I have some good news and bad news for you, my friends. The good news is eclipse season is over, Mercury has gone direct so we are out of that particular tangle of slowdowns, mishaps, and surprises that characterized June. Expect your communications and scheduling to run a little more smoothly in July. And yet, July begins with a wallop that’s something like finding a rock in your shoe, taking it off, and stepping on an even sharper rock with your bare foot. Only in this case your shoe is your relationship structures, your foot is your heart, and the rocks are unexpectedly painful conversations. The astrology is, as we say, a little crunchy right now and this crunchiness will come up particularly in our close relationships. So let’s strategize how to get creative about navigating the sharper areas of human love so that we can emerge from this dynamic with a sense of expansion and strength rather than as a mess of tender bruises.

The main story this month is related to the main story of the whole year: law-abiding, hardworking Saturn is squaring off with law-breaking, rebellious Uranus. As a collective, we’re all feeling pulled between freedom and responsibility, the past and the future, continuity and change. To thicken the plot, both are hanging out in the fixed signs of Aquarius and Taurus. A fixed sign is, as the name implies, fairly inflexible. Any planet in a fixed sign would rather bore a hole through a brick wall in their way than find an alternate path around it. When fixed signs find a tool they like, this becomes their favorite and possibly only tool and may even become a tool they proclaim to be the only right tool for everyone else, as well. So any latent self-righteousness we’ve got simmering is likely to boil over right now. But where it gets stranger is that conservative Saturn is hanging out in the free-thinking sign of Aquarius, while rebellious Uranus is in the conservative sign of Taurus. So even within our hard-line dogmatism, we find nuance. Within our own self-righteousness we see the reflection of our opposite. We may be against the police but unable to defund the cops in our own heads. We may be for structure and stability but unable to achieve it without breaking everything around us. If nothing else, this year-long energy has us encountering all our internal contradictions—a recipe for frustration, but potentially really useful frustration if it can help us expand our sense of empathy and possibility.

Enter Venus and Mars. This month, these two relationship-focused planets are joining this cosmic tussle. As they both move through Leo, they will be opposing Saturn and squaring Uranus in turn during the first week of July. Leo, also a fixed sign, has its own ideas about how things should happen. Conflict involving planets in Leo, Aquarius, and Taurus means we’re navigating deep, inflexible impulses about our personal safety and comfort (Taurus), our visions for how the world needs to change (Aquarius) and our desire for love and belonging (Leo). In a word, ouch. These needs are difficult to balance in the best of times, but this month may bring out their inner tensions more forcefully. So let’s talk strategy. We always have options to minimize suffering and maximize the opportunity for growth, love, and learning. Think of these strategies as similar to leaning into the turn if you skid on ice while driving in the winter:

Strategy #1: Avoiding the Ice

This will be much easier for people who don’t have a lot of fixed signs in their charts. This strategy involves foregrounding flexibility, curiosity, and compassionate, active listening. As de-escalation techniques, these skills can help you through some of the toughest conversations as long as you’re also making room for what you feel and need. Notice your own anger or fear when they come up and do what you can to self-soothe without becoming reactive. When you’re able to hold conversations from a place of calm love, you’ll be well positioned to grow from these times rather than getting shut down.

Strategy #2: Driving Slowly

If you do find yourself caught up in the big feelings this month, remember you can always build a pause into your conversations. Politely explain you need some time to cool off or think, and set a time to come back to the conversation. Let your important people know you’re not abandoning them, just tending to yourself first. Take your feelings seriously, but don’t believe all the stories they tell you about the present moment. Often our most powerful feelings have a lot to do with the past. You can discern what’s coming up in the current moment when the hormonal event of the feeling itself has passed. You may only need a few minutes for that to happen, but you may need a few days to understand what you’re trying to communicate and how to do it clearly.

Strategy #3: Lean Into the Skid

So let’s say the first two strategies didn’t work and you find yourself in a tense, escalating conversation with your sweetheart or housemate or parent—a relationship where there’s a lot at stake, so your defenses might be on high alert. Here you are, skidding on the ice. Now is where we get creative and counterintuitive. When you are driving an actual car skidding on the ice, what feels most intuitive is to try to force the wheel in the opposite direction of where you’re skidding. This is the fixed sign’s preference. I was heading north, started skidding east, now I’m forcing the wheel north again. But as anyone living in a cold climate will tell you, this is the way to wreck yourself. The real way to stay safe when you’re skidding east is to turn the wheel toward the east. Leaning into the turn like this will deprive the skid of its force. Similarly, if you find yourself caught up in the fixed sign crunchiness of Leo + Aquarius + Taurus, I invite you to lean into the energy that you’re most trying to resist. Try it on. Recognize the part of you that has a tendency to go in that direction as well. If you’re able to do this, you’ll probably find yourself in a powerfully cathartic and emotionally revealing conversation (hello Scorpio, the fixed sign implicated but not directly involved in this showdown). It may feel a little alarming at the time, but you’ll be well positioned to de-escalate a worse situation.

