’s still Europe!

      Also–where are the Londoners at?

      • REESE! American in London! Ditto! WIN! Let’s go to a Halloween party this weekend and hang out dressed in Lady Gaga meat dresses, now THAT is the way to make internet friends.
        Email me kay? [email protected]

          • Just realised, you know what we really need is an interactive map, preferably some awesomely-graphically-designed one, where Autostraddlers can put themselves on the map, and see where everyone is in the world.

            [Yorkshire girl in London.]

          • i’m going to london in november and i’m going to bother you all on twitter some day in the near future and make y’all take me out. fyi.

          • Hi I’m an hour from London, but there often and lived there last year. I’ll hopefully be an illustration student there next year too, I’d like a gang – club – posse of gay lady friends… kirstyhouser (at) gmail (dot) com.

            Laura I just read loads of your blog, and thought it was really brilliant!

          • Fantastic – lets arrange a London coffee, whoever’s around – next weekend?
            studio [at] bethanywells [dotcom]

          • Londoner in London here.
            Pretty new to this (I’m only 16)…would be good to meet people! :)

            aimeecucullati (at) gmail (dot) com.

            @aimutiny

      • The comments to this article are the sweetest thing, and I am surprised/delighted London turned up! I’ve been here a few months now, East London :-)

        I would love to have coffee with anyone who reads autostraddle (obviously!)

        – email me reflectionsasprotections AT gmail DOT com

        Reese, Lizzie, L – I’m not American but I just got back from living in NYC for a year, and, weird question, but does anyone know where to find grits here? (I blame brunches in Brooklyn).

        Land Girl – me too, North Yorks :-) Email me?

    • Unhelpfully, I’m from Ireland but live in Liverpool (hello to any Scousers!). I know it can seem a bit crap trying to be out and about in Ireland, but it will take a bit of time. A few years on the scene (in Cork) meant that after a while I knew a bunch of people, got involved in LGB clubs, gay centres, a whole world of stuff :) It happens!

      (Also, the internet is a wonderful thing for finding like-minded gays in Ireland.)

        • Hello! Whats this weather like in liverpool eh – cold, warm, cold, warm, lol
          my email addy is marie.obrien at gmail.com – so gimme a shout!

    • Hey Madam_Airlock,
      Queerid is a cool place to get to know people. I also had the two gay guys and looking femme problem and my first night out in Dublin on my own was greatly aided by the friendly company of the Qiders. Now when I go out and get abandonded by my two horny gay friends I take myself on out to the smoking area and chat to strangers instead and often bump into some Qiders too which is nice.

      Also you might want to check out any of the events or groups run by Outhouse or BelongTo. I started going to a group in Louth and its unreal how many friends I’ve made and I’ve also had really cool opportunities to do stuff like go to Prides around the country because of it.

      Gaydargirls can sometimes work for people. I’ve never really had much luck with it mainly because I’m rubbish at communicating who I am well over a few messages so I’m too scared that I’ll seem weird but I know people who’ve made friends or even set up dates on it so that’s a possibility too.

      You really do have so much available to you living in Dublin so don’t worry I’m sure you’ll be a scene queen or at least have a gazillion lesbian links in no time.

      • Hey Krrru, thanks for the reply! Yeah, I’m on Gaydar Girls on the advisement of my housemate but no luck so far….not necessarily hookup wise but just for meeting like minded queer chicks….definitely think I’m gonna give Queerid a go, seems to be where its all happening! :D

    • Yay! Ireland! Any one in the north? Add me on fb.. Search for thepoutisback… And don’t ask me about the name, it’s a long story, that can be told when we are bestest buds! Lol :D

        • No unfortunately, but I am going to see Marina and the Diamonds tomorrow! I hope Gaga was fun, I saw loads of people about town dressed up to the 9’s! Oh and by the by people from Ireland if you’re ever out on the scene in Dublin and you recognise me from my photo or the one in my link then please say hi, I did already meet one Autostraddler which I thought was very cool, id say there’s a few of us in most countries in the world! :-D

          • more irish people than i though on here which is cool, anyway thought i’d say hi. i’m late to the party as always,but hey better late than never.
            @Lou, just did a bit of nosing round on facebook (got your name from the article you linked to on lgbtnoise) anyway i’m not a total creep just thought i’d say hey because i noticed that we go to the same college! so, em yeah hi! *awkward wave*

          • Hello there, do you mean UCD or more specific to the particular school?! Anyway, it’s not creepy at all, it’s always great to meet new people! Perhaps you’ll see me in college or else out and about some night, if you do say hi. :-D

          • UCD, i tend to be around the arts block. I’ll definitely say hi if i see you around campus. (*note to self: go into college more*):P

          • Sorry for the slow reply. Ah excellent, I dont know how you successfully negotiate the arts building, it’s like a maze!! I once signed up to do a semester of Welsh there for some unknown reason but I couldnt find the room and I never went! Anyways, you’ll probably see me about on the scene, particularly the Front Lounge, love that place. :-D

  5. I love this; if it were legal i might even marry it. Is that weird? Dont judge me, I’m so alone…. heh :s
    (though that ‘grow a pair’ comment cut deep, i have social anxeity and that makes things so much harder)
    Either way, thank you Autostraddle

  6. Hahaha, I *just* finished explaining (read: making excuses) to my gay-boy-friend why I don’t want to go to the campus girls LGBTQ meeting tomorrow (too shy) despite the fact that before he went to the guys one he had no gay man friends and after only a few weeks of attending he’s acquired a plethora of manfriends plus hookups!
    I’ve done the gay guy party thing and it’s fun being the token chick wingman for my friends but clearly I need to get out there on my own/WITH GIRLS.
    Thank you for this article, it’s definitely a kick in the ass for me. :)

  7. if you’re in high school, you can grow your own gay posse by hanging out with the kids who trip your gaydar and then getting more and more gay friends as they continue to come out

    worked for me…

    • “you can grow your own gay posse”

      immediately made me think of one of those weird tv-only products with exaggerated, ridiculous commercials. you know, the $50 value that they’re practically giving away for a low, low price of $19.95, and if you call in the next five minutes they’ll throw in a free set of steak knives?

      but in a good way. :)

        • interior designing PROBLEM. i am clearly too blown over by the thought of having a little potted plant that’ll feel less like “oh god i killed bamboo once i cannot handle flora at all” and more like “oh, it’s like a DIY project in soil, this’ll be a piece of cake.”

          • Lol, I killed bamboo once too. I could never remember to water the darn thing. Plants should evolve to be noisy like dogs to remind you that they’re thirsty. Totally the bamboo’s fault for not thinking of that. XDDD

  8. I am a lesbian in Phoenix, and I can relate to feeling all alone here. Any other lesbian ladies here? This article is wonderful; thanks so much for all the great tips!

  9. Laneia is definitely not the only lesbian in Phoenix! I have first hand knowledge of this. I do believe, however, they are all hiding in domestic bliss or something.

    Excellent post! Specifically “grow a pair”.

  10. Oh yes! I seriously needed this article.

    I guess is time for some self-promotion:

    Hi! I’m a queer girl lost in the middle of Rhode Island looking to make friends. Anyone around? I’m totally willing to hop on a bus all the way to Boston just to hang out for a bit, that’s how hyper I am about meeting new peeps.

    Also, I like dancing and hedgehogs.

          • I’m in Provi too! Always looking for more queer lady friends.

            Do you guys go to Girlspot on Saturday nights at Gallery? It’s the only lesbian night in the area and it can be pretty fun.. Good music and dancing, D! :) I’ll probably be there this Saturday for Halloween.

            Email me: nothere 3579 at gmail dot com! :D

          • Hey J!

            Yes! Gallery is pretty fabulous, I’m just having a hard time finding people to go with. Sending you an email now!

            Oh, I can see a meet up for all of us in the future :)

          • Hey J! Here’s trying my luck and see if you check this. Just emailed you but it keeps bouncing back. Shoot me an email at ammo . love . battle at gmail.com

          • Hi! I’m new to Autostraddle and new-ish to Providence and definitely looking to make friends in the area!

            PS I semi-love Gallery but also have noone to go with! Let’s go dance like idiots! Can we be friends?

          • Hi Diane!

            Yes yes yes. My email is no longer the ammo love battle one, you can email me at “and for that I need a name” (no spaces on that, obvi) @ gmail.com

            I’m also under doubleornothing on the Autostraddle community.

            We should hang out! Lucky for you and your semi love for Gallery, they are not doing lady nights anymore, and Club X took over that honor. Let’s go next weekend? We can meet up before that :)

      • Boston ladies,

        I JUST applied for several jobs in Boston yesterday. I hope to be living there VERY soon. It’s good to know that there are at least a 2 gay people there which is 2 more than are in my current vicinity.

        • Cheers to my fellow Boston lezzies! I’ve lived in Boston for almost a decade (if you include college). Somehow, I’ve ended up with LOTS of gayman friends, and no lesbians (other than my roommate, who is very busy earning her uhauler badge).

          Currently living in the Dot, but starting to think I’m going to have to move to JP just to find some ladygay friends. If you want to hang out, grab a drink, see a movie, e-mail me! It’ll be super awkward and great!

          e-mail is lindsaym774 at gmail dot com

          • Hey! Another Boston gay here. I live in Cambridge, am 28, and am always looking for queer ladies to hang out with. (Most of my gay friends are guys.) Send me a message at twobeerqueerblog at gmail dot com.

            And don’t move to JP! It’s so far away.

          • So many gay ladies in Boston! I’m tagging along if this meet-up ever happens. Just moved here so yay for potentially making new friends on fabulously awkward meetups. I’m 22, live in the North End. My email is c vander bilt at g mail dot com.

          • Dude, so sad when you get your own email wrong, c vander bilt 88 at gmail dot com. Those numbers would be important. :)

          • Yes, come to Cambridge instead! I’m also a Cambridge ladyqueer, but I spend a lot of time out of town at a certain small college in Maine. If you want a Cambridge/Boston/Maine friend, I’m skiingplatypus at gmail dot com. (wooo embarrassingly weird email address. ask me about it via email!)

          • cambridge-based lesbian blogger here. good to see there are so many of us! i’d love to help organize some gaygirl events and meetups. perhaps we could make a facebook group or something? it would be an easy was to post events and arrange hangouts.

            hit me up at carrie[at]thenewgay[dot]net

      • Boston-area…ish? I’m in NH but in Boston visiting friends all the time. I’d love be a part of any awkward Boston meet-ups that occur. sgatzke [at] gmail

      • wth, where was i in 2010, october?! i want boston lezzie-friends nowww! anyone still here? :D

  11. I’m a gaywad that goes to a school in new york where people are extremely homophobic yet somehow advertized as diverse and accepting. anybody, even if you’re in long island, if you want to meet me just ask.

    Jesus, I feel like I’m writing a personal ad.

  12. OMG LESBIANS IN PHOENIX LETS MEET AT TEMPE MARKETPLACE AND WATCH A SCARY MOVIE.

    i have a loyalty cup from harkins, you guys.

    • Ha seriously loyalty cup = win/I’m in!
      If planned properly I could bring a friend who in turn could introduce you to her friends who in turn could introduce you to their friends and bam you have a circle!

    • My 19 year old sister (who claims that she is “bi”) just moved to Phoenix. I am five hours away and plan to visit her soon. That doesn’t really help anything, though, does it?

      • HELLO LESBIANS OF PHOENIX / SURROUNDING AREAS –

        hi. email me : laneia at autostraddle dot com and we will actually do this. we will meet and do things and talk and other stuff. IT WILL BE A THING.

        ok, go.

  13. This is great! I need lesbian friends because so far all I have are gay boy friends. And I don’t even think they count because they’re related to me. Anyone in Texas? DFW area?

  14. I find that outing myself in class really works to bring the homogays out to play. So does booze and working security at a concert venue.

    I live in Boulder, Colorado. But I know how hard it is to meet other homogays, be it platonic or not. There is hope… like Denver.

      • You really don’t, believe me. It’s a bubble of over privledged people who pretend to be hippies but are just living off their parents trust fund, doing lots of drugs and not caring about anything remotely important. The price of living is out of control for what you’re getting there. There are NO gay bars or coffee shops or anything like that. Everyone goes to Denver to be gay.

        The only thing good here is the University. Everything else is sub-par. I assue you.

        • No gay bars?! That’s insane.
          Well… I was going to move to Boulder because I wanted to study Geology there but I didn’t get the money to pay for everything :(
          Anyways, thanks for the heads up!

      • HA! All my friends go to Denver every weekend to hit up the bars/clubs and hang out at the Mercury Cafe. I usually have to work.

        Don’t look to Boulder to hope. It’s the most ambivalent community. RAWR.

        • the mercury cafe is bomb. as is paris on the platte if you’re ever off work and get to come down here. plus there’s always tracks if you’re feeling adventurous.

          and you’re right, when i think boulder the word ‘trustafarian’ comes to mind. but. you guys have several epic sandwich shops (cheeba hut for example), and a really cool tea house, plus chintzy little stores on 16th. and the hill if you’re at cu.

          plus i’ve heard cu has a pretty excellent gsa. but thats just rumor, and anythings better than what du has going.

          i wish you luck with all that ambivalence though!

    • Ah, Boulder, been here all my life, I can definitely understand your frustration. It can get to the point where you want to punch people, but you get used to it (actually, is that a good thing?)
      Where do you work security? The Fox?

      • Yep! I work at The Fox. I also live with two people from Boulder, they went to Fairview. It’s such a crazy small bubble, you probably know them.

        I can’t imagine living here your entire life. I moved from KC, MO.

        • Maybe, but I went to Boulder High so chances are slim. Along with being disconnected with the entire world, there is also a north/south divide. It’s pretty weird actually, but that’s the way it goes
          I assume you go to CU?

          • My friend Ashanti is an English major, you maybe know her, super tall, big hair, a bit intimidating. I also basically know everyone who works at the Boulder Bookstore, and there’s lots of English majors there.
            I went to CU for a bit, then decided it wasn’t my cup of tea, now I’m taking some classes at front range and moving out asap.

          • I don’t know your friend but I spend most of my time taking LGBT studies classes and forcing them into my major. However, I tend to be a bit oblivious so she might know me.

            I wish, desperately, that I worked at the Boulder Bookstore. I’m salivating at the thought.

            CU: it’s not for everyone. In fact, I don’t even know if it was for me. I left home and when you leave everything behind you kind of just commit to making it work, no matter what. Now, after four years of being here, I’m definitely ready to get out of Boulder and CU. (Even though a graduate degree from Naropa in poetics is so fucking tempting. Hippies be damned.)

            What kind of classes are you taking at Front Range?

          • Yeah, I probably would still be in school if I had gone out of state, but that’s how it goes. I’m just taking a composition class and a history class, something to do to be productive (and it helps that it’s cheap)
            Naropa is one of those places that is quintessentially Boulder to me, it’s pretty awesome.
            contrapossto at gmail dot com is my email if you want it (yes, misspellings immortalized into email addresses suck, but it’s too late now)

    • Hey girls!
      I’m from boulder and can totally related to everything your saying. Other than the university boulder is expensive and not all it’s hyped up to be. Denver is the place to be. You two better be at the drag show tonight to support our community :) it’s at 8 pm in the Glenn Miller ball room. after party is at tracks.

  15. Just saying, guys: my best queer girl friends are people I met in 1) Girl Scouts 2) required philosophy seminar freshman year 3) Spanish class 4) the dining hall. Just so you know I’m not making shit up when I say you can meet people anywhere. Really they are there, I promise, and it would be so sad for me if you went through all of college/life not realizing that the girl in front of you in line for potato salad is also gay and awesome just because you never talk to her. I also want to address the domino effect of making just one queer girl friend, in which you immediately gain access to all her friends, her girlfriend, her friends, her friends’ girlfriends, her ex that she’s still friends with and all HER friends… do you see what I mean? GO FORTH AND MAKE MOVES.

    • In my high school Spanish class I had an entire conversation with another queer written in pencil on the desk. The conversation went something like: spanish is gay -> I’m gay -> me too -> omg what grade are you in -> sophomore you? etc. I guess what I’m saying is if you want to communicate with queers in high school you should vandalize your desk/take Spanish. It worked for me.

  16. Anyone else DC chillin? Let’s go, I know we’re one of the gayest cities in the country, y’all have to be out there…

    • YES!! I am (fairly) new to DC. There is a Drag Queen race in Dupont tomorrow evening that will probably be amazing. You (and anyone else in the area) should go! Drag Queens running IN HEELS. I can’t even walk in them. This will be exactly like watching the Olympics.

      http://www.yelp.com/events/washington-halloween-high-heel-drag-queen-race

      Also: Rollerderby! I have not been to derby in dc yet, but I believe the next match is Nov. 21st. Any DC-ers want to go?

      Lastly: Phase 1, do people go there? Do you have thoughts on it?

      So many questions. If anyone in DC wants to meet up/tell me about places to go, feel free to email: ocapaeon at gmail dot com

      • i probably can’t make it in there tomorrow for the drag race, but would totally go watch roller derby! you can email me at cjr2f at virginia dot edu

      • Oh my, I wish very much that I could make it to that drag race, I think they should storm Capitol Hill when they’re through.

        Also, I am not of much help on clubs and such in DC seeing as I’m not of legal drinking age yet, but that roller derby sounds potentially fabulous…

        • ok, thats terrifying. are you CLOSE to the drinking age?

          also, Ocapaeon, i think i went to a logo event at Phase one and thought it was terrible, like three years ago. it was really loud and full of girls who were not talking to me!

          but maybe we can becoome friends and totally wing man it up for each other.

      • I’m in DC! I’ve been here about two years, am happily girlfriended but she and I are always enthusiastically looking to meet new queers. We’ll be at the high heel race tomorrow for sure. Feel free to search for me on facebook: ibendorf at gmail dot com.

        • I live in DC, but I can’t make it to the race. :( I work right in Dupont, so look me up on FaceBook if you’re in the area, too. spw27 at georgetown dot edu

        • I am moving to the DC area some time within the next year (depends on a house getting sold! Not my house…Piggybacking up there with the ‘rents then going to start looking for a queer roomie, obvs). I would LOVE to start laying some groundwork. I don’t want to end up isolated!

          I am fairly sure I will be on the MD side when I arrive but I am familiar with the area as I lived in Germantown for many years before moving to Texas.

          Feel free to click on my SN up there to go to my fb page or you can e-mail me at iris.in.winter at gmail dot com.

    • I’m so late to the DC convo. For some reason I didn’t think there were any queers around, aside from a much older cousin,
      I’m the only one I know.

      • I will be there within the year! I know that seems like a while but I would like to make some friends now…Definitely don’t want to be alone. Feel free to add me on FB (if you click on my username up there it takes you) or e-mail me at iris.in.winter at gmail dot com.

    • Hey, I live in baltimore but am in dc all the time. I’ll be the sexy almost-passing redhead. Come hit on me and my hot queer friends if you see me.

      • Yeah B-more. DC may be cool, but who wants to drive there every weekend? Is there a cool hangout in Baltimore? I just moved here.

        • hey we’re trying to get some b’more people together on the other meet-an-autostraddler-week thread- email me at lvnclr27 at gmail dot com if you’re interested!

