How Not to Flirt with Your Boss

Brittani’s Team Pick:

I was into search engines before they were cool. I’ve been using los interwebs since  I was 8 and frequented AOL Kids. Nowadays Google is the go to. If I have a doubt, question, or concern about anything my first inclination is to search it. What does Lil’ Tunechi mean? Who makes the cookies at Subway? Who drinks low carb energy drinks? All burning questions that need answers.

Every now and then when I’m in need of a laugh and/or suffering from sleep deprivation, I google “How to” followed by any activity I think will illicit a funny answer. Sure the Autostraddle family doles out some good advice but that cannot be said for everyone here in Internetland. So when I googled “how to hit on your boss” and came across this gem, I was thankful that I was not, indeed, looking for actual advice.

Step 6: Be available: if your boss asks you to assist in them office, or requests that you stay late, do it. In boss terms, this is a first date. You willingness to accommodate their needs will go in your favor.

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Brittani

Brittani Nichols is a Los Angeles based comedy person. When she's not tweeting about white people or watching television, she's probably eating pizza. Actually, she's probably doing all three of those things concurrently and when she's not doing THAT, she's sleeping. Brittani also went to Yale and feels weird about mentioning it but wants you to know.

Brittani has written 328 articles for us.

18 Comments

  2. Oh gosh… this is gold.. Particually Step #7:

    “Let you boss know with subtle notes how you feel. For example, leave a lipstick kissmark on a post-it, and put it on the boss’s keyboard. Maybe add a hand drawn sketch of you two frolicking in the park, or having a picnic.”

    FROLICKING IN THE PARK…. That is one very detailed sketch!

  3. I love wikihow so much. My favorite part of this one is “If you intend to marry your boss and have children, go ahead and be up-front about your intentions.” I can see that going really well.

  5. I see that videojug uploaded it on wiki how. The original site, videojug has an adorable companion guide on how to seduce your secretary. Now only if they had one on how to deal with the serial workplace dater.

  7. i like that letting them know you (possibly) want to marry them and have their kids comes before making the first move

  8. Oh no! Two thumbs down to steps 2 – 10. I had a negative experience recently with a rather bold subordinate, causing me to hide under my desk for days.

  10. “Issue compliments”

    i’ve heard of issuing warnings and issuing complaints before, but issuing compliments just sounds weird. this article is hysterical.

  12. “The lipstick thing may be gender-specific, but this is really a case-by-case call that you will have to make.”

    :D

  13. Let you boss know with subtle notes how you feel. For example, leave a lipstick kissmark on a post-it, and put it on the boss’s keyboard. Maybe add a hand drawn sketch of you two frolicking in the park, or having a picnic. The lipstick thing may be gender-specific, but this is really a case-by-case call that you will have to make.

  14. Oh my god, photo no.5 “Go in for the kill.” They must’ve pulled a stock photo from a How To React To Sexual Harassment In The Workplace PSA.

    Ps. The advice is to avert your eyes to the ceiling and repeatedly mutter “Please god make it stop, please god make it stop.”

  15. Wow….I’ve never even had a boss I’d consider attractive.
    Is this a thing? Oh, maybe it’s that whole power dynamic thing. They are more powerful than you, therefore attractive.

    I don’t get it

Comments are closed.