I’ll admit it. The first two years I lived in New York City, I put on my Santa hat and joined the drunken mob of 20-somethings roving the streets for Santacon, an annual charitable bar crawl. In my youthful exuberance, many crimes against fashion and dignity were committed.

Santacon 2011-2012. Had fun. Would not do again.

Last year I missed Santacon due to ambivalence and a general lack of planning. This year I’m planning, on purpose, not to go.

Yes, the event is full of douchey frat bro types. And yes, Santacon always seems to include a critical mass of people who don’t know how to hold their liquor and/or handle themselves in public. It’s an obnoxious event, but that’s not why I’m staying home. Truth is, in eleven days I turn 28. And you know what? I’m just too old and cranky for this shit.

Instead of carousing at Santacon 2014, I expect to be sitting inside, quietly sipping mulled wine and tut-tutting over hyperbolic criticism of the event. If I leave my house at all this weekend, it will be to get more snacks from the bodega next door. Or possibly to join one of the many solidarity protests going on around the city. At any rate, I definitely won’t be getting sloppy with a crowd of overgrown Christmas elves.

If you’re feeling similarly, here’s a stylish outfit you can wear. It’s also a good pulled-together-but-not-super-overdressed look for holigay parties with unclear dress codes.

Cute, right? Let’s talk about some of the elements here.

1. Red flannel shirt. I feel like the red acknowledges that you’re aware of Santacon and intentionally went another direction this year. The flannel is appropriate because a) it’s cold out, b) you’re staying indoors, c) this fabric is comfortable as hell, and d) lesbians.
2. Neutral V-neck Cardigan. This is for the “grumpy and old” part. Do Santacon participants wear cardigans? No, they do not. They’re not distinguished enough for v-neck cardigans.
3. Colored pants. Oh, you matched your pants to the accent colors in your shirt? You stylish human. Everyone is jealous of you.
4. Bib necklace. Layering necklaces with collared button ups is trendy right now, and as a bonus, I also think it looks really gay. Go for a necklace that dips down to a “v” in the middle to echo the neckline of your sweater.
5. Earrings. A spiky shape offsets the potential primness of your cardigan.
6. Bracelets. Layer up to tie together all the colors in the outfit. Here, the black matches the cardigan and the stones in the necklace and earrings; the gold matches the buttons on the cardigan and the chain on the necklace.

ALI & KRIS Two Tone Plaid Womens Boyfriend Shirt [$26.99] J. Crew Full-length Minnie Pant in Bi-stretch Wool [$118.00] House of Harlow 1960 Leather Station Necklace [$75.00] Jones New York V-neck Cardigan With Bracelet Sleeves [$79.00] Nordstrom Chunky Link Bracelet [$28.00] Kendra Scott ‘Skylar Spear’ Statement Earrings [$55.25] Madewell Leather Wrap Bangle Bracelet [$9.99] J. Crew Open Cage Cuff [$39.50] House of Harlow 1960 Bangle [$48.00]

Stay warm, and I hope you encounter exactly zero puking strangers tomorrow.

Feature image via Shutterstock.

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