    • So it seems like there’s a bunch of us around DC. Maybe we should make an email list so we can meet up at events and stuff. Anyone wanna get on that? It could be fun!

      • I’m a little late coming back to this, but I love this idea. Maybe we could even do a little get together (derby, eh, eh?) so we recognize faces when we’re out?

        For the list, I could send out an initial email to everyone, and then we can all share events, info, etc once we have each other’s email addresses. If you didn’t already list your email, you can email me at: ocapaeon at gmail dot com, and then I’ll send out an email to everyone. Would that work?

        Also, if anyone’s curious, the drag queen race was amazing BUT it was so packed that I really only got to see headdresses as they were running past me. Regardless, it was totally worth it :-)

    • I’m new in DC! Where DO all the ladies go in this town? I’ve looked at Phase One, but it doesn’t look like somewhere I wanna be, ya know? Email me! nova really isn’t that far either. [email protected]

      • it also doesn’t help that my gaydar is hella shitty. like, i know the chick with the tattoo of two girls holding hands is gay, but what about all the other girls?

        • I second this. I have no Gaydar.
          NONE.
          Except for that one in a billion 100 footer I see walking down the street, and I’m like Oh shit that ain’t no guy with boobs. That’s a gay chick!

        • Apparently Hartman’s on Bank St. I started working there and am now friends with like a million queer girls.

      • iknowrite?

        i go to the straightest-looking university ever, so it’s nice to know there’s other gay ladies out there!

    • i’m from ottawa. i moved to montreal after high school but when i was there, i used to go to the lookout on friday nights with my gay boy best friend and our fake IDs. i bet DJ Jen is still spinning early 2000s dance hits there to this day. best poutine ever at the little shack outside, too. unfortunate sidewalk presence of brig and dom frat boy clientele sometimes, though, but that’s the market. i’m sure there are other, newer bars now that i’m not aware of but the lookout through the years has always maintained a certain shabby honesty, in my opinion.

  18. Anybody on here from Saint Pete/Tampa area of Florida???????????
    Or Columbia South Carolina where I’m from

  19. I know there must be lesbians near me, I just haven’t met any yet because so far I’ve been too scared to go any LGBT events at mt uni! Anyone on here in Brighton (UK)?

    • Hey, I go to Brighton :)are you studying at Sussex or Brighton? my email address is candicearmah(at)gmail.com – Would definitely recommend going to some of the events, i’ve met some pretty cool people.

      • That’s what they say!

        I go to Sussex :) I’m finally going to some lgbt thing tomorrow with a gay guy who also doesn’t want to go alone so i’ll see how that goes…

        • Oh cool, what’s the thing you’re going to? I’m an LGBrighTon rep – we do collaborative things with Sussex LGBTQ. There’s a Halloween Blowout on Sunday at Revenge (one of our events) which I would say you should totes check out :D

          • I’m not really sure what it is, I think it’s on campus, not a big thing. I might check it out! All I’ve got planned so far is a house party.

    • Darn, I grew up in Brighton but moved to Bristol a year ago. Let us know how the LGBT thing went :)

      • I used to live in Brighton and just moved to Bristol… any recommendations for going out?

    • Yep, from the Brighton area. Seriously, Brighton IS queer capital of England. Nice to see you’re gonna go to one of the events, that seems like the best idea. I’m still in my last year of Sixth form and we have no such events.

  20. If you live in Sydney and want to make a new queer friend then you can email me. I’ll probably invite you to a concert or the roller derby.

    crystal [at] autostraddle [dot] com

    • Same here, if you are in the Chi! Roller derby is *so* queer and we have 2 leagues in Chicago, not to mention lots of others nearby! One league is defo more queer than the other, but they are both great. AND we are hosting the WFTDA Championships here in 2 weeks. I have been immersing myself in the derby scene and I’m loving it.

        • UIC Pavillion, where WCR plays all their home bouts. I usually do track take down, but I’m going to be at all three days of Championships as a mere spectator! :) and The Outfit is also helping with hosting duties, I believe. It’s going to be amazing.

      • Oh, and I def sat behind Varla Vendetta on a flight to Portland last week. And then I saw her in Seattle a few days later. I figured out she played for the WCR, but didnt’ know her name until I saw her mentioned in a Huffpost article a couple days ago. My world seems to be coming together. via Autostraddle.

        • Yeah, they were headed out there for their Rose City/Oly games. Unfortunately the Pacific Northwest wiped the track with our girls.

        • Excellent! If I wasn’t wearing derby related tshirts all weekend, I’d wear my Autostraddle tshirt one day to be ‘locatable’ :)

    • I also live in Sydney, and am totally going to the 20th Nov Roller Derby at Hordern. I wanted to road trip it out to the next one in Woolongong, but alas it just didn’t come together.

      I’m liking the pro-activeness of this article & comments! So – I’m 22, a uni student, if anyone wants to talk – meredith_dowling at bigpond dot com.
      And seriously, if there are any other Sydney Uni people here, for the love of god contact me.

      • I heart your pro-activity (totally a word, I made it up just now)and would like to add my own. So: I’m 25, a uni student, living/hiding in south-western Victoria. I don’t go to Sydney Uni, but the same continent is a start, right?
        Shit, I sound like a personals ad. My favourite colour is red, my favourite food is free, and my favourite font is comic sans. Ok, I lied about that last one. I hope you don’t think I’m a total creepazoid if I email.

        For serious, jaltr at deakin dot edu dot au. I need some sanity, my friends keep trying to set me up with farmers. Also, this is the country. There are cows. Cows!

        • I’m currently freezing my arse off in south-western Victoria, I might have to hug a sheep to keep warm.

          Anyway, I don’t live here permanently, but next time I visit, let’s hide under doonas and complain about the weather. :)

        • Woo Canberra! (First time that’s EVER been said.) I am a HUGE Raiders fan and actually hooked up with my gf in Canberra so I love the place. Especially Action buses. I live in Sydney and have never had any gay friends. Never been to a gay bar either. If anyone knows of any gay social groups in Sydney let me know! Otherwise I’ll go check out a woodwork class :) [email protected]

      • hola!

        I also live in Canberra, and certainly need some gay friends.

        ingrid.e.barnes at gmail dot com

    • Gah, just realised this article is literally four years old!! Anyway I would love to be friends if you are still here/ever log in to Autostraddle! :)

  21. Dear Columbia, Missouri, USA lesbians/queers/dykes,
    Please let me know you are out there. I know that there are hundreds of you, just hiding. LET’S BE FRIENDS.

      • gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah a’lsda’;sldk I’m going to make signs and I’m going to sit outside Columbia and Stephens and Mizzou and wait for them to come to me.

        • YES. DO SO. My friend Jenna goes to school there and she always has really hot hook-ups SO I KNOW THEY ARE LURKING THERE SOMEWHERE.

          Isn’t there a crazy gay bar there? I went there once… for bitch bingo with this amazing drag queen. Does that ring any bells?

          • that would be SoCo probably. . . there’s also peppers which is fairly new. i haven’t been there yet though. . .

            there are definitely gays here, it’s just getting up the nerve to meet them for me. . .

            Columbia is my little oasis. . .

    • im about 3 hours north of columbia, but my sister just started college at columbia college, so, its a fact that i will be down there way more often than i ever was before! FACT! jadertater13 at live dot com. also, i make it to st louis quite often/am considering a move there. big changes, my friends…big changes.

  22. hi i put my email out here once and then i met some cool people so i’ll do it again –

    if you live in montreal and want to chat/email/hang out feel free to email me at emily choo 19 at gmail dot com. i took some of the pictures in this article JUST SAYING

    • Hey, you go to concordia university right? I’m thinking about going there and was wondering if you liked it

      • yes! and yes, sort of. i have feelings about university. concordia is a good school though, even though everyone outside of montreal is like OMG MCGILL!!111 my friend goes to mcgill and she says she wishes she went to concordia. i don’t know. i chose concordia over mcgill, but also, i didn’t get accepted into mcgill, so. but i suppose the key point is that if i had been accepted, i still would have gone to concordia.

        to make a long comment even longer, yeah, i like concordia. you should go.

        • I kinda just skimmed Mcgills website but it seems concordia offers more programs but I couldve been looking in the wrong places (sometimes websites can confuse me). I’m pretty nervous because I’ve never actually been to Montreal and I would be moving from Ohio. I’m trying to get out of my comfort zone ,or as I like to call it, throwing myself to the wolves:D The only thing I know about Montreal is what I learned in French class but I don’t actually remember much from French class hmmm ah well geez now whos comments long, anyway thanks a lot and any input is much appreciated no matter how long winded it may be.

          • Take it from someone who has been to both universities- Concordia is the shiz. The facilities are newer/better (they just built two new buildings downtown and are constructing a new wing to the Sceince building), like you mentioned they offer more diversity in terms of course selection, and they have smaller class sizes. You can always play with the McGill girls at Faggity.

            Also, Montreal is magical. If/when you come down for a campus tour I would be happy to show you around.

          • Thanks for the offer that’ll be great. I haven’t even arranged a campus visit yet I should probably get on that. Also what is Faggity?

          • faggity ass fridays. you’ll learn. and i second the emotion of concordia over mcgill for coolness and queerness, though it depends on what you want. both schools have big, active queer communities. and montreal is magical.

          • So i just cntl+f’d “Montreal” and legitimately freaked out when i saw these posts, this thread. All of this glory. Then i made an account. I’m a south shore kid who, acceptance pending, will also be attending Concordia next fall. So incredibly excited. ALL the excitement.

          • Yay terracottatoes! Are you in Cegep right now? Email! nikush_s at hotmail dot com

            And yeah what is this faggity ass fridays? I feel like I’m missing out on a very big piece of information here

            Guys this is meant to be. We should seriously just email everyone here from Montreal and meet up.

            We can have our own Gay Posse =D

          • Agree, Concordia is definitely a great place to be. McGill has a nice campus and all, but I think Concordia’s got bonus points for being a little more interesting, let’s say.

          • By the way, who’s on twitter here? Great place to meet some folks. I’m genevieve_mtl over there. cheers.

    • YES! Me and Emily met! Through Autostraddle – Blog etc.
      And she’s awesome!

      She might be a little freaked out though seeing as I got all excited about buying a ps2 game without owning the actual console because I felt to nostalgic about my youth.
      BUT YES guys all of you who are finding people in your area – meet up! It’s awesome!

      Speaking of which, Montreal girl here nikush underscore s at hotmail dot com!

      • i like how i met emily recently and also got on the topic of old school videogames even though she hasnt played that many. she clearly telepathically projects videogame rays. and is also cool.

        • you guys can write testimonies for me for when i try to solicit other people into being my friend! like right now, thanks guys.

  23. I started making queer friends by being out and meeting other people queers through my friends. There was an epic night two years ago that I missed when I was deathly ill. Two really good friends went to a party in the burbs where nearly every girl there was gay. Luckily, the next weekend, most of the same people had another party and now we’re all friends. It’s weird and awesome how that happened.

    However, I do like to meet new people and you do to and you’re from Philly-ish area, let me know and we can be friends.

      • I live in bucks county. I hate it, but I go to Temple. Where you at? oh and email me at sweens at temple dot edu.

        I really love that my friend Lynne said said I was a good friend.

    • We should all meet up somewhere! Any other Philly folks out there?

      I will laugh so hard if it turns out I know some of you already.

        • I dont know why I am just seeing this, I’m at Temple too! though I don’t think I have seen you around, but I am sure that we know some of the same people hahaha. Let’s all be friends! haha SHAAARK [at] temple [dot] edu. :D

          • Is anyone in the Yardley/Bucks County/Pennsbury High area? I just moved and my school is SO HUGE. There are so many people and my gaydar is nonexistent. I’m in my senior year and I have almost no one to hang out with besides friends I had when I was a kid and lived here. But we’ve all grown apart. If you want to help an 18 year old writer get over her social anxieties and make senior year go by faster, please email me: [email protected].

    • I’m really late to this conversation… but about Philly. It’s on my list of places I may move to. Pros? Cons? Annndddd…. GO.

  25. There are lesbians in Phoenix….me and my sister live here….but your odds are better by goin to any straight bar and turning a girl

  27. The timing of this is so perfect for me. I’m new to NYC and new(ish) to being out, so I’ve spent a lot of time since I moved thinking about how I can cultivate my own lesbian posse (or any kind of posse in general, because any group that calls itself a posse is one I want to be a part of).

    I’ve been doing my best to live outside my comfort zone lately because that’s where shit gets real. As such, I’ve also spent a lot of time lately giving myself little pep talks to get over what can be immobilizing social anxiety. I’m really, really trying to grow a pair, but like, it’s hard.

    But you know what shouldn’t be so hard? Reaching out facelessly (thanks internet) to a group of people you know you have a lot in common with. So, even though I’ve never commented here before, I’m gonna be bold and propose some kind of meet up for readers in the NYC area. This Wednesday? Happy hour somewhere? Thoughts/feelings?

      • I’ve seen/ wanted the big gay ice cream truck! but there’s always a forever-long line attached to it :(.

        • because it’s just that awesome. And gay ladies flock to it. And the guy who owns it says that once I get my working papers I can get a job there.

    • NYC represent! I know this city is crawling with queer ladies, but sometimes it feels like I can hardly pick them out through all the flamboyantly gay men walking around.

      But Michelle, feel free to send me an email: [email protected]

    • I’m on Long Island, but I frequently (like, every other weekend) run away to NYC. I have, like, NO gay lady friends. There’s two dudes I chill with that are gay, but that’s all sorts of awkward for us.

      Wanna be friends? =] [email protected]

    • Hi guys, I also live in NYC well queens but I’m in the city for work all the time and BROOKLYN REPRESENT. I play rugby for brooklyn women’s rugby and let me tell you that is how I met most of my gay lady friends. That and this wonderful site. So if you guys are legit going out this week let me know because and well I like people and the power of Autostraddle. [email protected]

      • cool i’m sure making grammatically correct comments is not a prereq especially after rugby practice but i apologize for that last little bit.

        • Queens! Yay! :) always down for rugby or meeting some new friends! Email me: tfadairo at hotmail dot com

      • YES. Rugby is an amazing way to meet loads of gay ladies. Also, I’ve found that even the stray straight rugby ladies are incredibly accepting. I guess that just goes along with the whole tackling-girls-as-a-sport thing?

    • I live in Long Island City and agree with the whole social anxiety thing, it sucks but I’m willing to try to “grow a pair” (as weird as that sounds). So yeah, if you guys decide to meet up then hit me up, we can be awkward together (…or just me, either way) [email protected]

    • I’m moving to nyc in 2 weeks! from the other side of the world. Let’s hang.
      ps. woah the powers of the internet

    • hi! i live in nyc, so i think it’s pretty weird that i literally do not know a single queer person other than myself. perhaps i just have terrible gaydar? either way, here is my email, because it would be extremely rad to have a meetup of some sort :)
      [email protected]

      • I think we should all meetup! I also think that this is the cutest post ever because while telling us how to meet other chicks, they created a forum to ACTUALLY MEET OTHER CHICKS. It’s so meta, you guys, I can’t even..

      • alasgirl, where in nyc are you? i’m in the same boat as you. never met a lesbian in the UES…i know, shocker. but i live here because i can walk to work and the rent is just right.

        i would love to do a meetup with some autostraddlers [email protected]

    • i dont technically live in ny, but i fly up every year for a month.. or three.. (: and i’ll be in the city/long island during dec/jan break yay! email me if you wanna be friends!! [email protected]

    • hi, i live in brooklyn, too. i don’t have social anxiety issues, but i like meeting new people, especially new gay friends, you can never have too many of those. somehow i end up doing so many things i want to do on my own, it’s like everyone is always so busy. FOR EXAMPLE – i have two tickets to see chely wright on november 4, and my gf can’t go and everyone else i have asked already has other plans. anyone want to go see chely wright at joe’s pub?

      i would come to a meet up, or hang out or email or whatever. you can email me at rocketdyke at gmail.

      • another brooklyner here, and as always late to the party. recent transplant from RI, and my only gay friends are my roommates. did i miss the train? nicoleterrien at gmail dot com.

  28. I need to be old-fashioned and meet people. I’m a closeted loser but I want a lesbian posse of my own! Omaha is surprisingly full of people, I’m just bad at making lesbian friends apparently?

    • OMAHA! gah. i went to creighton and stayed (teaching pre-k) for a year afterwards. i had issues meeting lesbians too! the whole “conservative state” thing always stuck in the back of my mind, but i was as out as i could be. the gsa was helpful while i was in school but there’s a point when that circle gets too small… i feel your pain. if i was still there i’d say let’s hang out – currently i’m in korea (teaching). but we can still talk if you want a far away friend!

    • I feel the exact same way. I live in Omaha too! I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I won’t ever have a group of lesbian friends until I move out of the state. I do however hang out with about 12 gay men, and apparently I’m the only lesbian our age that any of them know, which is kind of baffaling to me.

      Can we get some more Nebraska love here please?! I’ve felt so alone all of my life. I feel like I am constantly putting my life on hold until I can finally get out of this damn state and move somewhere more populated and more liberal.

      • DO IT! move out. how long till you can do that? it gets better i promise. i was in minnesota after omaha for maybe 3 months before going abroad to teach and i found more gay friends in that time than 5 years in omaha… shoot me a message if you want a friend who “gets it.” lowood518 (at) gmail (dot) com

        • I want nothing more than to move. I have been talking about leaving this state since I was in high school, but somehow got sucked into college here, then got sucked into a job in omaha. I have since lost that job, and am working as a server, I have nothing holding me here but my crippling fear to just take the leap and move. I keep hoping I will just find a job out of state, but I apparently suck at interviews. I hate being socially awkward.

          • So you’re telling me I’m the ONLY gay lady in Omaha who doesn’t want to leave? I’m going to need one of you to stay here and fight the power with me.

          • honestly, i could take it or leave it. omaha’s music scene is fantastic and i had a blast going to concerts there (like tegan and sara!) now that i’m gone i do miss it, but while i was there it was rough. i think part of that was that i’m a teacher though. i lucked out with some liberal co-workers but i was always nervous about coming out at work. i’ll definitely be spending a good chunk of time in o-town when i get back to the states and i’m super excited! mostly to see friends and go to dixie quick’s, and the max. let’s be honest – the max is awesome. i love dancing.

          • I go to Wayne but used to be in Omaha half the week (ex goes to Creighton). I’d be fine living in Omaha after graduation, but I keep falling for women in other states. I’m still around until at least May (student teaching at OPS this spring) though!

            Also, mmmmmmmm…Dixie Quicks! The apple-brie omelet is heaven. Fucking heaven.

          • HypeSociety! I just sent you a message on last.fm, just so you know.

            Lo! Can I get your email address/Twitter?

          • dixie quicks will be one of my first stops when i’m back in omaha. my mouth is literally watering (it’s breakfast time and i’m in korea where they eat kimchi and soup for breakfast.. no breakfast restaurants ANYWHERE).

            HypeSociety!! where are you student teaching?! I student taught in Omaha and spent a year teaching in Millard right out of college.