Good luck, my friends! I wish you smooth driving and un-bruised feet and hearts this month. For more information on all the astrological events of this month, you can tune into my podcast or follow me on Patreon. I’m in the midst of many exciting changes this month so my books are closed to new clients, but I’ll be excited to offer readings again later this summer.

What’s Your Sign’s Relationship Strategy for July?

Aries

Tensions are likely to arise between what you desire and what your community seems to be asking from you. Be suspicious of zero sum scenarios, where it feels like either you get what you want or everyone else does but never the twain shall meet. Get curious about what it could look like for everyone to win—you included. Aries is an impulsive signs, practice counting to 10 or taking a walk when you’re feeling activated. It’s very likely that you’re not hearing the other person clearly at these times, so try to ask more specific questions and really listen to the answers.

Your relationship strategy for July:

Slow down, listen, find common ground. Remember it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Taurus

I can’t tell you to not take things personally right now because what’s coming up is intensely personal. But it’s worth remembering that what’s activating you may have more to do with the past (old relationship stories, especially from your early childhood) or the future (your big hopes and fears, also rooted in the past) than the present moment. Taurus is wonderful at holding on and maintaining, much less adept at flexibly adapting to change. And yet, change is here. You can be grumpy about it. You can voice how much you’d prefer that things didn’t change. But you might also want to get curious about what could be better in the future if you lean into some long overdue changes.

Your relationship strategy for July:

Do what you can to welcome changes with an open mind and heart. Move at whatever pace you need to actually feel open to big change.

Gemini

July is bringing you face to face with the stories you believe most—including those you don’t want to believe, those you believe so deeply it’s hard to imagine anything else could be true, and the stories that have come to you from voices and perspectives not your own that you’ve stored anyway. Some of these stories might be helpful, some might be neutral, and some are definitely toxic (anything that begins “no one will ever really love me because I’m too…”). This is a year of rewriting scripts, for you especially, and this month tests how much you’re trying to hold on to the old ones. How do those words sound in your mouth when you say them out loud? How do they look when you write them down? Is this a story you’re invested in making true?

Your relationship strategy for July:

Get curious about all the stories you believe about love. Welcome opportunities to rewrite the stories in your important relationships—maybe you’ve both been flattened into stock characters and it’s time to add some nuance. Let yourself be surprised.

Cancer

It’s your season, baby! But the fixed signs are stealing some of your thunder right now—or, to be more accurate, are creating a lot of thunder when you’d prefer to sleep in and get cozy. But as the relational energy of the month is rather fraught, watch out for your tendency to either overextend your emotional caretaking or withdraw in resentment (the one inevitably leads to the other). Your sign is adept at feeling what other people are trying not to feel, including oh I don’t know, the massive grief and fear that are still roiling through the collective in response to the pandemic and the social fissures it has accelerated.

Your relationship strategy for July:

Let yourself feel what you need to feel, without shame. Be honest with those you love about what you have emotional capacity for. Remind people who are freaking out that maybe they, too, just need to feel what they’re feeling. In whatever ways it’s safe and possible to do so, spend a lot of time hugging the ones you love.

Leo

Leo gets a bad rap for being self-involved or taking up too much space, but in reality Leo is one of the most vulnerable signs. Whenever a piece of you is showing up with Leo energy, you’re on a mission to connect with people from your innermost self—from what is truest and most sincere and awkward and goofy and uniquely you. The desire is to have that piece of you seen, validated, cherished, even celebrated by those you love. But if this feels too vulnerable to seek out, Leo folks have been known to settle for generally being well-liked—despite insidious anxieties that whisper “is it really me they love?” or “will this really last?” This month, as Mars and Venus saunter through your sign and start fights with Saturn and Uranus, pay attention to what those anxieties are whispering in your ear. Remember that your own vulnerability and warmth have the power to elicit that from others, if they’re the right people for you. And everyone else? You don’t need to work hard for their approval.

Your relationship strategy for July:

Pay less attention to your status, likes, and followers. Get more real with the people who love you and let them see parts of yourself you have a hard time loving.

Virgo

Notice when you start to tighten. Virgo energy loves to be in control, to have a plan, to exert problem-solving skills for the benefit of all. When your relationships (or life circumstances) feel too chaotic, this talent can become a curse. Unlike the fixed signs, Virgo is good at pivoting and adapting but can also get stuck in a loop of “what ifs,” trying to prepare for every eventuality. Relationally, this anxiety can create distance if you don’t recognize it as such. Practice noticing when your own fears lead to control patterns that affect the ones you love. Practice slowing down, backing up, apologizing if necessary, and naming what you actually feel. Let the mysteries be mysteries. Let your organizational energy be aimed toward what helps you heal.

Your relationship strategy for July:

Relax about everything you can’t control. Give your anxieties a space to play that doesn’t let them run the rest of your life.

Libra

One-on-one relationships are generally where you shine, but this month is stimulating far more energy and attention toward the whole damn group. Whether that’s your classmates, your roller derby team, your polycule, or your revolutionary affinity group, you’ve got some things to work out right now between you and everybody else. Group relationships were one of the first casualties of the pandemic for many, and for some that’s changing now—but how fast? And what’s safe? And who’s being left behind? You may also find yourself ambivalent about how much you enjoy being around groups right now—it can feel like a powerful craving to party that then turns into powerful social anxiety when you do party. If this is you, be patient with this month and with yourself. Above all, don’t feel pressured to socialize if you don’t want to, and don’t feel pressured to hermit away when you’re ready to connect.