            All you Omaha ladies – email me i’m alway up for conversation. i’m a good pen pal. email me –> lo.wood518 (at) gmail (dot) com

          • Student teaching starting in January…I haven’t been placed yet, but I applied for Beveridge MS, South High, and Skinner and Catlin Elementary Schools. I have to do half in elementary and half at a secondary school for my major (k-12 art)

          • going to the Max tomorrow (Friday) night. I’ll be with my straight roommate and gay (but not out) best guy friend.

            It’d be great to see Autostraddlers there.

            Just sayin’…

          • It’s not that I don’t like it here, because I do. I very much respect Omaha as a city. I love the old market, the arts scene, everything the city is doing to revive the midtown area, i love concerts, and how easy it is to navigate, and of course dancing at the max! love the max! I just don’t like how conservative people can be here, I am a shy person and I hate coming out to people because everyone has SO MANY QUESTIONS and can’t stop talking about it. I just want to go somewhere where its a little more socially acceptable.

            i’ve never been to dixie quicks, i don’t even know where it is located.

            hypesociety and dessy: maybe we should plan a meet up sometime? i’ve been friends with hypesociety on facebook from kelka days, but we’ve never actually spoke face to face, might be fun?

          • Mix, I’d love to meet up, but it’d have to be sometime after November 5th, as I’ve got TONS of school-related junk going on.

            BTW, I totally get what you mean about being frustrated by rampant conservatives. I don’t even like voting here because I find the “Democrats” too conservative!

          • Sometime after November 5th would probably be best for me anyway, I pretty much work constantly. I rarely get a night off. And, I’ve been through college, so I totally understand being insanely busy with school junk.

            SO with you on the conservative democrats thing!

    • Omaha what what?
      Do you go to Revel at House Of Loom? It’s pretty much the only lesbian thing going in town, besides roller derby. Check out Revel on Facebook if you’re not familiar.
      You like Sonic Youth so we have at least three things in common… Wanna be friends? We can be friends. [email protected]

  30. WHOA THIS IS JUST WHAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR LIKE EVERRR…

    Seriously. So much of it is like, “duhh”, but also something I just pretend doesn’t apply to me, like the grow a pair comment. Considering I can count the amount of people that know I’m a homogay on one (okay, maybe two) hand, and that my facebook profile doesn’t have any orientation at all listed, I really shouldn’t be so surprised that I haven’t registered on people’s gaydar just for liking tegan and sara and having short nails.

  31. ⚠ Warning:

    I may use the email addresses you’re so casually sharing to send you images/whathaveyous I find amusing. Prepare thyselves!

    Additional warning: you’ll love it.

        • Awesome! I’m in “the boro” attending grad school. Currently working on the Civil War Trails project. LOVE Preds’ hockey. How do you like Nashville?

          • Alright, gonna be honest, I’m nowhere near Nashville, but I am also a HUGE hockey fan. If you wanna chat about that, I am always down.

          • Ladies hockey screams gay! I mean in a way that you can meet people! My college hockey team is GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY bi GAY GAY GAY etc

          • Ladies who love hockey! iris.in.winter at gmail dot com. (Also, you can add me on fb.) I’m a Capitals fan myself. :)

          • So I actually just went outside my comfort zone, and tried to shoot you an email JB – but it bounced back. I can’t see a typo in the address I typed, but then again, it /is/ 3am and I should be asleep.

            And, morningbird: boo, capitals ;) They were actually the first team to beat the Preds this season I think.

          • I really like it a lot! I just moved here a month ago without knowing a soul. See, I’m originally from Louisville, KY. I live near Vandy! Email me and we could grab coffee or something one of these days, yeah? laureysmythe at gmail dot com.

          • Yeah, that sounds like a plan. I’m going to finish up some papers this week/weekend, but then I’ll be in touch.

          • Going to be in Nashville Nov 12-15 and could probably tell you about some cool shows and things. My friend Kim knows lots of people. I can help you make friends, gay or not.

          • Ahhh you know, I was just looking through the comments trying to find one other girl from Kentucky. Even if you aren’t here now I feel sooo much better. I live in the Northern part near Cincinnati, but Louisville is where my heart is. Or at least my puppy.

            lanie.loo.love@gmail dot com.

          • My puppy’s in Louisville too :(

            And I love Cincinnati! Everybody there is so so nice. I would visit nearly every weekend when I lived in Louisville!

          • @Laura it’s very unbalanced. All most close gay friends are men…I can throw a rock and hit a gay man (but I would never because they are nice people). So happy I’m not the only one from here. I love how it feels sorta big, but is actually very small. I just wish there were more things to do.

            @Laurey my puppy was “our” adopted love child so Karma Chameleon is with her other mother. I still visit sometimes. I pretty much feel the same about Louisville as you do about Cincy!

            Let’s be friends if you are ever in either town!

          • i lived in lexington, kentucky this summer (my family lives there) and i can attest that a) i was gay and there and b) there were other gays, mainly at coffee shops.

          • I wish I was omnipresent so that I could be friends with ALL of you! However, I am happy to see that, including myself, there are three lesbians in northern kentucky/cincinnati!!
            lezbefriends :)
            [email protected]

          • I’m thinking I might need to take a day trip to Louisville on Nov. 5th, because it’s Guy Fawkes Day (my favorite holiday) and I don’t have to work! Maybe we could meet up! Hookah, or coffee, or vintage record shopping?

            [email protected]

          • Gah, so my computer got all screwy and posted this at the very end:

            Love the Preds! I live in the boro and work in Nashville. Sadly I work Saturdays, so I’m gonna miss a lot of games this year. I’m starting to sense a need for a gay (and bi, or even just cool) gals hockey night this season ;)

            I’m here on facebook… Message me there if you want an email.
            http://www.facebook.com/ashleydburks

    • I’m about halfway between Nashville and Chattanooga! I need gay friends. I am one of two lesbians in my entire university!

        • I go to The University of the South: Sewanee. It looks like Hogwarts and I love it but there are no queers. My friends are really sweet and supportive but I really need to get away from the overwhelming straightness sometimes.

          • Hah, I think they’re in hiding. Some of my classmates from HS went there and I’m fairly sure a few of them were queer. Though, they probably would have all graduated by now (hopefully).

          • Hah yeah there are a couple closet cases. They’re all on the rugby team too. There’s one I have a crush on but I’m too shy to talk to her. When did your friends graduate? Maybe I knew them!

          • Well, we graduated hs in 2003, so if they were on the 4-year track, they prob. would have graduated from Sewanee in ’07. But I don’t think any of them played Rugby.

            I’m here on fb http://www.facebook.com/ashleydburks Maybe you’ll see a few familiar faces in my friends list? Tho I can’t remember if I’m actually friends with them on fb *shrug*

            And I want to visit that campus now that you said it looks like Hogwarts! *total HP nerd* >.<

  33. Haha. This is awesome. Too bad I live in a town that the baptist university has overrun so the gays don’t come out to play too often…or ever really.

  34. I love that everyone’s sharing their contact info but I am afraid you are going to end up making friends with spambots! Maybe consider writing your email address as “blahblah at gmail dot com” instead.

  35. Anyone from Illinois? I have zero gay lady friends in college besides my girlfriend haha. And she wasn’t gay in the first place. All of my friends in college are straight or gay boys. This needs to change… So holler at me [email protected]

  36. 50% of my gay friends are girls who I’ve dated / wanted to date / make eyes at me, and 50% I met through other means. Not sure how I feel about that.

    Anyway, for that latter 50% – this is article is great advice. Most straight people will try to hook you up with their gay cousin / niece / ex-coworker from high school – which might seem weird, but take them up on it! People are wonderful, you just need to meet them. Of course it helps if you live in places with more homos-per-capita, but if you don’t – all the more reason to not be shy. But if that’s more your speed, the internet is a great facilitator as well. You’re a big brave dog. You’re a big brave dog.

  37. hay gurl, u lukin qt w/that pillah. I wud kiss those eyes. ohh i wud kiss errthang on that fayse. u qt. asl? I liv in nashvill too gurl. 1422 n corris ave.

    • I just replied above so this is going to look mighty confusing, but I’m from Chicago even while I go to school in Philly. It’d definitely be awesome to have friends while I’m home. Where in the city are you? find me at: georgewithquestions at gmail dot com

        • I’m in the Chicago area as well and my gay lady friend moved to NOLA. Any specific places you guys like to go?

          • I’m in the suburbs! :D And I can’t go anywhere since I’m seventeen and don’t have any gay friends outside my high school who know all the cool places. :P

          • I’m in Chicago toooo! (well, Evanston, if you want to be technical) I would love to make some new queer lady friends, as the rainbow alliance on campus here is about 80% gay boys and 20% straight girls who just really like gay people (which is great, but, you know)
            christina.schonberg at gmail dot com, let’s hang out!

          • Awesome, thanks ladies. I’m on the north side of the city, for all who asked, not too far from evanston – but grad school often takes me further south. I’ll be sure to email – if you wanna contact me I’m: hanson.elan at gmail dot com.

          • Heh. Elan, I wonder whether we have mutual acquaintances in the group of gay-ladies-who-just-moved-to-Portland. (I wouldn’t be surprised — I feel like in just a couple short years I have come to tangentially know a ton of Chicago lesbians, despite not being much of a social butterfly.)

            Jules — if you’re into dancing and are of drinking age (or can pass for it), most of the monthly queer dance parties tend to be a pretty good bet for both making friends and making out, in my experience. I like FKA at Big Chicks, though sometimes it’s unpleasantly crowded. Queerer Park is probably my favorite; I like how it moves around a lot, it tends to wind up at fun/interesting spaces. Chances and Off-Chances can also be good — maybe not as easy to mingle though, if you don’t already know folks there.

            On the more cultural side of things, the Reeling film festival is happening for the next month or so — lots of lesbian movies (often of questionable quality, but some of them are good!) showing. Also, if you’re interested in queer, often-experimental literature, the monthly Uncalled-for reading series is fun and filled with smart friendly queers: http://uncalledforchicago.blogspot.com/.

          • Oh and also: if you are of the riot-grrrl-esque persuasion, there is this group called the Bloody Rag Collective which puts on shows for bands with women in them. (Like mine — we’re http://www.facebook.com/carefulq, and there tends to be a good handful of gay ladies in attendance at our shows.) They’re at myspace.com/bloodyragcollective.

          • omg. owls, yes, i’m pretty sure we’re talking about some of the same people, i believe you must tangentially know some of my friends who are still here, too. hopefully i’ll see you around if i haven’t already.

          • holy bejeezus. just visited your blog and realized we may in fact be in the same library program…though I doubt we’ve had any classes together, cause then id know you for sure. at any rate, several of the commenters here and i decided to do an autostraddle chicago get together this sunday before we all have to deal with the craziness of final papers, etc. if you’re interested email me at hanson.elan at gmail dot com.

          • I’ll have to check out your band one of these days…
            I’m def. of drinking age so I’ll also have to look into those events, even if it means showing up by myself!

  40. Whoa, this article is like ideal for where I am right now.
    I’m just coming out, and I would love nothing more than a wonderful, quirky ladygay posse!
    Savannah, GA, anyone??

  41. Who else is in NYC? I know there have to be more than three of us, right? Come out, come out where ever you are.

  42. I really like this article (especially the part about being honest and taking lots of anti-anxiety meds! words to live by!) Sometimes it seems like I have a hard time meeting potential friends because I’m not a student and I work with kids. But this is a nice reminder that there are literally a zillion other places to meet people. (Hi, want to be internet friends? mollyisreal at gmail dot com)

      • It’s safe to say you’re not the only homo in the vast country of Canada…I’m in Calgary, is anyone else out west?

      • HELL NO. Canada rules and is vastly under-rated. i mean i live there and i’m pretty awesome… amirite?!

        • WHOA THERE’S FOUR OF US, AWESOME

          It sucks cuz I’m in Halifax, and there are so many hipsters, and it messes with my gaydar like you wouldn’t believe.

          • The beaver’s on our money for a reason, right? And I hear you about the hipsters — Vancouver is RIFE with them.

          • Did someone say Vancougar? I have been here for 3 months and the closest I’ve been to a lesbian (knowingly) was when T&S played the Malkin Bowl. Where is everyone?

          • This is such a hard city to get to meet people. (I’m the same Sarah as above, just now I’ve gotten myself an account woo) I’ve made one friend and I’ve been living here for over a year and a half. I have my SO (and that’s something else — I’m bi and married to a dude, so sometimes I feel like I’ve given up my LadyLova card) and a buddy from home and my room mates, but…

          • Hi Stephanie – me too! Feel free to email me on info at cassiajewelry dot com, I don’t know where the girls are but if I found out I’ll let you know :)

          • It’s almost impossible, I feel like I’m trying to find a unicorn. Insert Autostraddle thread on meeting ladies with some 900 comments and there’s bound to be a few from Vancouver…. and hooray! Here we are.

            sarahlouwho… we sound like the same person.

            Vancouver hangouts?? stef_bot at hotmail dot com

          • @sarahlouwho, I plan to conquer Vancouver! If you’d like to join me sometime email info at cassiajewelry dot com

          • I am out of the country till the 9th of Nov (family emergency in Australia — I am typing this in the airport at 1:24 am. Ugh.) but I would love to hang after that! I’ll only be in Van for another three weeks after the ninth though, we’re going to be moving to Aus as soon as my visa comes through. I’d still love to hang!

          • YOU ARE SO CLOSE. And by that I mean I’m in CB. So we’re basically neighbors by Canadian standards, I guess.

          • i was just in halifax over the weekend! and i agree, there are a good amount of hipsters, but try living in montreal! so many cute girls with short hair that mess with my gaydar, it’s almost too painful to bear.

          • wow. I feel so selfish for complaining about the blurry hipster/lesbian distinction in Halifax, I forgot places like Montreal exist. Man, I feel for you.

          • Wooooo halifax! I just got here 2 months ago for school! Did you go to the It Gets Better Nova Scotia rally on the 20th by any chance?

            *is late for the party…*

          • Someone needs to check back if they don’t check the notifications box… (me!)

            We should have a Halifax get together.

            Maybe once in a neutral, well lit location with many people around. OR we could go all crazy with Lady Gaga Night @ Reflections Cabaret(!!!) on Nov 28th. I mean I have lots of classes and assignments piling up but it’s Lady Gaga night…

            Lady Gaga night would depend on everyone being 19+/fake ID of course. So maybe both…

            kelsey_777 (at) hotmail (dot) com

          • I’m from Halifax as well! A little late to the bandwagon, but whatever =] Was there ever a Halifax get together? There definitely should be.

      • also happen to be extremely disappointed with the election result. i’m from toronto, going to school in montreal, and we should start our own lesbians-against-ford movement. yes?

          • CHYEAHH MONTREAL. I go to mcgill and love montreal. Hit me up message at ali dot mac 55 @ hotmail dot com

        • hey i’m going to school in mtl also!

          dude don’t even get me started on ford.. quite ironic that conservative calgary voted for a visual minority who is progressive, eloquent, and educated, while ‘progressive’ toronto is now stuck with a single-agenda buffoon who has been arrested for pot possession, DUI, domestic violence, and throws tantrums and offensive displays to city council on a regular basis..

          ridiculous

          • I just don’t understand how he won! And how “respect the taxpayers” is a platform. And how he plans to actually do anything.

            Also: yay for toronto > school-in-montreal migration.

          • go toronto girls now in montreal! Ford = ignorant turd and i’m willing to back this up with some serious arguments! DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED. also, let’s be pals? my email is posted ^ up thurrr a lil

      • I third this anti-ford rally. I sat watching the live coverage on CP24 and after I opened my first commiseration beer I immediately hit google for some sort of rally/symposium.

        That being said, someone with the audacity to continue running in the face of “anyone but ford” would probably take little heed to a symposium.

        • all anti-fordeez should most definitely email me at ali dot mac 55 at hotmail dot com so we can all be friends.

  44. Laneia,
    you might be right.
    my gf was a lesbian in Pheonix for many years… now she’s a lesbian in LA, but on the few occasions when we’ve been back Pheonix or Tempe (or both??) she’s taken me to BS West and other “gay” places where i spotted zero lesbians.
    so yeah, i’m about convinced you’re the only one. =/

  46. I’m slowly building a lesbian posse, by which I mean I have two gay lady friends. Though I’m semi-connected to a larger group of lesbians through one of them. I fully have plans to go to roller derby in a couple weeks, I figure there’ll have to be some more gay ladies there.

    Also, I’m in southern Oregon.

  48. @ “laurey” I live in NV, lookin for some LGBT friends. Are you an artist? you look like you might be.

  50. this comment section is adorable/awesome. But true facts guys I went to the autostraddle rodeo disco alone this past summer and it was scary/terrifying but I drank a lot of rum and then I got less scared and talked to people and made friends! It happens!

    I’m back at school now but will be in NYC in a much more to stay sort of way coming this summer because I have to graduate… (eek…)

  53. Anyone on here in the Greater Boston Area and need a roommate/know someone looking for a roommate? I just started a job in Boston and need to move asap!

    • Craigslist. Put up an ad with the words “LGBT friendly” and search for the same (also search for “gay” and “lesbian”). That’s how I found my current Boston lezzie roommate. Also, if you’re looking to make lots of lesbian friends and can handle the commute, move to JP (the green side, not the gun side). The lesbians are EVERYWHERE.

  54. I met my girlfriend on Twitter. She is an AfterEllen recap reader. She’s also kind of my perfect match. So what I am saying is: If you want to date an AutoStraddle writer, the best thing to do is get to Tweetin’!

  55. I kinda don’t want to graduate college because I never got too involved with the LGBT stuff here. but I’ll be done in Dec. and will have to pretend to be an adult.

    I do have a fab. group of gay lady friends currently (including kaitlyn who is up there ^ somewhere) we are all nice & fun & smart & cute & like to get drunk, so you should come hang out with us in PHILLY! & the burbs. no really, you should! :)

    my name is linked to my twitter & my email is [email protected]

      • I’m about 500 years late to this conversation, but I’m in Philly too and would love to meet some new people. I just moved back at the end of the summer because I’m going to be starting law school here this coming year. My email is [email protected].

      • I live in Philly too, right by Temple. I like drinking too, maybe a little too much. I will be emailing youse.

  56. I finally understand why I don’t have any gay friends:

    i – No one knows I’m gay – still working on that one = [
    ii – currently without a job
    iii – most of the musicians I listen to are dead
    iv – not part of any clubs
    vi – don’t have a roommate
    vii – not brave to make the first move

    • Weird. My list of reasons I don’t have any gay girl friends would read exactly the same except I’d add viii – my terrible gaydar.

    • Ditto for me on 2,4,6, and 7. And is gaydar a real thing? I’ve been assuming on first glance that everyone I see is gay. Before I realize no, they’re probably not.

      • I don’t know. If gaydar is a real thing then mine has apparently malfunctioned. I’m the opposite. I tend to assume everyone is straight because I see all the hipster girls with alternative lifestyle haircuts holding hands with their boyfriends and it confuses me.

        • I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. It might be all the time I spend on Autostraddle and AfterEllen. The world starts to feel pretty gay and comfortable. And then I leave my house and I’m confused and scared again so my imagination overcompensates.

      • i assume everyone is gay until proven otherwise. or at least i pretend that i do. life is more fun for me that way.

      • When i was in college, one of the girls in my sociology senior seminar did her project on whether or not gaydar is a real thing.
        so it’s been studied. which basically makes it legit.

  57. I’m another Canadian lady who likes ladies but this bi-lady is moving to Australia soon. I’m actually heading (to the airport in three hours) to Perth for two weeks — anyone there want to help me make friends in anticipation of my big move? Vancouver to Perth is a LOT of planet to cover…

    myfirstsock at gmail dot com

      • We’ll be visiting for sure! I’ve got some internet friends in Sydney already and I’m always up for more! email me any time.

    • Girl I got you covered, I’m quite frequently in Perth (I shall be there in less than one week), and I know some awesome people, and also where the lesbian jelly wrestling is. Just sayin…. if that’s your thing, or whatever….

  58. I met my homo bestie while stalking Tegan and Sara at their bus in back of the concert venue. Go figure!

    Meetup.com is also a good place to find queer friends.

  59. i love gays. i love all of you girls. love love love. lol. i just laugh and smile at HOW MUCH ALL lesbians know about other lesbians.. if we are all so in tune..well wtf was this post for!? <–not a real question :] i get ittt.
    xxoxo

  60. I like meeting new people so if anyone is in the LA area and interested in forming a lesbian posse that would be cool. There could be like jerseys and stuff. Or just like coffee and books and live music.

    • I love jerseys too! (but like super small ones)
      …and I’m in LA about 20 times a year!
      (otherwise im in Vegas =/)

      • OMG another gay in Las Vegas! My girlfriend and I only know a few homos here and they’re all either homebodys, high schoolers, or scandalous creepers. And we are both at UNLV, so you’d think there’d be gay girls galore, but sadly, no. The only times we see chicks that are most likely gay are at Pride and First Friday. What is your take o the scene here?

        • Head on down to Fremont St and find the caricature booth. My ex Sam draws there pretty much every night…and she has a small posse of gay friends :)

        • what scene?? =( haha…
          are you born and raised here??
          i’m from LA and only out here for school (yet another round of college =/)so i know about 2 other lezzies (who are “married”–to each other– for like 5 years therefore i never see them)
          needless to say, i have serious WeHo withdrawals…
          yeah, i have no take on the scene because other than what used to be CandyBar and now BootyBar, i haven’t been to anything homo-related… oh, i went to Pride. but that’s about it…
          FruitLoop= tiny

          • Noooo I’m from Dallas , tx, though my girlfriend was born and raised here. I moved out here for school, thought I was going to be an engineer, but that sucked so i switched to double majoring in film and theatre production. I want to do producing for the screen and stage. My gf is a sociology major. She’s going to change the world. We make it out to LA a lot to visit family, and so I can go do quick weekend work at Warner Bros. What are you going to school for?
            Yeah there is no scene out here at all. Candybar was full of tourists and overpriced drinks, which is pretty much the trademark of any Lisa Pittman production, and FreeZone is just kind of laughable. This town is so transient in general that it doesn’t really suprise me that there isn’t much
            of a community here. Sorry for the essay. You should find me on facebook- Lauren oldfield
            Oz- that’s cool, I can’t really think of a way to approach someone working without seeming like an outrageously creepy creeper. Especially down on Fremont :p

          • yeah, i figured you weren’t from here… born and raised vegas peeps are a different breed of… different =)don’t you agree? does your gf love this town?
            you’re majoring in theatre?! i got my first degree in theatre at cal state northridge =) i loved the program and all but did absolutely nothing with my degree after =/ (OR the deaf education one i got at the same time)and though i met my gf here, she now lives in LA pursuing…you guessed it– acting!lol
            i’m back in school at NSC for nursing… we go to the same campus with the UNLV nursing students like 3 days a week over on Shadow Lane and Charleston.
            yeah, i know. i liked CandyBar and all but it was a bit touristy… and just like all the clubs here, insanely expensive. =/ i’ve only been to FreeZone twice. but never on Tuesday nights…
            yeah, this is starting to be an essay too… hahaha i’m long winded… yeah, find me on fb too! or i’ll find you, whatever! =)

    • I’m 30 minutes east of LA. San Bernardino County. I moved here with my gf from the bay area almost four months ago and I haven’t made any friends yet. I am a size small and I like the number 5, lol.

      • what magical fwy do you take that puts you only 30 mins away from LA in San Berdo?? ;)
        girl, WeHo is where you need to be!!! =)
        …and i’m a small too… #7

        • I live right off of the 10 in Upland. Google maps says it takes 40 minutes to get from here to downtown, but I feel like it only takes 30. Idk. Maybe we drive too fast.

          I would definitely rather be in West Hollywood (I don’t think I’m qualified enough to call it WeHo yet, haha), but my gf works in Ontario.

          • Fine. WeHo, WeHo, WeHo. LOL.

            Here’s this for the LA peeps (and the bay area ones because I want to come back): agnostic_bons [at] hotmail [dot] com

            I am going to Troubadour in WeHo (that is pretty fun) tonight to see Seabear. Everyone else from or in LA should go too.

          • I live in Weho. It’s a great area especially for going out/live music/urth caffe/basically anything else fun and gay centric.

            If you are in the LA area or just want an internets lesbo posse. Email me! Jerseys! coreycrossfield [at] gmail [dot] com

          • Hi Bonnie!
            I’m Vida =)

            WeHo WeHo WeHo!! =D

            lol i’ll be there for Halloween weekend!

          • You live in SB county? There isn’t much to do out here in terms of open queer communities, but there are a few bars: The Lark and VIP. I wouldn’t really recommend either of those for more-than-platonic relationships but if you are just looking for friends they probably wouldn’t be a terrible place to start in the IE.

            Oh and I’m Jackie. I’m 21 and volleyball (I play in college) is my thing.

          • Hehehe, me and my gf are in Claremont. :)

            L.A. YAY!!

            I also live part time in PDX, if anyone is there.

    • I’m in Santa Barbara but in and through L.A. all the time because my gay bff and I are Disneyland passholders! I am cosmogonic at gmail for anyone who’s around there and into soda pop shops/listening to music/eating stuff/drinking stuff/playing stuff/hanging out being lazy and comfortable.

    • Hey! I just moved to LA and am totally down for coffee, books, live music, jerseys… wherever the lesbian posse takes us. My email is cbmorin101 at gmail if you wanna contact me!

  61. YES. I AGREE WITH THIS ENTIRE POST SO HARD. SO HARD THAT I HAVE FINALLY COME OUT OF LURKDOM.

    I live in Canada (Calgary, AB to be exact) and I live with three roommates. One is a straight guy, two are a lesbian couple. I’m super tight with all of them, but here’s the thing… NONE OF THEM KNOW THAT I’M GAY. I don’t know why I’m afraid to tell them. I really don’t.

    I NEED GAY FRIENDS TO HANG OUT WITH, YOU GUYS. FOR SERIOUS.

    • Hey BelaLugosi! Awesome choice of username, first of all; Also OMG I WANT GAY ROOMIES ToT

      I’m actually taking initiative for once and trying to set up an Autostraddle meet-up type thing in Calgary~ If you’re game, send me an email: [email protected]

  62. A year ago I knew about two queers. Then I joined roller derby and I’m currently trying to get my uni’s queer collective running. Now most of my friends are queer. it’s kinda rad.

    Also roller derby is great because if you just wanna meet queer girls but don’t want to be out to them, you can because no one assumes you’re gay but no one assumes you’re straight either.

  64. Oi, I’d love some gay-lady friends. I’m in my late teens and in red-neck Southern Oregon. I’ve also been homeschooled and am kind of anti-social, so not a grand recipe for making friends. I’d love to chat over email before meeting face-to-face (’cause I’m goofy like that), so send me a note at krousso AT yahoo DOT com.

    P.S. Huge bonus if I can find a riding buddy (horses, you pervs)!

  65. Playing rugby also works really well if you have a fairly high pain threshold.

    Depends on the team, though. Some teams are REALLY STRAIGHT. So you should come to a few practices and case it out.

    • i would totally agree with that. I joined my school’s team and even at this super conservative school in texas there’s a good number.

  66. I live in Seattle, and have a ton of gay team mates on my rugby team. Anybody want to play and be gay? hannahefletcher (at) g mail dot com.

    • Haha this is super early but… My bestie and I are moving to Seattle when we graduate in may. She’s from the area but Ive lived in Tennessee my whole life. I’m a little scared to move somewhere that I don’t know anyone but I hate the south so much.

      Also rugby is a magical spor fullt of wonderment and joy. I wanted to play but my biology major owns my life.

      • That is not super early at all. Planning is good. Keep my email and hit me up when you move out here.

      • I agree on hating the South. I was born in Abington PA and was forced to move to Spartanburg SC when I was ten. It was horrible. Most of the people there are really, well, Southern. But after I moved to FL and went back to SC, I met some awesome queers in high school. But the things is 99% of them are in hiding. So, I suggest joining/starting a GSA and being out. Even though it can bring a lot of negative attention, there will be girls who come up to and ask if you’re really gay. And when you say yes and they smile and sigh with relief, you’ll end up with a friend. Also, get a mohawk. Girls will come up and ask to touch you hair, then start talking to you and bam another friend.

  67. going to shows where queer bands play is such a good way to meet gays, you should do this.
    and i know there are other lesbians in boston, are any of them here??

  68. hmm, I went on okcupid to meet friends (for serious) and met exactly one gay woman who 1. claimed she didn’t like lesbians 2. therefore, didn’t have any queer female friends and 3. wanted to talk about what baby names I liked on our first get-together (WTF???). In short, I do not trust that website to find me platonic friends.
    This comment section, however, is magic. I’m from Western Michigan if there are any other queer ladies lurking about, hit me up at greenearthgirl(at)gmaildotcom.

  69. So i know Michigan is like super awkward and everything. But I guess I’ll represent. Anyone else out there?

    ALSO I’m originally from the Chi. So count me in on that posse too!

    AND of course…if you’re from anywhere else and just wanna talk, I’m down too.

    vfbhamilton at gmail dot com

  70. I love this post/thread/topic..whatevs! I’m going to “grow a pair” starting tomorrow morning and I’m gonna meet some new gay friends and maybe even a cute girl to cuddle with someday :)
    OK..so maybe I’ve been courting the same girl for a few months..so what? Diversions are good…

    Anyway. Tomorrow is a new me!

    Wow, you guys, I was totally just inspired by this thread.

  71. I have a pretty awesome group of queer friends on the internet. We talk about Kate Moenning, David Tennant, Kinsey numbers, and your mum. We’re also mostly nerdfighters and follow maureen johnson on twitter if that means anything to you. We have a group skype chat and the age range is approximately 16-22 just to give you an idea of the demographic. A lot of the people are British, so it’s mostly active in the day time. If that seems like your thing, email me at tangsoocloud at yahoo dot com. This sounds like a creepy advertisement. I just want everyone to have friends. Would you like a muffin?

    • David Tennant. Does that mean you talk about doctor who? If you do I will love you forever.

      Are you watching Single Father? Laura Fraser is everywhere.

      You guys sound cool.

      • I haven’t watched Single Father, but a lot of my friends watch doctor who so they talk about that sometimes. Also John Barrowman. I like to think we’re pretty cool, if not a bit awkward with strangers. But we try. Juicebox? C:

  72. hi!
    I’m from Mexico and here where I live theres not a lgbt group or something like that, not even a gay bar :S wtf?!
    Mexico still a very conservative country.
    so if anyone wants a mexican friend contact me! =D

    • Hey Ana,

      My internet made something funny and I posted a comment about being the only Mexican here before reading yours!! So here is another Autostraddle reader from Mexico!

          • now living in Sonora! right at the border. isn’t it funny how we keep writing in english even knowing that both of us are from Mexico?? hahaha

          • Actually yes it is funny!! san luis? sonoita? nogales? aguaprieta?

            I put my email in my other comment but if you want to email me it’s kkmery at gmail!!

          • Autostraddle reader/lurker from GDL, Mexico here! Everyone’s gay in here btw, except the Governor, hehe

        • Mexico DF!! American Ex-pat.

          Fish sticks because I was just in GDL 2 days ago…

          I would just like to point out that like 80% of the girls hear seem to have alternative lifestyle haircuts. it’s really throwing me off.

  73. I was seriously just telling my friends, who are all straight, that I need some gay friends.

    I live in San Francisco so obviously there are plenty of homogays here, I just need to find them. So if you live around here hit me up and we can hang out :)
    ahuerta31 at gmail dot com

    • I just moved to San Francisco a little bit ago! I’ve had good luck meeting queers, but I don’t have the posse that I’d hoped for quite yet. Email me at abbyhammond at me dot com. These comments are really cute, that is all.

    • I live kind of on the outskirts of the Bay Area, but I could definitely use some gay girl friends.
      otennant38 at gmail dot com

      • Where in the outskirts? Anywhere near Concord/Pleasant Hill? I lived there for almost four years. I was going to DVC at the beginning of the year, but I had to move to Southern California because my girlfriend’s job transferred. We are both homesick and want to come back.

  74. I’m in the Chicago suburbs, seventeen, and I go to Catholic all girls school. …yeah. I like singing and ukuleles and baking! I would love to be your friend/hang out/make you cupcakes! I’m wildelyamusing at gmail dot com.

    One of my lifetime goals is also to go to roller derby, GONNA HAVE TO START MAKING PLANS.

    • I’m 17, play the ukulele, and enjoy baking too! I only wish I could go to an all girls school. Unfortunately, I also live about 1000 miles from you.

      I do believe we could be great internet friends though! If you want, hit me up at j_cush13 at yahoo dot com

  75. I live in Richmond and it’s pretty awesome and I like friends. And talking. About silly things.
    cyn.sche[at]gmail.com

  76. OMG, you guys! I love friends! Friends are super great! I want you to be my friend! Let’s do this! Exclamations!

    I live in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. My e-mail is fishatemyface at comcast dot net.

    I have lots of feelings. Do you? We should talk about them. I bet you’re really hot. This is going to be great.

      • Also people far from Harrisburg, PA should email me. My lovins / sugar highs don’t care about geography.

        • I shall e-mail you. I live states away from Pennsylvania. I also have lots of feelings all the time. I love your enthusiasm. :)

          almostnormal1534 [at] yahoo [dot] com

    • I’m from Harrisburg too (and I know wasteunit IRL because I’m just that awesome), but I go to school in Pittsburgh so that’s where I am right now!

      Ditto on having feelings and liking friends and wanting friends to email/skype/talk to/whatever me about their abundance of feelings.

      My email is [email protected]. You should send me an email about gay things or kittens or how much you love/hate pasta. Because I’m sure you have many interesting things to say about any/all of those topics.

  77. So I registered myself on OKCupid and guess what they are actually human beings I have things in common with only 25 miles away from me =)
    Thanks Autostraddle

  79. Thanks for this post. Honestly, thanks. Just a reminder that other people are going through what I’m going through makes it a little bit better.

  80. I’m almost 17. I spend half my year in England, in a small town in Buckinghamshire, and the other half in Hong Kong (I’m Chinese), so if you’re from either, e-mail me! paper[dot]rockstars[at]ymail[dot]com. I go to a boarding school in England though, so meeting up might be hard, but I’d still love to have someone to talk to from nearby! :3

  82. North Carolina? Anyone? Or is it true that I’m the only one here? :)

    Also, thanks for the OkCupid plug. I’m hoping there’s been an influx of users.

    Wherever your from, let’s talk. I can always use friends. almostnormal1534[at]yahoo[dot]com

  83. I live in Utah and until this past week only knew of a handful of gay girls in the entire state.

    I’ve met a lot of older lesbians (over 40) because the Utah Pride Center sponsors Neighborhood Potlucks and I always go for free food…but no one close to my age.

    But I signed up for OKCupid over the weekend—and have already spotted more than 20 gay ladies my age within a 25 mile radius!

    LESBIANS IN UTAH. They exist.

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  85. chicago?! yes?! i’m not in the city proper (i’m at Northwestern in Evanston) but i’m aware that the nearest gay is probably down the purple line. n dot gwynngabriel at gmail dot com, let’s be friends.

  86. I’m SO glad I’m not the only one that feels like this. I’ve just recently found out the simplest way to start up a convo. I mean, who doesn’t love a compliment!? Autostraddle, you’re a pretty awesome site ;) mwahz a lot.

  87. This morning, on the way to work, I actually gave myself a pep talk about being more proactive with meeting other lady loving ladies. So this post basically is perfect. I like this post so much that I’m going to stop being a lurker. NO MORE LURKING FOR THIS GIRL!

    You guys, I have somehow managed to become friends with the straightest straight kids in the bay area.

    SO if you live in the San Francisco bay area/want to be internet friends email me at kjusewiczh at gmail dot com. Let’s be friends, you guys!

  88. lol… when i first moved to DC with a new friend also just moving there, we definitely posted a queer-friendly ad on craigslist and managed to take in a local with her own huge lesbian circle as one of our other roommates. for sure 40 birds with one stone! even though we were new in town we got invited to everything, which was really, really nice. sadly they weren’t too into tegan and sara, so i was still on my own there. ;)

    • im not from IL, but i live on the east side of MO, so i can be in IL in like…20 minutes! where at in IL? jadertater13 at live dot com

    • Yes, Rockford. There’s a pretty small gayborhood here, so it’s hard to meet someone who isn’t only a few ‘steps’ away from your last gf/hookup. I’d love to meet some new people! also, AS readers already have a few extra points :)

      jenin82 at gmail dot com, ladies.

    • Will they? Cause I play the guitar and this hasn’t happened yet but I’m not ruling it out. Will they follow me, like stalk me? Cause that could be… actually that might not be bad.

      • Are you playing anywhere like open mics? If so, are you paying attention? When I first started playing places, girls would talk to me randomly and at first I didn’t know why.

        Knowing how to play “Ghost” by the Indigo Girls seemed especially handy. Maybe it’s old, but seems to be the story of many lesbians.

      • Can I second GrrlRomeo’s open mic advice. Put it out there that you play guitar and are cute and see what happens. I am ridiculous for going up to pretty girls whose music I like and turning bright red and babbling my way through how I really like what they did with that chord progression at the end of the second verse. I also have a thing for violinists, cellists, and pretty much anyone who plays an instrument well. Girls with dedication are hot.

        • Yeah I suppose it would help if I played in front of people, huh? Still working on some stage fright issues. I don’t know any Indigo Girls, GrrrlRomeo, but I know quite a few Tegan and Sara songs. That should work too I’m guessing.

          • Would you play me some songs? I would love you forever!!! I’m in Whorelando, Fl at the moment but re locating to Portland, OR in a few months. Anyone? Send me cute messages at babiesinacage08 at yahoo dot com or babiesinacage dot tumblr dot com!