Your relationship strategy for July:

Pay attention to how it feels when you’re in a group—what’s joyous? What’s stressful? How do you respond to your own needs and feelings when you’re tracking everyone else’s? Resist any kind of pressure (internal or external) to make yourself uncomfortable or put yourself at risk just because it seems polite.

Scorpio

As a fixed sign, you’ll be feeling the pressure this month even though not much is happening in your sign. Instead, you’re tuning into the high pressure field all around you in a way that might feel all-too-familiar. What this will most likely raise for you is the specter of past heartbreaks and traumas, even if you feel you’ve mostly healed from them. The past is very present with you this month, even as you’re trying to focus on the future. That awkward dance between showing up with adult competence and then experiencing childlike needs and feelings might feel extra awkward this month, but that’s okay, because we’re here to embrace the awkwardness. Notice where you might get stuck in a shame spiral about something that is 100% human and relatable. Notice when it’s time to uproot old patterns and how clumsy you will feel, at first, practicing the new ones.

Your relationship strategy for July:

Don’t let fear of mistakes stop you from practicing new skills, especially if you’re trying to create new relationship patterns in your life that don’t look like your past ones. Remember that you get to retreat and heal, but that healing looks like actually facing the hard things and not just distracting yourself or brooding.

Sagittarius

There’s a part of your psyche that’s a little like a coiled spring, just waiting for an opportunity to expand in wild new directions. Joyous, unpredictable, and possibly a little reckless at times, this piece of you is something that can both delight and frustrate those who love you. It’s okay if it’s both. And after the year most of us have had, that coiled part of you might be so ready to spring that you could pop of a little more recklessly than usual. The astrology of this month both encourages this burst of pent-up energy and is quick to pop your bubble. Which is to say: it might feel easy to throw all your energy into something new and exciting, but as soon as you do you’ll probably find real-world obstacles and problems you’ll have to deal with.

Your relationship strategy for July:

Remember to look before you leap into something new—and even then, be prepared for things to get real fast. Let both the leaping and the landing be part of a joyous discovery, and let it take however long it’s going to take.

Capricorn

This year’s tension between Saturn and Uranus is extra powerful for you as your sign is ruled by Saturn. That means this whole year is bringing up your inner rebel in a new way, and that you’re needing to navigate relationships with a different sense of personal responsibility. This might not mean what you think it does—planets in Capricorn are adept at taking responsibility for far more than they need to. If this is your pattern in relationships, this month offers a few wake up calls about what it means to be responsible to your own desires and your own needs—specifically your needs to change any relationship agreements or structures that you’ve outgrown. You may need to do less and ask for more. It might feel hella uncomfortable and vulnerable at first, but you are a quick learner and should become more adept quickly!

Your relationship strategy for July:

Remember that every thriving partnership requires two adults mutually invested in making it go well. You can’t pick up the slack for someone else without a heavy cost to your own wellbeing and the health of the relationship. Can you trust yourself and your loved ones enough to let go more?

Aquarius

As Saturn settles into your sign and clashes with Venus and Mars this month (not to mention Uranus all year), you’ve signed up for some AFGOs as we call them in the biz. Specifically, you’re in a longer cycle of learning to mature into a wiser version of yourself—someone who no longer pushes yourself to exhaustion, judges everyone around you, or maintains self-destructive habits that you’ve found elaborate reasons to rationalize. This month, your most important relationships are offering a wake-up call of sorts—maybe a jarring alarm, maybe some gentle nature noises depending on how hard it is for you to wake up—and you may find yourself initially resentful and defensive in response. Let yourself have those feelings, but try not to make bid decisions or have relationship conversations while stewing in them. You have tremendous strength but aren’t the best at pivoting quickly, so allow yourself plenty of time to adapt to whatever’s changing.

Your relationship strategy for July:

Prioritize self-compassion (not the same as self-defense or self-justification). Know that you are a being who is still learning—that mistakes are inevitable and repair is possible. Extend this compassion to those you love, when you can.

Pisces

Strategize: This month brings the potential for a lot of relationship changes—good and hard, obvious and subtle. All that can sap you a bit, as you maintain a level of presence in your connections that takes energy, whether you notice it or not. Pay attention to when you feel the urge to withdraw. Choosing retreat intentionally, not accidentally. Deserving downtime, alone time, quiet time, grieving time, dreaming time, time to just be bored and not have anything productive to show for yourself. Relationships as responsibilities, that constant tug of I should be doing more or giving more. Getting our of either/or thinking about what feeds you and how you feed others.

Your relationship strategy for July:

Know that you don’t get to predict or control relationship outcomes, but you can do your part to connect honestly. Practice setting clear boundaries and intentions so that you and your sweeties all have a good sense of what you want—even if what you want is “let’s take it day by day and see what happens because I’m not sure what I want yet.” That’s a valid want and worth stating clearly.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!