  93. Hey everyone! I’ve been a non-posting lurker on this site for about a year now. I’m also a Kiwi who recently moved to Vancouver, B.C. Upon reading the Seattle/Rugby convo I felt the urge to post a reply for once as I have close family in Seattle and also being from rugby mad NZ (aka W’s World Champs) I was like huh? Are you guys talking about Rugby Union? I was suprised it’s played in University/College in the U.S. Let alone girls teams! Thats AWESOME! I’m a soccer girl myself but mad props to girls playing it, I’ve played it in a social team at school and it’s sure not for the faint hearted! Anyways just thought I’d say Hi and Kia ora!

    • ANNA GUESS WHAT! I’m from NZ and moved to Canada too! Only I moved 5 years ago. Where in NZ are you from?? And I don’t live in BC or anywhere close, I’m on the other end in Montreal but I thought I’d say hi cause it’s been five years and I still haven’t met a Kiwi =(

      • Cool! I’ve only been living here a few weeks. I guess we tend to migrate to the ski-areas/towns coz I met a few in Whistler & Banff last year. Although I have been to Montreal & I loved it, I’m so jealous you live there! I especially like the fact that it’s legal to drink in parks, and I happened to visit while PRIDE was on so it was a really awesome trip. I’m suprised you haven’t met even one fellow Kiwi. Maybe it has something to do with the language barrier? I guess most NZ’ers tend to go for the West Coast & Toronto. Did you speak French when you first moved there? I’m from Auckland but born in Welly moved when I was 4.
        Where are you from?

        • Hey there, I am also a Kiwi, used to live in Montreal and also never met another nzer while I was there (had to make do with an Aussie best mate). Sadly back in the middle of nowhere NZ now.

          Was super suprised how popular rugby was in Canada as girls sport, heaps of people seemed to have played at high school and uni whereas my friends and I down here all played soccer, netball or hockey.

        • Awesome! Let me know when you visit Montreal again =D
          I lived in Auckland when I was much younger. I went to Royal Oak Primary for Year 1 =P
          And then I moved to Palmerston North. I loved Wellington! So pretty! If ever I move back (doubt it though) I’d live in Welly.
          And noo I didn’t speak French!! I learned in my first year and perfected in my second year. It got me behind in school but it’s all good I guess. Have you ever been here in Winter? You might die. Mind you I don’t think it’s that bad in Vancouver. What are you doing anyways? University? You wanna Facebook?

          • Hey thanks I will. It’s one of the places I really want to visit again! Wow it really is a small world…I coached tennis at Royal Oak Racquets Club for 3 years as an after-school job. Most of the kids were from R.O. primary or intermediate, I’m actually still listed as an assistant coach on the website (I guess the didn’t notice me leave haha) I learnt French at school but can’t remember much of it. Thats cool that you picked it up there! I’ve only been there in Aug (during PRIDE LOL)so yeah I would possibly die ;)Its way warmer over here tho, doesnt get below 0 apparently. I’m working in a coffee shop now then @ Grouse Mtn. for the winter :)Kinda my 2nd gap year lol I’m enrolled in Police College back home, I wana be a detective some day. I don’t have facebook anymore (I know I’m a NERD) but my emails [email protected]

      • Oh heeey. I was thinking about posting and saying that I’m not in Canada but pondering on moving there from NZ and voila, some kiwi’s that live in Canada. Such is the wonders of Autostraddle/The Internet.

        • Hi Stars from Wellington =D

          I loved Wellington (as you might see above) I’m in Montreal and it’s super awesome. I second that you move to Canada. It’s awesome here minus the cold =( But I suppose you get used to it after a while, EVEN if you don’t like it.

          nikush underscore s at hotmail dot com
          Email me if you wish =)

          • Yo Nikki from Montreal!

            Wellington is pretty ace. I’m not from here originally (I don’t meet a whole heap of people who are) but it’s ace.
            Canada is totally going to be a thing for me in 2012, even if it is bloody cold. From what I’ve read/heard etc it’s still super awesome but it can’t be 100% awesome right? And Wellington isn’t exactly consistent with it’s weather so it won’t be a complete shock.

            I will email you! :)

          • P.S I just tried to send an email to you and it bounced…you can try mine if you like – youaremyjoy at gmail dot com :)

      • Hey Cass, thanks for the welcome :) I don’t play rugby either but my best friends bf is really good, Hes like the next Dan Carter lol. Thats cool, Where was it invented? I prefer to watch hockey myself!

        • Hi Anna, maybe because I am from the the town Rugby in England, where Rugby was invented, I should know who Dan Carter is but I don’t :P

          I don’t know anything about hockey either – please don’t tell the Canadians or I may be sent home!

      • And there I was scrolling down the comments thinking there’s NEVER going to be anyone here from Rugby and there you were!! Gob-smacked=ME!!!
        Hmm, don’t blame you moving to Vancouver, not much going on around here!! When did you move?

        • Hi Sarah! It’s a small internet after all…. I moved to Vancouver in July of this year. There is also a town in North Dakota called Rugby but your use of the the phrase ‘gob-smacked’ tells me you are definitely from Rugby-as-in-the-game :)

          • Hi Cass!!

            It is a small world after all!! Ha-ha, yes, I’m from Rugby-as-in-the-game!! :) I can’t tell you how still stunned I am to have discovered a fellow Autostraddler who hails from the same neck of the woods as me!! And there was me thinking there were NO like-minded people around in this town…oh wait…if you’re in Canada….hmm, it is still just me then!! :(
            p.s, Didn’t know that about N.Dakota!!

          • Hi Sarah :)
            The good thing about Rugby is that it is central so near lots of other places that fellow Autostraddlers MUST dwell. Feel free to email info at cassiajewelry dot com if you ever want to compare notes – Vancouver feels like a small town most of the time too.

          • That’s true! Well, you’d think eh? Eh? Anyone…anyone…..No one??? Hmm, reckon it is just you and me then!!
            I’d love to compare notes, if you don’t mind? :)

            I’ll be in touch!

          • Sarah, talk to you soon then :) Eventually the other Midlands dwellers on here will show themselves….

          • Hello fellow and ex-Midlanders,

            I just moved to the West to go back to Uni (Warwick) and be a postgrad. I’ve joined the LGBTUA+ group here on campus but I am always up for making new friends!

            My geography is terrible. Is Rugby up near the airport?

          • Hey!
            To Cass – I’ve just emailed you, so I hope I got your email address right! :)

            To Dusty – Hi!! If you mean Birmingham airport, then no! It’s nearer to Coventry airport, well, sort of. Um, about 20-30 mins max from Warwick Uni?(Not that I’ve been there) As you can tell my geography isn’t much better and it probably doesn’t help that you can’t see me pointing to the direction it’s in compared to Warwick!! But were not far, and hey I’m also up for making new friends too! :)

          • I actually thought Rugby was near East Midlands Airport because I know there’s a bus from there, and there’s not a bus to Coventry, but I have now oriented myself with the help of GoogleMaps so I know where you are, you’re due east. And yes, 30 mins it says. That’s cool!

            My email is stardustsam at gmail if you want to say hello. :)

  94. Love the Preds! I live in the boro and work in Nashville. Sadly I work Saturdays, so I’m gonna miss a lot of games this year. I’m starting to sense a need for a gay (and bi, or even just cool) gals hockey night this season ;)

    I’m here on facebook… Message me there if you want an email.
    http://www.facebook.com/ashleydburks

  95. “If you see a printer jam – wait approx 2 minutes and most likely a gay lady will arrive to fix.”

    That would be me. You’re welcome.

  96. heyo if anyone in sydney wants to be friends feel free to drop me an email at spitfiretommy at gmail dot com. be advised i may initiate a book swap program with you.

  97. Hey all! I’ve recently moved from Auckland, New Zealand to Vancouver, B.C and although I already knew a few people here and have met some awesome ppl already. I’m starting to miss my queer posse that I subconsiously gathered over the years back in NZ. So I’m looking for like-minded people to talk tegan& sara etc… we could meet up over a cup of coffee or a nice walk if anyone is interested flick me an email [email protected] Oh and I’m 20 if anyones wondering.

  98. I live in Scotland so probably any Autostraddle readers there could email me. Also anyone else who just has feelings or would like to talk. I like you people.

    BUT can we get out capslock for a moment to talk about how I am a TERRIBLE CORRESPONDENT. That means I may not answer your email today, this month, or even this year, no matter how fascinating or lovely. Although also, I might. Either way I will read it and hold it in my heart, so there’s that.

    I think this represents the first time I have ever given out an email address of any kind on the open interwebs. So here: autocassandra [at] gmail [dot] com

    • I definitely do the same thing. I just checked my e-mail (which had 170+ alerts from Autostraddle, almost all from this article) and realized I need to e-mail a friend back. She actually asked me to proofread something for her, so I need to get on that. Yeah. Anyways, we can not respond to each other together or erm, something like that if you like.

      almostnormal [at] yahoo [dot] com

  99. Is there anybody from Mexico? or am I the only lucky one to have found autostraddle? I’m still trying to figure things out and meeting some new/queer/awesome friends would be amazing!!

    • Also I used to live in Vancouver, love Canada, traveling and meeting people… I am 26 if that matters! kkmery at gmail or kymerr on twitter!

  100. I completely need friends. I’m too socially awkward to actually come off as articulate / interesting / not weird. I’m in Auckland, New Zealand – but seriously. Anyone. Anywhere. I bake. I will offer cupcakes as bribes. I’m not above that. nicoleanddaisies [at] gmail [dot] com

    • I’m socially awkward and like baking as well. Unfortunately I’m in Christchurch not Auckland but at least it’s the same country right?

      • Hey Kiwi friends!
        I’m neither in Chch nor Auckland (Palmerston North… whoo fun times), but I’m moving to Welly next year! Close enough, right?
        Baking is wonderful and we’re all socially awkward because this is the internet! You can email me if you want: e_maddox [at] live [dot] com

        • Woah. Coinkidink. I’m totally moving to Wellington next year too – just as long as I get off my ass and organise my life. Which, is totally not happening at the moment.

        • This is making me feel so nostalgic. I’m In Montreal now but I grew up in Palmerston North till I was almost 15.
          If ever I come back to visit we’ll have to meet just because.

          • Ha, I’m actually in Feilding but I didn’t think anyone would know where that was! But if you ever find yourself over here, we should definitely meet up! Also, I’m jealous, because Canada is awesome!

      • For sure. What’s an island difference? It’s pretty much like we’re neighbours already.

      • Ohhi! Fancy seeing you here!

        I think I saw you say, further down in the mass of comments, you’re in Wellington? Hopefully I’m moving down there in January. It sure would be swell to think I know someone when I get there…

        • What a coincidence, haha.

          Yep, I am indeed in Wellington! So it won’t be all ‘strangers’ haha. You applying for Uni’s down here?

          • Yes and no? Plan is to study part time while just escaping out of Auckland. It’s an excuse to move, really.

          • Good plan. Wellington is awesome, I hope it works out for you! Any particular area you’re looking at studying?

    • Cupcakes? =O Nom! lol, Hello fellow aucklander! I was wondering how long I’d have to scroll to find someone. mail me??

      BTW it seems like all of the NZers are moving to Canada? And I’m canadian living in NZ. I feel backwards…

      Anyone email me :) maxibabee (at) hotmail (dot) com.
      Even if your not in NZ, internet friends are cool…

  101. Santa Barbara, CA?
    I go to university and have no car, so…Isla Vista, Goleta, places near State Street.

    I joined the gay club at school but have had somehow made only boy friends? Looking for some friends of the girly persuasion!

    Anyoneanyone?

    (i do already have a girl though, sorry.)

    • Hi radiogirl! I’m in Ventura for most of the week but I come up to SB/Goleta all the time to de-stress (mostly by hanging with my best friend.) I have a couple of queer friends, including said bff, but definitely not enough. I’d be super happy to get something to eat with you or just spend some time in a park, whatever sounds fun. I’m cosmogonic at gmail if you feel like dropping me a hello!

    • Amherst whatuppp! I’m a UMassian!

      Sadly I am here until December and then won’t be returning till September because of going abroad, and it sounds like you are in Sweden right now, which is super cool. You should totally email me anyway and because yay friends. :)

      spinthewhirligig [@] gmail

    • I am totally going on an exchange to Sweden!

      Unfortunately I leave for it in January which ruins the potential for a possible friendship culminating in an INSANE SWEDISH FRIEND interaction haha. But I’m totally going to copy Lisa sentiments of ‘yay friends’ and you should email me at ejl at mail dot usask dot ca if you’re interested. You too Lisa, friends for everyone :)

  103. Where are all my Australian / Sydney people at?

    Having run The L Word Online website for so long, you’d think I would have HUGE posse of lesbian friends…but alas I am way to shy and def do need to GROW A PAIR LOL

    Anyone else here from Sydney?

    • I know, right? Australia should be crawling with gays, we all drink soy milk and wear plaid. I’m not in Sydney, but feel free to email me jaltr at deakin dot edu dot au. An imaginary internet posse is just as good as a real life posse, I reckon!

  104. OMG YES THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED.

    I skimmed all through the comments but didn’t see St. Louis area. My disappointment is profound.

    hit me up at lars_bytes @ hotmail dot com.

    • ST. Louis AREA!! well, not actually, but im thinkin soon. anywho, my sister lives around there, and another good friend (both straight, to be clear) so i make it down there whenever i can!! jadertater13 at live dot com.

  105. anyone in britain? i can usually be found around sheffield or liverpool, but i’ll be friends with all the gays from anywhere if they’ll let me.

    heartaskspleasure [at] gmail [dot] com

  106. Okay, I’m guilty of another one of those creepers that have been lurking on the site for a while and finally got an account just to comment on the shamazing awesomeness of this post!

    What sites is everyone using to meet other lesssssbians online?

    And I think I saw an East coast canada post earlier…. YEAH MONTREAL REPRESENT! OU EST LES FILLES?

    :)

    • Ok so I’m an idiot I just saw the concordia/mcgill/montreal discussions on the page before! In my defense it’s 5 in the morning

      • Nah don’t feel like an idiot. Maybe they live in montreal since they were replying to my comment. and also I’m happy cause I understood what you said in french!

        • And yo don’t worry about moving to Montreal from Ohio and feeling like you’ll be lost! I came here from hong kong, haha i did go to international school my whole life so the language wasn’t a problem or anything but, i got a little bit of culture shock and was hard when everyone could hop on a bus and be home in no time and get great home-cooked food… while it takes me 15 hours by plane… and man i missss real chinese food but other than, montreal’s a pretty magical place! i kind of chose to come here over all other canadian cities cos of the whole gay thing… and it’s been fun. dont hesitate!

          • Thanks for sharing. I feel better now:D Wow 15 hours? I’ve never even been on a plane but that sounds terrible.

  108. so… if anyone read through all of the comments (like me)… Germany? I need german friends who read autostraddle, because I’ve started to feel like a complete weirdo.

    another question… is anyone on COUCHSURFING? If so, it might be time to start a group. =)

          • just for the record: I kinda like Hamburg, but I haven’t hit the scene in well over a year and am NOT interested.
            the ex, you know.
            it’s not that I cry my heart out every night, but I’m just not interested in meeting her.
            such a wussy. ;)

          • That’s totes ok, I don’t know Hamburg very well (I moved here 2 months ago).
            Also you’re not being a wuss. I get it.

    • Couchsurfing! Brilliant idea.

      I’m on there at http://www.couchsurfing.org/people/rachelwashere/

      though I’m admittedly terrible at it and won’t have a couchable abode for… ever possibly since I’m with the fam now and then will be with my slightly paranoid (oh ex-cops) girlfriend. But I’m all about the meet up and show around town thing.

      • great! I made a group as well and will probably send you an email. =)

        couchsurfing is great even if you only want to meet people for a “coffee or a drink”. and I was slightly paranoid in the beginning as well. ,9

        • Found the group already!

          My only couchsurfing experience so far was by accident. I was wandering around Nice taking pictures and got mistaken for a Couchsurfing meetup. So I crashed the meet up and wandered around with the guy and the English woman he was actually looking for and ran across an old high school friend because IT’S A RIDICULOUSLY SMALL WORLD.

          I’m excited about the merging of these two e-worlds.

          • I am excited about the merging, too!
            Intern Hot Laura joined like 30 minutes ago! ;)

            this world is so small it’s scaring me. on the other hand, sometimes it’s fun, I haven’t really made up my mind about this one yet.

  109. Well, firstly this article is just packed full of lies, because there aren’t lesbians everywhere. I can vouch I’m definitely the only one in my flat, and I did a v thorough search including that really annoying gap between the cooker and the kitchen units. Oh, but I get it now, this article is meant to make us leave the house to find gay people, yes?

    Now, I don’t usually hand my email out because it has my name in, and I have a name that not a lot of people have, and internet security blah blah. But that’s ok, because while regular people can feel free to email, if there are any available internet/rl stalkers out there that are handy with plumbing, please feel free to track me down at my address and I’ll consent to a stalkee consultation if you fix my boiler (not a euphemism/porn scenario, it’s really broken).

    I currently live in the south of England, but not somewhere sensibly gay like Brighton or London. However, thanks to distance-defying magical internet communications, I am more than amenable to offering cynical, withering and generally unsupportive email responses to possibly anyone.

    sallyneate at gmail dot com

  110. over 300 comments and no one in melbourne? i spend too much time at the library & would really like a waffle right now.

    • Aww. I WISH I was in Melbourne right now. I need a Melbourne fix something serious. Also +1 for the library.

        • I’m going to come and visit you in Melbourne one day. I probably won’t go to the library though.

        • Once in May of this year Melbourne library had me and my sister in it, so you are probably right about the weirdos thing. It also had a lovely doorman who asked where “my girlfriend” had gone when my sister went to the bathroom, HOLLA busting heteronormativity! I loved that man.

    • Marlene! I’m not from Melbourne (I’m in Brissy) but I recently spent time with a group of awesome Melbourne queer girls. Message me (me[at]themerchgirl[dot]net) and I’ll hook you up :)

    • I’m near Melbourne! And by “near” I mean a four hour drive away. It is the serious country out here. Libraries, waffles and weirdos are some of my favourite things, you have great taste. Want to hang if/when I’m in town?

      • i’m not gonna lie. i’m a bit of a creeper so i stalkbooked you a bit. we have a mutual friend. you should email me, marlene[dot]nguyen[at]gmail[dot]com

  111. I’m in Germany (for the time being). There’s actually no shortage of gays in my area. Anyway my German’s bad and I can’t talk to people so if you want to email me (and speak English to me) that’d be cool. Hell, you don’t even have to be in Germany, we don’t have to meet face to face, we can be internet friends. Also I’m a baby, I’m in high school (does that put people of?)

    *breath*

    Anyway, if you’d like to email me feel free. i.found.it.dear[at]gmail[dot]com

  112. LIVERPOOL! woop!
    If there any scouse-types, or even non-scousers nearby, gimme a shout :)
    marie.obrien at gmail.com

    Also, bit of an odd one, but here goes. My wifey and I are intending to move to Vancouver in two/three years, I’d love to pick peoples brains about the area, where to live, etcetera. So, Vancouver peeps if you don’t mind a lot of questions – email me :)

    • Just considered the fact that there might be more than one Liverpool in the world – I meant Liverpool, England :D

  113. yey gay people do live in sheffield :), i have just started at the uni. and joined the lgbt but strugging to make freinds, talk to me!

    sunriseskater05 (at) hotmail (dot) com

    • Sheffield’s great!

      Though I can see how their gays could be intimidating. I have only just visited bc of friends there and just hearing about all the activities made me both jealous and terrified.

      Just go get you some liquid courage at Climax and pick up ALL THE LESBIANS (stretch first).

  116. So. I an English,I live in Kent and I’m in my last year of school. Very hard for me to meet anyone because I’m not out yet. Also there are no homogays within 25 miles of where I live. It is known.

    Any lesbians in Kent,reply to me?

  117. I’ve spotted a distinct lack of lesbians living on the east coast of Scotland. It makes me feel lonelier than lurking and my social awkwardness put together. Anyone out there?

    • Dear Echo,

      I’m a lady-lovin’ lady living on the east coast of Scotland (in St Andrews to be precise) and I know at least a few others, too! Where on the east coast are you? And would you like to go for tea/a pint? There is a LGBT halloween party going on here this coming Monday… you should come! Let me know and I’ll pass on my e-mail :-)

      • Hi! Nice to know there’s someone nearby, well, relatively speaking I guess. I’m about 35 miles away, give or take or possibly route depending. The party sounds great, but uh, I’m actually going to be on a canoe trip. Thanks though.

        To be perfectly honest, I didn’t expect a reply, otherwise I would have mentioned a couple of things in my original post. First off, I’m 19, and I know age is a thing for a lot of people so I probably should have said that regardless. Second is that I’m kind of fighting against social anxiety disorder, though so far I think I’m winning.

        So.. um, yeah. But hey, if that doesn’t put you off/bother you then feel free to get in touch. threesandsevens [at] live [dot] co [dot] uk

  118. Rawr. Any lesbians in London, I want to make friends because most of my lesbian friends are my girlfriend’s lesbian friends and now I’m not studying anymore so there’s no more university gay group! I’m very agreeable!

  119. In general: I’d also recommend Starbucks for the meeting of the gays. Check out the baristas. Strike up conversation. The ‘bux offers good benefits to domestic partners and explicitly prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation.

    For Laneia/Phoenix-dwellers: head to a WNBA game! Actually, that goes for anyone living in a Division I college town too. I like basketball, but you don’t have to – the games are great for meeting up with friends. It’s like sporty lesbian social hour.

    • yes, where in indiana? i go to indiana on weekends. or if you’re close enough i’m in michigan the rest of the time.

      marmamook at gmail dot com

      • I’m in Michigan on work sometimes, a couple of weeks at time – in Sturgis, of all places – so gimme a shout if you’re near there :)
        marie.obrien at gmail.com

  121. I am currently residing in Jacksonville, NC. Any fellow Carolinians here? Im new to the area and desperately need someone to hang out with!

  122. I am currently residing in Jacksonville, NC. Any fellow Carolinians here? Im new to the area and desperately need someone to hang out with!

    Im new to this site as well and Im trying to get the hang of things. Not sure why my avatar is showing up as a Playboy bunny? lol.

    • I grew up in Jacksonville! I’m at school a couple hours away now, but I come back pretty often to visit the parents.

      How did you end up there, if you don’t mind me asking – jville isn’t exactly a thriving metropolis.

    • The avatar is the standard pic for users who don’t have their own. They change it periodically. I see you figured that out and changed yours. Also, I live in North Carolina! Hickory, to be specific. I just Google mapped Jacksonville, and we’re five hours apart. That’s okay though. Actually, Audrey is in between us, so that’s something. E-mail me. I’m not a creeper. Promise. :)

      almostnormal1534 [at] yahoo [dot] com

  123. So, not sure how this happened, but I just counted and apparently there are ca 15 out(-ish) queer people in my group of friends. None of these people where out when we first met at the beginning of high school, and I don’t think any of us where looking for queer friends in particular, but something drew us together. Now, at 18, we’re talking about middle school and realizing most of us went through the same experiences, but we just started out as the people who played/arranged/attended concerts/exhibitions/festivals. I made most of my current friends through creative projects and A LOT of them are queer. There are a lot of straight people in our group as well, but no one bats an eyelid at the boys making out in the living room at parties or the girl wearing a shirt and tie. And remember, straight people can be really gay…

    Conclusion: Make friends with hipsters.

  124. Am I the only non-American here? SINGAPOREAN AUTOSTRADDLERS PLZ ANYONE? Be warned that I’m really an awkward person though.

      • awkward enough that i actually googled some witty ways to say how awkward i am. seriously. feel free to drop me a mail at hartakarun at rocketmail dot com.

    • Dude, I’m originally from JB! Might as well be Singaporean for all the media I absorbed growing up…

    • not in SG at the moment but went to the american school. are there any good lez parties for next time im back?

  125. where are all the lesbians in the midwest? T_T I live in avon/indianapolis indiana territory and there is not a lez in sight (except me). i have more straight friends than anything else but i need some gay frends. i have a bad social life but im really good at jeopardy! i think that makes up for alot of things.

  126. where are all the lesbians in the midwest? T_T I live in avon/indianapolis indiana territory and there is not a lez in sight (except me). i have more straight friends than anything else but i need some gay frends. i have a bad social life but im really good at jeopardy! i think that makes up for alot of things. oh and i like books and guitar hero. alot. hit me up @ boknrd @ hotmail dot com

  127. Are there any Autostraddlers in London? I’ll be moving down there for school in a couple of months and it would be nice to make a few friends beforehand.

  128. I took a women’s studies class one summer when I was in university. First day: I was late for class, but excited at the prospect of meeting awesome and radical-thinking ladies outside of my own (art/art history) program.

    Not knowing that there were two doors to the class, I ran through the front door in my ripped jeans, spiky hair, and worn Adidas to face a gaggle of Britney’d-up club skanks with frosted lipgloss slathered on their lips, and fake nails. I stopped dead in my tracks, and inadvertently hissed, “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK…”.

    Needless to say, it was a long six weeks.

  129. Hola. I’m a skittish lurker who thinks some online friends might not be a bad thing. Skittish why? I haven’t spilled ye-olde-gaybeans heretofore for a number of reasons.

    What you need to know:
    a) I’m awesome.
    b) This is a big step for me.
    c) I like to knit, read, go to concerts, and drink coffee obsessively.
    d) I’m a nurse, which speaks to the coffee obsession.
    e) hellooooo[dot]rn[at]gmail[dot]com.
    f) I’m in the Midwest, so the whole meet up thing is a possibility, but let’s do the online fandango first. Also see the skittish thing.

    Let’s be friends.

    • You just made my day with the “ye-olde-gaybeans” portion of this comment. I don’t live anywhere near you as I’m in North Carolina, but lets talk anyways.

      almostnormal1534 [at] yahoo [dot] com

  130. first off – Laneia, thank you for the “dont get an alternative lifestyle haircut unless you really want to” comment. it’s nice to hear someone thinks that way after all the crap i got after coming out about my long hair and not “looking the part.”

    second – this post is so fabulous in so many ways. i think about my lack of lesbo posse often, and wonder when it will actually happen, because i have too many places i need to see in the world before settling down anywhere long enough to gather said lesbos.

    that being said, if anyone wants a gay email friend no matter where in the world you are – email me! i really love people. but i also really love traveling. so there’s my problem. lowood518 (at) gmail (dot) com

  131. Maybe we should all wear Autostraddle t-shirts when we’re out in public. Then not only will we be able to identify our fellow lesbians, but we’ll have a valid reason to strike up a conversation. “Oh, you you’re an autostraddler?!”

  133. wow. wojo was on here. im on her youtube channel all the time now it seems. but it appears theres not tht many gay girls in Indy. but there is alot of gay guys though. ps how can someone not like tegan and sara???

    • I’m a baby dyke from indy! currently living in bloomington, but i go home pretty frequently. also, i LOVE tegan and sara. LOVE. you are not alone.

  134. ok it’s a long shot but: anyone in the treasure valley, idaho? i moved back here fairly recently and know approximately 2 queer girls, which is not nearly enough.

  135. “If you see a printer jam, wait approx 2 minutes and most likely a gay lady will arrive to fix.” –> i LOLed at this so hard coz I JUST DID THIS IN THE OFFICE TODAY FOR TWO PRETTY CHICKS!

    i met a fellow bi at the office and she introduced me to her girlfriend. also, my straight work crush introduced me to her lesbian best friend. i have bi/queer friends from uni and they’re awesome.

    i think the gym is another place to meet queer peeps (bonding over the treadmill/weights/boxing ring/dance class/yoga, etc. the possibilities are endless!!!)

  136. if youre super active / love the outdoors, there are also tons of groups out there for the homogays. I used to run every weekend with a group called FrontRunners, which is a national organization for gay runners. Sure, it was mostly gay men over the age of 45, but through the friends i met there, ive met some of my best lezzie friends in the city.

    There are also rugby teams (SF Fog here), football leagues (not strictly gay, but lezbehonest…), tennis clubs, swim teams (SF Tsunami), hiking groups, etc. Next time you’re at your local pride, i guarantee all these groups will have booths set up. Even if you just stop by, youll meet some friendly faces.

    it can definitely be hard at first, but i promise, make a few gay friends and a whole slew will follow. any girl you meet will inevitably have an ex to introduce you to, and so on and so on. after all, we do tend to flock together like seagulls.

    • oh and the best way ive ever met lezzies? ultimate frisbee.

      when i dated guys, i used to think it was great for meeting them. then i realized i liked women, and holy crap it was like hitting the hot/athletic/sexually fluid lottery. ive played college and club, and on just about every team, we could field a big old lez line (or two!).

  137. Wow. I’m all kinds of in love with this comment section. I’m a midwestern transplant currently residing in LA (Culver City-ish) with mah lady. Email me if you wanna eat some cheeseburgers and play Mario Kart. I do other stuff too! Madcannons at gmail dot com.

  140. Get a job at a place that serves vegan food, wear plaid on your first day, and ride your bike to work. I swear to god this is how I got my last 4 girlfriends.

  141. This post rocks. And so do these comments.

    Anyone in Central PA? ta.snark at gmail dot com if you are!!

  142. It so hard when you live in small town conservative areas. I just want someone to talk to about my love of women!

    All my girl friends from school just want to talk about men or children.

  143. One minute and 4 emails from Autostraddle. Holyyyyy this is epic commenting.
    The comments are making me smile smile smile!

  144. OMG this thread – there’s going to be marriages and children out of this thread. Should be named Auty or Straddley or Riese.

  145. Weirdly enough I’m an Italian from Italy but I’m moving to England in a few weeks. So I don’t really know where I live, you know :P

  146. hello anyone still reading after 450+ comments!
    i’m generally in london but wherever you are…
    keepitupstairs [at] gmail.com

    • Hi! I’m in North Carolina which is faraway from London. However, I do fall into the “wherever” category. :)

      almostnormal1534 [at] yahoo [dot] com

    • I’m in Brighton during term time but I live just outside of London during the holidays!

      ellen_hadman18[at]hotmail[dot]com

    • Hey, 24/f/CA here, too. Taylor, we are already friends on xbox live, but unfortunately we don’t have any of the same games because I am poor and cannot afford new games right now :( Is Borderlands fun/worth the buy?

      • I met my current girl in Oakland in 2006 at a crappy (until her amazing metal band played and she blew me away with her insane guitar skills) little punk/metal show/bbq. I met her BEFORE I even knew they were playing though, so I don’t count as a groupie, haha. I think her pick up line was: “Do you know if those burritos are vegetarian?” *Swoon* She totally took creepy phone pictures of me from far away before we were even introduced. After the show she invited me to the after party at her bass player’s house (aka the “born/dead house”) and then she came home with me and we haven’t been apart since. There wasn’t even a “dating” period for us. We are the typical u-haul stereotype.

        The bay area is definitely not lacking lesbians, that’s for sure. It is, however, lacking lesbian friendliness, in my opinion.

    • OH MAN! This reminds me of the good ol’ days when everyone had dial-up AOL. There was always that one dude in the chat room who said “yes please” in the sex part.

      25/F/PA

  148. Anyone in southern Louisiana? You can e-mail me at mb07shs(at)yahoo(dot)com. Even if you’re not in southern Louisiana you can just e-mail me.

  150. …after reading/posting all over this, I think I’ll just leave my email for anyone from Halifax (or anywhere, for that matter) to reach me at: [email protected]

    and for the record, it’s “chelsea skis”, not a misspelling of “chelsea’s kiss”…that would be weird.

  151. All are amazing suggestions. For serious.

    I met my first gay friend in college the morning of our orientation program… out of 8,000 people what are the odds that a queer girl would randomly be sitting next to me? We went to the GLBT resource center open house together with her girlfriend, and that night (second day of classes) I met a handful of lesbians and a gay man who are now my best friends after two years. Our whole little group gets together every week to watch America’s Next Top Model and cook fabulous dinner. From then on, I’ve continued to meet queer people who I’m instantly friends with, through friends of friends and random outings.

    I met my girlfriend who I’ve been with for six months at the gay bar by random chance. We never would have even met if we both hadn’t been there that night, and if I hadn’t had the cajones to walk over to her. DON’T BE SHY. Learn how to give “the look.” You know. Yes you do.

    Roller derby… So many gay girls. SO MANY. I started our local league and it was like they flocked to it overnight. Another one of my best lesbian friends I met through derby, and she’s my bro for life. If you don’t have a team in your area and you think there might be even the slightest interest, go for it and start one. Ours has taken off in just a year.

    Even keep your eyes open around where you live. Our apartment complex’s nickname is “The Gaybles” because of all the queers that live here. There’s a handful of lesbian couples I have yet to introduce myself to, and several gay men. My previously mentioned gay best friend lives in the next building.

    Another suggestion I have is that if you aren’t the most flamingly obvious queer person and people take you for straight, start adopting subtle fashion “clues.” IE, get an alternative lifestyle haircut if you’re not too attached to long hair, wear something plaid, wear a Tegan and Sara hoodie… I’m sporting a woven twine rainbow bracelet mixed in with all my bangles and stuff, and I get “the look” from queers in the know when I hand them my money at the coffeeshop. :)

      • i beg you to continue rambling. ramble = beauty. you had some good things to say. i believe i saw you on the texas article – you live in college station? i went to school there. i definitely might know you / know people who know you! i’m curious. may i email you? if so, what’s your address? :)

      • JordiW – the ramble is totally appreciated, I have been wondering how to strike out the invisible ‘straight’ tattoo from my forehead and subtle fashion clues might work. (Anything except alternative lifestyle hair, I could not pull that off!)

  152. Bristol UK anyone? I swear I wasn’t the only one gloating on the Skins recap threads.

    The best place around here to meet homogays is a coffee chain called Boston Tea Party. Back when I didn’t have an alternative lifestyle haircut the baristas had bets on whether I was gay or not, confirmed when one of them saw me in a gay bar. She now gives me free refills, win all round.

    • Hey Bristol here =)

      Try the pineapple or the shilling pub or any of the clubs in old Market!!

      Did you go to Bristol pride this year? Was brilliant!!

      Yay for free refills!! Not been there yet though.

  153. Create a posse is a good one. Once you’ve met several gay girls just start inviting all of them to meet you at the same party/bar/throw a party and make them love each other. And then when that posse moves to the west coast, go about creating another one I guess.

  155. Well after reading all these comments, and seeing how many people are close to each other, i think it’s safe to say- Miami sucks.
    All vegetarian vaginas are either in Ft.Lauderdale or somewhere far, far away…
    I need to move to somewhere far, far away

    • I’m originally from south of Miami and I used to think the same thing. I was home for most of this last summer and went to Sunset Tavern’s ladies night on Thursday in South Miami. It was JAM-PACKED with lesbians. I dunno about the friend making potential, but striking up a conversation might be easier after a few pints.

        • I love both rum and coke and labrador puppies, but I’m in Maine, where there is clearly not a big Autostraddle group. But, penpals are good! So, skiingplatypus at gmail dot com.

    • Rum and coke is totally my go-to drink and ‘overexcited labrador puppy’ is the perfect description of me after two or three of them

    • anyone who drinks rum & coke and throws in puppies in to the mix is good people in my book
      melisa.mtl at gmail dot com

  157. you guys. I am in love with you all and with what is going on here. I just have so many feelings.

    Anyone who lives in Chicago wanna hang out during the week of Nov 5-11th? I’m going to be there for a conference and would love to hit up some clubs/bars while I’m down.
    my email again is greenearthgirl4(at)gmail.com

    • I’m not in Germany, but I speak German and will be your friend!
      christina.schonberg @ gmail dot com

    • I’m not in Germany right now, but I do speak German and hopefully I will be there in September!
      christina.schonberg @ gmail dot com

    • Another german! I knew continuing to read through this entire thread was worth it!

      you can email me: maria_zucker [at] web.de

      where are you guys from?

  159. This is fantastic. I’ve been sort of agonizing about this myself lately, so it’s nice that you conveniently read my mind and write about it 80% of the time. I also, preemptive to your advice, started a blog! Woo!

  160. Ok, so here goes…
    I’m also in London UK and, I’ll be the first to admit, I’m generally clueless about the scene and all the (no doubt amazing) people out there.

    Things I am not clueless about: coffee, soul music, useless factoids.

    Anyway, always happy to chat and I promise (in spite of the address) I’ll make every effort to read all the way to the end of your email ;) x

    short(dot)attention(dot)span(at)gmail(dot)com

  161. It’s been said before and it will be said again: Autostraddle needs a personals section.

    Other good places to find queer women: WOMEN’S CIRCUSES! They are awesome to begin with, and are a hotbed for queer womanliness. You don’t even need any circus skills to get involved – go join a class or two.

    Burlesque is surprisingly queer-woman-heavy. I was at BurlyCon and half the group had same-sex partners or wives.

    Participate in the Vagina Monologues – at least in my case you’ll get *recognised* more…

    Volunteer with your local queer organisation! Our Lesbian Health Action Group always needs vollies for stuff.

    Speaking of which: Anyone here from Brisbane, Australia? Probably anyone who doesn’t already know me? (haha)

    I’ll be email friends with anyone too! me[at]themerchgirl[dot]net :)

    • Can I tell you one of my favorite small internet world things? A few weeks ago, I was scanning through my Facebook news feed, and noticed that you appeared there, commenting on something Rachel Hills had written. (Rachel and I have been friends since 2004 or so, thanks to the magical powers of LiveJournal).

      I love that the internet is so big and so small, all at once.

  162. i live in missouri, on a farm, in bfe. sometimes its not that much fun. seriously. PLEASE HALP I NEED MOAR FRIENDS!! anyone in missouri, southern iowa, eastern illinois. for real, i like to travel! jadertater13 at live dot com.

    • Hey there. My partner and I have just moved back to Missouri from Washington. We are in St. Louis now looking to find some new friends.

  163. I am literally a crazy person so I just went through all 8 million comments and noted the email addys of everyone who mentioned being from Chicago/IL/nearby (all gmails, yay) and I will at some point send you all an email and maybe we can plan a get-together or some such thing. Add your email as a comment to this one if you want in and didn’t list your address already :) Also, findquiet, I should be free sometime during your trip to Chicago if you’d like to get drinks or something. I’m eabwritesdesigns at gmail.

  164. This was extremely helpful
    I live in Oregon and even though there’s alot of gay girls, it’s hard for me to strike up a conversation. Maybe I’ll go to a roller derby game ;)

        • I live in Vancouver across the river! You’re the second person I’ve found here living in/ going to be living in Portland. I’m in the same boat as you. I never know what to say. Also I’m not out and the only time I’m in Portland is with my mom -_-

          • I miss Portland and the Couv so much, I used to live there and I was just up there this weekend seeing family.

            I’m horrible at talking to anyone I don’t know, if I go anywhere where there are people I just generally hope someone will come talk to me so I don’t have to initiate cause yeah, I don’t know what to say.

  167. I am literally employing all of these methods at once. Literally. In combination with each other mostly. I <3 open relationships: the ladies are rollin in and I feel like I'm winning every lesbian award ever.

    ps. baltimore is the underground lesbian center of the world. Go to baltimore pride. You will NOT regret it.

  169. Um, anyone living behind the Orange Curtain in Orange County? I live on campus at UCI and was just last week complaining to my gaggle of gay boys that I had no ladygay friends.

  170. 32 y/o boston bi woman.
    write me, stalk me, send me your poetry, ask me ridiculous questions, maybe even ask me out!

    ;)

  173. Oh my god I feel like I’m a billion hours late to the party.
    If anyone lives in the sweet prairies of Saskatchewan I would love to strike up a ballin’ queer lady friendship. Also I’m going to be on an exchange in Stockholm, Sweden second semester so any soon to be exchange students/Swedes should probs talk to be about being bffs :)

  174. Hiii. I’m from New Zealand. Wellington to be precise. And I’m awesome, so you should email me. youaremyjoy/gmail! If you click my username on here it goes through to my Tumblr too.

    Also, question for the group…is it wierd to email people from this Comment Thread of Awesome from cities/countries where I hope to live soon in order to network?

    • *waves* Hi, hi, fellow wellingtonian here, mostly commenting to make a joke about how we probably know each other IRL/have friends in common/other joke about size of city & proportion of the gay, but then I was looking at your tumblr and you don’t even have any friends in common with my friends who tumblr (I think it is the Devil’s Blogsite so I do not) so hey, maybe not! So hi! Clearly I need to know more ladies who like ladies like that.

      And also to add myself to the list: labellementeuse(at)gmail(dot)com & I would like more friends, right, who wouldn’t?

    • I lived in Tallahassee many moons ago, but I remember the Railroad Square First Friday event always had a healthy number of alternative lifestyle ladies. ‘Cause lesbians are artsy creatures and love the artistic types. It’s a very friendly scene. http://railroadsquare.com/

  176. Oh Rachel, you had me at The Wizard Of Oz lol.
    I’m from Venezuela, so things are not as “easy” here, all my gay friends are from other countries so I feel lonely sometimes. BUT I went to a pre-Halloween party this past weekend (it was FULL with lesbians, who knew) and I dressed up as Freddy Mercury and talked to EVERYONE (thanks rum and coke) it was awesome, the girls loved my fake mustache :).
    It’s a start.

  180. Central in the house! Specifically Orlando-ers or just anyone who wants to meet up and talk or attend the roller derby game the 14th. Hit me up : punkster389 [at] yahoo [dot] com

  182. Anyone from Texas (i.e. Houston or Austin)? There needs to be more lesbian posses here. Wanna start one? Because I totes want to.

  183. 1) autostraddle creepily reads my mind again! i had a conversation not three days ago with my gay friend being like “hey how do i meet queer ladies” and she was like “well how did you meet me” and i was like “randomly at a party but that doesn’t usually work for me” and she was like “oh”

    2) there MUST be other autostraddlers in New Haven, CT – seriously, there must be! even if you are lurkers just coming out of the shadows, like me.

  184. I think that everyone is amazing, and we should have known that this thread would be the one to get ALL THE COMMENTS!

    Can’t wait to hang with wome of you Chicago-straddlers.

  185. Hey, do any of the DC girls know any cool lezzie clubs/bars in the area? I’m visiting for the rally/long weekend and I have no idea where to go, esp. for Halloween. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

  186. SF and/or bay area anyone? You can join my lesbian/queer posse if you promise to discuss autostraddle with me. Yes? Yes!

    • Oakland! I’m sure my roommate/my family/every person in my life would be happy if I found someone to discuss autostraddle with. Let’s discuss! kjusewiczh at gmail dot com

  189. So many comments! So many people making friends! It’s almost too much to handle. Especially because…

    Anyone else here from Wyoming??
    No?

    That’s what I thought.
    *sigh* Someday.

  191. aaanyone from halifax, canada ?! i know its a stretch people, tiny city on the east coast but if you’re out there hit me up !

    (or just reply to my post then i’ll see it then we can start a kickass lesbian posse !)

  192. I’m a hoosier. Anybody else a hoosier? I’m also close to Western Kentucky and Southern Illinoise…like, really, really close. As close as I can get to either state and yet still be in Indiana.

    We have two gay bars but I don’t frequent them, even though I frequent bars in general. Most of my friends are straight, though I have a very gay family.
    I have a girlfriend. She plays in a damn good local band (with boys). I met her at their first show. If you’re in the area, you should come see them. They are super swell, and I promise I’m not just saying that because I fingerbang the female guitarist.

  193. Hey! Anyone on here from Sacramento? I have very few gay lady connections, and if anyone here knows anything about Sac, you might understand how hard it is to find those connections. However, if anyone just wants to chat, I’m totally up for that too, local or not. [email protected]

    • I am! Kind of. About 20 minutes out of Sac. I’m in school in Santa Cruz, but I come home occasionally and I’d be totally down to be internet/sometimes 3-D friendship. I’ll send you a fascinating email soon!

  194. I just feel awkward and jealous, because I am not from the States like most people here, can we still be frans?

    • There are lots of non-US people here (I’m not actually included) which I imagine would be hard to determine since there are 700+ comments on this thread. May I suggest CTRL+F and searching for your area or areas near you?

      & we can totally still be frans. you can e-mail me if you want. almostnormal1534[at]yahoo[dot]com

    • I would love to be friends! As i said before i have very few connections and i would like to make some, in or out of the states. I also feel awkward because i do not talk to people well. I am extremely shy, so this is really going out on a limb for me. Even though i’m not talking to people face to face i’m still nervous!

  195. Woah, I ticked “notify about other comments” when I left my first reply, and now I realise what a mistake that was, because AUTOSTRADDLE BROKE MY EMAIL! I had to get tech support to fix it. Sadly the support person was not a cute geek girl with big glasses and awkward interpersonal skills. That would’ve been sweet!

  196. omg…these comments make me feel all warm & fuzzy! i love queers. after living in miami & dc where there’s tons of queer shit going on, i *totally* feel STUCK here in PHOENIX! its nice to know there are at least 4 of us out there in the desert!

    hit me up at [email protected] if anyone wants to hang at tempe market place — woot!

  197. it makes me feel so warm & fuzzy to know that all these queer are out there! after living in miami and dc where there’s tons of queer shit happening all the time, i definitely feel STUCK here in PHOENIX! i feel like the only queer in the desert.

    i’m totally down for hanging at tempe market place or whatevs…hit me up at gonzzo.boi[at]gmail[dot]com

    peace out!

    • I am also a desert dweller. Going to ASU, so I’m mostly at Tempe. There’s five of us now? woooooo.. hahaha.

      Anyone email me! I want friends!
      runawaywithtit (at) gmail (dot) com

    • I work and play in Tempe! Always looking for cool people to chill with… sadierocketharris (at) gmail (dot) com

  198. ANYONE AND EVERYONE should email me. now. cos i love getting emails, whether they be long essays, short hellos, fun facts, corny jokes, funny youtube cat videos, pictures, or all of the above :’D IT WOULD MAKE MY DAY GUYS

    [email protected]
    do it! now!

    also, you can usually find me in orlando fl, nyc, or bergen nj most of the year, so if you live near any of those haunts, we just might be bffs in the making :’D

    • Hey! I am a recent college grad just entering the work force here in NYC and believe it or not I have the hardest time meeting other lesbians :( (mostly because of my hectic schedule w/ work and LSAT classes) I’m all for taking chances and ready to meet some new people like me :)

      Email me if your in the tri state area, new england, or just wanna keep me company at work haha: [email protected]

  199. Okay, I’m stepping out of the shadows. I’m in Portland, OR and while I don’t know any lesbians under the age of 50 atm, there’s a girl at work that I made awkward eye contact with and I suspect she may be one. I plan to investigate further. So yeah. Sup from Portland, future internet friends.

  201. I did that, but didn’t find any South Africans *sadface* But lets be frans anyway, even if we can’t hang out face to face.

    • I know! Nearly 900 comments and no bites. Everyone has clearly moved to Long Beach/LA to live in the gayborhoods. Sigh, I’ll just have to do it the old fashioned way.

      • ah yes the two big gayborhoods. they’re not too far from me but I can’t go there often enough. at least now I know I’m not the only oc person yay.

        • Tell me about it. LA is such a haul. I often end up in Long Beach studying at cafes, but even that is a bit of a trek. We should totally hang! We can go to the Tin Lizzy or Metro Q and bemoan the lack of ladygays and/or recruit more to our posse. Hit me up if you want at amotes at uci dot edu.

  205. I wish I read this sooner. I live in the middle of Bible Belt, Louisiana. Yes, we have NOLA but, I found it really hard to just make platonic friends with any lesbians/queer girls. I joined the LGBT group on LSU campus and started going out. Even though I hate bars/clubs etc, I did meet some people, then met their friends and then their friends and so forth. I’m a pretty shy person but once you start meeting people it’s easier to get out there.

    A couple of months ago, I didn’t know a single lesbian. Now, I know everyone. It’s just a lot of networking, really. And the interconnectedness of the lesbian community here has become something I deeply appreciate…even with all of the drama.

  206. Lol I just put up a Craig’s List add for more friends. 95% of my friends are online so I’m always open for more. I actually work from home so 95% of my life is online. Of course I’m always open to meeting up with anyone in the San Diego area.

    holycheesecake(at)gmail(dot)com

    • Can I just say I love your email address. In fact I may just have to email you, just so I can send an email to holycheesecake!!
      But I don’t live in San Diego or even in the US :(

    • omg. im in SF and i have a good friend named jenny who is jewish and wears cute glasses and is totally hippie-ish.

    • hooray! tiara, you’re awesome.

      i compulsively alphabetized the US states, because that’s how i roll. *ducks*

    • you are so. I don’t even have words for it! =)
      I want to give you everything, hugs, friendship, cookies, I’d even give you sex.

      oh, and the couchsurfing group has it’s fourth member hooray!

    • I’m from Tulsa and my best advice is gay softball. Oklahoma loves softball. Lesbians love softball. It’s how my gay boy BFF from high school and my old friend from elementary who moved away and turned gay too randomly met in OKC.

      Also, OU women’s rugby are supposed to be a lot of fun and a lot of lesbians. Try making it out to one of their games, chat up some fans and see if you can crash the after party.

      • Thanks so much for the tips :)

        I’m not a big sports fanatic, does that make a difference? Any ideas for Tulsa? Most of my family lives there, so I visit a lot.

  216. Anybody in the Philippines? I’m a Peace Corps volunteer who’s been here just long enough to feel lonely. I know there are other lesbians here, because I see them from time to time (and my friends like to ask why I’m not hitting on them–yeah), but my position makes it so I can’t really be out in my community. I could use a friend!

    My e-mail is museofastronomy at gmail dot com.

    • I am not from the Phillipines, but I am always game to meet new awesome people. Emailing you!

  217. I used to live in the wonderful gay city of Philadelphia but then my dad got sick and I had to leave my gay posse for east bumblefuck aka Cape May, NJ. I went to our county library the other day to get some queer books and there there three results under LGBT including one on conversion therapy. AHHHH I hate New Jersey!

  219. This is really helpful. You’d think most of this would be common sense, but I guess we just forget the basics! :) Im looking forward to meeting new gays.

  220. Sheesh. had to unsubscribe comment notifications to this one. But before I do me and my girlfriend could use some cool ass queer friends in the LA area. We’re trying to find the “scenes” since we just moved. We’re nerds but really cool ones! promise.

    [email protected]
    @pettiho

  222. Hi, I’m Lauren, I’m a coming out bisexual from Wisconsin. I’m working really hard at telling people but it’s…as you all probably know:) not the easiest thing in the world. I would really love to make some new friends/meet some new people, so if you’re interested leave me a message on my tumblr in the “Ask Anything” box. Or find me on Facebook. Or here :)
    Thanks. Appreciate muchly!
    Laurenlu :)

  223. Oh here’s one way to meet a new friend! I have tickets to go see Ingrid Michaelson in Los Angeles on November 2 at the Troubadour. Lovely concert venue! Anywho, my friend cannot go anymore and I would like to still go to the concert, so anyone here want to go? Ticket is $25 plus fees, but I’ll sell it to you for face value.

    Feel free to email me at porkch0p131(at)gmail(dot)com.

    • Too bad I’m broke or else I’d consider it even though I’ve never heard of Ingrid Michaelson. I just went there for the first time on Tuesday night to see Seabear.

      Do you live in LA?

  225. I’m just gonna put my email out there. Maxibabee (at) hotmail (dot) com Cause I like people, correction I like gay people. We all seem to be much more interesting than straight people. I’m in Auckland NZ btw, in case anyones out there.

  226. I’m intending to be living in Albion for the next few weeks (Fable III released today in the UK! WOOOHOO!)

    marie.obrien at gmail.com

  227. I live in Michigan, in and around the Detroit area. I need more gay girls in my life!

    There is a small community and it feels like the Waltons, all going to bed with each other at the end of the night. i am looking to branch out and find ladies i have not met and are looking for whatever, as long as it involves adventure!

    So hey ladies! any d-town gals that want to be pals?

  228. I made a google map so we can plot where we are in relation to each other. It’s unlisted, so it won’t come up in search results, but you can get to it here: http://goo.gl/maps/zA68

    Just click edit on the sidebar to add yourself – feel free to put username/actual name/age/contact details, whatever you feel comfortable with.

  229. Bit late to the party but hey!

    Melbourne anyone?

    Tell me I’m not the only gay in the village ’cause I’m feelin’ like it down here!

  230. ahh, such a good article. im ready to go out on an adventure, i wonder if theres roller derby in philly :0

  232. Hi AutoStraddle, hi! I’m in Santa Barbara/Ojai/Ventura and also go through L.A. and Anaheim all the time. I like to do things and eat things and want to have posses of the local and internet varieties and you should probably talk to me! cosmogonic at gmail.

    I feel like the only queer around here, but I know that can’t be true. Maybe I’m just not picking up on the lesbians because they’re femme with cute purses and shit and I’m an oblivious book nerd who might not look gay? I thought I was pretty obvious, I mean, I own a flannel shirt and wear it, often with purple boots, but I still got asked out by three different dudes in my classes this semester, so I am starting to think this is a thing! Maybe I have too much hair.

  234. So this article totally made me take the plunge and actually sign up on this website instead of just lurking all the time.

    I, living in that bast expanse of Canada (read: america’s hat), have also found it rather difficult to meet queer folks outside of clubs (which I’m not fond of going to) and various university LGBT groups (which make my poor introverted self shake in my boots).

    It’s not even the hip, liberal Canada that’s a stone’s throw from New York. No, my friends – this is Calgary, a city funded by oil money that likes to pretend it’s still 30 years ago. I’m sure there’s worse places to live – smaller, far more conservative places, without a gay bar in sight. But I happen to be here XD

    Any advice?

    • I have no advice, because I’m pretty much in the same boat…the same gay boat. I do live in Calgary though, coffee sometime? jill.murakami at gmail.com

  235. I think this tips work well in NYC, Chicago, L.A., Toronto… basically big cities and cities with a larger queer population.

    I don’t think they’re as applicable in smaller cities. And/Or the gays in smaller cities are not generally the kinds of gays that I want to hang out with.

    I’m fully convinced that every lesbian in the city (Kansas City) promptly moves to Chicago, or L.A. or New York the second she turns either 18 or 21. And then she promptly moves back when she turns 40. Hence, the 21-39 lesbian population in KC is seriously lacking.

    I had to create my own internet lesbian friend group to meet any ladies when I moved back here. However, they’re fine to hang with on occasion, but I’m not making any best friends or love connections out of the deal. Any excuse I can come up with to move back to a bigger city I will jump on, I promise you.

    Consensus = small-city, 20-something queers, interesting lesbians… still incredibly difficult to find.

  236. Kentucky please?

    …

    That would be the sound of a distinct lack of gay ladies. I’m in Louisville where there’s a decent gay male scene but when it comes to the ladies it’s a bit sad. No matter! I have the entire internet to find other queer ladies!

    E-mail me if you’d like a cool (at least by Kentucky’s standards) new friend. e[dot]s[dot]thornwood[at]gmail[dot]com

  237. New York over hereee.

    born and raised in Queens but didn’t become a “new yorker” until I attended NYU. Lived in the city for a bit but now I live in Long Island.

    e-mail: remix[at]nyu[dot]edu/lorri[dot]lin[at]gmail[dot]com
    tumblr: instant-gratification.tumblr.com
    facebook: http://www.facebook.com/lorri.lin

    gimme a shout if you like.

  238. somehow I thought I was the only lesbian in Phx but I guess not. Tempe Marketplace guys? I dig it. after the movie we can take over Tea Infusion & bombard them with our fabulous gayness lol

  239. I’m very introverted but I really like talking to people. Very much a nerd, so there’s that too. Email me emmagoron(at)hotmail(dot)com. :D

  240. I am totally late to reading this article.
    But hell yes to going to gay club and to forming a lesbian posse!

    I meant pretty much all of my friends at our “gay club” at my college. I was all crazy shy and hid in the back at the start of last year, and now I’m co-president and all up in everybody’s gay business! :)
    And the posse.. well, definitely working on that. My bestie and I used to always complain about the scary lesbian tribes, so now we’re determined to create our own. One that’s cool and not scary. It’s gonna be kickass. We’ve already grabbed a few of the new queer girls this year and befriended them.

    Also, new friends are the shit, so if anyone wants to talk to me, my email is [email protected] and my tumblr is superboone.tumblr.com.
    (Yes Tumblr. Really, what lesbian isn’t on there now?)

  241. Hello Autostraddle! I just registered, this seems like the place to put my first comment! Yay, Autostraddle. :)

  242. i hadn’t seen this article when it first got posted. I am newly single, a bit sad about it. However, i realized i’m lacking in the queer friend dept., or rather i’m lacking in the intellectual queer friend dept. I have a lot of artsy friends, i have a few gay friends (with not a whole lot in common).

    I’m looking for some artsy/bookish lesbians in L.A. to befriend, so email me for sure arreolabrijandez[at]gmail[dot]com

  245. There are many communities on the Internet where you can make gay friends and meet girls. If that doesn’t work for you, try going to bars, cafes and social events that are geared toward gays. Good luck!

  247. I am the latest, but since I didn’t notice anyone else in the comments – St. John’s (or anywhere in Newfoundland), represent! beautytorndown at gmail.

  250. hiiii I’m up for lez friends whenever! I live in Maine, and visit my family in Florida multiple times a year so I’m versatile. I also love to travel and host couch surferss sooo e.mail me :) [email protected]

    • Also in Maine! And only came across this thread recently, so maybe you’re not in Maine anymore..?

  251. WAAAAAAY late to this party, but you LA-ers should expect an email referencing a comment you made on Autostraddle over 2 months ago. Think of it like a silver-Delorean-time-machine for your internet activity!

    Also, my excuse will be “Autostraddle made me do it (because being more social is my New Year’s Resolution.)”

    Anyone in town who’s still up for making new friends, shoot me an email at Zzyzx55 at aol dot com if I don’t hit you first…

  252. I’m out in Georgia and most the lezzys I know are all about hooking up with one another and partying and this and that. I am a 22 yr old mom of two and I am not all into that anymore. Been there Done that Over it. I mean I go out but not on a regular basis so I’m having a hard time finding gay friends

    • This is terribly late, but I’m from San Diego! I’m away for college currently, but I’ll be back for summer soon. I am a slightly spastic engineering student with a deep love of literature, cats, and baking. If you want to meet up or just talk online, feel free to hit me up at sinthedancer [at] yahoo [dot] com.

  254. I’m totally taking all of this in and I’m doing all of this now, going out to clubs, bars and I go to the Queens Pride House and the Center in NYC for programs and meetings. I have met a few ladies, they’re fun to hang out with…I’m working on getting all of them together next week…I want a posse!

  255. I think this was the first blog I ever read on Ye Olde Autostraddle, and it totally gave me the kick in the pants I needed. Inspired, I did in fact go to the local ghey bar alone. Didn’t meet anyone, had a shit time, left, then went again next week . . . made a friend! Met her friends, too! Sure, people probably thought i was a bit odd for going out alone, but that didn’t stop me making friends. It’s early days yet and i’m sure i’ll meet more people now that I got over the awkwardness and put myself out there.
    Thanks, ladies <3

  258. I have never saw anything similar. Amazing article, thank you a lot for your hard work.

  263. I guess the beauty with trying to find queer pals on the net is you can go global. I couldn’t have picked a more lesbian-less place to live in, I’m currently working in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia so unfortunately, the web is the only place for me to meet fellow queers.

  264. Hi! i’ve been trying to get up the courage to go to a gay bar. i need some more lesbian friends too. i ahve gotten outof touch with all the ones i was friends with in high school. i am a bi femme. most bi girls aren’t taken seriously. which sucks, b/c i am def more than seiousl about my lust for butch, tomboy, tattooed girls. I am def an auto straddle lurker! i was an an auto straddle lurker long before i was out to myself. :P

    • I took my straight friend to a gay bar. Works just as well as a gay friend if she’s cool and now she considers herself an honorary lesbian

  265. I found out i’m super shy, I did meet some ladies at the Cubbyhole through a friend but once she left I went back in my hole. I felt horrible, part of me is question if i even have confidence and then I read this, very helpful…do you think faking it until i make it can work to?

  266. I feel weird taking the email addresses that were posted upthread like a year ago, but I need me some queer friends in the Sydney area!
    Seriously, I do not know any other lesbians. My straight friends keep promising to come to gay bars with me but they never do.

  267. DEF did the whole go to the bar by yourself thing on Saturday night, literally the only lesbian night in Providence. All of those thoughts are the exact things that crossed my mind…but hey, I f’n did it!!!

    I had a good time, danced a lot, hit it off with the bartender (which is always a plus), but didn’t really meet anyone.

    Ridiculous timing to read this now as I ask myself this question again.

    I want a lesbian posse!

  268. What if all the gays you know are really boring, stereotypical and uninteresting in their taste or opinions? When the only thing you’ve got in common is attraction/love for the same sex, but similarities ends there? I want to feel more connected with other homogays but the ones I’ve met are just so darn predictable and immature. How do you weed out the dull, need loads of time to grow before resembling fully fledged individual, gays from the mythological, has a personality that isn’t taken from *insert favourite tv show with gay undertones here*, interesting gays? HELP.

    • I’m not sure where you live, every city is different… but try meetup.com and see if there is a big meet up lesbian group or go on craigslist and see if there are meet up groups posted there. It is possible to find people, just have to look pretty hard sometimes. Good luck!

  269. Those or you from en gland I have one word for you: BRIGHTON! There are loads of us here! Even in the quiet town I live in half an hour away from the wonderful city! Just walk along Brighton see front or through the North Lanes on any summers day and you won’t have enough fingers to count the LBGT couples you see!

  270. Those or you from England I have one word for you: BRIGHTON! There are loads of us here! Even in the quiet town I live in half an hour away from the wonderful city! Just walk along Brighton see front or through the North Lanes on any summers day and you won’t have enough fingers to count the LBGT couples you see!

  271. Hey i’m from NYC!
    It’s 2012 you know, time to meet new people in my area. Gain healthy friendships, maybe like gather company for cafe outings…bar hop and all the fun! Hit me up at [email protected] or ask for my FB, whatever works more for you! :)

  274. I guess not too many others were re-directed here from the Gay Bar 101 Article. Only a handful from 2012. Anyway, I know I’m 2 years late but any chicas in Central Jersey? Around New Brunswick?

  275. The amount of comments on this article made me tear up. Nothing has changed for me, but the fact so many other people might feel so alone too.. Just wow.

  276. Oh autostraddle, you are so wonderful to me. Thanks for all your awesome work and your articles.

  277. I just had to grin at the Roller Derby suggestion. I’ve been in it for two years and during one of the bouts when I was jamming I got knocked out and fell on this gorgeous girls lap. After the bout was over I just flat out asked if she’d like to go out on a date and she accepted. Roller Derby really does attract the female crowd.

  279. Making friends in general is hard, I find, but that’s probs just me being, well, me XD Somehow I managed to befriend a girl in my class (not real school, just this work thingy *shrug*) who is almost as geeky as me, who I have a ton in common with (she’s a Slayerette for a start, and I’ve made her a Lost Girl and Doctor Who fan =D), and who’s bi so I can even talk to her about hot girls if I want ^^

    Such a lovely coincidence, being sent there, and om my second day realise this gorgeous girl is pretty much like me. It’s only a shame I didn’t ask her out that same week, but ah well, friends is good to. ^^

    Oh, and since I’m in a rambly mood, might aswell add that hiya, Swedish girl here, if any of you are from here too *waves* =)

  280. love this article! i’m just beginning to come out and i’d love to meet some queer girls in my area. hopefully some of these tips work :)

  281. Sarah Croce says a lot of times they end up being gay…that’s because you could turn even the straightest of straights into a giant homo. No questions.

  282. It seems so easy but not so much if you are shy, There are peeps out there but I am okay for the most part going home, hanging out with friends but that need to find my people in town sure is not easy because I do find most things social wise a bit intimidating. I do feel comfortable knowing i will be growing old on a porch hanging out with my dog.

  284. My Name is paul from GERMANY .I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from engage to Single…when i went to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life…I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job…he told me he gonna help me…i don’t believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to Germany the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he’s busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday…My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she’s doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my my girl friend called and he said i haven’t seen anything yet… he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume work on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit i have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with a baby boy and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to [email protected] I cant give out his number cos he told me he don’t want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he also have a web site if you want to visit him there’ he will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck.
    his web site is http://www.priestgbengamagictemple.webs.com

    PAUL MULLER

    • OKC can be hit or miss, but if you’re willing to ignore some weird and/or creepy people, it can be good. I’ve made some friends through there (by putting in all caps at the top of my page that I wanted FRIENDS ONLY) and before that met my girl (we’ve been together 3-ish years now).

      It just requires a lot of sifting. (But be pro-active, go find profiles of people who look interesting to you. That way you’re not just sitting waiting for creepers.)

  286. hi i’m in Sydney an i’m a senior in high school and I just really want a queer posse ok

  288. Anyone happen to be living in HALIFAX, NOVA SCOTIA?
    Just moved here from Montreal and would love to meet some of you great peeps in the LGBT community :)

  289. Hey guys,

    When this was posted I still didnt know what was going on..but now I most certainly do!

    3 years later…Who’s up for a NYC/BK posse?

  290. Hello sll! I am DeVante’, a 21 year old college student just looking for friends like me.

  291. I just discovered this article-well I discovered this site fairly recently and it’s great! I’m trying to get up the nerve to try the craigslist thing…

  292. I’m a lesbian and I have a girlfriend. I love in Jacksonville, FL. I don’t know how to make lesbian friends!!! Help!!

    • Hi! I’m a lesbian with a girlfriend who loves in FL, as well! We live near Tampa, but are always looking for an excuse to visit St. Augustine… I don’t know how to make lesbian friends either, but maybe this will work? chair254 at hotmail dot com :)

  295. I’m a bisexual teen in England and I just can’t seem to find any other queer teens within about 2 years of my age. :)

      • Oh my gosh I thought I was the only person in Florida who read AS! Yay! It’s not roller derby season, though, so let’s just start with email… chair254 at hotmail dot com :)

  297. I’ve tried finding lesbian friends around my college campus, but I just transferred here so it’s slow going so far. I tried the LGBTQA center here and it was all guys (some of them even hit on me!). I live in southern California, if there’s any lesbian ladies out there looking for friends!

  299. Looks like I’ve come late to the party here.
    I’m living in Sydney, Aust and I’m sort of figuring out where I sit in the lady-loving spectrum.
    Everyone keeps telling me to get out and date but I don’t know how! I hate clubs and I’m not ready to just jump into a one night stand, which feels like what all ladies nights in Syd are about.
    I’d just like to meet some other cool girls in the city around the 18 to mid twenties age to hang out with and figure out the whole dating thing!

    Send me a follow up comment

  300. This is a super kick in the ass for me! Im moving to Vancouver with my gf, but she’ll be at work for 3 weeks of the month. I know theres a great gay community there but it will definitely be hard for me to get out there and meet friends by myself. Hopefully I can “grow a pair” and hit up the gay bars and see where that takes me! :D

  301. Hey, I’m Cassy. I know a few LGBT people but they’re all just friends and I want to start dating again! Let me know if you’re in the North Texas area.

  302. Sooo…what do you do if you’re still a teen with strict parents? I tried to go to my lgbt group at school but it was shut down for the year for the safety of the members (violence issues with immature homophobics). I want to meet another girl or at least make some friends who are like me.

    • Hey Rebekah, I’m also a teenager. I never went to an lgbt group (dont think there’s one at my school)but I also want to make some new friends. let me know if you wanna talk

  303. I know this post is a few years old, but thought I’d send out a bat signal for anyone in the Dallas/ft worth area. I’m newly out and have about zero gay friends so I’d love to meet others! Email is Amanda Kathryn [email protected] (without the spaces)

  304. Hi everyone. So i finally decided to make lesbian friends other than the ones I share with my girlfriend. And thats kinda hard for me since Im 18 and living in Turkey. I really like science and talking about social issues around the world since I face so many in my country being a half kurdish homosexual woman that doesnt care about religion. I’d be truly happy if any of you cool people would want to talk to me. I’m just gonna put some things for that and shut up now.

    [email protected]

    Twitter – @dicle6277

    Snapchat – diiijle

    • Hi there! Those all sound like good things to start a conversation! I live in very sunny Southern California, close to the border. I’m interested in gender politics, intersectional feminism, literature, all music (uh except for country) and a bunch of other things. Message me if you’re interested, I’ll give my email then! (Same goes to anyone who reads this comment)

  306. Hi there, I’m Emily. I’m from Phoenix, and am looking for some new friends. Message me and we can exchange numbers or something ^_^

  307. Kran HDS przydaje się rzadziej przy oporządzaniu po remontach.

    Jeśli na rynku koncepcje poznają się
    metaliczne zbiorniki z gruzem, niniejsze wyciągając naruszane rozgałęzienie HDS, umiemy wsuwa energicznie
    rozmieścić
    na motorowerze dodatkowo wywieść do siedliska odkładania.

    W upadku HDS Jednostkę stanowi wart ongiś, gdy korzystamy konspekt odbyć
    kratery gruntowe o
    dosyć naiwnym tułowiu. Więc HDS musi dotrwać dopasażony w metalową chochlę tudzież
    sprawnego telefonistę, jaki będzie podołał taki dołek skonstruować

  309. I’m a socially awkward LA to Iowa transplant going to grad school. One year into this journey and I still have not made any queer friends. I’m an introvert, I like other introverts. Apparently Introverts are very bad at asking each other to hang out. So that’s where I am. I know there must be other queer women in this state, if you live at all near Iowa city, let’s be friends. Help me.

    • Hey – you said Iowa city, so I assume you’re going to the University of Iowa? I’m also about a year into a grad program, live in ia city, am super introverted, and don’t really have any queer friends locally. Maybe we should talk?

      grace.redwing at gmail

  310. Thanks for this article! I just moved to Madrid after a horrifying break-up with my serious gf (well now ex) and I’m alone and in desperate need of lezzie friends! This will def help me out haha

    • I lived in Madrid for a few months last year. I’m no longer there, but if you’d like a pen pal/language-practicing buddy, I’d be down!

    • yep! Me! Used to live in the city and I actually do hair in Richmond Heights but live in Alton with my gf. There are so so many lesbians in STL. too bad our lesbian bar closed a couple years ago bc that is where I met SO many people.

      • Me and my girlfriend live in Maplewood. We just moved back to Missouri (from Springfield originally) from Washington state a couple of months ago. Yes, I know where Richmond Heights is because my neighborhood pretty much turns into it. I have to idea where Alton is though. I’m still learning where everything is. What’s the deal with all of these municipalities? It’s a little crazy.

  313. Thank you, universe/autostraddle! I just need to grow a pair!!

    Very awesome post. I am not an ‘outed’ anything, more cruising thru the observatory portion of this life, but need a kick in the balls on occasion to remember to live, too. I’m brand new to south side PdX, which I’m sure is brimming with lovely ladies that I just don’t know yet. I will definitely be bringing myself to the roller derby soon!

  314. I feel like this post was written for me as all my friends are straight, and a lot of them live in different states. I’d love to have some gay lady friends here in Portland, Maine.

    Like a lot of you, I am pretty awkward. I am not brave, and I’m naturally introverted. I am a fun and funny girl once you get to know me, though. I just turned 35 (yikes!), but my taste in music is older than I am. I love animals, ice cream and laughing at bathroom humor.

  315. I have a leabian posse that took years to build. Mostly thought I met gay friends through other gay friends.

    Also gay bars. Hate to say it but many of the gay girls I know is through always seeing them out at the local lesbian bar (when we still hd one). Also I work at Starbucks, so there’s that. Always had plenty of gay friends around though. May have made out with a handful of them but we all still remain friends!

  316. Can’t see anyone from Russia here, but I’ll still drop a line. I’m Victoria from Moscow, working for Oxfam, travelling the world with my girlfriend. We are a pretty chilled couple, with unreleased ambitions of lesbian socialites. I used to live in Bangkok, and I know how much more connected lesbian community is there. Although ideally I’d like to meet new friends who also live in Russia here, I’d be happy to get to meet queer diversity goddesses from anywhere around the world, really. So drop me a line at victoria (dottie) stetsko (at) gmail (dotty-dot) com shall you fancy some international queer friendship

  317. Toronto folks?

    Let’s friendship!

    I’m a non-binary, queer, fourth year gender studies student, writer/poet, singer/narrator, and mix-media artist. I love discussing feminism, politics, and art. I’m a vegetarian considering going vegan. I love doing art collabs with other creative folks. I’m also really interested in Wicca, Paganism, and Buddhism and like to talk, practice, and learn more about these things. If you think we have anything in common or you just wanna start up a conversation, please do!

    Also, I live with a few other queer folks in an artist’s co-op right now and it’s made my life feel so meaningful and great. :)

  318. I’ve been reading this site for a few years now but never had the gall to comment and I feel like now is good a time as any!

    I’m Stacey, I live in Western Mass, women’s college graduate. Gender studies major, so you’d think my life would be teeming with queers…but alas, social anxiety is a jerk which prevents me from going up to people and saying hi. My skill of going somewhere alone and standing around awkwardly not talking to anyone is quite developed, however.

    I do have a few good queer friends, but our friendship web doesn’t extend out so far. Plus, they’re all coupled and though I love them, it can get kind of lonely being the only single one. I’d love some single queer friends even if we don’t “spark”, it’s nice to have others sharing the struggle!

    I just turned 30, I have a newfound obsession with Sleater-Kinney, I love to talk intensely about things people love, academia is my heart and soul, nature is necessary, and this is a run on sentence which doesn’t entirely bother me.
    Hi!

    • Hi! My partner and I are about to move to central Mass this February and we are looking for friends in the area. We are farmers and we like to cook and read out loud. Unfortunately we are a couple…but we’re very nice! Anyway, my email is lkalan89 at gmail dot com, if you ever want to hang out with some cows and goats and vegetables.

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  320. I’m very late to responding to this, but I feel like this post was written for me! I just recently broke up with my ex boyfriend, and have always knew I was bi. All of my friends are straight, and I want to make friends with more people like me, but alas I’m shy. Anyone in CT or MA? :)

  321. I’m super late to respond to this post but this is unequivocally me. I’m awfully shy so even looking my way gets me seriously blushing (yes I know, there’s no hope for me :'()and the friends that I do have are straight. With husbands. And babies.
    Tried the internet thing too but it seems I never find the ones that want to be friends…just the ones that are still living with their ex-girlfriends and want “ahem” =S

    I’m in South Africa but I’m not averse to long-distance meaningful/silly/weird convos =) #JustSaying

  322. “If you see a printer jam, wait approx 2 minutes and most likely a gay lady will arrive to fix”.

    For the 15 years I have been at work I have always been the one to fix printer jams. How have I only realised in the last 3 months that I’m gay? Ha!

  323. This is so me. I’m 22 and over the past few years have come to terms with the fact that I’m a lesbian or at least strongly woman-learning. Problem is, I’m not out to my parents and have no queer friends, leaving me very isolated and at times sad. :/ Anyone in Michigan?

  324. Here’s MY dilemma, other gay girls terrify me! I’m torn between wanting gay friends and being terrified in situations where I’m meant to interact with other girls who like girls? It doesn’t help that I’m perceived as the “straightest lesbian” all my significant others have ever met ? send help pls

  325. Finding this article is just too real to life atm! My fiancée and I are having a hard time in lil ol’ Las Vegas establishing our queer footprints so to speak, these are some bangin’ tips though. If any one in the area is also feeling the same struggle, you’re not alone buddy. We’re here, we’re queer and we just wish we could find others like us to be friends with ngl…..

  326. Dang. I guess I really needed this article, lol.
    I’m from a super small town and my school is a small, christian private school, so finding queer friends is… rough, to say the least. I think the hardest part is that I can’t be out yet? So it’s like trying to feel your way through a dark room while blind-folded and with your hands tied behind your back.
    Anyway, if anybody is from Kerrville, Texas (or the San Antonio area, really), hit me up! You can reach me at kate dot r dot mcmorris @ gmail dot com
    ;)

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